Community

This is such an overplayed word. It is actually quite cheesy by now. But I am not using it in the common sense. As with most words, I am using it in the older, truer sense.

I'm also speaking primarily to other Christians in this post, so if you are not a Christian, please do not think this is directed at you. I say that because only those who have claimed this faith are bound to it in any way. No one should expect someone who does not hold the same worldview to abide by it. Of course many non-Christians do a far better job of just what I am talking about, which is also why this is not directed at them.

I want more. I need more. What we call church, what we call the community of believers, is most often a sham and a shadow of what it is supposed to be. People in churches are swayed by politics, by personality, by money. Not that they are all evil, because they aren't. Many just don't realize or have never experienced what real unified fellowship is like. If you haven't, I would put money on the fact that you won't find it easily. Some say it is in home churches only, but this is not true. I've been a part of horrid home churches, some that were plain kooky, and some that were just as empty as the conventional churches. I've also been in conventional churches that were rolling with unity, so it has nothing to do with organization, structure, or locale.

It has to do with the people. With God ultimately. The Spirit, Kurios Pneuma, the Spirit Lord, Sarayu, is the one that enables it and He alone. But as with most things we can choose to allow it or shut it out. Please try this for me:

Take a piece of paper, anything will do. Crumple it up really well, just ball it up. Now take a thin sturdy sharp object, like a knife or a nail, whatever, and drive it right through the ball of paper. be careful, you don't want to lose a chunk of flesh. Now pull the spike out and look at the paper. Do you see the hole going straight through it? This is God's reality. His work. The paper is our universe. God has punched through our existence with His solid reality and it makes sense. A single solid line right through our perceptions.

But now uncrumple the paper. What do you see? Do you see the random assortment of holes? Some bigger, some smaller, at various angles, like there is no order. This is how we perceive our universe. What is actually a single solid precision dart appears to be a random assortment of happenings across time and space. We see it in this manner because of our perception of space. (See an earlier entry on space for more about that.)

So what's the point? Simply that God does not fit into our universe, our plans, or our structures. He is real and solid and definite and His purposes which are, of necessity, a unified action, a perfect harmony cut across and through our lives, abridging structures and institutions. Think this through, it's a fantastic visualization. In this case, we try to mold God's actions, His will, into our structures. When in fact, it is nothing of the sort. The Kingdom of Heaven is spiritual, we must be born again of spirit, and worship in spirit and truth. Throw out what structures do not work or are not profitable. Or better yet, simply ingore them and let them fail.

If God desired us to change the world through our institutions, don't you think the world would be a lot different after 2000 years of effort? Are we just that impotent? Or is God? Our opposition is defeated, it can't be his power that prohibits it! So don't feed me the next fad of, "if only we would..." I'm not buying. You care more for your pews, accounts, fancy shows with put on excitement, butts in seats...sell the stupid seats and let's sit on the floor so we can buy a well for the Malawi village! Forget your live music and hollow exhortations and hug that child desperate for attention! The man next to you needs a car! Will the church get him one? Will paying your Sunday morning multi-media extravaganza's exorbitant electric bill get him one? Oh, but I forget, the temporal doesn't matter, it's about saving souls. Bah!!

God does not desire us to "get with the program", to remake our institutions into more perfect alignment. He doesn't desire worldly revolution. He doesn't desire reform. He desires us to abandon our institutions and follow Him! Let them all go! They do not matter. They are impermanent. Think that through. Say it to yourself until the cleche falls off and the truth rings out of it, however faint. Live that way for God's sake!

Chill

I work in a bureaucracy. Everyone knows how tedious they can be, but let me tell you, if you've never been on the inside of one, you don't know the half of it. As the economic downturn filters out to my area, things are only getting worse. I could complain about the inane policies, the nonsensical decisions, the institutionalized biases, but that would merely be griping and not productive.

Suffice to say, I have found these things wrapped around me in a web that is difficult to disentangle. Coupled with other political issues...and I'm not referring to governmental politics, I mean the personal-level struggle for power that is a factor in every relationship we have...and I've got a recipe for sour attitude.

I don't like that atitude, who does? But more than that, it is actually a killer attitude. Some people are more resistant to that kind of stress, but I am not. I can feel it weaken me in very real ways.

So, I'm turning my attention to ways to disengage from the problem. I know some people think that is a bad way to deal with problems, but I don't mean sweep them under the rug and withdraw. I mean to take myself out of the equation, so I am not emotionally influenced by the stressors.

There are many ways to do this. Eliminating clutter is a big one. A clean, clear space helps settle the mind. This can be challenging in our accumulative culture, especially if one lives with packrats and droppers...or worst of all packrat droppers. You know, those people who not only keep everything, but drop it wherever they happen to be at the time. Wow, that just grates on already strained nerves! So a clearing is good, a clearing of desk, of office, of home, of yard, and through the process, the mind.

Second is to engage in some relieving activity. Something that absorbs the mind and body, that thrusts out the petty concerns for those weightier matters. I'm partial to things in the water, since water is a powerful element for me. Unfortunately, in Florida where you'd expect everything to be about water, there is surprisingly little of it that we can actually get into. Most of the water is swampy and unsafe for swimming, and what is good is increasingly blocked off or crowded out. This is perhaps one of the most privatized and fenced-off states in the nation...but that's another topic. Along with activity would be service as well because nothing gets one out of one's own head like doing good for others.

Third would be to cleanse the soul. Meditation, healthy eating, this may be time for a purifying fast to awaken those dulled spiritual senses and gain clarity. Don't forget about breathing. we rarely really breathe. Most of us go about our lives barely sucking in enough air to keep our bodies functioning.

I think I may take up Parkour. I've been fascinated by it from the beginning. It seems to suit me very well: It is physical and graceful, there are no competitions or shows (i.e. commercialism), it is very meditative, it is individual, free, lifelong, and takes very little equipment. It was actually developed as a way to bring the lithe fitness of primitive people to those of us who live in the more destructive worlds! Now may be the time to do it!

Funerals

I hate funerals. Actually it isn't funerals I hate, it's all the stuff that goes on at them. The concept of saying goodbye, laying to rest, praying for the soul...all of that I not only understand, but think is valuable. But then there's the false niceties, the put-on somberness, the forced sense of decorum. But lest I sound callous, let me explain.

Everyone grieves differently: some people sob openly, some get quiet, some get angry, some get silly, some even dodge the issue altogether. The problem is that when people are uncomfortable and emotions are high, as they are at funerals, they tend to take things too seriously or too personally. Considering that I don't tend to view things like most people, I don't tend to act like most people. I'm not saying I'm better...just different. As a good friend recently pointed out, I've been weird all my life, and always will be. I now recognize it as a gift from God. But it comes with the price of being often misunderstood. Nevertheless, at a funeral, eventually someone will think that I'm not acting properly, be that not grieving as they feel I should or committing some offense against the observer directly, and of course they will feel this must be dealt with. Or if I happen to be among one of those 'not out in the open' families, they will go about whispering or glaring or some other passive-aggressivity.

So no matter how hard I try, funerals rarely go well for me. If I grieve as fits me, people get offended. If I try to avoid that, I spend the whole time awkward and uncomfortable...which also draws attention. I just want to be left to process things in my own way!

I think the root of the issue is in my understanding of things. See, I actually believe that a soul lives on after death. So, as Bunyan said it, for people of faith, death is simply crossing the river they've lived beside for many years. It means the end of suffering, the end of temproal concerns. For many, this is a relief. I also believe that souls are outside of our space-time dynamic, so I don't have to be present for them to know my concerns or benefit from my prayers. They are far more aware of what I'm doing and thinking than any of us in this world.

So, it's hard for me to feel the same things that many people do at funerals. I recognize that those close to the deceased may be in pain, and I would never intentionally do or say anything to belittle that, but I can't pretend that things aren't as I believe they are.

So when I die, pray that God will welcome me. That I will pass through the fire without much loss, and that what is perishible will be quickly consumed. Rejoice for me that I am no longer the selfish, angry, anxious jerk that I fought so hard not to be in this world. And let each person process those facts as they see fit. Don't dare be offended if they sing, celebrate, cry, or wail.

The Pearl

Here goes another post that is exactly what I created this blog for. I don't really have a point starting out, but will probably have found it by the end of the post.

The Pearl (of Great Price) is part of a Biblical simile for "the Kingdom of Heaven". Jesus spoke a lot of these kind of similes. Usually, I've read it and glossed over it. I've even paused and thought about it for a few minutes, trying to understand the whole simile. But mostly, it has been one of those things I knew, but didn't think much about. Then last night, I was talking with a friend and he started talking about a burden he has. You know, the kind of thing you know something nees to be done about and you just can't get out of your head. He was actually very articulate about it, though he kept thinking that he wasn't making himself clear. It was all about this deep thing he wanted people to understand. A very Contemplative kind of thing (though he didn't use that word) about the nature of life and God and relationships.

As he was talking, I started to get this impression of the pearl and the story that when a man finds it, he goes and sells everything he owns so that he can buy it. And it seemed to me to make sense finally. This was the reason the Kingdom of Heaven is like a pearl or great price that when a man finds it he goes and sells everything he owns to buy it. My friend had seen the pearl and was so desperate to have it that nothing would be more valuable. He would cut away everything in his life to possess it. And he knows that others would value it as he does if they could but find it! He has understood the meaning of life in a quite literal sense. Imagine that! It wasn't so hard to figure out afterall! Perhaps others have seen it in the mud and dirt and kicked right over it without catching its ethereal glint because they are so preconvinced that the meaning of life is far more complex and/or elusive.

What's more, as I realized this, I instantly started to apply it to myself and a moment of clarity struck me where many things made sense...in a gossamer kind of way, like a break in the clouds on an overcast night reveals objects in the sudden moonglow that fades as quickly as it appears. I have also found this pearl, but while he was still marveling over it, I had long since run off to gather the means to buy it. This has taken a lot longer than I expected, and in the process I had almost forgotten that I had come here simply in order to sell what I owned and gain the pearl!

So that's what this was about...I remember the pearl. And just as he was cutting away, selling what he owned, so was I. But I still didn't have enough. Now what remained to be sold was far harder to unload and far harder to part with...In fact, I hadn't even considered it a possession. It was just something that has always been there, like my hair, or shirt. But now, I realize it may have some value...perhaps much more than I anticipated...afterall, it is among the last to go and therefore the bulk of the price is in hand. Since value is in the eye of the beholder, though it gain a pittence in the market, that pittence, hardest to come by and the last that is needed to gain the pearl, makes the sold object the most valuable of all!