Funerals

I hate funerals. Actually it isn't funerals I hate, it's all the stuff that goes on at them. The concept of saying goodbye, laying to rest, praying for the soul...all of that I not only understand, but think is valuable. But then there's the false niceties, the put-on somberness, the forced sense of decorum. But lest I sound callous, let me explain.

Everyone grieves differently: some people sob openly, some get quiet, some get angry, some get silly, some even dodge the issue altogether. The problem is that when people are uncomfortable and emotions are high, as they are at funerals, they tend to take things too seriously or too personally. Considering that I don't tend to view things like most people, I don't tend to act like most people. I'm not saying I'm better...just different. As a good friend recently pointed out, I've been weird all my life, and always will be. I now recognize it as a gift from God. But it comes with the price of being often misunderstood. Nevertheless, at a funeral, eventually someone will think that I'm not acting properly, be that not grieving as they feel I should or committing some offense against the observer directly, and of course they will feel this must be dealt with. Or if I happen to be among one of those 'not out in the open' families, they will go about whispering or glaring or some other passive-aggressivity.

So no matter how hard I try, funerals rarely go well for me. If I grieve as fits me, people get offended. If I try to avoid that, I spend the whole time awkward and uncomfortable...which also draws attention. I just want to be left to process things in my own way!

I think the root of the issue is in my understanding of things. See, I actually believe that a soul lives on after death. So, as Bunyan said it, for people of faith, death is simply crossing the river they've lived beside for many years. It means the end of suffering, the end of temproal concerns. For many, this is a relief. I also believe that souls are outside of our space-time dynamic, so I don't have to be present for them to know my concerns or benefit from my prayers. They are far more aware of what I'm doing and thinking than any of us in this world.

So, it's hard for me to feel the same things that many people do at funerals. I recognize that those close to the deceased may be in pain, and I would never intentionally do or say anything to belittle that, but I can't pretend that things aren't as I believe they are.

So when I die, pray that God will welcome me. That I will pass through the fire without much loss, and that what is perishible will be quickly consumed. Rejoice for me that I am no longer the selfish, angry, anxious jerk that I fought so hard not to be in this world. And let each person process those facts as they see fit. Don't dare be offended if they sing, celebrate, cry, or wail.