Recently, I've been dealing with some serious decisions. I'm not going into them specifically. It's more about how I'm making them and facing them.
It is stretching me in some ways I hadn't noticed needed stretching. That's when the story of Jesus and the Rich Young Ruler came to mind. I realized this is my story right now. I'm that guy.
The story is that a wealthy young man came up to Jesus and, calling him Teacher, asks what he has to do to receive eternal life. Jesus says, "You know the commandments." To which the man replies, "I've done all that since I was a kid." Obviously not convinced this would do it for him. Jesus looks on him with affection at this and says, "You still lack one thing (one version says, "if you would be perfect"): sell everything you own and give to the poor, so you'll have treasure in heaven, then take up your cross and follow me." The man goes away sad at this because it says he had great wealth.
A couple things jump out to me. One, the guy really wants to know. He came to find Jesus and he knows keeping the rules is good, but he needs more. Jesus realizes this and loves the guy for it. Jesus isn't being dismissive or argumentative. So I think he tells him what he really needs to do. But the guy is obviously struggling with how to do it.
Here's the thing. I'm being faced with this exact choice. While I'm certainly not rich by American standards, I am above the median in my area and worldwide, that's in the untouchable category. I lack nothing material. I can afford anything I want within stretch of reason. I'm far better off than many people around me. But I'm faced with an opportunity that will require me to sell everything I own and leave this life.
So I know what this guy was feeling. I have everything we're taught to strive for. Everything we're told is a blessing. I have a great stable job, in my field, with lots of freedom and good benefits. I have no debt and my kid's college is totally paid for. I could sit back and save up, travel, do good with my money, and retire comfortably into a life where I could do the good work I want to do fulltime...of course none of this is certain, but barring unforeseen changes, it'll happen. But here I have this choice foisted in my lap. I have asked Jesus to make me like him. To perfect me. And here I have the same dang choice. Family is on board, advisors are on board, friends are on board. I'm just reluctant to give up this stuff, the security of material things and familiar ways. What if I'm wrong? What if this or that happens? But at the root, I know what I'm worried about.
You see, I'm this guy! Jesus has just said, "You can stay, you know the commandments, you have lived it; do that." But I'm still not satisfied and I asked the question, half afraid of the answer...and I got the blasted answer. If I want to be perfect, I have to sell all my possessions (or give them away) and step into this life which is no slouchy opportunity and quite an honor at my age, but potentially much less materially lucrative and less stable. I've counted the cost. It's not totally unknown to me. But what if...what will I be capable of? what kind of life will open up to me? Maybe the life of adventure and discovery I've dreamed of. Maybe a life of peace and goodness I never thought actually possible. Maybe a disaster that burns away all my dross and refines me into polished folded steel, a true Glass Dog. I'll never know if I don't go.
So here's the thing. The story ends there. We don't know what the guy did. But if he is me, I can imagine he thought about it just like I am. We are of one mind here in some mystical way, I'm sure. I know I'm loved, that's why Jesus offered me this opportunity. It is building that one thing I lack in me. How much do I want it? Will I sell everything to buy the pearl of great price, to mix in another story? When I see it like this, this strange feeling overcomes me and from deep inside my soul jumps up and yells, "Here I am, SEND ME!" Yes! I want to go! I want to do it. I am a follower of Jesus, not in name only, but in heart and action. I have to. What else can I do? I asked to get out of the boat and deuce if he didn't say, "Come." And I'm standing here like, "Well that wasn't what I expected." And he's saying, "Did you think I wasn't serious? Did you think I wasn't real? You don't have to. Take the blue pill and all is well, I won't even mention it. But if you want to be perfect..."
Good God, I'm coming! Don't let me fall! I'm about to walk on water.
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
Monday, April 9, 2018
Burning
**NOTE: this blog is real and raw. Changing or omitting names won't protect identities of people referenced. So I employ pronoun swapping to further confuse identity. This blog is NEVER a slam to individuals, but a means of processing ideas.**
I have not posted in a while because of something I was going to write about, but just recently something happened that has upset me and I'm burning about it. So I will write it out. Then maybe I'll be free to process the other stuff.
I think the biggest thing that gets under my skin is lack of respect. You might think this odd coming from a punk, they not being known for respect. But the truth is, punks are actually very big on respect. In fact, it's such a big deal that we refuse to pay false respect. It must be earned. If you set yourself up over someone else, we're going to call you down. And that is the crux of the problem, really.
Respect is about boundaries. People who take liberties tread all over those boundaries. Some people just never seem capable of understanding another's point of view. But there again, that's what respect is for. You don't have to understand. Just follow the rules of general politeness and all is good.
You see, I have this old friend that I was once very close to, in fact closer than my own sibling. He had shown me some generosity that makes me feel somewhat indebted even over a decade later. But early on, it was clear certain people she was related to had no idea about personal boundaries and I would not get along with that person. I mean serious leech personality, like barging into your house uninvited, refusing to leave when I repeatedly told them I had to leave myself, expecting us to do things without asking, forcing my friend to be 2 hours late for a 2 hour event that the other was not invited to, etc.
But that's ok. We don't have to like everyone our friends like. The problem is that my friend eventually became inseparable from this negative influence, probably from good motives. I tried to advise him about the negative changes I was seeing in her, but he made it very clear that my advice was not appreciated. So I backed off and we lost all serious contact for about a decade.
Then she shows up again like nothing has changed...leech now fully affixed such that the two are never apart...ever. And as you'd expect, my friend has now taken on many of those negative traits, interrupting conversations and then monopolizing them. Ordering people around. Insisting on uncomfortable topics. Once, he invited himself and leech to a party neither were invited to intentionally because of the leech, then made a scene at the party in front of everyone asking if they weren't supposed to be there, and when we tried to just side step it saying, "you're here now." They both proceeded to start altering things like music, temperature, etc. in a rented facility. And when we refused to comply, they went to get staff to do it. Which was where I put my foot down and leech waited outside for a few minutes until my friend finally couldn't take it and left.
So fine, whatever, right? But through a remnant of old relationship, this friend became privy to some personal information about my family. Which she then of course told Leech. So for the past couple months Leech has kept insisting on "advising" us about it, openly in public. We've downplayed, we've walked away, we've even told them straight out to stop before this information gets out and causes unnecessary problems for us and for others.
The last straw came this week when Leech accosted my son about it in public and wouldn't let go. I didn't know at the time. But upon finding out, I had to confront them. I tried to do it privately, avoiding unnecessary embarrassment, sticking to the topic at hand and not old issues, etc. But then my friend's response was something along the lines of, they hadn't told anyone and it must just be a game of telephone gone wrong, but while we're on the topic, we know you're afraid, but that's why you shouldn't have secrets."
BOOM!!! I went through the roof! It's a good thing this came in writing or I'd have had it out with them for sure. I couldn't have controlled myself and I would have verbally laid them out as all the pent frustration gushed out.
They couldn't be more wrong about my concern nor could they have missed the point any further! They don't get to make a judgement on this! Not accepted! And then they were clueless enough to ask if they could come to another event I was doing. Not even, "is it still ok." Just, "how do we sign up!"
So after multiple attempts to respond, I finally went with something to the effect of here's the line. Don't cross it, or I will not hesitate to let them know in open and certain terms. I have severed ties with these people to the greatest degree that I can. But I have no doubt, they won't get it and they'll come prancing in to some event as if nothing is wrong.
Good God! Help me forgive this because right now, I have no desire to.
I have not posted in a while because of something I was going to write about, but just recently something happened that has upset me and I'm burning about it. So I will write it out. Then maybe I'll be free to process the other stuff.
I think the biggest thing that gets under my skin is lack of respect. You might think this odd coming from a punk, they not being known for respect. But the truth is, punks are actually very big on respect. In fact, it's such a big deal that we refuse to pay false respect. It must be earned. If you set yourself up over someone else, we're going to call you down. And that is the crux of the problem, really.
Respect is about boundaries. People who take liberties tread all over those boundaries. Some people just never seem capable of understanding another's point of view. But there again, that's what respect is for. You don't have to understand. Just follow the rules of general politeness and all is good.
You see, I have this old friend that I was once very close to, in fact closer than my own sibling. He had shown me some generosity that makes me feel somewhat indebted even over a decade later. But early on, it was clear certain people she was related to had no idea about personal boundaries and I would not get along with that person. I mean serious leech personality, like barging into your house uninvited, refusing to leave when I repeatedly told them I had to leave myself, expecting us to do things without asking, forcing my friend to be 2 hours late for a 2 hour event that the other was not invited to, etc.
But that's ok. We don't have to like everyone our friends like. The problem is that my friend eventually became inseparable from this negative influence, probably from good motives. I tried to advise him about the negative changes I was seeing in her, but he made it very clear that my advice was not appreciated. So I backed off and we lost all serious contact for about a decade.
Then she shows up again like nothing has changed...leech now fully affixed such that the two are never apart...ever. And as you'd expect, my friend has now taken on many of those negative traits, interrupting conversations and then monopolizing them. Ordering people around. Insisting on uncomfortable topics. Once, he invited himself and leech to a party neither were invited to intentionally because of the leech, then made a scene at the party in front of everyone asking if they weren't supposed to be there, and when we tried to just side step it saying, "you're here now." They both proceeded to start altering things like music, temperature, etc. in a rented facility. And when we refused to comply, they went to get staff to do it. Which was where I put my foot down and leech waited outside for a few minutes until my friend finally couldn't take it and left.
So fine, whatever, right? But through a remnant of old relationship, this friend became privy to some personal information about my family. Which she then of course told Leech. So for the past couple months Leech has kept insisting on "advising" us about it, openly in public. We've downplayed, we've walked away, we've even told them straight out to stop before this information gets out and causes unnecessary problems for us and for others.
The last straw came this week when Leech accosted my son about it in public and wouldn't let go. I didn't know at the time. But upon finding out, I had to confront them. I tried to do it privately, avoiding unnecessary embarrassment, sticking to the topic at hand and not old issues, etc. But then my friend's response was something along the lines of, they hadn't told anyone and it must just be a game of telephone gone wrong, but while we're on the topic, we know you're afraid, but that's why you shouldn't have secrets."
BOOM!!! I went through the roof! It's a good thing this came in writing or I'd have had it out with them for sure. I couldn't have controlled myself and I would have verbally laid them out as all the pent frustration gushed out.
They couldn't be more wrong about my concern nor could they have missed the point any further! They don't get to make a judgement on this! Not accepted! And then they were clueless enough to ask if they could come to another event I was doing. Not even, "is it still ok." Just, "how do we sign up!"
So after multiple attempts to respond, I finally went with something to the effect of here's the line. Don't cross it, or I will not hesitate to let them know in open and certain terms. I have severed ties with these people to the greatest degree that I can. But I have no doubt, they won't get it and they'll come prancing in to some event as if nothing is wrong.
Good God! Help me forgive this because right now, I have no desire to.
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