Many things have been happening lately. Too many to blog all at once. Christmas is a very powerful time for me, for obvious reasons. I'm very happy that the popular holiday is only one day long because it leaves the full length of the event free from commercialization and that makes it much more easily absorbed.
So, in my mind it is still Christmas, though I will quickly pull down the decorations and other trappings to make room for the full significance of the time to expand and fill it. I heard a song this year about a cowboy thinking through Christmas as he sat out on the high plains with his few companions. I know that may seem trite to some people, but you must remember that cowboys are one truly American icon and a huge part of our past and present. It wasn't a cheesy song in style, but very pensive and peaceful. The idea being none of the trappings that we associate with the holiday were present for this person and his friends. Therefore the full weight of the moment was overpoweringly present to them...much like the shepherds at the original event. There are many similarities to the lifestyle. If you've never taken time to exist in such a simple isolated manner, it is well worth it. That's why cowboys tend to be so philosophical and contemplative. I imagine shepherds must have been similar.
I would love to have a Christmas without gifts. Or perhaps only giving things that one already has. This would greatly change the character of the giving and make it a more personal thing. Sadly, this is pert near sacrilegious to most people, even Christians. I even have some family members that simply refuse to comply when everyone agrees to limit gifts. They don't do this to show off or embarrass anyone, but simply because the gifts and the holiday are so intertwined for them that they can't be separated. For these people, it is truly a joy to give and they truly expect nothing in return, all of which is greatly to their credit... I'm just illustrating the point.
I also took the time to read A Christmas Carol this year. It's a short book. I just never picked it up. I've seen the dozens of movies, but there's nothing like the source. Actually, the movies are extremely close to the source. It almost reads like a screenplay. I may have to read more Dickens. I've never been able to get into him. He's too close to that stodgy Victorian/Edwardian era that I couldn't stand it. If life was really like that, I'd run screaming mad. All artificial rules and hierarchies. Thankfully, Dickens was one of those who was trying to do away with that attitude. Maybe now I could actually get into it.
Anyway, I hope the few of you who actually read this are having a good Christmas and that you will let the full meaning and impact of the holiday settle upon you. Even if you don't believe it, try looking at it from the inside. There is no harm in seeing it from another's perspective. Just imagine what it would mean in the context that I see it:
A world that that was hopelessly lost with no chance of change or improvement on every level, despite monumental individual and cultural best attempts, all eventually succumbs to decay and corruption.
But one rural pastoral people, small in number and barely a blip on the cultural radar of the world, turns out to have the mythology that was chosen to be made true and the multi-dimensional being known as, "That Than Which Nothing Greater Can Be Conceived", the Yahweh, the Wakantanka, the Brahman, the Logos, the Ideal, voluntarily and permanently sheds dimension after dimension of his nature in the Great Dive, down, down, to assimilate himself into this lost world and all its individuals, every dimension of it, and in so doing assimilate it into himself so that the lost world and each of its damned inhabitants become a new form of existence, new beings...the merger of the human and the divine, which had never been done in the universe and can never be undone or done again. This is the root of the Christian mythos and all the cliched jargon that surrounds it. This is what we celebrate at Christmas.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Avatar
I saw the new movie Avatar this morning. Wow. This blog is about Contemplation, and those of us who practice it have a tendency to find deep connections and meanings in the most everyday sorts of things. So, pop culture is as rich a trove as ancient books.
Avatar is destined to be one of those gems. No doubt it will take it's place alongside LOTR, the Matrix, and Star Wars. Not only for the ground-breaking movie-making, but for the rich story and the boundless new world it has created. I'm sure there will be fans and games and all the customary goofiness to go with it, but amongst it all is a deep resonating truth.
Perhaps best of all for me was that the movie didn't attempt to explain everything. It created a world nearly as full of history and life as Middle Earth and set the story against it. But the whole time I kept feelinglike there was so much I just didn't know yet. Just like Middle Earth's ruins and dialects are full of well-crafted backstory, if only in the imagination of the creator, so is Pandora and the Na'vi. They didn't bother to explain every detail, and becasue of it, I'm sure the fans will gladly take the leaps and develop the world into something far bigger than it started out. It will become an alternate universe of it's own.
As an Environmental Scientist, I also have a certain way of viewing the world just like any professional develops. In that right, it is easy to disappoint me in movies because of simple flaws. For example, Reign of Fire, which had potential to be an excellent world fell short in that dragons burned wholesome food to make into far less valuable ash, which they ate...Not ecologically possible. Better to make them full-on magic creatures than try to scientificize them and do it poorly. But Pandora did not disappoint. From the design of the creatures, to the plant life and even the more mystic elements. This treads the lines enough to be fantastic but without violating any of the veils necessary to suspend disbelief. In short, I bought it.
The story, while certainly applicable to many current events, and certainly full of homage to great works in the past, has a philosophy and a truth that I am still absorbing and processing, applying to my worlds. Without this, it would simply be a good movie. But with it, it has power. It can change people. Affect them. I am not naive enough to think a movie will revolutionize the world, but just as the Matrix has already entered popular thought in ways that many don't even realize, Avatar will do so, I believe. At least it has already for me and likely will for those who think along my lines.
It's too early for me to express it just yet. But it has grabbed my imagination and the webs are forming. Go see it and let's talk about it.
Avatar is destined to be one of those gems. No doubt it will take it's place alongside LOTR, the Matrix, and Star Wars. Not only for the ground-breaking movie-making, but for the rich story and the boundless new world it has created. I'm sure there will be fans and games and all the customary goofiness to go with it, but amongst it all is a deep resonating truth.
Perhaps best of all for me was that the movie didn't attempt to explain everything. It created a world nearly as full of history and life as Middle Earth and set the story against it. But the whole time I kept feelinglike there was so much I just didn't know yet. Just like Middle Earth's ruins and dialects are full of well-crafted backstory, if only in the imagination of the creator, so is Pandora and the Na'vi. They didn't bother to explain every detail, and becasue of it, I'm sure the fans will gladly take the leaps and develop the world into something far bigger than it started out. It will become an alternate universe of it's own.
As an Environmental Scientist, I also have a certain way of viewing the world just like any professional develops. In that right, it is easy to disappoint me in movies because of simple flaws. For example, Reign of Fire, which had potential to be an excellent world fell short in that dragons burned wholesome food to make into far less valuable ash, which they ate...Not ecologically possible. Better to make them full-on magic creatures than try to scientificize them and do it poorly. But Pandora did not disappoint. From the design of the creatures, to the plant life and even the more mystic elements. This treads the lines enough to be fantastic but without violating any of the veils necessary to suspend disbelief. In short, I bought it.
The story, while certainly applicable to many current events, and certainly full of homage to great works in the past, has a philosophy and a truth that I am still absorbing and processing, applying to my worlds. Without this, it would simply be a good movie. But with it, it has power. It can change people. Affect them. I am not naive enough to think a movie will revolutionize the world, but just as the Matrix has already entered popular thought in ways that many don't even realize, Avatar will do so, I believe. At least it has already for me and likely will for those who think along my lines.
It's too early for me to express it just yet. But it has grabbed my imagination and the webs are forming. Go see it and let's talk about it.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Faith
I have been reading Martin Luther...finally. How much we miss by not diving and slowly swimming through these deep seas that support our small lakes of circumstance and experience. Waters upon waters. I know how this works, being an environmetnal scientist. A natural column of water is not uniform, but changes as one descends. Deep oceans can even harbor unique ecosystems in various levels with minimal interaction between levels.
Anyway, I am constantly struck by points which force me to stop and consider more thoroughly. The most recent is faith. I have often considered this. What is faith? The answer is as usual, so simple it elludes us. I have even done a thorough study of every instance of the word in the Gospels and it bears this out.
So now, so simple, and yet another dimension has occured to me from Luther. What is faith? It is simple trust. Trust in the sense of confidence. Even in the financial, business sense. Luther tells me that faith is thus:
The law, precepts, are provided to convict. They are so strict that no one can comply. We often dumb them down to a manageable level through interpretation because we recognize the futility of accomplishing them. All covet. All hate. All dishonor. All lust. None of us can help ourselves. And the law is clear that no violation will escape. No sliding scale. It is final. Therefore, the law does not provide a means of salvation or hope, but of condemnation and despair. If we honestly look at the extensive detail of the precepts and compare our lives, we are quite frankly screwed. What to do? We cannot help ourselves. Sentence is passed, effective date is set. Upon death, the sentence takes effect.
So into that world steps someone who says, "I fulfill the requirements of the law and you are pardoned." But are we? Who is this person? By what authority does he speak? We can weigh the evidence, and it is substantial. But we can't step over the sentence date to verify. Ultimately, we will be faced with the choice. Is this accurate? Do I trust this person to (1) have the authority/means, (2) to follow through with the promise. What else can I do. I cannot save myself, but if I will trust that this person can and will do as he says, I am free. I won't know until after the reprieve.
This is faith. Those with little of it may find themselves freed, but only after a life of despair and fear; escaping as one through the flames. But those who take their benefactor at his word find that he is increasingly proven to be true.
As I type, hundreds of references and connections are racing through my mind like Paul Atreides watching the lines of destiny and time. This fits incredibly well with what Paul, and Peter, and Jesus, and the entire Bible say.
Why like this? So that all begins and ends with God himself. There is nothing for us to do, but comply. I wager that the entire universe and human history is one big conglomeration of metaphors designed to rectify the one sin...the only real root of all sin...the unholy "I"...pride.
Check my accounts. I invite you to point out where I may be wrong. Truth is refined through debate and criticism. Just approach it honestly.
Anyway, I am constantly struck by points which force me to stop and consider more thoroughly. The most recent is faith. I have often considered this. What is faith? The answer is as usual, so simple it elludes us. I have even done a thorough study of every instance of the word in the Gospels and it bears this out.
So now, so simple, and yet another dimension has occured to me from Luther. What is faith? It is simple trust. Trust in the sense of confidence. Even in the financial, business sense. Luther tells me that faith is thus:
The law, precepts, are provided to convict. They are so strict that no one can comply. We often dumb them down to a manageable level through interpretation because we recognize the futility of accomplishing them. All covet. All hate. All dishonor. All lust. None of us can help ourselves. And the law is clear that no violation will escape. No sliding scale. It is final. Therefore, the law does not provide a means of salvation or hope, but of condemnation and despair. If we honestly look at the extensive detail of the precepts and compare our lives, we are quite frankly screwed. What to do? We cannot help ourselves. Sentence is passed, effective date is set. Upon death, the sentence takes effect.
So into that world steps someone who says, "I fulfill the requirements of the law and you are pardoned." But are we? Who is this person? By what authority does he speak? We can weigh the evidence, and it is substantial. But we can't step over the sentence date to verify. Ultimately, we will be faced with the choice. Is this accurate? Do I trust this person to (1) have the authority/means, (2) to follow through with the promise. What else can I do. I cannot save myself, but if I will trust that this person can and will do as he says, I am free. I won't know until after the reprieve.
This is faith. Those with little of it may find themselves freed, but only after a life of despair and fear; escaping as one through the flames. But those who take their benefactor at his word find that he is increasingly proven to be true.
As I type, hundreds of references and connections are racing through my mind like Paul Atreides watching the lines of destiny and time. This fits incredibly well with what Paul, and Peter, and Jesus, and the entire Bible say.
Why like this? So that all begins and ends with God himself. There is nothing for us to do, but comply. I wager that the entire universe and human history is one big conglomeration of metaphors designed to rectify the one sin...the only real root of all sin...the unholy "I"...pride.
Check my accounts. I invite you to point out where I may be wrong. Truth is refined through debate and criticism. Just approach it honestly.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Space & Silence
I just finished watching a promotional video and reading the website for Virgin Galactic. This is a company created by Richard Branson of the Virgin brand. Today they unveiled their second generation commercial spacecraft. The spaceport and runway are under construction. Everything done to the Greenest specs. Reservations are being taken now. The promotions are impressive. This is not an airline, so much as an adventure tour designed to make a reality of what Epcot and many others have dreamed of. The current price is $200,000 for a flight with a $20,000 refundable deposit. Still out of range for most people, which will give it time before it becomes a bus for a villanous rabble of crowded seats and bad service. Right now it is clean and pure.
Looking it over and reading the material, I am struck by the intense emotions it stirs in me. It is this sort of thing that keeps me in the Bright Green camp. A vision of a beautiful merger of human ingenuity, poetry, science, and nature. Humans at their best, which is pitiful rare and less than is necessary. We cannot save ourselves, but the divine spark is in us. We are not all bad.
Thinking of the otherworldliness of such an experience, reading the descriptions from the test runs, it will be a world of experiences pressed together. The expectation, the intensity, the release, and the compression back into the everyday. I have often looked for good descriptions of what it is like to experience space. To live outside of our realm. I am struck by the silence that they describe. As the rocket engines cease, there will be utter silence it says, surrounded by sublime otherworldy visual beauty and the experience of no weight pulling against ones muscles and bones, the loss of up and down.
Space is silent. If God is "up" in our conception, then this is His realm. Amazing that the metaphor extends so well into an experience the writers of those metaphors could never have known. God dwells in silence. In perfect peace. Be still and know... Our senses fail and cannot fully appreciate what it is to be in that mode. But it is attractive. Once it repelled me, but it has drawn me in as I have glimpsed pieces of it.
I am not wholly ignorant of it. I have often sought out these kinds of otherworldy experiences. I am reminded of free-diving. The stillness, the cold, the quiet, the loss of up and down, the beauty. I wonder if in space, I would hear my heart beat as clearly as I do under water?
I have taken a deep breath (the expectation) and plunged head first into the blue deep (the intensity). No air, so sounds are perverted, and ultimately stilled, though those that persist are long and distant. The rhythm of my lungs, my constant accompaniment, is stilled and the pulse of the liquid within me replaces it, slowing, slowing, as I hang between planes(the release). Up or down, right or left have no meaning save in relation to my own body. The zen masters were right. The center of the universe is 6 centimeters below my navel. Strange shapes move about me, sleek and fast. Eyeing me and ignoring me. I am insignificant here. And as my body undergoes the mammalian reflex and shadowy webs begin to obscure my vision I am at perfect peace. Just then, I am keenly aware that I am not at all alone. There is a presence pervading this place, pervading me, dwelling here. And it jolts me. My vision recovers, I look for the glimmer and glide toward it. My chest expands with some invisible substance (the recompression) and then I burst back into my world with a deep inhalation.
In some ways this seems the same as the description of space. In other ways it is different. But in both, God dwells, depths and heights. He inhabits these worlds that are not for us. It is sublime.
Looking it over and reading the material, I am struck by the intense emotions it stirs in me. It is this sort of thing that keeps me in the Bright Green camp. A vision of a beautiful merger of human ingenuity, poetry, science, and nature. Humans at their best, which is pitiful rare and less than is necessary. We cannot save ourselves, but the divine spark is in us. We are not all bad.
Thinking of the otherworldliness of such an experience, reading the descriptions from the test runs, it will be a world of experiences pressed together. The expectation, the intensity, the release, and the compression back into the everyday. I have often looked for good descriptions of what it is like to experience space. To live outside of our realm. I am struck by the silence that they describe. As the rocket engines cease, there will be utter silence it says, surrounded by sublime otherworldy visual beauty and the experience of no weight pulling against ones muscles and bones, the loss of up and down.
Space is silent. If God is "up" in our conception, then this is His realm. Amazing that the metaphor extends so well into an experience the writers of those metaphors could never have known. God dwells in silence. In perfect peace. Be still and know... Our senses fail and cannot fully appreciate what it is to be in that mode. But it is attractive. Once it repelled me, but it has drawn me in as I have glimpsed pieces of it.
I am not wholly ignorant of it. I have often sought out these kinds of otherworldy experiences. I am reminded of free-diving. The stillness, the cold, the quiet, the loss of up and down, the beauty. I wonder if in space, I would hear my heart beat as clearly as I do under water?
I have taken a deep breath (the expectation) and plunged head first into the blue deep (the intensity). No air, so sounds are perverted, and ultimately stilled, though those that persist are long and distant. The rhythm of my lungs, my constant accompaniment, is stilled and the pulse of the liquid within me replaces it, slowing, slowing, as I hang between planes(the release). Up or down, right or left have no meaning save in relation to my own body. The zen masters were right. The center of the universe is 6 centimeters below my navel. Strange shapes move about me, sleek and fast. Eyeing me and ignoring me. I am insignificant here. And as my body undergoes the mammalian reflex and shadowy webs begin to obscure my vision I am at perfect peace. Just then, I am keenly aware that I am not at all alone. There is a presence pervading this place, pervading me, dwelling here. And it jolts me. My vision recovers, I look for the glimmer and glide toward it. My chest expands with some invisible substance (the recompression) and then I burst back into my world with a deep inhalation.
In some ways this seems the same as the description of space. In other ways it is different. But in both, God dwells, depths and heights. He inhabits these worlds that are not for us. It is sublime.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Real
What does it mean to be real? The term was popular a few years ago: keep it real, be real, get real...they've all been used. But what does it mean? I guess in its basic sense it has to do with genuineness. No pretense. That carries with it a tone of simplicity, of singleness. And also focus on what is important.
I want to be real. I want to know what is real. I want to live life in its realest, purest form. I want to be ever moving toward greater perfection, greater reality.
So what is real and which direction is more real in my circumstances right now? I want real connections with people. I want to share my life with people. I have this with my family, but I want it in a larger circle. A band, a group, a tribe, stripped of its wierdo connotations. A group of like-minded people to be a part of each other's lives.
What would that like-mindedness center on? Simple reality I think. I have no expectations other than to make our lives better by the synergy of our relation. In other words, to be true friends. To raise our kids together, to share our struggles and joys. I don't mean in any kind of pie-in-the-sky hippie way. Just in a real, genuine, organic, unforced, unartificial, undictated way. No programs, or rules, just people living who get me and I get. A group where our differences make us stronger because they play together instead of against each other. A place where wounds can heal and bonds can grow strong and unbreakable.
This is possible. It is emphactically and empirically possible in our very existing world. Many people already have these kinds of relationships. When is it my turn? When is it yours?
I want to be real. I want to know what is real. I want to live life in its realest, purest form. I want to be ever moving toward greater perfection, greater reality.
So what is real and which direction is more real in my circumstances right now? I want real connections with people. I want to share my life with people. I have this with my family, but I want it in a larger circle. A band, a group, a tribe, stripped of its wierdo connotations. A group of like-minded people to be a part of each other's lives.
What would that like-mindedness center on? Simple reality I think. I have no expectations other than to make our lives better by the synergy of our relation. In other words, to be true friends. To raise our kids together, to share our struggles and joys. I don't mean in any kind of pie-in-the-sky hippie way. Just in a real, genuine, organic, unforced, unartificial, undictated way. No programs, or rules, just people living who get me and I get. A group where our differences make us stronger because they play together instead of against each other. A place where wounds can heal and bonds can grow strong and unbreakable.
This is possible. It is emphactically and empirically possible in our very existing world. Many people already have these kinds of relationships. When is it my turn? When is it yours?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sheepdog
I knew someone who once said, if Jesus is the 'Good Shepherd', we should be sheepdogs. This is an excellent metaphor if you think it through.
In order of existence, no human could be equal with God, so an 'animal is to human as human is to God' analogy works well to describe humans. Not to mention that anthropomorphism has always been used to cast a spotlight on aspects of human nature.
Dogs are familiar animals. They are well adapted...actually bred by humans to be companions and assistants to humans. Our two biological paths are intertwined nearly as far back as we can trace. If there is any one animal that would best represent our existence in relation to God's on our own level, I think it would be a dog. They understand us, though not completely. They trust, but think for themselves. They are dependent on us, but capable of surviving alone if conditions are right...though even then, mostly still adjunct to humanity. Few stray dogs actually go wild like, say, a cat might. They are moldable into various behaviors and modes of being...that is, trainable.
Beyond this, dogs exhibit some of the best qualities in humans. Loyalty, affection, devotion, service, selflessness, altruism, etc.
So to extend into the realm of sheepdogs, they go where the shepherd commands. They hear his voice and they know their job. They encircle the sheep and keep them safe. They are extensions of the shepherd, but he is the head. They serve with joy and abandon, because the tasks they perform are what they were bred for. It is instinctual, though it must be refined by training.
They respond only to the Shepherd and will not deviate from his commands, though they are free and unleashed to adapt to their work as they see fit. They also thrive on the praise and affection of the Shepherd and seek no other reward.
In order of existence, no human could be equal with God, so an 'animal is to human as human is to God' analogy works well to describe humans. Not to mention that anthropomorphism has always been used to cast a spotlight on aspects of human nature.
Dogs are familiar animals. They are well adapted...actually bred by humans to be companions and assistants to humans. Our two biological paths are intertwined nearly as far back as we can trace. If there is any one animal that would best represent our existence in relation to God's on our own level, I think it would be a dog. They understand us, though not completely. They trust, but think for themselves. They are dependent on us, but capable of surviving alone if conditions are right...though even then, mostly still adjunct to humanity. Few stray dogs actually go wild like, say, a cat might. They are moldable into various behaviors and modes of being...that is, trainable.
Beyond this, dogs exhibit some of the best qualities in humans. Loyalty, affection, devotion, service, selflessness, altruism, etc.
So to extend into the realm of sheepdogs, they go where the shepherd commands. They hear his voice and they know their job. They encircle the sheep and keep them safe. They are extensions of the shepherd, but he is the head. They serve with joy and abandon, because the tasks they perform are what they were bred for. It is instinctual, though it must be refined by training.
They respond only to the Shepherd and will not deviate from his commands, though they are free and unleashed to adapt to their work as they see fit. They also thrive on the praise and affection of the Shepherd and seek no other reward.
This is what I want to be. This is largely how I feel. Deep down, I honestly don't care for status and accomplishments, career, etc. I just want to do what brings me and others joy and have enough to be sufficient. I want to be free to lay at my master's feet and feel his touch. and when he speaks to me, I want ot respond instantly.
I find this metaphor especially strong in the service I do with children. I find it sheer joy to play with them, to let them be children with me. I would sooner die than have any harm fall to any one of them. But I know the bounds they must have and I am not shy about enforcing those disciplinary boundaries for the sheeps' own good. Better a nip or bark from me than a greater harm that they can't see. I will not allow a sheep to mislead the others and I am fiercely protective of them against any wolves. I know my master's voice and his commands to me and I will obey them until I am called off by him alone.
I hope to be a good sheepdog.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Church
This is a difficult topic for me right now. I just read a book that was ironically recommended by a pastor friend. The book comes from a movement of reformers that are a little over 20 years old. They believe that the modern popular expression of church is flawed at the root and should therefore be done away with in favor of something strictly Biblically based. It goes by different names depending on the flavor of the group. I've heard the arguments before for most of it, but some of this book's arguments are really resonating with me and I'm not sure how that will play out.
I've had a problem with the dry knowledge-based church style. It is dead and changes very little of very few people. I've been involved in charismatic-tilted church and seen the personality cults, the blind devotion to 'signs & wonders' and even those who move across the country repeatedly, chasing the latest 'move'. I've been in the growth-based seeker-church and seen the blatant marketing principles applied and worked on people as if God were a Ad Exec. I'm sorry, when textbook marketing gets butts in your seats, you can't call that God.
I've even been involved in home churches that were cloisters of ungrounded, disenfranchized people who just thought they could do it as well as anyone else...who needs the regular stuff, we'll make our OWN church. And the converse where they think all who meet in buildings are apostate servants of the antichrist.
I've also been involved in radical dregs of the earth ministry church that goes in deep and helps people who couldn't even begin to set foot in traditional churches. And there I've seen the hurt create cliquishness and let's just face it, damaged people do damage. When your whole church is made up of people with serious issues, those issues will play out.
Not that all of these things were all bad. I've seen people's lives changed. I've seen transformations and real moves of God. But I tend to think these things are in spite of and not because of the church structure. Afterall, we're all flawed people. Can we really expect our organizations to not be flawed? This is the conclusion I'd come to and lived under for years.
But then, somewhere deep inside me, I've never been able to shake this small voice, almost too hard to hear, calling out for something more. Longing for a group to share my life with...not a life group or some other forced approximation, but a real connection. A community to live into and to raise my child in. A group like Bunyan's troop making their way along the road in the footsteps of Christian. A group where strong faith carries weaker, where helpfulness arises, where there is a palpable realness of spiritual unity. How do I know this exists?
It's in the New Testament. It's in Bunyan's work. I've even experienced it myself...no really, I have. Not for long, but there was a time and a group, several of whom I am still deeply connected to. For a time, we were a real community. Flawed, yes. But there was a real unity that is beyond human ability. It wasn't just a Sunday thing, or a semester study group. These people were brothers and sisters and we shared everything! Not like some hippie commune, but our lives were a part of each other entirely. Our worship, our problems, our challenges, sicknesses, jobs, marriages, social circles, were all intertwined in this group. It was Holy.
But then it ended. Perhaps we tried too hard. Perhaps we tried to do too much. Perhaps we fell victim to the insidious attacks of an enemy that would do anything to bring down that kind of unity. Honestly, I don't care what happened. I don't want that group back. It ended for good reason. But I do want that reality back. THAT I can't let go of. I wanted to spend my life in that.
Every church before or sense has been ok for a time, and then turns miserable. Something just eats it up. The common denominator here is me. So I have tried to change myself and as hard as it has been, as unnatural as it has been, I have been making progress. But then on the heels of a visible, palpable "issue" at my church, there comes this book. And as critically as I have taken it, as much as I have checked references and confirmed his Greek and sniped his logical fallacies, there is a piercing dart of truth in it that echoes across all of what has been good in church in my life.
I feel like Lucy who has just seen Aslan go left when Peter (human authority) and the group (the majority) go right, saying she is a silly little girl. If I don't run after Him, will it be on my head? I know what I saw! I know what I want! Is this the path to it?
My heart beats at my ribs screaming, "YES, YES, YES, for the love of God THIS is it!" But I distrust me heart. It is easily enticed away by sirens who echo what it wants to hear. I have to go down this path, but I will go slowly. God forgive me for it. I want to abandon myself to the current that I know is true, but must test, must know it is the right stream first.
Please God, pull my foot from under me and I will go headlong n spite of myself!
I've had a problem with the dry knowledge-based church style. It is dead and changes very little of very few people. I've been involved in charismatic-tilted church and seen the personality cults, the blind devotion to 'signs & wonders' and even those who move across the country repeatedly, chasing the latest 'move'. I've been in the growth-based seeker-church and seen the blatant marketing principles applied and worked on people as if God were a Ad Exec. I'm sorry, when textbook marketing gets butts in your seats, you can't call that God.
I've even been involved in home churches that were cloisters of ungrounded, disenfranchized people who just thought they could do it as well as anyone else...who needs the regular stuff, we'll make our OWN church. And the converse where they think all who meet in buildings are apostate servants of the antichrist.
I've also been involved in radical dregs of the earth ministry church that goes in deep and helps people who couldn't even begin to set foot in traditional churches. And there I've seen the hurt create cliquishness and let's just face it, damaged people do damage. When your whole church is made up of people with serious issues, those issues will play out.
Not that all of these things were all bad. I've seen people's lives changed. I've seen transformations and real moves of God. But I tend to think these things are in spite of and not because of the church structure. Afterall, we're all flawed people. Can we really expect our organizations to not be flawed? This is the conclusion I'd come to and lived under for years.
But then, somewhere deep inside me, I've never been able to shake this small voice, almost too hard to hear, calling out for something more. Longing for a group to share my life with...not a life group or some other forced approximation, but a real connection. A community to live into and to raise my child in. A group like Bunyan's troop making their way along the road in the footsteps of Christian. A group where strong faith carries weaker, where helpfulness arises, where there is a palpable realness of spiritual unity. How do I know this exists?
It's in the New Testament. It's in Bunyan's work. I've even experienced it myself...no really, I have. Not for long, but there was a time and a group, several of whom I am still deeply connected to. For a time, we were a real community. Flawed, yes. But there was a real unity that is beyond human ability. It wasn't just a Sunday thing, or a semester study group. These people were brothers and sisters and we shared everything! Not like some hippie commune, but our lives were a part of each other entirely. Our worship, our problems, our challenges, sicknesses, jobs, marriages, social circles, were all intertwined in this group. It was Holy.
But then it ended. Perhaps we tried too hard. Perhaps we tried to do too much. Perhaps we fell victim to the insidious attacks of an enemy that would do anything to bring down that kind of unity. Honestly, I don't care what happened. I don't want that group back. It ended for good reason. But I do want that reality back. THAT I can't let go of. I wanted to spend my life in that.
Every church before or sense has been ok for a time, and then turns miserable. Something just eats it up. The common denominator here is me. So I have tried to change myself and as hard as it has been, as unnatural as it has been, I have been making progress. But then on the heels of a visible, palpable "issue" at my church, there comes this book. And as critically as I have taken it, as much as I have checked references and confirmed his Greek and sniped his logical fallacies, there is a piercing dart of truth in it that echoes across all of what has been good in church in my life.
I feel like Lucy who has just seen Aslan go left when Peter (human authority) and the group (the majority) go right, saying she is a silly little girl. If I don't run after Him, will it be on my head? I know what I saw! I know what I want! Is this the path to it?
My heart beats at my ribs screaming, "YES, YES, YES, for the love of God THIS is it!" But I distrust me heart. It is easily enticed away by sirens who echo what it wants to hear. I have to go down this path, but I will go slowly. God forgive me for it. I want to abandon myself to the current that I know is true, but must test, must know it is the right stream first.
Please God, pull my foot from under me and I will go headlong n spite of myself!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Impermanence
This is a concept I have never quite grasped. I get the idea on the surface. We die, things decay. We are not permanent. But what is? Love? No, we like to say that in romantic ways, but it isn't true. The truth is, I don't have anything in my experience that is permanent, none of us do. Therefore, I can't understand it really. But I can take clues from my experiences and infer what permanence must be like.
Still, even this inference has always alluded me...the images of perishable and imperishable, of type and archetype, or ideals, of illusions, they all fell flat in some way. But recently, I was rereading something my teacher, Jack, wrote and it fell into place.
Every bit of our existence is composed of atoms, of motion and energy and space. These things do not sit static. They are constantly turning over. We borrow them for a while and then they are released again. This matter is part of the whole of the universe. To bring it to a more human, observable level, my cells are constantly dividing, constantly being replaced. The building blocks for that replacement are received through food, which comes at the expense of some other creature's life. I injest its matter to make more of my own, which is then lost through skin replacement, blood cell recycling, waste, and replenished again through food and sun and complex relations with microscopic organisms and larger organisms. All of what is physically me at this moment will not be me in several years, it will be something else. And what will be me then is something else now. I am not solid. I am a constant flux of matter and energy over the duration of my existence. All things are.
Upon realizing this, it was like Neo seeing the matrix code actively transpiring through the world around him. He had seen through the illusion of it. I am not a constant thing. I have never been and will never be in this life. Nor is anything around me. All things are flux and change, even those that seem permanent, are merely constant reconstructions of the same structure moving through time. As Jack says, I am the curve of a waterfall. It seems solid, shaped, but is actually made up of a constant torrent of water droplets replacing the ones that just passed at such a speed that it seems to hold a shape and a place.
This is impermanence.
To follow the metaphor, something more solid, more permanent, can actually reach into a waterfall and pass through it...this is a new thought...so if Jesus gives us a glimpse into that permanent humanity after His resurrection: He passes through space and time. He appears in a locked room. Therefore His body must be more permanent than space and time. A less permanent object can't pass through a more permanent one. A vapor or thin paper is dispelled by the waterfall, only something more solid can pass through it! Wow!
Still, even this inference has always alluded me...the images of perishable and imperishable, of type and archetype, or ideals, of illusions, they all fell flat in some way. But recently, I was rereading something my teacher, Jack, wrote and it fell into place.
Every bit of our existence is composed of atoms, of motion and energy and space. These things do not sit static. They are constantly turning over. We borrow them for a while and then they are released again. This matter is part of the whole of the universe. To bring it to a more human, observable level, my cells are constantly dividing, constantly being replaced. The building blocks for that replacement are received through food, which comes at the expense of some other creature's life. I injest its matter to make more of my own, which is then lost through skin replacement, blood cell recycling, waste, and replenished again through food and sun and complex relations with microscopic organisms and larger organisms. All of what is physically me at this moment will not be me in several years, it will be something else. And what will be me then is something else now. I am not solid. I am a constant flux of matter and energy over the duration of my existence. All things are.
Upon realizing this, it was like Neo seeing the matrix code actively transpiring through the world around him. He had seen through the illusion of it. I am not a constant thing. I have never been and will never be in this life. Nor is anything around me. All things are flux and change, even those that seem permanent, are merely constant reconstructions of the same structure moving through time. As Jack says, I am the curve of a waterfall. It seems solid, shaped, but is actually made up of a constant torrent of water droplets replacing the ones that just passed at such a speed that it seems to hold a shape and a place.
This is impermanence.
To follow the metaphor, something more solid, more permanent, can actually reach into a waterfall and pass through it...this is a new thought...so if Jesus gives us a glimpse into that permanent humanity after His resurrection: He passes through space and time. He appears in a locked room. Therefore His body must be more permanent than space and time. A less permanent object can't pass through a more permanent one. A vapor or thin paper is dispelled by the waterfall, only something more solid can pass through it! Wow!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Community
This is such an overplayed word. It is actually quite cheesy by now. But I am not using it in the common sense. As with most words, I am using it in the older, truer sense.
I'm also speaking primarily to other Christians in this post, so if you are not a Christian, please do not think this is directed at you. I say that because only those who have claimed this faith are bound to it in any way. No one should expect someone who does not hold the same worldview to abide by it. Of course many non-Christians do a far better job of just what I am talking about, which is also why this is not directed at them.
I want more. I need more. What we call church, what we call the community of believers, is most often a sham and a shadow of what it is supposed to be. People in churches are swayed by politics, by personality, by money. Not that they are all evil, because they aren't. Many just don't realize or have never experienced what real unified fellowship is like. If you haven't, I would put money on the fact that you won't find it easily. Some say it is in home churches only, but this is not true. I've been a part of horrid home churches, some that were plain kooky, and some that were just as empty as the conventional churches. I've also been in conventional churches that were rolling with unity, so it has nothing to do with organization, structure, or locale.
It has to do with the people. With God ultimately. The Spirit, Kurios Pneuma, the Spirit Lord, Sarayu, is the one that enables it and He alone. But as with most things we can choose to allow it or shut it out. Please try this for me:
Take a piece of paper, anything will do. Crumple it up really well, just ball it up. Now take a thin sturdy sharp object, like a knife or a nail, whatever, and drive it right through the ball of paper. be careful, you don't want to lose a chunk of flesh. Now pull the spike out and look at the paper. Do you see the hole going straight through it? This is God's reality. His work. The paper is our universe. God has punched through our existence with His solid reality and it makes sense. A single solid line right through our perceptions.
But now uncrumple the paper. What do you see? Do you see the random assortment of holes? Some bigger, some smaller, at various angles, like there is no order. This is how we perceive our universe. What is actually a single solid precision dart appears to be a random assortment of happenings across time and space. We see it in this manner because of our perception of space. (See an earlier entry on space for more about that.)
So what's the point? Simply that God does not fit into our universe, our plans, or our structures. He is real and solid and definite and His purposes which are, of necessity, a unified action, a perfect harmony cut across and through our lives, abridging structures and institutions. Think this through, it's a fantastic visualization. In this case, we try to mold God's actions, His will, into our structures. When in fact, it is nothing of the sort. The Kingdom of Heaven is spiritual, we must be born again of spirit, and worship in spirit and truth. Throw out what structures do not work or are not profitable. Or better yet, simply ingore them and let them fail.
If God desired us to change the world through our institutions, don't you think the world would be a lot different after 2000 years of effort? Are we just that impotent? Or is God? Our opposition is defeated, it can't be his power that prohibits it! So don't feed me the next fad of, "if only we would..." I'm not buying. You care more for your pews, accounts, fancy shows with put on excitement, butts in seats...sell the stupid seats and let's sit on the floor so we can buy a well for the Malawi village! Forget your live music and hollow exhortations and hug that child desperate for attention! The man next to you needs a car! Will the church get him one? Will paying your Sunday morning multi-media extravaganza's exorbitant electric bill get him one? Oh, but I forget, the temporal doesn't matter, it's about saving souls. Bah!!
God does not desire us to "get with the program", to remake our institutions into more perfect alignment. He doesn't desire worldly revolution. He doesn't desire reform. He desires us to abandon our institutions and follow Him! Let them all go! They do not matter. They are impermanent. Think that through. Say it to yourself until the cleche falls off and the truth rings out of it, however faint. Live that way for God's sake!
I'm also speaking primarily to other Christians in this post, so if you are not a Christian, please do not think this is directed at you. I say that because only those who have claimed this faith are bound to it in any way. No one should expect someone who does not hold the same worldview to abide by it. Of course many non-Christians do a far better job of just what I am talking about, which is also why this is not directed at them.
I want more. I need more. What we call church, what we call the community of believers, is most often a sham and a shadow of what it is supposed to be. People in churches are swayed by politics, by personality, by money. Not that they are all evil, because they aren't. Many just don't realize or have never experienced what real unified fellowship is like. If you haven't, I would put money on the fact that you won't find it easily. Some say it is in home churches only, but this is not true. I've been a part of horrid home churches, some that were plain kooky, and some that were just as empty as the conventional churches. I've also been in conventional churches that were rolling with unity, so it has nothing to do with organization, structure, or locale.
It has to do with the people. With God ultimately. The Spirit, Kurios Pneuma, the Spirit Lord, Sarayu, is the one that enables it and He alone. But as with most things we can choose to allow it or shut it out. Please try this for me:
Take a piece of paper, anything will do. Crumple it up really well, just ball it up. Now take a thin sturdy sharp object, like a knife or a nail, whatever, and drive it right through the ball of paper. be careful, you don't want to lose a chunk of flesh. Now pull the spike out and look at the paper. Do you see the hole going straight through it? This is God's reality. His work. The paper is our universe. God has punched through our existence with His solid reality and it makes sense. A single solid line right through our perceptions.
But now uncrumple the paper. What do you see? Do you see the random assortment of holes? Some bigger, some smaller, at various angles, like there is no order. This is how we perceive our universe. What is actually a single solid precision dart appears to be a random assortment of happenings across time and space. We see it in this manner because of our perception of space. (See an earlier entry on space for more about that.)
So what's the point? Simply that God does not fit into our universe, our plans, or our structures. He is real and solid and definite and His purposes which are, of necessity, a unified action, a perfect harmony cut across and through our lives, abridging structures and institutions. Think this through, it's a fantastic visualization. In this case, we try to mold God's actions, His will, into our structures. When in fact, it is nothing of the sort. The Kingdom of Heaven is spiritual, we must be born again of spirit, and worship in spirit and truth. Throw out what structures do not work or are not profitable. Or better yet, simply ingore them and let them fail.
If God desired us to change the world through our institutions, don't you think the world would be a lot different after 2000 years of effort? Are we just that impotent? Or is God? Our opposition is defeated, it can't be his power that prohibits it! So don't feed me the next fad of, "if only we would..." I'm not buying. You care more for your pews, accounts, fancy shows with put on excitement, butts in seats...sell the stupid seats and let's sit on the floor so we can buy a well for the Malawi village! Forget your live music and hollow exhortations and hug that child desperate for attention! The man next to you needs a car! Will the church get him one? Will paying your Sunday morning multi-media extravaganza's exorbitant electric bill get him one? Oh, but I forget, the temporal doesn't matter, it's about saving souls. Bah!!
God does not desire us to "get with the program", to remake our institutions into more perfect alignment. He doesn't desire worldly revolution. He doesn't desire reform. He desires us to abandon our institutions and follow Him! Let them all go! They do not matter. They are impermanent. Think that through. Say it to yourself until the cleche falls off and the truth rings out of it, however faint. Live that way for God's sake!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Chill
I work in a bureaucracy. Everyone knows how tedious they can be, but let me tell you, if you've never been on the inside of one, you don't know the half of it. As the economic downturn filters out to my area, things are only getting worse. I could complain about the inane policies, the nonsensical decisions, the institutionalized biases, but that would merely be griping and not productive.
Suffice to say, I have found these things wrapped around me in a web that is difficult to disentangle. Coupled with other political issues...and I'm not referring to governmental politics, I mean the personal-level struggle for power that is a factor in every relationship we have...and I've got a recipe for sour attitude.
I don't like that atitude, who does? But more than that, it is actually a killer attitude. Some people are more resistant to that kind of stress, but I am not. I can feel it weaken me in very real ways.
So, I'm turning my attention to ways to disengage from the problem. I know some people think that is a bad way to deal with problems, but I don't mean sweep them under the rug and withdraw. I mean to take myself out of the equation, so I am not emotionally influenced by the stressors.
There are many ways to do this. Eliminating clutter is a big one. A clean, clear space helps settle the mind. This can be challenging in our accumulative culture, especially if one lives with packrats and droppers...or worst of all packrat droppers. You know, those people who not only keep everything, but drop it wherever they happen to be at the time. Wow, that just grates on already strained nerves! So a clearing is good, a clearing of desk, of office, of home, of yard, and through the process, the mind.
Second is to engage in some relieving activity. Something that absorbs the mind and body, that thrusts out the petty concerns for those weightier matters. I'm partial to things in the water, since water is a powerful element for me. Unfortunately, in Florida where you'd expect everything to be about water, there is surprisingly little of it that we can actually get into. Most of the water is swampy and unsafe for swimming, and what is good is increasingly blocked off or crowded out. This is perhaps one of the most privatized and fenced-off states in the nation...but that's another topic. Along with activity would be service as well because nothing gets one out of one's own head like doing good for others.
Third would be to cleanse the soul. Meditation, healthy eating, this may be time for a purifying fast to awaken those dulled spiritual senses and gain clarity. Don't forget about breathing. we rarely really breathe. Most of us go about our lives barely sucking in enough air to keep our bodies functioning.
I think I may take up Parkour. I've been fascinated by it from the beginning. It seems to suit me very well: It is physical and graceful, there are no competitions or shows (i.e. commercialism), it is very meditative, it is individual, free, lifelong, and takes very little equipment. It was actually developed as a way to bring the lithe fitness of primitive people to those of us who live in the more destructive worlds! Now may be the time to do it!
Suffice to say, I have found these things wrapped around me in a web that is difficult to disentangle. Coupled with other political issues...and I'm not referring to governmental politics, I mean the personal-level struggle for power that is a factor in every relationship we have...and I've got a recipe for sour attitude.
I don't like that atitude, who does? But more than that, it is actually a killer attitude. Some people are more resistant to that kind of stress, but I am not. I can feel it weaken me in very real ways.
So, I'm turning my attention to ways to disengage from the problem. I know some people think that is a bad way to deal with problems, but I don't mean sweep them under the rug and withdraw. I mean to take myself out of the equation, so I am not emotionally influenced by the stressors.
There are many ways to do this. Eliminating clutter is a big one. A clean, clear space helps settle the mind. This can be challenging in our accumulative culture, especially if one lives with packrats and droppers...or worst of all packrat droppers. You know, those people who not only keep everything, but drop it wherever they happen to be at the time. Wow, that just grates on already strained nerves! So a clearing is good, a clearing of desk, of office, of home, of yard, and through the process, the mind.
Second is to engage in some relieving activity. Something that absorbs the mind and body, that thrusts out the petty concerns for those weightier matters. I'm partial to things in the water, since water is a powerful element for me. Unfortunately, in Florida where you'd expect everything to be about water, there is surprisingly little of it that we can actually get into. Most of the water is swampy and unsafe for swimming, and what is good is increasingly blocked off or crowded out. This is perhaps one of the most privatized and fenced-off states in the nation...but that's another topic. Along with activity would be service as well because nothing gets one out of one's own head like doing good for others.
Third would be to cleanse the soul. Meditation, healthy eating, this may be time for a purifying fast to awaken those dulled spiritual senses and gain clarity. Don't forget about breathing. we rarely really breathe. Most of us go about our lives barely sucking in enough air to keep our bodies functioning.
I think I may take up Parkour. I've been fascinated by it from the beginning. It seems to suit me very well: It is physical and graceful, there are no competitions or shows (i.e. commercialism), it is very meditative, it is individual, free, lifelong, and takes very little equipment. It was actually developed as a way to bring the lithe fitness of primitive people to those of us who live in the more destructive worlds! Now may be the time to do it!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Funerals
I hate funerals. Actually it isn't funerals I hate, it's all the stuff that goes on at them. The concept of saying goodbye, laying to rest, praying for the soul...all of that I not only understand, but think is valuable. But then there's the false niceties, the put-on somberness, the forced sense of decorum. But lest I sound callous, let me explain.
Everyone grieves differently: some people sob openly, some get quiet, some get angry, some get silly, some even dodge the issue altogether. The problem is that when people are uncomfortable and emotions are high, as they are at funerals, they tend to take things too seriously or too personally. Considering that I don't tend to view things like most people, I don't tend to act like most people. I'm not saying I'm better...just different. As a good friend recently pointed out, I've been weird all my life, and always will be. I now recognize it as a gift from God. But it comes with the price of being often misunderstood. Nevertheless, at a funeral, eventually someone will think that I'm not acting properly, be that not grieving as they feel I should or committing some offense against the observer directly, and of course they will feel this must be dealt with. Or if I happen to be among one of those 'not out in the open' families, they will go about whispering or glaring or some other passive-aggressivity.
So no matter how hard I try, funerals rarely go well for me. If I grieve as fits me, people get offended. If I try to avoid that, I spend the whole time awkward and uncomfortable...which also draws attention. I just want to be left to process things in my own way!
I think the root of the issue is in my understanding of things. See, I actually believe that a soul lives on after death. So, as Bunyan said it, for people of faith, death is simply crossing the river they've lived beside for many years. It means the end of suffering, the end of temproal concerns. For many, this is a relief. I also believe that souls are outside of our space-time dynamic, so I don't have to be present for them to know my concerns or benefit from my prayers. They are far more aware of what I'm doing and thinking than any of us in this world.
So, it's hard for me to feel the same things that many people do at funerals. I recognize that those close to the deceased may be in pain, and I would never intentionally do or say anything to belittle that, but I can't pretend that things aren't as I believe they are.
So when I die, pray that God will welcome me. That I will pass through the fire without much loss, and that what is perishible will be quickly consumed. Rejoice for me that I am no longer the selfish, angry, anxious jerk that I fought so hard not to be in this world. And let each person process those facts as they see fit. Don't dare be offended if they sing, celebrate, cry, or wail.
Everyone grieves differently: some people sob openly, some get quiet, some get angry, some get silly, some even dodge the issue altogether. The problem is that when people are uncomfortable and emotions are high, as they are at funerals, they tend to take things too seriously or too personally. Considering that I don't tend to view things like most people, I don't tend to act like most people. I'm not saying I'm better...just different. As a good friend recently pointed out, I've been weird all my life, and always will be. I now recognize it as a gift from God. But it comes with the price of being often misunderstood. Nevertheless, at a funeral, eventually someone will think that I'm not acting properly, be that not grieving as they feel I should or committing some offense against the observer directly, and of course they will feel this must be dealt with. Or if I happen to be among one of those 'not out in the open' families, they will go about whispering or glaring or some other passive-aggressivity.
So no matter how hard I try, funerals rarely go well for me. If I grieve as fits me, people get offended. If I try to avoid that, I spend the whole time awkward and uncomfortable...which also draws attention. I just want to be left to process things in my own way!
I think the root of the issue is in my understanding of things. See, I actually believe that a soul lives on after death. So, as Bunyan said it, for people of faith, death is simply crossing the river they've lived beside for many years. It means the end of suffering, the end of temproal concerns. For many, this is a relief. I also believe that souls are outside of our space-time dynamic, so I don't have to be present for them to know my concerns or benefit from my prayers. They are far more aware of what I'm doing and thinking than any of us in this world.
So, it's hard for me to feel the same things that many people do at funerals. I recognize that those close to the deceased may be in pain, and I would never intentionally do or say anything to belittle that, but I can't pretend that things aren't as I believe they are.
So when I die, pray that God will welcome me. That I will pass through the fire without much loss, and that what is perishible will be quickly consumed. Rejoice for me that I am no longer the selfish, angry, anxious jerk that I fought so hard not to be in this world. And let each person process those facts as they see fit. Don't dare be offended if they sing, celebrate, cry, or wail.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The Pearl
Here goes another post that is exactly what I created this blog for. I don't really have a point starting out, but will probably have found it by the end of the post.
The Pearl (of Great Price) is part of a Biblical simile for "the Kingdom of Heaven". Jesus spoke a lot of these kind of similes. Usually, I've read it and glossed over it. I've even paused and thought about it for a few minutes, trying to understand the whole simile. But mostly, it has been one of those things I knew, but didn't think much about. Then last night, I was talking with a friend and he started talking about a burden he has. You know, the kind of thing you know something nees to be done about and you just can't get out of your head. He was actually very articulate about it, though he kept thinking that he wasn't making himself clear. It was all about this deep thing he wanted people to understand. A very Contemplative kind of thing (though he didn't use that word) about the nature of life and God and relationships.
As he was talking, I started to get this impression of the pearl and the story that when a man finds it, he goes and sells everything he owns so that he can buy it. And it seemed to me to make sense finally. This was the reason the Kingdom of Heaven is like a pearl or great price that when a man finds it he goes and sells everything he owns to buy it. My friend had seen the pearl and was so desperate to have it that nothing would be more valuable. He would cut away everything in his life to possess it. And he knows that others would value it as he does if they could but find it! He has understood the meaning of life in a quite literal sense. Imagine that! It wasn't so hard to figure out afterall! Perhaps others have seen it in the mud and dirt and kicked right over it without catching its ethereal glint because they are so preconvinced that the meaning of life is far more complex and/or elusive.
What's more, as I realized this, I instantly started to apply it to myself and a moment of clarity struck me where many things made sense...in a gossamer kind of way, like a break in the clouds on an overcast night reveals objects in the sudden moonglow that fades as quickly as it appears. I have also found this pearl, but while he was still marveling over it, I had long since run off to gather the means to buy it. This has taken a lot longer than I expected, and in the process I had almost forgotten that I had come here simply in order to sell what I owned and gain the pearl!
So that's what this was about...I remember the pearl. And just as he was cutting away, selling what he owned, so was I. But I still didn't have enough. Now what remained to be sold was far harder to unload and far harder to part with...In fact, I hadn't even considered it a possession. It was just something that has always been there, like my hair, or shirt. But now, I realize it may have some value...perhaps much more than I anticipated...afterall, it is among the last to go and therefore the bulk of the price is in hand. Since value is in the eye of the beholder, though it gain a pittence in the market, that pittence, hardest to come by and the last that is needed to gain the pearl, makes the sold object the most valuable of all!
The Pearl (of Great Price) is part of a Biblical simile for "the Kingdom of Heaven". Jesus spoke a lot of these kind of similes. Usually, I've read it and glossed over it. I've even paused and thought about it for a few minutes, trying to understand the whole simile. But mostly, it has been one of those things I knew, but didn't think much about. Then last night, I was talking with a friend and he started talking about a burden he has. You know, the kind of thing you know something nees to be done about and you just can't get out of your head. He was actually very articulate about it, though he kept thinking that he wasn't making himself clear. It was all about this deep thing he wanted people to understand. A very Contemplative kind of thing (though he didn't use that word) about the nature of life and God and relationships.
As he was talking, I started to get this impression of the pearl and the story that when a man finds it, he goes and sells everything he owns so that he can buy it. And it seemed to me to make sense finally. This was the reason the Kingdom of Heaven is like a pearl or great price that when a man finds it he goes and sells everything he owns to buy it. My friend had seen the pearl and was so desperate to have it that nothing would be more valuable. He would cut away everything in his life to possess it. And he knows that others would value it as he does if they could but find it! He has understood the meaning of life in a quite literal sense. Imagine that! It wasn't so hard to figure out afterall! Perhaps others have seen it in the mud and dirt and kicked right over it without catching its ethereal glint because they are so preconvinced that the meaning of life is far more complex and/or elusive.
What's more, as I realized this, I instantly started to apply it to myself and a moment of clarity struck me where many things made sense...in a gossamer kind of way, like a break in the clouds on an overcast night reveals objects in the sudden moonglow that fades as quickly as it appears. I have also found this pearl, but while he was still marveling over it, I had long since run off to gather the means to buy it. This has taken a lot longer than I expected, and in the process I had almost forgotten that I had come here simply in order to sell what I owned and gain the pearl!
So that's what this was about...I remember the pearl. And just as he was cutting away, selling what he owned, so was I. But I still didn't have enough. Now what remained to be sold was far harder to unload and far harder to part with...In fact, I hadn't even considered it a possession. It was just something that has always been there, like my hair, or shirt. But now, I realize it may have some value...perhaps much more than I anticipated...afterall, it is among the last to go and therefore the bulk of the price is in hand. Since value is in the eye of the beholder, though it gain a pittence in the market, that pittence, hardest to come by and the last that is needed to gain the pearl, makes the sold object the most valuable of all!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Knowing
I read incessantly. I have for years. All kinds of books. I'm partial to the classics though. My wife and I even read together...outloud to each other. It's a great way to share something together. As we've entered October my thoughts have turned to fall...the cooling, the spookiness. I love it, even if it is still hot as blazes here in Florida. Anyway, I took the opportunity to finally tackle a book I had wanted to read for some time simply because it is so famous. It's one of those reference type books that you need to read becasue so many other things play off of it. The book is Dracula.
I had avoided it thus far because I do not like horror at all. I tend to internalize things far too much and a twisted movie or book will haunt me for weeks, years even. But I figured I'd just quit reading it the moment I got creeped. But surprisingly, I am enjoying it tremendously! I haven't found it scary at all! Dark, yes. Gothic, yes. Spooky, a bit. But not scary at all. I'm not done yet though, so stay tuned on that.
I only mention it because I have actually found parts of it so relavent to my own life. Maybe that's why I'm not creeped. I kind of live in a world like that...Obviously I don't know any people who change into bats or anything, but the air of mystery and a world where there are beings and forces at work that the regular world is oblivious to...that is very much my world.
I was struck by a couple of themes in the book. First is the idea that if your mind and senses are in doubt, nothing can be certain. Many of the characters face this when they experience things that should not be. Van Helsing, whom I dearly love as a character, points this out at one point. Sometimes all we need is confirmation that we are not nuts...then no matter how fantastic, we can deal.
Secondly is the idea of little truths and big. When attempting to explain his theory to Dr. Seward, Van Helsing starts by telling him all kinds of stories that seem fantastic, but are true. Seward is lost and finally gets Van Helsing to tell him the point...That when we learn something is true, we have a tendency to use it to exclude many other larger truths of which it is a part. When it would be far better to cling to the small truth, understanding that it could be a strand in a much larger tapestry that we do not yet understand. It's a matter of open-mindedness.
Lately, I have been experiencing some things, learning some things, that came to a point this week. Where previously I would have rejected them, I recently had confirmation much like I speak of above, so I knew I wasn't nuts and that gave me the freedom to open myself to possibilities that could expound from some of the little truths I understood. The result was amazing and produced further confirmations that I am not nuts, and therefore more openness to larger things!
If you've never been in doubt of your senses, you can't possibly understand what I mean. But once you find yourself in the paradox: being certain of something you experienced, that logic and common sense tell you couldn't be, the world is no longer solid. Everything we know is mitigated through our mind and senses. If either of these cheat, we are lost. How could we know anything? It is not a pretty place to be, trust me. Just think it through and imagine. Did you do what you thought you did? Are all the people you meet really there and did they say the things you remember being said? The world becomes an illusion and one is constantly afraid of falling through it. I guarantee if you put yourself through this thought experiment, you will come away with a much softer heart toward those who have serious mental illness.
But if in that storm of illusion, someone bearing authority steps in and says, your senses are fine, your mind is sound. Now you find yourself in a whole new world, a bigger world. One that you now realize you understand very little of, but as long as it's real, all is well! And if that one thing turned out to be real, what else that I may have discounted, what more that I haven't experienced could be! Even if you haven't ever doubted your mind or senses, you could still grasp this second part. We've all learned things at some point in our lives that we were totally surprised to find were real. But once we accept that truth, we must also allow that there could be other truths we didn't know. Of course ultimately truth must by definition be one unified thing, but I'm talking in the realm of our own experience and not in theory here, so in our finite experience there will always appear to be many truths that agree and disagree to varying levels.
Now I have intentionally avoided describing my own recent experiences that have been so well echoed in the book. And that is for good cause. If I were to describe them, you would undoubtedly evaluate and classify them into nice neat boxes in your own mind. And that would color your opinion of me and everything else I write...not based on reality, but on your own third hand interpretation of it. Good or bad, it would be incorrect. Further, since great truths are usually unflinchingly simple, the power of the moment often falls flat in the retelling and people miss it entirely anyway. So, the metaphor of the book and the round-about description will have to do...at least until we are face to face in a quiet discussion somewhere.
I had avoided it thus far because I do not like horror at all. I tend to internalize things far too much and a twisted movie or book will haunt me for weeks, years even. But I figured I'd just quit reading it the moment I got creeped. But surprisingly, I am enjoying it tremendously! I haven't found it scary at all! Dark, yes. Gothic, yes. Spooky, a bit. But not scary at all. I'm not done yet though, so stay tuned on that.
I only mention it because I have actually found parts of it so relavent to my own life. Maybe that's why I'm not creeped. I kind of live in a world like that...Obviously I don't know any people who change into bats or anything, but the air of mystery and a world where there are beings and forces at work that the regular world is oblivious to...that is very much my world.
I was struck by a couple of themes in the book. First is the idea that if your mind and senses are in doubt, nothing can be certain. Many of the characters face this when they experience things that should not be. Van Helsing, whom I dearly love as a character, points this out at one point. Sometimes all we need is confirmation that we are not nuts...then no matter how fantastic, we can deal.
Secondly is the idea of little truths and big. When attempting to explain his theory to Dr. Seward, Van Helsing starts by telling him all kinds of stories that seem fantastic, but are true. Seward is lost and finally gets Van Helsing to tell him the point...That when we learn something is true, we have a tendency to use it to exclude many other larger truths of which it is a part. When it would be far better to cling to the small truth, understanding that it could be a strand in a much larger tapestry that we do not yet understand. It's a matter of open-mindedness.
Lately, I have been experiencing some things, learning some things, that came to a point this week. Where previously I would have rejected them, I recently had confirmation much like I speak of above, so I knew I wasn't nuts and that gave me the freedom to open myself to possibilities that could expound from some of the little truths I understood. The result was amazing and produced further confirmations that I am not nuts, and therefore more openness to larger things!
If you've never been in doubt of your senses, you can't possibly understand what I mean. But once you find yourself in the paradox: being certain of something you experienced, that logic and common sense tell you couldn't be, the world is no longer solid. Everything we know is mitigated through our mind and senses. If either of these cheat, we are lost. How could we know anything? It is not a pretty place to be, trust me. Just think it through and imagine. Did you do what you thought you did? Are all the people you meet really there and did they say the things you remember being said? The world becomes an illusion and one is constantly afraid of falling through it. I guarantee if you put yourself through this thought experiment, you will come away with a much softer heart toward those who have serious mental illness.
But if in that storm of illusion, someone bearing authority steps in and says, your senses are fine, your mind is sound. Now you find yourself in a whole new world, a bigger world. One that you now realize you understand very little of, but as long as it's real, all is well! And if that one thing turned out to be real, what else that I may have discounted, what more that I haven't experienced could be! Even if you haven't ever doubted your mind or senses, you could still grasp this second part. We've all learned things at some point in our lives that we were totally surprised to find were real. But once we accept that truth, we must also allow that there could be other truths we didn't know. Of course ultimately truth must by definition be one unified thing, but I'm talking in the realm of our own experience and not in theory here, so in our finite experience there will always appear to be many truths that agree and disagree to varying levels.
Now I have intentionally avoided describing my own recent experiences that have been so well echoed in the book. And that is for good cause. If I were to describe them, you would undoubtedly evaluate and classify them into nice neat boxes in your own mind. And that would color your opinion of me and everything else I write...not based on reality, but on your own third hand interpretation of it. Good or bad, it would be incorrect. Further, since great truths are usually unflinchingly simple, the power of the moment often falls flat in the retelling and people miss it entirely anyway. So, the metaphor of the book and the round-about description will have to do...at least until we are face to face in a quiet discussion somewhere.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Frustration
Ever have one of those weeks? You know, the kind where nothing really major happens but everything seems to get in the way of everything else. All week I've felt like I was spinning my wheels at full speed and only inching along in the slick while throwing up a huge mess all around. I honestly don't know what to do about it.
I imagine it has a lot to do with recent developments. Rest assured, spiritual warfare is very real, though not at all like what most people might think. And when we make headway in areas that could take new territory in our own souls or in the world, we become the target of increased attacks. Not that these attacks can amount to much for those who know their place, but they can be very annoying, or should I say, frustrating. Afterall, that is their purpose. To frustrate. And by frustrating, keep us on edge and preoccupied so that we can't focus on the more important things.
Worst of all is when the attacks come through or toward those we are close to. I often find that the easiest road onto my nerves is through my family. And when I feel like the most at peace you can count on the fact that very shortly, my family will start doing all the things that grate on me.
We all have those things and we overlook or see past in others because of our love for them. But once in a while, the things seem to prick beyond toleration. That has been my day. Edgy, irritated... following a week of endless irritations. No more. I don't want to play anymore.
I will recenter myself by stopping everything for a little while. I will be still and know who is God. And I will float these irritations up to Him. Then I will re-enter my life focused. I will keep that focus by 'doing one thing'. And I will make everything a prayer. When those irritations come I will see them for what they are and will not play.
Evil is not a thing, but the negation of a thing. What is as it was created to be, is good. What isn't becomes evil proportionate to the degree that it is not what it was created to be. It is a lie. It has no substance and therefore no power other than what I give to it. Fighting it gives it power because only something of substance can be fought. The only way to win is to see the truth, that evil is nothing, and the battle is over.
I think of the classic film Labyrinth. The Goblin King had no power other than what she gave him, and upon realizing this truth, the battle was over. Similarly, the dark eldilla surrounded Ransom's house to frustrate and irritate, but had no power if ignored. Neo had only to realize that the matrix did not exist. But I am weak and easily distracted. So I will focus only on my God and will rest under the shelter of His wing.
I imagine it has a lot to do with recent developments. Rest assured, spiritual warfare is very real, though not at all like what most people might think. And when we make headway in areas that could take new territory in our own souls or in the world, we become the target of increased attacks. Not that these attacks can amount to much for those who know their place, but they can be very annoying, or should I say, frustrating. Afterall, that is their purpose. To frustrate. And by frustrating, keep us on edge and preoccupied so that we can't focus on the more important things.
Worst of all is when the attacks come through or toward those we are close to. I often find that the easiest road onto my nerves is through my family. And when I feel like the most at peace you can count on the fact that very shortly, my family will start doing all the things that grate on me.
We all have those things and we overlook or see past in others because of our love for them. But once in a while, the things seem to prick beyond toleration. That has been my day. Edgy, irritated... following a week of endless irritations. No more. I don't want to play anymore.
I will recenter myself by stopping everything for a little while. I will be still and know who is God. And I will float these irritations up to Him. Then I will re-enter my life focused. I will keep that focus by 'doing one thing'. And I will make everything a prayer. When those irritations come I will see them for what they are and will not play.
Evil is not a thing, but the negation of a thing. What is as it was created to be, is good. What isn't becomes evil proportionate to the degree that it is not what it was created to be. It is a lie. It has no substance and therefore no power other than what I give to it. Fighting it gives it power because only something of substance can be fought. The only way to win is to see the truth, that evil is nothing, and the battle is over.
I think of the classic film Labyrinth. The Goblin King had no power other than what she gave him, and upon realizing this truth, the battle was over. Similarly, the dark eldilla surrounded Ransom's house to frustrate and irritate, but had no power if ignored. Neo had only to realize that the matrix did not exist. But I am weak and easily distracted. So I will focus only on my God and will rest under the shelter of His wing.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Metanoia: Simple
Metanoia is the Greek term that is often translated as repentance. It means to change one's mind. In behavior science, metanoia is the crux of change. Especially in deep personal change, metanoia occurs at the bottom of a long decline, after which a personal reformation begins the climb back up based on the new psychological foundation.
I recently had a metanoia experience. I had felt it coming as I slid down, down, down in the confusion over suffering and faith. I think it has a more personal meaning for me than my posts may have reflected because, simply, I suffer. I don't pretend to be special at all in this. It's just that I am the person I know best and it is therefore keenest to me. I am no stranger to sufferings that cannot be released with any amount of prayer or behavior change or what have you. I don't go into the details here because it is very personal, but I'm sure many who read this can relate in your own way even without the details.
I couldn't get past how the medeival mystics talk SO much about suffering as a virtue that many of them inflicted things on themselves! I don't want these sufferings, but since I can't be rid of them, there must be some good in them...am I supposed to relish them like these writers did? I can't!
But then modern people, good, respected modern people, say that God doesn't work like that. He desires healing and peace. This is true too! So I'm missing something! This was driving me crazy and I was so bound in it that I became aware of it and started consciously trying to come up the slick wet slope...hence the joy post.
Then today, I crossed the watershed...or rather God opened the solution for me: Simple.
Oneness. The worlds build so much on top of what is real and important, even the Christian worlds, that sometimes I get lost in it. The simple truth is Jesus. I don't even remember how I came to it, but I found an anonymous article today that reminded me of it. Jesus is our model. More than that, the firstfruits. He is what we are becoming. He didn't strive. He didn't complicate. He simply loved. ALL other additions to this are artifice...artificial...built on top of the truth. I recognize that like most personal revelations, this falls far too flat in writing. The simplicity confounds.
My intellect is a gossamer sham. Our systems, medeival or modern are too. Jesus said that to be saved we must simply come. I have come. Grace abounds. I understand it more now. Pieces of the clockwork puzzle of my life have again fallen into place and the gears have rotated one more tic. In my mind, I can jostle this simple truth and see just how many silver strands of reality vibrate throughout the whole ecology of the universe. It is a nexxus moment. A metanoia.
I recently had a metanoia experience. I had felt it coming as I slid down, down, down in the confusion over suffering and faith. I think it has a more personal meaning for me than my posts may have reflected because, simply, I suffer. I don't pretend to be special at all in this. It's just that I am the person I know best and it is therefore keenest to me. I am no stranger to sufferings that cannot be released with any amount of prayer or behavior change or what have you. I don't go into the details here because it is very personal, but I'm sure many who read this can relate in your own way even without the details.
I couldn't get past how the medeival mystics talk SO much about suffering as a virtue that many of them inflicted things on themselves! I don't want these sufferings, but since I can't be rid of them, there must be some good in them...am I supposed to relish them like these writers did? I can't!
But then modern people, good, respected modern people, say that God doesn't work like that. He desires healing and peace. This is true too! So I'm missing something! This was driving me crazy and I was so bound in it that I became aware of it and started consciously trying to come up the slick wet slope...hence the joy post.
Then today, I crossed the watershed...or rather God opened the solution for me: Simple.
Oneness. The worlds build so much on top of what is real and important, even the Christian worlds, that sometimes I get lost in it. The simple truth is Jesus. I don't even remember how I came to it, but I found an anonymous article today that reminded me of it. Jesus is our model. More than that, the firstfruits. He is what we are becoming. He didn't strive. He didn't complicate. He simply loved. ALL other additions to this are artifice...artificial...built on top of the truth. I recognize that like most personal revelations, this falls far too flat in writing. The simplicity confounds.
My intellect is a gossamer sham. Our systems, medeival or modern are too. Jesus said that to be saved we must simply come. I have come. Grace abounds. I understand it more now. Pieces of the clockwork puzzle of my life have again fallen into place and the gears have rotated one more tic. In my mind, I can jostle this simple truth and see just how many silver strands of reality vibrate throughout the whole ecology of the universe. It is a nexxus moment. A metanoia.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Joy
Looking back over the past few posts, I have realized they are quite heavy. I tend to be a bit dark by nature, so that is not strange for me. I can accept that about myself, but I also recognize that where some people may be in need of some gravity, I must consciously find levity.
I have been told that my personality in writing is vastly different than my attitude in person. This is not strange among writers either. Writing is a way to tap into and express things that can't be expressed well in other means. I am actually more suspicious of 'posery' (to coin a term) when someone is one way through and through. We are full of so many attitudes and emotions, to be totally dominated by one thing does not seem natural.
So, this post is an attempt to think gravely about light things...there's a Navajo concept!
There are many kinds of simple graces, or blessings in life. Sometimes we are so caught up in them that we do not realize them. We can all think of those Hallmark moments and they have their place...but I won't delve into that sap. Rather, have you ever felt an inexplicable joy rise up inside you? Sometimes it is triggered by an event, but not the ordinary happiness from circumstance. I mean the real, crazy, deep bubbling over type of joy that can't be contained! It is simple in that there are no parts or angles. It is simply joy. This is what our poor worship leaders strive for in their various styles every Sunday, but very often have to fake because it just can't be achieved on cue.
Of course there is the very mystical kind of joy that comes at seemingly random moments. But there is also a joy very nearly like it that comes when we are operating in our place...filling that spot for which we were made. This doesn't have to do with a vocation necessarily, but can come with an activity. This joy feels like God smiling and cheering on us to go and do, like He is there doing it with us and we are experiencing the full exhilaration of God in that moment.
The truth is, He is there with us and we are feeling His exhilaration. Our infinite God has made us all to express a unique portion of Himself. In that way He loves us all uniquely and completely. When we do what it is that we are made for, we can't help but be caught up in that cosmic elation for the thing.
I know that I feel this kind of joy in several places. One is wilderness. When out beyond human things and hanging on my wits and God's grace...at times literally...I feel alive and full, and God is palpably present with me. When swimming, I also feel this. As the water slides by and wraps around me gliding through my skin and hair, I am at one with the water and God is closer to me than the liquid that surrounds me. And when dancing to the raucous joyful music that I love so much, not in a polite behaved way, but in the full-out violent way of King David himself, I am also whole.
Sadly, knowing these instances so well, I find every obstacle in this world climbing up between me and them. Gee, I wonder why that is? It's almost like someone doesn't want me to experience them...hmmm.
What's your joy? Do you do it often? Don't lose it.
I have been told that my personality in writing is vastly different than my attitude in person. This is not strange among writers either. Writing is a way to tap into and express things that can't be expressed well in other means. I am actually more suspicious of 'posery' (to coin a term) when someone is one way through and through. We are full of so many attitudes and emotions, to be totally dominated by one thing does not seem natural.
So, this post is an attempt to think gravely about light things...there's a Navajo concept!
There are many kinds of simple graces, or blessings in life. Sometimes we are so caught up in them that we do not realize them. We can all think of those Hallmark moments and they have their place...but I won't delve into that sap. Rather, have you ever felt an inexplicable joy rise up inside you? Sometimes it is triggered by an event, but not the ordinary happiness from circumstance. I mean the real, crazy, deep bubbling over type of joy that can't be contained! It is simple in that there are no parts or angles. It is simply joy. This is what our poor worship leaders strive for in their various styles every Sunday, but very often have to fake because it just can't be achieved on cue.
Of course there is the very mystical kind of joy that comes at seemingly random moments. But there is also a joy very nearly like it that comes when we are operating in our place...filling that spot for which we were made. This doesn't have to do with a vocation necessarily, but can come with an activity. This joy feels like God smiling and cheering on us to go and do, like He is there doing it with us and we are experiencing the full exhilaration of God in that moment.
The truth is, He is there with us and we are feeling His exhilaration. Our infinite God has made us all to express a unique portion of Himself. In that way He loves us all uniquely and completely. When we do what it is that we are made for, we can't help but be caught up in that cosmic elation for the thing.
I know that I feel this kind of joy in several places. One is wilderness. When out beyond human things and hanging on my wits and God's grace...at times literally...I feel alive and full, and God is palpably present with me. When swimming, I also feel this. As the water slides by and wraps around me gliding through my skin and hair, I am at one with the water and God is closer to me than the liquid that surrounds me. And when dancing to the raucous joyful music that I love so much, not in a polite behaved way, but in the full-out violent way of King David himself, I am also whole.
Sadly, knowing these instances so well, I find every obstacle in this world climbing up between me and them. Gee, I wonder why that is? It's almost like someone doesn't want me to experience them...hmmm.
What's your joy? Do you do it often? Don't lose it.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Death
The last couple of posts have led this way and I have been reluctant to tackle it. All the more reason to do so, I suppose. It's not that I am uncomfortable with death; exactly the opposite. But it seems to me the greater portion of people I meet are very uncomfortable with it and that is the issue. How can you talk about something that freaks everyone out?
I'm not talking about one of those melodramatic goth type discussions...I'm talking about real and valid consideration. This is something everyone should consider. Afterall, we will all die! That is as certain as anything can be in this world. I suppose we could argue the finer semantic points on that too, but as I always say, feel free to comment to that effect and we can do it.
I suppose the uncomfortability with death comes at the root from fear. This is of course built upon by the culturally expected reactions to death and exacerbated by certain groups' over-stressing of physical life.
Regardless of what you believe about death, some things are indisputable. We will all die (leave this world). Everyone before us has. We are never safe from it, no matter how we manage risk. Others will be left alive after any death. Given at least these things, we ought to all make a much better effort to come to terms with it. Yet most of us spend the bulk of our lives ignoring it until it thrusts itself into our lives like an unwelcome and ugly spector. But it is no spector. Death has been our constant companion since the day of our conception. And you can't get much more real than the finality of death. Nothing spectral about that at all.
Certainly, your worldview will highly influence your view of death. Since I am a Christian and this is a blog from my perspective, I will address it in that way. But even if your faith is different, I bet you'll find these same currents of thought in your own tradition.
I also think that part of our Christian fear of death stems from an overimportance given to physical life. If you haven't already, look over my previous posts on suffering. Or just look at the world news! People are dying all the time. The good and the bad. The deserving and the undeserving, the young and old. It is clear that God obviously does not hold the same inviolable view of physical life that we do! How could He? He IS life. He gives us our span on the Earth, and He knows what is beyond that. Can we honestly, in our temporally disabled minds, possibly presume to think that death is the end of life? The line is not so solid! Rather, as my teacher Jack says, those who choose Heaven will likely find that this life is merely one of the lower lands of that High Country. But those who reject Heaven will find Earth to be just a region of Hell.
Death should not be feared. We can't escape it anyway. And Christians especially should celebrate this crossing of the Jordan, this coming home. We believe that we are moving into the unmitigated presence of the source and author of all goodness and life and can do so boldly by the blood of Christ! Truly, we have been there far before our physical death, though our senses were too dull to perceive it. Think on this and tell me if you can't at least acknowledge that one who really ...I mean really believes this like we know we can't breathe water, can fear death! Quite the opposite; the danger would be wanting it too greatly!
I'm not talking about one of those melodramatic goth type discussions...I'm talking about real and valid consideration. This is something everyone should consider. Afterall, we will all die! That is as certain as anything can be in this world. I suppose we could argue the finer semantic points on that too, but as I always say, feel free to comment to that effect and we can do it.
I suppose the uncomfortability with death comes at the root from fear. This is of course built upon by the culturally expected reactions to death and exacerbated by certain groups' over-stressing of physical life.
Regardless of what you believe about death, some things are indisputable. We will all die (leave this world). Everyone before us has. We are never safe from it, no matter how we manage risk. Others will be left alive after any death. Given at least these things, we ought to all make a much better effort to come to terms with it. Yet most of us spend the bulk of our lives ignoring it until it thrusts itself into our lives like an unwelcome and ugly spector. But it is no spector. Death has been our constant companion since the day of our conception. And you can't get much more real than the finality of death. Nothing spectral about that at all.
Certainly, your worldview will highly influence your view of death. Since I am a Christian and this is a blog from my perspective, I will address it in that way. But even if your faith is different, I bet you'll find these same currents of thought in your own tradition.
I have been accused of being callous and repressed, but I rarely cry at funerals. In fact I very much hate them simply because I can't react to them the way most people do. No Christian ought to be surprised by death, nor even concerned by it. I'm not saying we shouldn't grieve. That is a necessary and natural human reaction to loss of someone close. But we ought not to grieve as if there were no hope. We have given ourselves over to God's will. We have relinquished control of our own souls because we believe them to be the rightful property of God in the first place. We trust that He is good. If we truly believe that, how can we not hold that in our view of death? Even in the death of one we know rejected God, do we then think our God, who is Love, lacks any love for that person? No! That is why to my thinking a funeral ought not to be a time to make up half-truths about someone, but a time to celebrate who they are and to pray for their soul and for God's mercy. For all our theologies in various traditions, we don't know jack about how God handles a soul after death! And are we to think that the soul no longer knows anything of this world? Why wouldn't they? In fact we may not be as far apart as we think! Think Obiwan, Luke!
I recently heard a friend who lost her mother very recently saying that she missed her mother terribly and that she was certain her mother couldn't see her because if she did she would see her sadness and that would make her mother cry, which couldn't be in heaven. But how innaccurate! First of all, that was Clapton, not the Bible. The Bible says that God will wipe away our tears. There are tears of joy as well as tears of sadness. To this person, I wanted to say that her mother knows so much more about her life now that she is in the presence of God. She knows much more fully the joy behind life...the divinity in it. So if she sees her daughters tears, it doesn't mean she would also be sad! (Plus, if you really get into it, her mother has stepped out of time, so for all we know she and her mother will effectively arrive in the afterlife at the same moment!)
I also think that part of our Christian fear of death stems from an overimportance given to physical life. If you haven't already, look over my previous posts on suffering. Or just look at the world news! People are dying all the time. The good and the bad. The deserving and the undeserving, the young and old. It is clear that God obviously does not hold the same inviolable view of physical life that we do! How could He? He IS life. He gives us our span on the Earth, and He knows what is beyond that. Can we honestly, in our temporally disabled minds, possibly presume to think that death is the end of life? The line is not so solid! Rather, as my teacher Jack says, those who choose Heaven will likely find that this life is merely one of the lower lands of that High Country. But those who reject Heaven will find Earth to be just a region of Hell.
Death should not be feared. We can't escape it anyway. And Christians especially should celebrate this crossing of the Jordan, this coming home. We believe that we are moving into the unmitigated presence of the source and author of all goodness and life and can do so boldly by the blood of Christ! Truly, we have been there far before our physical death, though our senses were too dull to perceive it. Think on this and tell me if you can't at least acknowledge that one who really ...I mean really believes this like we know we can't breathe water, can fear death! Quite the opposite; the danger would be wanting it too greatly!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
A Painful Corollary
After posting last night, I continued thinking about the problem when my teacher Jack reminded me that he had written a fabulous book on the subject. Not having a copy on hand, I went to the trusty internet and found exactly what I needed. As usual, my thoughts on the subject were highly influenced by Jack's book, even though I didn't realize it at the time. Refreshing my memory also helped refresh my certainty of his answers.
Since I can't possibly recount them as well as he does, I highly recommend that anyone reading this and interested check out his book on the subject, The Problem of Pain.
These things though, I would add to my previous thoughts on the subject. Going through suffering, or pain, is not at all the same as writing about it. While the two influence each other, I would in no way presume that suffering people need only to reason their way through it.
That said, the solution lies in our definition of goodness. I approached this and couldn't articulate it in the last post. As Jack says, it is not a difference like black from white, but like a perfect circle from a child's first attempt at drawing a circle. The one of course perfect, and the other approximating it, but very irregularly. While we think of goodness as mostly kindness, true goodness is composed of all the virtues and seeks to perfect the object of its love, where kindness would simply seek to spare the object of its affection any pain.
With that in mind, we can see how pain can serve a refining purpose. It teaches us that things will happen to us without our consent. It cannot be ignored. It shows us our weakness and need for rescue. It forces a rebel to submit. Thus pain can be viewed as a good thing. The result of force applied justly and beneficently to perfect what is imperfect by its own perversion.
Again, I don't think this fully explains all forms of suffering. In particular the more brutal and horrific kinds. But if we can accept that self must be abdicated (this is the perfecting I mention) and suffering is the tool to effect it, this may take us far enough down the road to trust that it will take us home even if we can't yet see the end of it.
Thanks to Jack, as always, my ready teacher. Your clarity is a gift from God. As my friend Brother Lawrence says, we ought not to be surprised at the badness in such a wicked world, but rather surprised that there is not more of it. This is echoed by one of the most thoughful modern bands I have heard. Flyleaf says, don't be surprised that people die, be surprised you're still alive.
Since I can't possibly recount them as well as he does, I highly recommend that anyone reading this and interested check out his book on the subject, The Problem of Pain.
These things though, I would add to my previous thoughts on the subject. Going through suffering, or pain, is not at all the same as writing about it. While the two influence each other, I would in no way presume that suffering people need only to reason their way through it.
That said, the solution lies in our definition of goodness. I approached this and couldn't articulate it in the last post. As Jack says, it is not a difference like black from white, but like a perfect circle from a child's first attempt at drawing a circle. The one of course perfect, and the other approximating it, but very irregularly. While we think of goodness as mostly kindness, true goodness is composed of all the virtues and seeks to perfect the object of its love, where kindness would simply seek to spare the object of its affection any pain.
With that in mind, we can see how pain can serve a refining purpose. It teaches us that things will happen to us without our consent. It cannot be ignored. It shows us our weakness and need for rescue. It forces a rebel to submit. Thus pain can be viewed as a good thing. The result of force applied justly and beneficently to perfect what is imperfect by its own perversion.
Again, I don't think this fully explains all forms of suffering. In particular the more brutal and horrific kinds. But if we can accept that self must be abdicated (this is the perfecting I mention) and suffering is the tool to effect it, this may take us far enough down the road to trust that it will take us home even if we can't yet see the end of it.
Thanks to Jack, as always, my ready teacher. Your clarity is a gift from God. As my friend Brother Lawrence says, we ought not to be surprised at the badness in such a wicked world, but rather surprised that there is not more of it. This is echoed by one of the most thoughful modern bands I have heard. Flyleaf says, don't be surprised that people die, be surprised you're still alive.
Monday, August 31, 2009
The Problem of Suffering
I'm back on this again. It's a hard topic for me, and one that I keep running into. Mainly because our modern American popular "Christianity" is so much about what God can do for us. The Bible is clear that Christianity is not about fixing all your problems. Most people acknowledge this. But then they make half-baked statements in the middle of sermons like, "How do you know God's voice from a deception? Well, first of all, God will never tell you to do something that harms your health." This is absolutely false! Was Jesus deceived when God led him to the cross? That certainly harmed his health! What about all the martyrs? Was Paul totally deceived because he kept saying things that got him beaten or imprisoned? Come on!
Now, I understand how easy it is to mis-speak in the midst of a speech. And I am confident that if confronted in a calmer setting this same person would not at all really mean what he said, but the fact remains that he did say it publicly, and that is the burden of any public teacher. People heard what was said and will take it at face value whether he meant it that way or not...a falsehood by accident is still a lie. Ironic that it came in a sermon about deceptions!
But more difficult for me than this is how people treat the topic of God's role in suffering. I'm not going into the tired old 'how could a good God..." argument, you can read the thousands of books on that as well as I can. What bothers me more is this. Many people argue that a good God couldn't make people suffer, but He could allow it for a greater purpose. I totally agree with this. It is consistent with the Bible and historic teaching. But some go further and say that an all-knowing God allowing people to suffer means He must have purposed the suffering in some way...and that isn't good, therefore He couldn't even allow it. This creates an impasse, since suffering does exist. Is He just impotent in this way? That doesn't work! So, many modern people explain it by saying that God doesn't purpose the suffering but is big enough in His omniscience to use the sufferings of our fallen world for His purposes. He won't violate our will even enough to stop the suffering.
But is that love? What parent wouldn't violate their child's will to seize their hand going for the hot stove? And if He is big enough in His omniscience to work good from the bad that He has no part in, isn't He big enough to find a way to get around the undeserved suffering without violating our free will? See this just doesn't work in my mind. I would say the people who espouse this are just wrong, if it weren't coming from some very respected sources. I trust these people's judgement far too much to dismiss it. I may very well be missing something.
So, what options might exist? There's the medeival view of a God that has some sort of backward sense of good and finds mortal pain to be pleasure...but this seems to me more fetish or perhaps misinterpretation of words that took on a very jargoned meaning for those groups. (Just like the Romans thought that Christians were orgiasts from the outside observations of their behaviors and from overhearing how they talked to each other.)
But what about the view that God is a parent? This is common in the Bible. Any parent knows that disciplining a child means inflicting some form of suffering. A good parent knows how to do it in a correcting and nurturing way, but it involves scolding, punishing, restricting...depriving of free will. No good parent would even think they could raise a child without proper application of these tools, even if the child feels bad...suffers...temporarily by it. We know it will work good in the end and they will be better off when they come to see it. Does this not much better fit the problem of suffering than all the mental gymnastics it takes to make it work otherwise? In this view, we simply need to acknowledge our own limited perspective (orthodox) and view ourselves as children (biblical) and God as the loving parent (natural). This seems to resolve the whole issue. If we suffer, God isn't limiting Himself out of His love for our free will ("go ahead honey, grab the stove if you must, I'll be able to nurse your wounds after so good will come of it, even if you don't see that I love you now."...how sick!) Rather, He is using the same tools He has modeled for us in our natural lives to train us and work His purposes. Therefore the suffering isn't really bad...but a sign of higher love.
This all breaks down again when we talk about heinous evils that some people suffer. It would be far too severe to say that rape or child abuse are training up by a parental God. So, I'm back where I started. And when logic goes in a circle, it is prudent to simply say, "I don't know." This is beyond me. I can't explain it. But I know from experience, from philosophical proof, and from authority that God is good, must be good. I also know that bad things happen, even to good people. I can only trust that my Daddy is not going to hurt me or those I love one ounce more than is absolutely necessary to work His purposes, which are always good.
There are some things that words cannot embody. Where they fail, sometimes we must look to other means of communication. When I plead this before God asking for clarity, I find only the most loving embrace. And in that, I know there is no malice. In that, I find myself letting go of my will to self and knowing my existence is beyond any mortal suffering.
God, make your presence known to all who are suffering tonight.
Now, I understand how easy it is to mis-speak in the midst of a speech. And I am confident that if confronted in a calmer setting this same person would not at all really mean what he said, but the fact remains that he did say it publicly, and that is the burden of any public teacher. People heard what was said and will take it at face value whether he meant it that way or not...a falsehood by accident is still a lie. Ironic that it came in a sermon about deceptions!
But more difficult for me than this is how people treat the topic of God's role in suffering. I'm not going into the tired old 'how could a good God..." argument, you can read the thousands of books on that as well as I can. What bothers me more is this. Many people argue that a good God couldn't make people suffer, but He could allow it for a greater purpose. I totally agree with this. It is consistent with the Bible and historic teaching. But some go further and say that an all-knowing God allowing people to suffer means He must have purposed the suffering in some way...and that isn't good, therefore He couldn't even allow it. This creates an impasse, since suffering does exist. Is He just impotent in this way? That doesn't work! So, many modern people explain it by saying that God doesn't purpose the suffering but is big enough in His omniscience to use the sufferings of our fallen world for His purposes. He won't violate our will even enough to stop the suffering.
But is that love? What parent wouldn't violate their child's will to seize their hand going for the hot stove? And if He is big enough in His omniscience to work good from the bad that He has no part in, isn't He big enough to find a way to get around the undeserved suffering without violating our free will? See this just doesn't work in my mind. I would say the people who espouse this are just wrong, if it weren't coming from some very respected sources. I trust these people's judgement far too much to dismiss it. I may very well be missing something.
So, what options might exist? There's the medeival view of a God that has some sort of backward sense of good and finds mortal pain to be pleasure...but this seems to me more fetish or perhaps misinterpretation of words that took on a very jargoned meaning for those groups. (Just like the Romans thought that Christians were orgiasts from the outside observations of their behaviors and from overhearing how they talked to each other.)
But what about the view that God is a parent? This is common in the Bible. Any parent knows that disciplining a child means inflicting some form of suffering. A good parent knows how to do it in a correcting and nurturing way, but it involves scolding, punishing, restricting...depriving of free will. No good parent would even think they could raise a child without proper application of these tools, even if the child feels bad...suffers...temporarily by it. We know it will work good in the end and they will be better off when they come to see it. Does this not much better fit the problem of suffering than all the mental gymnastics it takes to make it work otherwise? In this view, we simply need to acknowledge our own limited perspective (orthodox) and view ourselves as children (biblical) and God as the loving parent (natural). This seems to resolve the whole issue. If we suffer, God isn't limiting Himself out of His love for our free will ("go ahead honey, grab the stove if you must, I'll be able to nurse your wounds after so good will come of it, even if you don't see that I love you now."...how sick!) Rather, He is using the same tools He has modeled for us in our natural lives to train us and work His purposes. Therefore the suffering isn't really bad...but a sign of higher love.
This all breaks down again when we talk about heinous evils that some people suffer. It would be far too severe to say that rape or child abuse are training up by a parental God. So, I'm back where I started. And when logic goes in a circle, it is prudent to simply say, "I don't know." This is beyond me. I can't explain it. But I know from experience, from philosophical proof, and from authority that God is good, must be good. I also know that bad things happen, even to good people. I can only trust that my Daddy is not going to hurt me or those I love one ounce more than is absolutely necessary to work His purposes, which are always good.
There are some things that words cannot embody. Where they fail, sometimes we must look to other means of communication. When I plead this before God asking for clarity, I find only the most loving embrace. And in that, I know there is no malice. In that, I find myself letting go of my will to self and knowing my existence is beyond any mortal suffering.
God, make your presence known to all who are suffering tonight.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Time
What is time? We can tell it passes, but can we really define it? Is it always the same, or does it change?
Physicists say that time is not always the same. It shifts with gravity and speed. I don't understand all that really. It's been proven they say...I guess as much as something like that can be proven. Of course those kinds of proofs aren't like proving that there is an oak tree behind the building. I guess it's something like a philosophical or mathematical proof. It is all an abstraction.
So what is time really? I guess it has to do with movement, becasue that is the only way we track it, by counting things that move in a cyclical pattern: the sun, clock gears, atoms. In our experience of time, we can all certainly think of instances where it seemed to go faster or slower. Of course, empirically, we say that is just our perception, because the cycles we count by continue to pass without alteration even when our perception of it changes. But that is just the thing. Our perception is really all we have to go by. Even counting the cycles is mediated to us through our perception. So, if I can only notice this thing called time through my perception, maybe we can rightly say that it does speed up or slow down based on our perception of it!
What about the cycles we are counting then? Well, if those cycles are bound in time, then perhaps they speed up and slow down as our perception does such that the gears actually take less time to rotate when we perceive time to go by quicker. This is confusing, so I'll try to clarify...if our universe is bound in this passage of something called time, then everything in it is bound in time. It takes time to cross from one place to another. It takes time to type one letter after the other as I write this. I can't get out of it. Even the clock and the atoms we coutn by are bound in time. So if it changed durations, we could never perceive it in the world bound in time, since it would all speed up or slow down at the same time. We'd have to be outside time to tell.
But humans are half spiritual, and spirits are not bound by time. So perhaps when we disengage from such focus on the things around us, like when bored, or sleeping, or engaged in a consuming activity, time is actually changing speed and the way we perceive it is because our spirits, which are outside time, recognized it.
St Augustine examined time as well. He lived before there were clocks, so his world was not so strictly bound to the seconds and minutes of the cycles of gears and atoms, but more like cycles of days and years. Still it was an interesting topic for him. What is time? He says that if we break it down to the smallest moment of our perception we can realize that it has no substance...like a mathematical point is the present that the future (our expectations) squeeze into and the past (our memories) squeezes out of. The present is an infinitesimally small point through which expectation become memory. So, there is really no present. I see a moment coming and as soon as I try to apprehend it, it has become a memory. So the present really doesn't exist at all! But then, the future doesn't exist either. It hasn't come to be yet. And the past doesn't exist either because it's already gone. So all of existence is really a series of infinitesimally small, massless presents, smaller than a moment. How fragile our life is! Remember this isn't my logic, it's St Augustine's!
This line of reasoning seems to color so many things. I think of the Matrix, and time travel, and so many other ideas all rolling through my presents at the speed of time...whatever that is!
Physicists say that time is not always the same. It shifts with gravity and speed. I don't understand all that really. It's been proven they say...I guess as much as something like that can be proven. Of course those kinds of proofs aren't like proving that there is an oak tree behind the building. I guess it's something like a philosophical or mathematical proof. It is all an abstraction.
So what is time really? I guess it has to do with movement, becasue that is the only way we track it, by counting things that move in a cyclical pattern: the sun, clock gears, atoms. In our experience of time, we can all certainly think of instances where it seemed to go faster or slower. Of course, empirically, we say that is just our perception, because the cycles we count by continue to pass without alteration even when our perception of it changes. But that is just the thing. Our perception is really all we have to go by. Even counting the cycles is mediated to us through our perception. So, if I can only notice this thing called time through my perception, maybe we can rightly say that it does speed up or slow down based on our perception of it!
What about the cycles we are counting then? Well, if those cycles are bound in time, then perhaps they speed up and slow down as our perception does such that the gears actually take less time to rotate when we perceive time to go by quicker. This is confusing, so I'll try to clarify...if our universe is bound in this passage of something called time, then everything in it is bound in time. It takes time to cross from one place to another. It takes time to type one letter after the other as I write this. I can't get out of it. Even the clock and the atoms we coutn by are bound in time. So if it changed durations, we could never perceive it in the world bound in time, since it would all speed up or slow down at the same time. We'd have to be outside time to tell.
But humans are half spiritual, and spirits are not bound by time. So perhaps when we disengage from such focus on the things around us, like when bored, or sleeping, or engaged in a consuming activity, time is actually changing speed and the way we perceive it is because our spirits, which are outside time, recognized it.
St Augustine examined time as well. He lived before there were clocks, so his world was not so strictly bound to the seconds and minutes of the cycles of gears and atoms, but more like cycles of days and years. Still it was an interesting topic for him. What is time? He says that if we break it down to the smallest moment of our perception we can realize that it has no substance...like a mathematical point is the present that the future (our expectations) squeeze into and the past (our memories) squeezes out of. The present is an infinitesimally small point through which expectation become memory. So, there is really no present. I see a moment coming and as soon as I try to apprehend it, it has become a memory. So the present really doesn't exist at all! But then, the future doesn't exist either. It hasn't come to be yet. And the past doesn't exist either because it's already gone. So all of existence is really a series of infinitesimally small, massless presents, smaller than a moment. How fragile our life is! Remember this isn't my logic, it's St Augustine's!
This line of reasoning seems to color so many things. I think of the Matrix, and time travel, and so many other ideas all rolling through my presents at the speed of time...whatever that is!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Culture
One of the most influential events in my life was awakening to cultural programming. I mean being able to recognize first that many beliefs were dictated by culture and secondly recognizing some of those cultural dictations in myself.
It's only natural that the worldview we are steeped in would be the lens through which we view the world, but what is not good is that this fact is often invisible to us. And if the fact itself is invisible to us, then all the subsequent conclusions that are based on it appear to originate from something far more substantial than culture.
If you disagree that this occurs, it is likely because you yourself are still blinded by your own culture. Again, not that this is anything particularly heinous or abnormal...in fact, it is perfectly normal...but it is still flawed.
If culture were absolute, then it would not be flawed. But there are lots of cultures and it is possible to change cultures. It is even possible to be a part of more than one culture at a time. So if there are numerous cultures and they don't agree on all points, then some of them must be wrong. By definition, truth can not be pluralistic. It may appear that way if it is broad enough, but a true thing cannot contradict itself. Therefore if any two cultures are ever in opposition, at least one of them is wrong. (The interesting thing is that, while they can't both be right, they can both be wrong, but that is neither here nor there.) Of course we aren't talking about religions here, only cultures. Many cultures don't claim to be better than any other, just different. So, let's look at it from a moral perspective.
I am no universalist, as I have explained, so there is such a thing as ultimate truth. If you want to argue that, feel free to comment to that effect and I'll take it up in another post. So if a religion claims that all ways will reach the same path, it is by definition wrong because if something is true, it can't contradict itself. (Again, I'm not saying there can't be apparent contradictions.) Since religions are inherently claims to truth, if any two religions fundamentally disagree, at least one must be wrong because, again, there can't be two opposing truths. But cultures don't necessarily claim to be the only way nor do they logically need to be. It is perfectly logical that there may be more than one way to cook an egg, to make a breakfast, to build a house, to celebrate a special occasion, to dress, to organize economies, etc. These don't necessarily violate any universal morals or truths. Therefore, to think that one's culture is the only way is to believe something that is untrue. Therefore that cultural blindness is a flaw.
I'll go a step further. Even to think that one's culture is better than others is flawed. Sure there may be aspects of various cultures that are more efficient, or more suited to our personal tastes, or what have you. We may evaluate them as being, "better" than another. But we must understand that there is no universal standard to compare by. For example, to me, cold cereal and milk for breakfast is far better than miso soup and salad. I like these foods, but to me, the flavor and texture of the cereal and the coolness of the milk are far preferred to the savoriness of the soup and salad in the morning. But to my Japanese friends, they can't possibly agree. Then I know Americans who prefer the Japanese breakfast, and vice versa. The point is that with no universal standard outside of ourselves by which to judge, we can't truly say that one is better than the other. That preference may appear to be universal if all those present are operating in the same culture. This is the essence of cultural blindness. The bigger and more widespread the culture, the greater the effect of the blindness. Obviously breakfast is a silly example, but many wars have been fought and much devestation has been wrought over differences that are really nothing more than cultural preferences.
So what can be done about it? Well the classic answer even from ancient times is to travel. Travel takes us into other cultures and forces us to experience them. Even a Disney vacation is better than nothing, but it would be better to travel in such a way that we really get to engage the culture. With enough travel, even the most ignorant and culturally blinded person will eventually come around to the realization that there are more ways to do things and that most of them are perfectly ok. But it is also possible to learn this from study, and from friendships. The common factor here is exposure.
You'd think that in as mutlicultural a place as America, we'd be as exposed as we could get right? So we Americans must have a pretty good handle on the world, right? Oh think again. Remember that cultural programming is largely invisible to those within it. This means that what we perceive as our own culture is only part of our culture. It has to be viewed from outside to get the whole picture. And once you view it from the outside, you can see that there is a far more well-defined American culture than most Americans think. People from other cultures can spot it and even Americans who have lived outside of it, can pick it out instantly.
When I lived in Japan, I could tell most Americans from any other nationality at a glance. Especially if they were tourists, since the tourists hadn't even begun to absorb the other culture yet. I'm not making a value judgement on American culture. As I said, there is good and bad in every culture. I'm simply saying it is better to see it for what it is than to be blinded and ignorant of it.
It's only natural that the worldview we are steeped in would be the lens through which we view the world, but what is not good is that this fact is often invisible to us. And if the fact itself is invisible to us, then all the subsequent conclusions that are based on it appear to originate from something far more substantial than culture.
If you disagree that this occurs, it is likely because you yourself are still blinded by your own culture. Again, not that this is anything particularly heinous or abnormal...in fact, it is perfectly normal...but it is still flawed.
If culture were absolute, then it would not be flawed. But there are lots of cultures and it is possible to change cultures. It is even possible to be a part of more than one culture at a time. So if there are numerous cultures and they don't agree on all points, then some of them must be wrong. By definition, truth can not be pluralistic. It may appear that way if it is broad enough, but a true thing cannot contradict itself. Therefore if any two cultures are ever in opposition, at least one of them is wrong. (The interesting thing is that, while they can't both be right, they can both be wrong, but that is neither here nor there.) Of course we aren't talking about religions here, only cultures. Many cultures don't claim to be better than any other, just different. So, let's look at it from a moral perspective.
I am no universalist, as I have explained, so there is such a thing as ultimate truth. If you want to argue that, feel free to comment to that effect and I'll take it up in another post. So if a religion claims that all ways will reach the same path, it is by definition wrong because if something is true, it can't contradict itself. (Again, I'm not saying there can't be apparent contradictions.) Since religions are inherently claims to truth, if any two religions fundamentally disagree, at least one must be wrong because, again, there can't be two opposing truths. But cultures don't necessarily claim to be the only way nor do they logically need to be. It is perfectly logical that there may be more than one way to cook an egg, to make a breakfast, to build a house, to celebrate a special occasion, to dress, to organize economies, etc. These don't necessarily violate any universal morals or truths. Therefore, to think that one's culture is the only way is to believe something that is untrue. Therefore that cultural blindness is a flaw.
I'll go a step further. Even to think that one's culture is better than others is flawed. Sure there may be aspects of various cultures that are more efficient, or more suited to our personal tastes, or what have you. We may evaluate them as being, "better" than another. But we must understand that there is no universal standard to compare by. For example, to me, cold cereal and milk for breakfast is far better than miso soup and salad. I like these foods, but to me, the flavor and texture of the cereal and the coolness of the milk are far preferred to the savoriness of the soup and salad in the morning. But to my Japanese friends, they can't possibly agree. Then I know Americans who prefer the Japanese breakfast, and vice versa. The point is that with no universal standard outside of ourselves by which to judge, we can't truly say that one is better than the other. That preference may appear to be universal if all those present are operating in the same culture. This is the essence of cultural blindness. The bigger and more widespread the culture, the greater the effect of the blindness. Obviously breakfast is a silly example, but many wars have been fought and much devestation has been wrought over differences that are really nothing more than cultural preferences.
So what can be done about it? Well the classic answer even from ancient times is to travel. Travel takes us into other cultures and forces us to experience them. Even a Disney vacation is better than nothing, but it would be better to travel in such a way that we really get to engage the culture. With enough travel, even the most ignorant and culturally blinded person will eventually come around to the realization that there are more ways to do things and that most of them are perfectly ok. But it is also possible to learn this from study, and from friendships. The common factor here is exposure.
You'd think that in as mutlicultural a place as America, we'd be as exposed as we could get right? So we Americans must have a pretty good handle on the world, right? Oh think again. Remember that cultural programming is largely invisible to those within it. This means that what we perceive as our own culture is only part of our culture. It has to be viewed from outside to get the whole picture. And once you view it from the outside, you can see that there is a far more well-defined American culture than most Americans think. People from other cultures can spot it and even Americans who have lived outside of it, can pick it out instantly.
When I lived in Japan, I could tell most Americans from any other nationality at a glance. Especially if they were tourists, since the tourists hadn't even begun to absorb the other culture yet. I'm not making a value judgement on American culture. As I said, there is good and bad in every culture. I'm simply saying it is better to see it for what it is than to be blinded and ignorant of it.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
DIY
I've referenced this in other posts. It means Do It Yourself. Lots of people enjoy DIY, but for others it is a lifestyle. One of the tennants of punk ideology (yes there is such a thing) is DIY.
It suits me well. I prefer to do things myself. I get to learn new skills, see what I'm capable of, and make it just the way I like. I also become more and more self-sufficient with each new attempt. Though I know I'll never be fully self-sufficient. No one can be. It's more of a process of bettering myself. Lifelong learning, you might say.
Another important part of DIY is maker's knowledge. I know just how thick my walls are, and what's behind them. I understand how the floor is assembled. How the water moves into my house and out, and I understand exactly where and how much a seam needs to be wider or tighter to fit my body comfortably in a shirt or pants. Heck, I can even make shoes and books! I'm not bragging, only explaining how doing things myself helps me understand the intricacies, or simplicities of things. Some things are far harder to complete. Others far simpler. This is handy knowledge too. Just imagine.
But perhaps the best thing about DIY is the accomplishment. Something tangible has been done by my own hands. It is an expression of myself. Each is a unique piece of craftsmanship. From the t-shirts that say exactly what I want them to, instead of having to mold myself to the quips and images in the store, to the table that is precisely the right shape, size, color, and style instead of having to pay exorbitant amounts for something that won't really be what I was looking for.
In our mass-produced culture, we lose touch with reality as things just appear for us. If we need it, we go to the store...it is at best only a vague mental note that the stuff was designed and made by someone...even if it was reproduced 10 trillion times. Even in this culture, we can reclaim what it means to be a craftsman. To make something from our hearts with our hands is a great joy. And if those things are practical and useful, how much more joy is there in that!
It suits me well. I prefer to do things myself. I get to learn new skills, see what I'm capable of, and make it just the way I like. I also become more and more self-sufficient with each new attempt. Though I know I'll never be fully self-sufficient. No one can be. It's more of a process of bettering myself. Lifelong learning, you might say.
Another important part of DIY is maker's knowledge. I know just how thick my walls are, and what's behind them. I understand how the floor is assembled. How the water moves into my house and out, and I understand exactly where and how much a seam needs to be wider or tighter to fit my body comfortably in a shirt or pants. Heck, I can even make shoes and books! I'm not bragging, only explaining how doing things myself helps me understand the intricacies, or simplicities of things. Some things are far harder to complete. Others far simpler. This is handy knowledge too. Just imagine.
But perhaps the best thing about DIY is the accomplishment. Something tangible has been done by my own hands. It is an expression of myself. Each is a unique piece of craftsmanship. From the t-shirts that say exactly what I want them to, instead of having to mold myself to the quips and images in the store, to the table that is precisely the right shape, size, color, and style instead of having to pay exorbitant amounts for something that won't really be what I was looking for.
In our mass-produced culture, we lose touch with reality as things just appear for us. If we need it, we go to the store...it is at best only a vague mental note that the stuff was designed and made by someone...even if it was reproduced 10 trillion times. Even in this culture, we can reclaim what it means to be a craftsman. To make something from our hearts with our hands is a great joy. And if those things are practical and useful, how much more joy is there in that!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Authority and Submission
Wow, this could be a big topic. But I'll try to keep to the point. I have a huge problem with authority. I much more naturally go for the DIY. The thing is, I'm not afraid to do the work myself so that I don't have to rely on the authority alone. Call it a Berean thing. I'm just not going to take your word for it.
But there are some things we can't work out on our own. Some things we just can't know...at least not now, given the knowledge and experience we have at the moment. And there are some things that we have to take on authority. The key to authority though, is trust. That's why I have a problem with human authority. People are fallible. Sometimes we are forced to accept human authority, and I can do this. I don't like beating my head against the wall.
But then there's God's authority and that is a whole different animal. Today, I heard someone talking on the radio about this very thing. In this case there is no fallibility. His authority is not conferred, and therefore can't be questioned. It is what it is. A good deal of being a Christian is coming to understand just how true this is. As the teacher was saying on the radio, how many of us only want to recognize the nice Jesus. Few of us ever want to think about the Lord of lords Jesus. The Captain of the Host. The Master of the elements. The one before whom even rebellious demons bow and obey. Even if we acknowledge this God, we don't often think of what that means for us. This same fierce magnanimous absolute Ruler is our very Ruler. Our Master. This is what being a Christian means. We have enlisted. Accepted that role. Taken our place under His authority. Submitted. So when He tells us to go, we should go. When He tells us to wait, we should wait. And when He tells us to trust, or change, or endure so we should. Regardless of feeling, regardless of ability. When that very same power and authority that spun the universe into motion and knows the path of every quark and particle, the one that routs armies and defeats death, turns His eye on us, how much more should we comply like plastic putty to His will! Especially when that same mouth that erupts flaming power and thunder bends low to kiss us gently and those blazing hands stroke our head lovingly.
In the love and devotion that we feel for our Lover let us never forget that this same is Brighter than any star, hotter than any flame, sharper than any sword, fiercer than any warrior, and is capable of obliterating us as if we never were with the merest inkling. Thank God, His love is as deep as His power is absolute. Fear it, embrace it, tremble in it, and submit to it. In this undoing of the self before such devastating power we are remade in the form that He wishes us to take. Abandon to it and find all that was missing! When He commands my soul, even I can't stand in my way.
But there are some things we can't work out on our own. Some things we just can't know...at least not now, given the knowledge and experience we have at the moment. And there are some things that we have to take on authority. The key to authority though, is trust. That's why I have a problem with human authority. People are fallible. Sometimes we are forced to accept human authority, and I can do this. I don't like beating my head against the wall.
But then there's God's authority and that is a whole different animal. Today, I heard someone talking on the radio about this very thing. In this case there is no fallibility. His authority is not conferred, and therefore can't be questioned. It is what it is. A good deal of being a Christian is coming to understand just how true this is. As the teacher was saying on the radio, how many of us only want to recognize the nice Jesus. Few of us ever want to think about the Lord of lords Jesus. The Captain of the Host. The Master of the elements. The one before whom even rebellious demons bow and obey. Even if we acknowledge this God, we don't often think of what that means for us. This same fierce magnanimous absolute Ruler is our very Ruler. Our Master. This is what being a Christian means. We have enlisted. Accepted that role. Taken our place under His authority. Submitted. So when He tells us to go, we should go. When He tells us to wait, we should wait. And when He tells us to trust, or change, or endure so we should. Regardless of feeling, regardless of ability. When that very same power and authority that spun the universe into motion and knows the path of every quark and particle, the one that routs armies and defeats death, turns His eye on us, how much more should we comply like plastic putty to His will! Especially when that same mouth that erupts flaming power and thunder bends low to kiss us gently and those blazing hands stroke our head lovingly.
In the love and devotion that we feel for our Lover let us never forget that this same is Brighter than any star, hotter than any flame, sharper than any sword, fiercer than any warrior, and is capable of obliterating us as if we never were with the merest inkling. Thank God, His love is as deep as His power is absolute. Fear it, embrace it, tremble in it, and submit to it. In this undoing of the self before such devastating power we are remade in the form that He wishes us to take. Abandon to it and find all that was missing! When He commands my soul, even I can't stand in my way.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Materialism
This has many meanings. In the philosophical sense it means the system of thought that says there is nothing but the material world. Even thoughts and emotions are nothing more than chemical interactions in response to environmental stimuli or survival mechanisms. There are many flaws in this system, but I don't want to go over them here. C.S. Lewis does a great job of discussing materialism in this sense, since it was popular in his day.
Most people think of materialism in the economic sense. It involves placing a value on material objects and is closely related to consumerism. This is the type of materialsim I am thinking about.
We live in a material-rich age. Things are the order of the day. We mass-produce, we consume. It drives our way of life. In fact, it started as an idea to relieve suffering. Through most of human history, people made necessary and long-lasting items. Because production was difficult, only the very rich could afford luxuries of possessions so you wanted items to last a lifetime. But in the Industrial Revolution machines and processes were making production more efficient. There was no longer a need for so many workers to produce things. The unhappy result was that people couldn't make a living. Whole trades disappeared and people talked of the surplus population. Then the Reformers like Charles Dickens came along and decried this view of humans as a commodity. Decision makers realized that it was better to employ these people rather than let them freeload on charity. They could be put to work making things in factories, but people would only buy so many things. So to increase demand they started advertising. Even this could only go so far, so they changed styles and the rotating fashions were begun. You couldn't possibly wear last year's items this year! Even that wasn't enough, so they consciously started making items break easier. Planned obsolescence. This worked very well. People enjoyed new propsperity from the market economy. That meant they could buy more and live more like the rich. Mass-production made it easy to give people things that only the rich could afford previously. The latest step in this scheme is the continual service contract. Not only do people create products and then create the demand for them, but they make them so they don't work unless you pay monthly. Electricity, TV, cell phones, satelite radio, etc. This way you can never finish paying for it, so you have to keep working to support the economy that makes the things that you didn't need until they sold it to you. The system is growth based and finite.
But apart from the economic aspects, materialism has an effect on the soul. All the great sages teach that we should live at peace, taking what we need and giving to those who don't have enough. A focus on possessions begins to weigh on us. It places cares on us that we were not meant to carry. The possessions own us as we spend more and more time taking care of things. The old backpacking maxim applies well: the more you carry, the more you have to carry! In hiking, this means that more weight slows you down, so you have to take more for the journey. The same is true in life when we are bogged down in possessions. The pursuit of possessions is also harmful. We fritter ourselves away chasing whims and wants simply to have. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with things in themselves. They are intrinsically devoid of moral quality. It is their use and attachment that make them good or bad.
So the question is, how do we tell when materialism has gone too far? Like many things, this is something that each person must answer. Our stations in life are a factor. Obviously, I can't live like a Hindu farmer here in America. The cost of living is just plain too high. And a construction worker has less demands for things such as clothes than a public figure, for whom image is a part of the job. So, I take Richard Foster's advice and leave this to the individual to determine. But I think there are certain principles that Christians should use in making the decision.
First, do we need it? What is it's use and lifespan? Are there unrealized costs such as long term contracts, or maintenance issues that make the true cost higher? Does it benefit us in some real way, be that physical, social, or spiritual? And lastly, does owning it harm anyone else?
This last one, I think, bears more consideration. Here in America I see good charitable people who unknowingly or through self-deception, harm others with their lifestyle. Most of the times, it is becasue the effects of our choices are so distant that we don't see them. when we overconsume public resources simply becasue we can afford them, we unknowingly take them from those who can least afford them by using them up ourselves, or by driving the prices out of reach. Take water for instance. We all share the same pool, quite literally. It is finite and renewed only by the grace of God to send the rain. When we fritter away hundreds of dollars per month to use potable water on luxuries like unnaturally lush grass we not only use up what others may need for cooking and sanitation, but also drive up the cost as public utilities are forced to raise rates to cover new and more expensive sources of water. To the gainfully employed, this may seem like buying a fancier cut of meat becasue they have been blessed with the means to do so, but would any of us knowingly shove a seven year old away from the water fountain on a hot day? When that child's parents are making the choice between water bill or grocery bill, that is exactly what we're doing.
I once felt guilty for being able to afford better than this. I wanted to live a vow of poverty to ensure that I suffered rather than others. But now, I realize that it truly is a blessing to afford some comfort. I don't have to be so ascetic. However, if the prepaid cell phone meets my needs and frees up money so I can buy a child from slavery through Samaritan's Purse, or even buy someone lunch at work, then I will make that choice, by God. In this light, to buy the iphone is at best vanity and at worst leaving the 'least of these' cold and hungry.
Most people think of materialism in the economic sense. It involves placing a value on material objects and is closely related to consumerism. This is the type of materialsim I am thinking about.
We live in a material-rich age. Things are the order of the day. We mass-produce, we consume. It drives our way of life. In fact, it started as an idea to relieve suffering. Through most of human history, people made necessary and long-lasting items. Because production was difficult, only the very rich could afford luxuries of possessions so you wanted items to last a lifetime. But in the Industrial Revolution machines and processes were making production more efficient. There was no longer a need for so many workers to produce things. The unhappy result was that people couldn't make a living. Whole trades disappeared and people talked of the surplus population. Then the Reformers like Charles Dickens came along and decried this view of humans as a commodity. Decision makers realized that it was better to employ these people rather than let them freeload on charity. They could be put to work making things in factories, but people would only buy so many things. So to increase demand they started advertising. Even this could only go so far, so they changed styles and the rotating fashions were begun. You couldn't possibly wear last year's items this year! Even that wasn't enough, so they consciously started making items break easier. Planned obsolescence. This worked very well. People enjoyed new propsperity from the market economy. That meant they could buy more and live more like the rich. Mass-production made it easy to give people things that only the rich could afford previously. The latest step in this scheme is the continual service contract. Not only do people create products and then create the demand for them, but they make them so they don't work unless you pay monthly. Electricity, TV, cell phones, satelite radio, etc. This way you can never finish paying for it, so you have to keep working to support the economy that makes the things that you didn't need until they sold it to you. The system is growth based and finite.
But apart from the economic aspects, materialism has an effect on the soul. All the great sages teach that we should live at peace, taking what we need and giving to those who don't have enough. A focus on possessions begins to weigh on us. It places cares on us that we were not meant to carry. The possessions own us as we spend more and more time taking care of things. The old backpacking maxim applies well: the more you carry, the more you have to carry! In hiking, this means that more weight slows you down, so you have to take more for the journey. The same is true in life when we are bogged down in possessions. The pursuit of possessions is also harmful. We fritter ourselves away chasing whims and wants simply to have. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with things in themselves. They are intrinsically devoid of moral quality. It is their use and attachment that make them good or bad.
So the question is, how do we tell when materialism has gone too far? Like many things, this is something that each person must answer. Our stations in life are a factor. Obviously, I can't live like a Hindu farmer here in America. The cost of living is just plain too high. And a construction worker has less demands for things such as clothes than a public figure, for whom image is a part of the job. So, I take Richard Foster's advice and leave this to the individual to determine. But I think there are certain principles that Christians should use in making the decision.
First, do we need it? What is it's use and lifespan? Are there unrealized costs such as long term contracts, or maintenance issues that make the true cost higher? Does it benefit us in some real way, be that physical, social, or spiritual? And lastly, does owning it harm anyone else?
This last one, I think, bears more consideration. Here in America I see good charitable people who unknowingly or through self-deception, harm others with their lifestyle. Most of the times, it is becasue the effects of our choices are so distant that we don't see them. when we overconsume public resources simply becasue we can afford them, we unknowingly take them from those who can least afford them by using them up ourselves, or by driving the prices out of reach. Take water for instance. We all share the same pool, quite literally. It is finite and renewed only by the grace of God to send the rain. When we fritter away hundreds of dollars per month to use potable water on luxuries like unnaturally lush grass we not only use up what others may need for cooking and sanitation, but also drive up the cost as public utilities are forced to raise rates to cover new and more expensive sources of water. To the gainfully employed, this may seem like buying a fancier cut of meat becasue they have been blessed with the means to do so, but would any of us knowingly shove a seven year old away from the water fountain on a hot day? When that child's parents are making the choice between water bill or grocery bill, that is exactly what we're doing.
I once felt guilty for being able to afford better than this. I wanted to live a vow of poverty to ensure that I suffered rather than others. But now, I realize that it truly is a blessing to afford some comfort. I don't have to be so ascetic. However, if the prepaid cell phone meets my needs and frees up money so I can buy a child from slavery through Samaritan's Purse, or even buy someone lunch at work, then I will make that choice, by God. In this light, to buy the iphone is at best vanity and at worst leaving the 'least of these' cold and hungry.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Warts and All
The phrase, "Warts and all" originated with some European noble that decided his portrait should not be 'touched up' but should show him as he really was. I guess it was common then, as now, to doctor pictures so that the subject looks his best.
The phrase has come to mean any portrayal of a person, image, word, or other, in which the subject's true form is revealed. Though we admire this on the surface in our culture, I have found that the practice is quite different.
One of my mentors always made a point of keeping himself off of the pedestal, so to speak. He occupied a position in which it was easy to end up exalted by others. To combat it, he had a policy of being very open about himself publically. I adopted the same policy since it is a very good way to eliminate pride, avoid deception (intentional or perceived), and can help others grow from my experience.
So, when the time is right...no one likes a bleeding heart...I am not shy about telling my truest evaluation of myself and my experiences. The strange thing is that as soon as I do it, people start acting all reassuring as if they need to bolster my floundering self esteem. Some even go so far as to flat deny that I am telling the truth.
There is nothing at all wrong with my self-esteem. In fact, I examine myself far more than anyone should. I know my abilities and my limitations. I know my successes and failures. And I am prone to pride, believe me, not the other way around! But I also have a keen critical eye on myself and try very hard to see the plank therein.
Why is it that people have so much trouble accepting this kind of thing? Of course it isn't everyone. Some do just fine with it. But most seem to feel a need to correct me about myself. They would prefer the touched up version. Not out and out white-washing, but a little brushing up is fine. Is it because they are afraid of having to face the truth of themselves? Afterall, if I am honest about my shortcomings, they may feel the need to be.
Again, I'm not talking about lack of tact or TMI kinds of things. We all have things that we don't and shouldn't reveal too openly. But if someone chooses to honestly, appropriately, and accurately divulge the less savory parts of their person along with the good, the very least we could do is take them at their word! Denying what they tell us or hushing over it as if it needs to be padded back under cover does nothing to help the person speaking. If we think they are missing something in their self-evaluation, better to think through what they are getting at and gently guide their thinking into better paths, or say nothing at all. To poopoo or pity may squelch the simmerings of self-discovery in them or hinder others who might be on the brink of opening up themselves.
The phrase has come to mean any portrayal of a person, image, word, or other, in which the subject's true form is revealed. Though we admire this on the surface in our culture, I have found that the practice is quite different.
One of my mentors always made a point of keeping himself off of the pedestal, so to speak. He occupied a position in which it was easy to end up exalted by others. To combat it, he had a policy of being very open about himself publically. I adopted the same policy since it is a very good way to eliminate pride, avoid deception (intentional or perceived), and can help others grow from my experience.
So, when the time is right...no one likes a bleeding heart...I am not shy about telling my truest evaluation of myself and my experiences. The strange thing is that as soon as I do it, people start acting all reassuring as if they need to bolster my floundering self esteem. Some even go so far as to flat deny that I am telling the truth.
There is nothing at all wrong with my self-esteem. In fact, I examine myself far more than anyone should. I know my abilities and my limitations. I know my successes and failures. And I am prone to pride, believe me, not the other way around! But I also have a keen critical eye on myself and try very hard to see the plank therein.
Why is it that people have so much trouble accepting this kind of thing? Of course it isn't everyone. Some do just fine with it. But most seem to feel a need to correct me about myself. They would prefer the touched up version. Not out and out white-washing, but a little brushing up is fine. Is it because they are afraid of having to face the truth of themselves? Afterall, if I am honest about my shortcomings, they may feel the need to be.
Again, I'm not talking about lack of tact or TMI kinds of things. We all have things that we don't and shouldn't reveal too openly. But if someone chooses to honestly, appropriately, and accurately divulge the less savory parts of their person along with the good, the very least we could do is take them at their word! Denying what they tell us or hushing over it as if it needs to be padded back under cover does nothing to help the person speaking. If we think they are missing something in their self-evaluation, better to think through what they are getting at and gently guide their thinking into better paths, or say nothing at all. To poopoo or pity may squelch the simmerings of self-discovery in them or hinder others who might be on the brink of opening up themselves.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
The Veil
If you know anything about contemplation, or even contemporary Christianity you must have run across references to the veil. It's in songs and literature. Without going into a whole dissertation on it, the image refers to the cloth that was hung in the ancient Hebrew Tabernacle to separate the area known as the Holy of Holies...or the place set apart for God's presence to reside. It was a very restricted place because...well, it was holy...in the true sense. God's presence was too powerful for people to experience. It would kill the mortal who entered without the proper preparations. I'm not going to go into why right now; that's a whole different topic. Suffice to say it became the symbol for the necessary separation between God and man.
When Jesus died, the Bible says that the veil in the temple was torn in two, symbolizing that there was no longer any separation between God and man. Also possibly that God's presence was no longer residing in that place...but that is a thought that just occurred to me on the spot...I'll have to think that one through more.
Anyway, throughout Chrsitianity, the symbol of the veil remained as a metaphor for the aspects of God that we can not comprehend or know. Sometimes it was called the Cloud of Unknowing. It is also used in a variation on this sense when someone refers to experiencing God in a way greater than normal. They may say they, "passed through the veil." or that the veil parted.
I have always wondered, and longed for, sometimes even raged at the lack of experiencing God more fully. If He was real and He represented ultimate reality and this world is but a shadow, why did He not show up like a pillar of fire! If not that grand, at least a concrete experience that could not be mistaken or denied. Why didn't He simply make Himself plain!
Of course I've heard all the answers about the need for faith. But that is insufficient. I'm not talking about a lack of belief. I believed as much as anyone could, but I wasn't going to pretend to be blind or deaf. If by faith someone meant pretending to be satisfied with arid prayers and the occasional emotion stirred by music, that was not going to cut it! Were those "charismatics" as I heard them called growing up, really experiencing something I wasn't or were they all wrapped up in emotion and mass-hypnosis/hysteria as was supposed by many?
Even as I learned more and experienced more and was given answers they were still not sufficient to satisfy that longing for something real. Now that I had experienced God in ways that I never had and was totally assured of His existence, why couldn't I touch Him? Hadn't Jesus parted that veil? Why was He still hiding behind it? I had read the mystics experiencing perfect union and describing it in very physical terms. I wanted that! Why only glimpses? Why nothing sustained? I had heard the explanations that it was so I could function in this world as I couldn't if His presence was that strong, but that is not sufficient either. World be damned! I would take all of Him any day! Plus God was a God of order, why couldn't He reveal himself more concretely without harming me if He chose? Why, why always the veil!
Of course, I have gone through the entire gambit of responses. Pressing harder until Iwas ground to the dirt straining against the immovable, fasting until I was so weak I collapsed, holding myself to such strict account of my behavior that I was locked in self-loathing, giving up and resting in that there was nothing more, feeling rejected and unworthy, striving to mentally unlock the secrets...and many more. Through it all, I still didn't understand that blasted veil that shouldn't be there.
Recently, I ran across an article that really lept off the page to me. I was reading, in a modern voice, what Contemplation was and how to verify it. I felt like I was reading a chronicle of my own experience. I had read this same kind of thing many times, but always in such an ancient voice or muddled by the incoherance of the mystic that I couldn't quite grasp it all. But here I was reading it in clear modern English. The effect it had on me is too deep for words, especially blog words. Lest I start babbling like a mystic, suffice to say I understood much more than I had and was humbled.
Then today, I was thinking about the great mercy that God has given us. That's when it hit me that the veil is also an immeasurable mercy! Just as the Hebrews needed to know that God was with them, but couldn't survive the presence, just as God had to cover Moses' eyes when He passed before him, so the veil was not an indication that God was hiding, but that He was present! Now that the temple veil is split, God truly is always with us. He is not hiding. He truly does reveal himself to us, and by ever greater degrees as we seek Him. But only in His way. To get to a new place we must go by the directions we are told. If we don't follow the one who knows the path, we can't expect to arrive. So we must come to know Him in the right path. Unfortunately, the Cloud of Unknowing is far more apt a term than I had ever known. There is no hard fast boundary to a cloud of moisture. We aren't outside it, and then inside. As it approaches, it gradually obscures our vision until we can not see. Likewise this Cloud gradually takes us beyond our ability to comprehend so that unless we are told what is happening, we are gradually more and more confused. We feel less and less. In truth, He is closer than He ever has been in this time. But we can't see it or even recognize the effects it has on us because He is beyond mortal sense and we are operating in that mode in the Cloud.
When He steps out of the cloud to reveal himself, it is a necessity and greatest mercy that He stays behind the veil. Otherwise we would be terrified and unmade. The veil is not a means of hiding himself from us, but of revealing when we are too unprepared for the greater presence! The fact that I recognize the veil is not a mark of how little I experience of God, but of how great He has chosen to reveal Himself to me. If I were to see Him concretely as I had wanted, that would be so much less of who He is because it would be confined in the mere mortal sense (like the tesseract is only a shadow cast by the 4 dimensional object). Perhaps this is what the apostle was thinking when he wrote that God humbled himself to the point of being human. My problem was not that I wasn't experiencing God, but that I assumed the experience would be a sensible matter. How could it be?! And how great a mercy that despite my pleas and tantrums and vanities, God continued to walk me by the hand down the road of revelation to a far greater place than I had realized.
That said, if I had the advantage of a trusted director to help me understand these things, it might not have been so difficult for me to come to this understanding. That is another reason this blog exists. Lacking any organized and wide-spred community of contemplation where we might find experienced teachers and directors, perhaps my ramblings may be helpful to other children of the woods wandering outside the Keep. And just perhaps, some Godly experienced teachers may find this letter in a bottle and realize that there are thousands more adrift looking for someone to help us understand this fog, if only you would sound the horn!
When Jesus died, the Bible says that the veil in the temple was torn in two, symbolizing that there was no longer any separation between God and man. Also possibly that God's presence was no longer residing in that place...but that is a thought that just occurred to me on the spot...I'll have to think that one through more.
Anyway, throughout Chrsitianity, the symbol of the veil remained as a metaphor for the aspects of God that we can not comprehend or know. Sometimes it was called the Cloud of Unknowing. It is also used in a variation on this sense when someone refers to experiencing God in a way greater than normal. They may say they, "passed through the veil." or that the veil parted.
I have always wondered, and longed for, sometimes even raged at the lack of experiencing God more fully. If He was real and He represented ultimate reality and this world is but a shadow, why did He not show up like a pillar of fire! If not that grand, at least a concrete experience that could not be mistaken or denied. Why didn't He simply make Himself plain!
Of course I've heard all the answers about the need for faith. But that is insufficient. I'm not talking about a lack of belief. I believed as much as anyone could, but I wasn't going to pretend to be blind or deaf. If by faith someone meant pretending to be satisfied with arid prayers and the occasional emotion stirred by music, that was not going to cut it! Were those "charismatics" as I heard them called growing up, really experiencing something I wasn't or were they all wrapped up in emotion and mass-hypnosis/hysteria as was supposed by many?
Even as I learned more and experienced more and was given answers they were still not sufficient to satisfy that longing for something real. Now that I had experienced God in ways that I never had and was totally assured of His existence, why couldn't I touch Him? Hadn't Jesus parted that veil? Why was He still hiding behind it? I had read the mystics experiencing perfect union and describing it in very physical terms. I wanted that! Why only glimpses? Why nothing sustained? I had heard the explanations that it was so I could function in this world as I couldn't if His presence was that strong, but that is not sufficient either. World be damned! I would take all of Him any day! Plus God was a God of order, why couldn't He reveal himself more concretely without harming me if He chose? Why, why always the veil!
Of course, I have gone through the entire gambit of responses. Pressing harder until Iwas ground to the dirt straining against the immovable, fasting until I was so weak I collapsed, holding myself to such strict account of my behavior that I was locked in self-loathing, giving up and resting in that there was nothing more, feeling rejected and unworthy, striving to mentally unlock the secrets...and many more. Through it all, I still didn't understand that blasted veil that shouldn't be there.
Recently, I ran across an article that really lept off the page to me. I was reading, in a modern voice, what Contemplation was and how to verify it. I felt like I was reading a chronicle of my own experience. I had read this same kind of thing many times, but always in such an ancient voice or muddled by the incoherance of the mystic that I couldn't quite grasp it all. But here I was reading it in clear modern English. The effect it had on me is too deep for words, especially blog words. Lest I start babbling like a mystic, suffice to say I understood much more than I had and was humbled.
Then today, I was thinking about the great mercy that God has given us. That's when it hit me that the veil is also an immeasurable mercy! Just as the Hebrews needed to know that God was with them, but couldn't survive the presence, just as God had to cover Moses' eyes when He passed before him, so the veil was not an indication that God was hiding, but that He was present! Now that the temple veil is split, God truly is always with us. He is not hiding. He truly does reveal himself to us, and by ever greater degrees as we seek Him. But only in His way. To get to a new place we must go by the directions we are told. If we don't follow the one who knows the path, we can't expect to arrive. So we must come to know Him in the right path. Unfortunately, the Cloud of Unknowing is far more apt a term than I had ever known. There is no hard fast boundary to a cloud of moisture. We aren't outside it, and then inside. As it approaches, it gradually obscures our vision until we can not see. Likewise this Cloud gradually takes us beyond our ability to comprehend so that unless we are told what is happening, we are gradually more and more confused. We feel less and less. In truth, He is closer than He ever has been in this time. But we can't see it or even recognize the effects it has on us because He is beyond mortal sense and we are operating in that mode in the Cloud.
When He steps out of the cloud to reveal himself, it is a necessity and greatest mercy that He stays behind the veil. Otherwise we would be terrified and unmade. The veil is not a means of hiding himself from us, but of revealing when we are too unprepared for the greater presence! The fact that I recognize the veil is not a mark of how little I experience of God, but of how great He has chosen to reveal Himself to me. If I were to see Him concretely as I had wanted, that would be so much less of who He is because it would be confined in the mere mortal sense (like the tesseract is only a shadow cast by the 4 dimensional object). Perhaps this is what the apostle was thinking when he wrote that God humbled himself to the point of being human. My problem was not that I wasn't experiencing God, but that I assumed the experience would be a sensible matter. How could it be?! And how great a mercy that despite my pleas and tantrums and vanities, God continued to walk me by the hand down the road of revelation to a far greater place than I had realized.
That said, if I had the advantage of a trusted director to help me understand these things, it might not have been so difficult for me to come to this understanding. That is another reason this blog exists. Lacking any organized and wide-spred community of contemplation where we might find experienced teachers and directors, perhaps my ramblings may be helpful to other children of the woods wandering outside the Keep. And just perhaps, some Godly experienced teachers may find this letter in a bottle and realize that there are thousands more adrift looking for someone to help us understand this fog, if only you would sound the horn!
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