People often say, "live in the moment." But I don't think they really take the time to think that through. It's not a bad idea really, but it is dangerous. Have you ever really tried to live in the moment?
First of all, what is a moment? How big is it? If I focus on it, like Augustine of Hippo, I can begin to feel how my expectations squeeze down smaller and smaller into this infinitely tiny point and immediately squeeze back out into memories. There actually is no moment to apprehend because as soon as I apprehend it, it is past. The closer I zoom in my scale, the smaller the point gets and the faster the future becomes the past. It's maddening really. If you have any skill at thought experiments, like Einstein, try it and see. But be careful not to get sucked in and lost. Of course Cartesian geometry teaches us that points have no mass, so why should time be any different.
Perhaps this is why the Buddhists teach that the mind should be cleared, that we should strive to live in that nothing that is something that is constantly becoming nothing again.
But even on a more human livable scale, living in the moment is dangerous and difficult. It precludes planning pretty much altogether. If I think about this moment. This time right now, I am relatively content. But I can't think out so far as an hour, because I'll be hungry. I suppose I could then go satisfy the hunger, but that might take some planning to have a good meal. I don't live in a fairy land where meals appear, or in an Eden where I can pluck my sustenance down at the nearest tree. Can we truly live this disconnected? I doubt it. I couldn't even thaw meat!
So some planning must be ok. Some foresight. But how much? Jesus says that we should think only of our needs of today...that could be a moment. And James the brother of Jesus says we should say, "if the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." because beyond that is boasting.
I think the distinction is in how much we fret over things that have not happened. How much we assume that may not pass. We should always be aware of our mortality, our moment by moment dependence of factors beyond our control. We should live focused on what is at hand, but planning is wise, storing away is wise and natural. Joseph saved Egypt by his planning. But in each moment we should be able to assess our needs and be thankful.
When I stop and breathe, I am surprised by how much I can accept. Even now with allergies bothering my nose, and sleep overtaking my eyes, I can breathe and say with Incubus, "in this moment, I am happy."
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
An interesting question
Every profession or trade has its benefits and its hazards. We have to weigh that against our own aptitudes and desires, and find what fits us. So imagine if there was a job which paid reasonably well...not rich, but a good living, but carried with it a hazard to one's health. It involved work with a certain compound that would shorten one's life such that most people in this line of work died 20 or so years before the average life expectancy. That compound had no other side effects than to make one very content and happy until their body simply shuts down.
So the question is, would you take the job? You could look forward to a reasonable lifestyle without huge excesses or wants, and you'd be one of the happiest people regardless of circumstance, simply because of constant exposure to this compound. But you'd be shortening your life significantly. Is it worth the contentment to give up the long life, or is the longer life worth the decades of frustration and worry of day to day life?
This is not so far fetched. People mine coal, even though they know it will corrode their lungs. People do all kinds of drugs from caffeine to heroin with varying side effects on their health for the pleasures it provides. And it seems to be a common fact, that those with less responsibility seem to be generally happier than most everyone else. Hatters were known for being mad, painters too, because of the chemicals they used. Chimney sweeps were known for being happy-go-lucky, even though they breathed toxic ash all their lives and died very young. But all of these have negatives that outweigh the benefits for most people. The diseases they cause are painful, the drugs ruin ability to function, etc. But if there was a compound that simply made people happy, the work was sufficiently funded, and the only side effect was that you'd suddenly drop dead early...it's a hard question.
I think I might take that job. What about you?
So the question is, would you take the job? You could look forward to a reasonable lifestyle without huge excesses or wants, and you'd be one of the happiest people regardless of circumstance, simply because of constant exposure to this compound. But you'd be shortening your life significantly. Is it worth the contentment to give up the long life, or is the longer life worth the decades of frustration and worry of day to day life?
This is not so far fetched. People mine coal, even though they know it will corrode their lungs. People do all kinds of drugs from caffeine to heroin with varying side effects on their health for the pleasures it provides. And it seems to be a common fact, that those with less responsibility seem to be generally happier than most everyone else. Hatters were known for being mad, painters too, because of the chemicals they used. Chimney sweeps were known for being happy-go-lucky, even though they breathed toxic ash all their lives and died very young. But all of these have negatives that outweigh the benefits for most people. The diseases they cause are painful, the drugs ruin ability to function, etc. But if there was a compound that simply made people happy, the work was sufficiently funded, and the only side effect was that you'd suddenly drop dead early...it's a hard question.
I think I might take that job. What about you?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Parkour
I had mentioned this in an earlier post, just offhand. But I thought it noteworthy that at that time, I actually did start practicing Parkour. I researched it fully, like most things, to see what I was getting into and found that it was a whole world, so much more appropriate for me than I thought. I am constantly amazed when I feel that I am pressing through the dense jungle and finally break out into a clearing, only to find, it is inhabited by man other wanderers who came in by their own paths. I had tried martial arts. I had been intrigued by the whole-being aspect, particularly, aikido. But I was put off by the phony pomp and order. Why do I need those floppy black pants? Sweats work just as well, and when will I ever walk around in hakama anyway? Better to train as I will live! and the master-student paradigm put me off. There are many bad masters. Finally, was the cost. Granted, people need to make a living, but I feel these things should be accessible. So many schools are so costly! But in Parkour, I have found all the aspects I craved without the negatives. And even a few new aspects that fit me so well.
So what is Parkour? I get that all the time when I mention it to people. And I am far from expert. But this is what I have discovered. It was started about 20 years ago by David Belle in France. It takes the principles of the Natural Method of physical training and Hebertism, which use natural human movements to create a lithe physicality similar to what develops in native tribal people. You might have seen this physical training style in military commando training, obstacle courses, etc.
Parkour uses these principles of physical training, combined with a philosophy of freedom, (freedom of movement, expression, of thought) to create a discipline that functions very much like a martial art. In keeping with its philosophy and hiphop/punk roots, there are no masters, there are no ranks. It requires no equipment...in fact the less the better, some even shed shoes. It is an individual discipline, though people often practice in groups. The discipline was further refined when it started gaining popularity. As with any new sport, styles began to diverge as people put their own emphasis and spin on it. Soon merchandising became involved and there was talk of officializing the sport, much like skateboarding and snowboarding. That was when David Belle and other practitioners made a conscious distinction between Parkour and other schools, now known as Free-running, L'art du Deplacement, and others.
Parkour is about efficient movement. Traceurs, as practitioners are called, focus on moving efficiently, so as to gain ground toward or away from someone. They strive for personal improvement and freedom. Strive to overcome obstacles in every area of their life. And they must use their skills to aid others by helping to train others or by using them in real rescue situations. There are no formal schools. There are no leagues. There are no official anythings. We learn from each other, using the internet and personal contact. It is a whole-being discipline. There's nothing wrong with doing tricks and acrobatics. They can be incorporated into someone's style, but they are not Parkour.
Experientially, I have found this gruelling. My body has changed and muscles have begun developing in places that I didn't know they could. The workouts are not formalized. It's more like playing. A lot of it is about conquering my own mind, my own inhibitions. Everywhere becomes an opportunity for training. Best of all, I love the flow. I love the freedom of moving and feeling my mind focus in crystal clarity as my muscles work in precision. I love being able to find myself hitting a ten foot ceiling when I jump, running up and over a 10 foot wall, climbing a rope that seemed insurmountable. Even traversing a 10 foot high beam!
I have largely been in the conditioning phases so far. I mean that I physically couldn't do many of the required movements. But now I am slowly starting to discover the flow, the combinations. I'm not leaping across buildings and scaling rock faces, but this is a personal progression. One can start where one is and move forward.
Parkour has struck many chords in me and I feel that I have found a discipline that I will pursue all my life. Who knew that while I was dreaming of Tarzan and unable to abide unnecessary rules and orders, hating the money-making machine that absorbs and runs everything, loving wild raucous music, and studying natural philosophy, that there were others moving toward that same place. I am a Traceur, even if only an infant.
So what is Parkour? I get that all the time when I mention it to people. And I am far from expert. But this is what I have discovered. It was started about 20 years ago by David Belle in France. It takes the principles of the Natural Method of physical training and Hebertism, which use natural human movements to create a lithe physicality similar to what develops in native tribal people. You might have seen this physical training style in military commando training, obstacle courses, etc.
Parkour uses these principles of physical training, combined with a philosophy of freedom, (freedom of movement, expression, of thought) to create a discipline that functions very much like a martial art. In keeping with its philosophy and hiphop/punk roots, there are no masters, there are no ranks. It requires no equipment...in fact the less the better, some even shed shoes. It is an individual discipline, though people often practice in groups. The discipline was further refined when it started gaining popularity. As with any new sport, styles began to diverge as people put their own emphasis and spin on it. Soon merchandising became involved and there was talk of officializing the sport, much like skateboarding and snowboarding. That was when David Belle and other practitioners made a conscious distinction between Parkour and other schools, now known as Free-running, L'art du Deplacement, and others.
Parkour is about efficient movement. Traceurs, as practitioners are called, focus on moving efficiently, so as to gain ground toward or away from someone. They strive for personal improvement and freedom. Strive to overcome obstacles in every area of their life. And they must use their skills to aid others by helping to train others or by using them in real rescue situations. There are no formal schools. There are no leagues. There are no official anythings. We learn from each other, using the internet and personal contact. It is a whole-being discipline. There's nothing wrong with doing tricks and acrobatics. They can be incorporated into someone's style, but they are not Parkour.
Experientially, I have found this gruelling. My body has changed and muscles have begun developing in places that I didn't know they could. The workouts are not formalized. It's more like playing. A lot of it is about conquering my own mind, my own inhibitions. Everywhere becomes an opportunity for training. Best of all, I love the flow. I love the freedom of moving and feeling my mind focus in crystal clarity as my muscles work in precision. I love being able to find myself hitting a ten foot ceiling when I jump, running up and over a 10 foot wall, climbing a rope that seemed insurmountable. Even traversing a 10 foot high beam!
I have largely been in the conditioning phases so far. I mean that I physically couldn't do many of the required movements. But now I am slowly starting to discover the flow, the combinations. I'm not leaping across buildings and scaling rock faces, but this is a personal progression. One can start where one is and move forward.
Parkour has struck many chords in me and I feel that I have found a discipline that I will pursue all my life. Who knew that while I was dreaming of Tarzan and unable to abide unnecessary rules and orders, hating the money-making machine that absorbs and runs everything, loving wild raucous music, and studying natural philosophy, that there were others moving toward that same place. I am a Traceur, even if only an infant.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
lost world
Someone commented to me about the last post wondering why God hadn't spared me that pain. I truthfully never even thought of it in terms of why didn't he spare me, or anyone for that matter. I guess that requires that you expect something from God to start with. I guess I can't help but seeing how bad and unfair the world is. That's what led to the nihilism anyway. There seemed to be no order, no reason. The good suffered and the bad were rewarded and at other times it went the other way around. And through it all people bickered and competed over the most stupid unimportant things.
Obviously what I had been taught about God and the world didn't appear to hold up. It still doesn't to a large extent. That's what makes me so upset with the trite answers. I didn't look like I was that close to the edge most of the time. I had moments, but otherwise, I looked pretty together. So in any group, I always consider who might be sitting right there teetering on the very brink. Who might be a thread away from harming themselves or others. One careful word or kind gesture may prevent a tragedy.
There are so many people for whom life is a cruel joke. They want something real, something permanent. Something they desperately need but can't find anywhere. There's churches on every corner. If that was the answer, you'd think in 2000 years we'd have made a bunch more progress than this, huh? We are corrupt beings. We white wash it, but it only takes an open eye to see the results of our poison.
Jesus railed against the religious institutions of his day. He spoke in the "churches" of his era, was trained as a teacher, a preacher. But he offended them so much that he had to take to meeting in the country. John the Baptist, whom Jesus called greater than any man born, was a half-crazed hermit! His followers had to go find him in the desert! It was the religious leaders that plotted against Jesus and crucified him. Yet, in Jesus' very name, we have turned his ekklesia, the "called out" into the same entrenched institution that he railed against.
Don't get me wrong. I don't hate Christians. I don't even hate churches all together. I'm just saying that they are not bastions of God's Kingdom. They are miserably flawed at the root. Just like everything else in this world. And the more levels you add on top of the simple metanoia faith, that many levels you have departed from who God is. I don't care how much people might argue that the institutionalization is necessary to reach people...not at the expense of losing even one. Thank God that HE is the good shepherd. That HE is the one who saves the one lost lamb. No one else can.
If anything good comes out of this blog, it would be that those who do not know this Jesus will seek out more and that those who do, will realize what it means to seek first HIS kingdom and HIS righteousness. Myself included. I am just a howling dog running the flank for my master and holding the wolves at bay. And you can keep the gold and pleasures of heaven. I want nothing more than to be able to lie at his feet when the day is done and hear the words, "good boy." That's more than I deserve.
Obviously what I had been taught about God and the world didn't appear to hold up. It still doesn't to a large extent. That's what makes me so upset with the trite answers. I didn't look like I was that close to the edge most of the time. I had moments, but otherwise, I looked pretty together. So in any group, I always consider who might be sitting right there teetering on the very brink. Who might be a thread away from harming themselves or others. One careful word or kind gesture may prevent a tragedy.
There are so many people for whom life is a cruel joke. They want something real, something permanent. Something they desperately need but can't find anywhere. There's churches on every corner. If that was the answer, you'd think in 2000 years we'd have made a bunch more progress than this, huh? We are corrupt beings. We white wash it, but it only takes an open eye to see the results of our poison.
Jesus railed against the religious institutions of his day. He spoke in the "churches" of his era, was trained as a teacher, a preacher. But he offended them so much that he had to take to meeting in the country. John the Baptist, whom Jesus called greater than any man born, was a half-crazed hermit! His followers had to go find him in the desert! It was the religious leaders that plotted against Jesus and crucified him. Yet, in Jesus' very name, we have turned his ekklesia, the "called out" into the same entrenched institution that he railed against.
Don't get me wrong. I don't hate Christians. I don't even hate churches all together. I'm just saying that they are not bastions of God's Kingdom. They are miserably flawed at the root. Just like everything else in this world. And the more levels you add on top of the simple metanoia faith, that many levels you have departed from who God is. I don't care how much people might argue that the institutionalization is necessary to reach people...not at the expense of losing even one. Thank God that HE is the good shepherd. That HE is the one who saves the one lost lamb. No one else can.
If anything good comes out of this blog, it would be that those who do not know this Jesus will seek out more and that those who do, will realize what it means to seek first HIS kingdom and HIS righteousness. Myself included. I am just a howling dog running the flank for my master and holding the wolves at bay. And you can keep the gold and pleasures of heaven. I want nothing more than to be able to lie at his feet when the day is done and hear the words, "good boy." That's more than I deserve.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Loser
Ok, so I have been a bit gripy in the past few posts. It's been a rough month so far. I'm starting to feel like I'm over it though. Certain things really rub me the wrong way because for me, my faith is a very real and active thing. There is a lot of religion that I find silly, or just plain wrong. What I find foolish or misunderstood, I don't adhere to at all. If people want to follow something that only affects themselves, I am content to let them work it out on their own. That stuff doesn't bother me.
But when it comes to things that I do believe, I truly believe them. There is no middle ground on those, just like I have no doubt that I am typing on this keyboard and sitting in this chair. And just as I have no doubt that Japan does in fact exist because I have been there. Just as certain as these things are, so are the things I believe about Christianity.
When someone starts trying to teach others things that I do not believe to be true. Things that go utterly against the character and nature of what I hold dear, I have a hard time. It isn't about intolerance, as I have said above. I respect people's rights to believe and to think for themselves. But just like no man would suffer someone to insult or defame his wife or children, so I feel about my God.
Why is this so serious for me when so many can breeze in and out of churches and it never really burns them down into their core? I don't know. I can speculate, but I'd prefer to speak from what I know.
I am a loser. Plain and simple. The lost sock. The guy who just doesn't get it. The one that stands on the outskirts. The one who doesn't like what everyone else likes, or talk like everyone else talks. I have seen the futility and the wrongs in this world and I have seen my inability to change myself or anyone else. My inability to do anything about the wrongs. My inability to make sense of it all. To someone like me... and I am not alone, there are many of us... there are few choices. Nihilism and hedonism are two of the biggest choices. My dark and ascetic nature leans more toward nihilism, the lack of belief in anything, than toward hedonism, simply because I can't lie to myself like that. To seek pleasure is to live blind to my speeding end and the pain around me.
It is a depressed and bleak existence. But what else is there with no good, no God, no hope. I unfortunately, could not blindly ignore the obvious and hide in my trinkets and drugs and sex and fun. I have sucked on a gun barrel more than once. I know what a knife blade feels like on my wrists. The only thing that kept me from doing it was the simple phrase, "what if the Catholics are right?" What if I did it and there was suddenly a God there condemning me to hell for eternity because of my suicide? I was already in hell, I couldn't take it for eternity, even if there was a glimmer of hope. Give me oblivion or heaven. So I lived in a way that disregarded my health. I would not eat. I would not wear a seat belt, even when I had a jeep with no doors. I hung out in seedy places, just waiting for my number to come up. I cut myself to make the inside pain ease by feeling it on the outside. I carved designs in my skin. I worked at a nursery and pruned roses bare-handed and carried cactus by the stalks, letting the needles pierce deep in my shoulder and hands. I smashed my head into mirrors just hoping they would shatter and cut me. I was walking dead. Then came the psychosomatic illnesses. The feelings of wretching and dying in the stomach. The spasms. The worst pain ever and it wouldn't stop. I probed into the occult, looking to see if there was something beyond this misery and pain. There I met more misery and pain. I began to be tormented psychologically. Demons tailed me and mocked me openly. I even came within inches of killing someone for cutting in line once. My hands shook so bad I could barely hold a fork, so I ate even less. Reality began to unravel. My death was coming, I could tell.
And then one day in desperation, I broke, with a soul scream so deep that it rippled shock waves through the room, crying out for help. I was at the end of myself. And suddenly Jesus was there. He was real. He was holy. His presence like a nuclear bomb. And with a whisper from him the demons were gone, the world blew away, and I was in perfect peace. I thought I was finally in the oblivion I sought, but slowly the world reformed and over years I learned to breathe and walk and eat again in a new world, in a new way. The Bible suddenly made so much more sense. It was informed by my experience. I can hear the depth and desperation in the words...by grace you are saved...I bear on my body the marks of Jesus...mercy, not sacrifice.
The old me is truly gone. I have participated in the regeneration of man by merging with Christ. My soul is his. I gave up myself into oblivion and found that there is no void...only Him. And he gave my soul back to me, repaired. The me he created was reinstalled, my spirit, my soul. My body and mind are still in process. They are still imperfect and still sometimes wracked by the terrors I have known.
But deep in me, when I turn silent and contemplate reality, there is my savior, his holy wind surrounding me. The one that owns me. The one that reformed me from the ashes of my own destruction. There is no sex, no meditation, no flow closer or more complete than this presence. Without him, I am lost. I know the horror of my self and of the world.
So you see, for me, Jesus isn't about making my life happy. It isn't about success, or complying with religious prescriptions. If that were the case, I would have no hope. It's too late for me in that. But as much as someone may believe those things, I know they aren't true. I hang entirely on him. I couldn't possibly deny him. And I would gladly go to my death over it. So I can't bear to hear anyone who claims to represent Jesus say or do things that would turn souls like me away from who He really is.
It's hard to say these things. Hard to commit them to writing. I seriously thought I was psychotic for a long time. But they have been confirmed. They are true. Perhaps this month has been about teaching me just how true and burning off some latent fears about expressing this part of me.
But when it comes to things that I do believe, I truly believe them. There is no middle ground on those, just like I have no doubt that I am typing on this keyboard and sitting in this chair. And just as I have no doubt that Japan does in fact exist because I have been there. Just as certain as these things are, so are the things I believe about Christianity.
When someone starts trying to teach others things that I do not believe to be true. Things that go utterly against the character and nature of what I hold dear, I have a hard time. It isn't about intolerance, as I have said above. I respect people's rights to believe and to think for themselves. But just like no man would suffer someone to insult or defame his wife or children, so I feel about my God.
Why is this so serious for me when so many can breeze in and out of churches and it never really burns them down into their core? I don't know. I can speculate, but I'd prefer to speak from what I know.
I am a loser. Plain and simple. The lost sock. The guy who just doesn't get it. The one that stands on the outskirts. The one who doesn't like what everyone else likes, or talk like everyone else talks. I have seen the futility and the wrongs in this world and I have seen my inability to change myself or anyone else. My inability to do anything about the wrongs. My inability to make sense of it all. To someone like me... and I am not alone, there are many of us... there are few choices. Nihilism and hedonism are two of the biggest choices. My dark and ascetic nature leans more toward nihilism, the lack of belief in anything, than toward hedonism, simply because I can't lie to myself like that. To seek pleasure is to live blind to my speeding end and the pain around me.
It is a depressed and bleak existence. But what else is there with no good, no God, no hope. I unfortunately, could not blindly ignore the obvious and hide in my trinkets and drugs and sex and fun. I have sucked on a gun barrel more than once. I know what a knife blade feels like on my wrists. The only thing that kept me from doing it was the simple phrase, "what if the Catholics are right?" What if I did it and there was suddenly a God there condemning me to hell for eternity because of my suicide? I was already in hell, I couldn't take it for eternity, even if there was a glimmer of hope. Give me oblivion or heaven. So I lived in a way that disregarded my health. I would not eat. I would not wear a seat belt, even when I had a jeep with no doors. I hung out in seedy places, just waiting for my number to come up. I cut myself to make the inside pain ease by feeling it on the outside. I carved designs in my skin. I worked at a nursery and pruned roses bare-handed and carried cactus by the stalks, letting the needles pierce deep in my shoulder and hands. I smashed my head into mirrors just hoping they would shatter and cut me. I was walking dead. Then came the psychosomatic illnesses. The feelings of wretching and dying in the stomach. The spasms. The worst pain ever and it wouldn't stop. I probed into the occult, looking to see if there was something beyond this misery and pain. There I met more misery and pain. I began to be tormented psychologically. Demons tailed me and mocked me openly. I even came within inches of killing someone for cutting in line once. My hands shook so bad I could barely hold a fork, so I ate even less. Reality began to unravel. My death was coming, I could tell.
And then one day in desperation, I broke, with a soul scream so deep that it rippled shock waves through the room, crying out for help. I was at the end of myself. And suddenly Jesus was there. He was real. He was holy. His presence like a nuclear bomb. And with a whisper from him the demons were gone, the world blew away, and I was in perfect peace. I thought I was finally in the oblivion I sought, but slowly the world reformed and over years I learned to breathe and walk and eat again in a new world, in a new way. The Bible suddenly made so much more sense. It was informed by my experience. I can hear the depth and desperation in the words...by grace you are saved...I bear on my body the marks of Jesus...mercy, not sacrifice.
The old me is truly gone. I have participated in the regeneration of man by merging with Christ. My soul is his. I gave up myself into oblivion and found that there is no void...only Him. And he gave my soul back to me, repaired. The me he created was reinstalled, my spirit, my soul. My body and mind are still in process. They are still imperfect and still sometimes wracked by the terrors I have known.
But deep in me, when I turn silent and contemplate reality, there is my savior, his holy wind surrounding me. The one that owns me. The one that reformed me from the ashes of my own destruction. There is no sex, no meditation, no flow closer or more complete than this presence. Without him, I am lost. I know the horror of my self and of the world.
So you see, for me, Jesus isn't about making my life happy. It isn't about success, or complying with religious prescriptions. If that were the case, I would have no hope. It's too late for me in that. But as much as someone may believe those things, I know they aren't true. I hang entirely on him. I couldn't possibly deny him. And I would gladly go to my death over it. So I can't bear to hear anyone who claims to represent Jesus say or do things that would turn souls like me away from who He really is.
It's hard to say these things. Hard to commit them to writing. I seriously thought I was psychotic for a long time. But they have been confirmed. They are true. Perhaps this month has been about teaching me just how true and burning off some latent fears about expressing this part of me.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
church
Last night, I spent a good long time writing a blog only to have it glitch and disappear on me. That is the most frustrating thing! But I have to assume it just wasn't supposed to be published. Honestly, I've had that same glitchiness save me many times in the past when I would be writing some invective or other. Then, voop! It's gone and the energy is expended. The fire is out. And fortunately, I didn't send it to anyone. But last night, was not an invective at all. In fact, it seemed one of the more poetic and beautiful things I've written here...shows what I know, right!
Well, lately, I've been thinking a lot about something that I think I need to process here in writing. I don't really know where this will go. I've been bugged to death lately about certain things that happen in church. I don't get the authority structure. I've tried to buy in, or at least sit down and shut up, but it just isn't clicking. I don't believe it. People keep trying to "educate" me or bring me along, but I just want to stand on the table and yell BS! I mean, I love the people. I know we're all just working our faith out the best we can. I know the motives behind it even. Here's what I mean:
I grew up in a very evangelical nondenominational church with conservative roots in the Presbyterian end of the hall. The church was run by a group of elected elders, the pastor was one of them, but had no single control or leadership role. His job was to teach and guide. This church was drunk on scholarly knowledge and quenched spirituality, and plagued by politics and in-fighting. My Dad, one of the deacons and later, elders, used to come home and frustrated over the drawn out arguments and ulterior motives. They were stifled in it.
Now I go to a church that is the polar opposite. Nondenom. with strong Baptist roots and its a cult of personality. Run by one man and his vision. The rest of us are supposed to jump on the band-wagon and make it happen or get out of the way. I have to say this is efficient in some ways. Things get done. There's no politics. But, man, it's a his-way-or-the-highway setup for anyone under the pastor and his team. I am confident from talking with him and other pastors in the leadership there that this is not his intent, nor even his understanding, but that's the message we get from the lackeys! I've watched so many people leave angry or upset because they couldn't get even an ear to hear what they had to say.
Well, I can play that game too. What if I were to say that I was as much of a visioned leader and prophet of God's will as they make this guy out to be? What if I was to say, I'm the crusader sent by God to be the voice of the trampled, the unheard? A modern voice crying out in the wilderness? I've got as much claim to it as anyone!
But I'm not saying that. It's pure ego to do so. Why is it that those who claim to follow Christ so often abandon his example in favor of made-up institutions. The body of Christ is the people. Churches, the Ekklesia, are people, not organizations. Jesus defied the leaders of his day that lorded their power over others in the name of God. He derided them openly. He never spoke that way to the "sinners". To the hurting or confused individuals. Only to the self-righteous religious.
Sure there are authorities that are in place and for good reason. People need governance and guidance. But no one is entitled to their title. The first shall be last. And the greatest shall be the servant of all. I know this pastor and his team would agree. But they need to call down the religious zealots and flatterers that are running amok telling everyone that God put them in authority and they are allowed to issue orders. If not, their negligence will be their downfall.
God is merciful, so people wil be fine, but no single church is some great bastion of the Elect any more than any other. We're all right about some things and wrong about others. All have sinned and fall short. The real church, sits crosswise through all of our institutions. And to pervert plain words and common sense in God's name will quickly be seen as the falsehood it is. People will leave...and the fact is pastors, your people take care of you as much as you like to think you take care of them. Don't forget that. churches are on every corner and you delude yourself to think yours is that different. Just look at any church website. They ALL think they're different. Don't lord power or let it be lorded in your name.
Jesus is humble and gentle in spirit. Not self-seeking or self-exalting. Not flattering, but gritty and real. Sad that so many good people will be deluded and then delude others. Better to teach those who will listento think for themselves. To evaluate and weight the words of even yourself. Don't revere leaders, whatever they have is what they have received, just like us. All should be equally respected, regardless of station.
Well, lately, I've been thinking a lot about something that I think I need to process here in writing. I don't really know where this will go. I've been bugged to death lately about certain things that happen in church. I don't get the authority structure. I've tried to buy in, or at least sit down and shut up, but it just isn't clicking. I don't believe it. People keep trying to "educate" me or bring me along, but I just want to stand on the table and yell BS! I mean, I love the people. I know we're all just working our faith out the best we can. I know the motives behind it even. Here's what I mean:
I grew up in a very evangelical nondenominational church with conservative roots in the Presbyterian end of the hall. The church was run by a group of elected elders, the pastor was one of them, but had no single control or leadership role. His job was to teach and guide. This church was drunk on scholarly knowledge and quenched spirituality, and plagued by politics and in-fighting. My Dad, one of the deacons and later, elders, used to come home and frustrated over the drawn out arguments and ulterior motives. They were stifled in it.
Now I go to a church that is the polar opposite. Nondenom. with strong Baptist roots and its a cult of personality. Run by one man and his vision. The rest of us are supposed to jump on the band-wagon and make it happen or get out of the way. I have to say this is efficient in some ways. Things get done. There's no politics. But, man, it's a his-way-or-the-highway setup for anyone under the pastor and his team. I am confident from talking with him and other pastors in the leadership there that this is not his intent, nor even his understanding, but that's the message we get from the lackeys! I've watched so many people leave angry or upset because they couldn't get even an ear to hear what they had to say.
Well, I can play that game too. What if I were to say that I was as much of a visioned leader and prophet of God's will as they make this guy out to be? What if I was to say, I'm the crusader sent by God to be the voice of the trampled, the unheard? A modern voice crying out in the wilderness? I've got as much claim to it as anyone!
But I'm not saying that. It's pure ego to do so. Why is it that those who claim to follow Christ so often abandon his example in favor of made-up institutions. The body of Christ is the people. Churches, the Ekklesia, are people, not organizations. Jesus defied the leaders of his day that lorded their power over others in the name of God. He derided them openly. He never spoke that way to the "sinners". To the hurting or confused individuals. Only to the self-righteous religious.
Sure there are authorities that are in place and for good reason. People need governance and guidance. But no one is entitled to their title. The first shall be last. And the greatest shall be the servant of all. I know this pastor and his team would agree. But they need to call down the religious zealots and flatterers that are running amok telling everyone that God put them in authority and they are allowed to issue orders. If not, their negligence will be their downfall.
God is merciful, so people wil be fine, but no single church is some great bastion of the Elect any more than any other. We're all right about some things and wrong about others. All have sinned and fall short. The real church, sits crosswise through all of our institutions. And to pervert plain words and common sense in God's name will quickly be seen as the falsehood it is. People will leave...and the fact is pastors, your people take care of you as much as you like to think you take care of them. Don't forget that. churches are on every corner and you delude yourself to think yours is that different. Just look at any church website. They ALL think they're different. Don't lord power or let it be lorded in your name.
Jesus is humble and gentle in spirit. Not self-seeking or self-exalting. Not flattering, but gritty and real. Sad that so many good people will be deluded and then delude others. Better to teach those who will listento think for themselves. To evaluate and weight the words of even yourself. Don't revere leaders, whatever they have is what they have received, just like us. All should be equally respected, regardless of station.
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