Power

Power can never be taken.  It can only be given.  This is absolutely true.  To understand it, though, we have to understand power.

Merriam-Webster defines it as 1. ability to act or produce an effect. 2. possession of control, influence, or authority over others. 3. physical might.

I'm obviously talking about definition 2, but in a less direct way, my statement also applies to 1 and 3.

So regarding power over others, this power can only be given with the consent of those over whom it is exercised.  We don't like to think of it that way because too many of us lay down and roll over to let people have power over us.  We want to feel excused, that there was nothing we could do.  But this is false because no one can physically make you do anything you do not choose to do.

Actually, there's two exceptions.  They can make you hurt and they can make you die.  But they still can't make you do anything they want you to do.  What we call oppression is really just strong coercion.  An oppressor finds something we want and attempts to control our receipt of it contingent upon us doing what they want.  This doesn't always have to be negative.  Many rulers know that positive reinforcement is better than negative in many cases.  In this case we don't tend to call it oppression, but the principle is the same.  We want the reward, so we comply.  Parents use this all the time.

Another side of this coercion complex involves vilifying those who don't comply and making negative examples of them.  This plays on the human tendency to conform and really just greases the wheels of the coercive process.

But it doesn't always work.  If a person or people lose the fear of the consequences, the power is gone.  Unfortunately in our society, one of the largest coercive factors is the idea that death is the ultimate evil.  If life is to be preserved at all costs, the power is handed over.  It simply becomes a matter of the degree to which it is exercised.  But if death is not feared, the ruler is grasping at straws because even pain is not so effective a coercion simply because no ruler can hurt enough people.  sure it may work one on one, but usually this occurs only after someone has already given over too much power in the first place.

Here's some examples.  Ever wonder why Native Americans were not enslaved by the Europeans?  Why would they go to the trouble and expense to catch and ship over Africans when there was an ample supply of primitive people right in their own backyard?  The answer is that they tried.  The problem was that Native Americans were (and still are) an independent and defiant people who do not hand over their power.  Even if one could be taken alive, he or she would not work.  Give them a tool and they'd put it through your head.  Slack the chain and they'd wrap it around your neck.  Pen them up and try to break them, and they'd simply starve to death or take their own life before giving in.  Where do you think that fierce independent streak of American culture came from?  Indians weren't destroyed.  They were absorbed.  The distinct cultures were largely lost, but I am a living example of the assimilated, but not conquered people who have left an indelible mark on American culture.  Truly, modern American culture IS a hybrid of Native and European and African influences.  But I digress.

Secondly, the Christian martyrs, both ancient and modern.  They came from the dominant cultures in which they were found, but lost their fear of death and even pain because of their faith.  While they didn't often resort to violent resistance, they were never conquered and thousands have refused to submit to countless regimes that violated their beliefs.

Third, Muslim martyrs.  The reason Islamic terrorism is so scary is that it can occur anywhere and from anyone.  A people who are not afraid to die do not need to submit.

But I also mentioned torture as often the result of having given up power and attempting to take it back too late.  The best example I know are the Nazi concentration camp victims.  Countless people sat by and watched as they gave up more and more power to the Nazi regime.  Then even when they were being hauled away, few resisted.  Some did.  But not most.

The Christian martyrs are not exactly in this state because they willingly submitted to the torture because of their beliefs in nonviolence.  Since it was willing, they weren't technically abdicating their power, but choosing not to exercise their power out of deference to God, whom they believed to be in control even in that time.  Some were miraculously rescued, others weren't.  But before you go trying to say this proves God doesn't exist or didn't favor them, remember what I said about death not being the ultimate evil.

I want to be clear, that I'm not downplaying the strength of the coercion.  I'm not judging anyone for acting or not acting in any way.  Until we're there, we can't say how we'd react either.  I'm simply pointing out that these were indeed cases where power was given and not taken.

I'm not even saying it is wrong to always allow someone power over you.  Certainly there are cases where it is wise, prudent, beneficial, and even good to submit.  The difference is the understanding of what we're doing.  It is voluntary submission.  No human has power over another by innate right.  It is ALWAYS by the consent of the governed.

This understanding should color our views of those over us.  It should also color our views of those under us.  Doubtless someone will quote the Bible passage about submitting to those in authority because God placed them there.  Yes.  I agree.  What does this have to do with my point?  I still have the choice to submit or not, for good or ill.  I still can't be compelled to do what a ruler says.  And if you are citing this passage, I'd like to also point out the many others about leaders whom God also took down...many through the violent and bloody hands of His people.  So it cuts both ways, pastor.  Are you so certain of which type of leader you are?

So where does this leave us?  Is there a way to act in society?  Yes, I think a mutual respect among all people, a servant leadership that understands it is just that, paired with a diverse and necessary body of others who are no less necessary and no less favored.  While this is an ideal that may be hard to reach (at least in the US), I suggest we at least reclaim the mannered equipoise of many cultures past and present:  Know you have less power than you think you do, and there's always a chance I could be more coercive than you, or at least willing to put you to the ultimate test of defending your power (i.e. I might kill you.)  So let's just be polite and we'll get along fine.

As for a better way, I think we have that as well.  God, being the prime source and beyond our influence altogether, has established that goodness and love flow from Him to us.  Goodness and love draw the recipient toward the giver.  Thus we comply not from coercion, but as a gift back.  It works in the human realm, we've all seen it.  Betrayal is universally denounced.  Good deserves good.  Love deserves love.  It sidesteps the whole power dynamic altogether.  This is how Jesus operated.  This is how many Christians operate.  It just had to start somewhere, and God took care of that for us.  Or rather, He established the universe that way, so we really have no other choice.  To defy it simply negates our own being.  A self-perpetuating system, no punishment necessary.

So I'll leave you with this.  If you are having to manipulate and strive to get people to do what you think they should, you're doing something wrong.  If you have to beg for money or tell people God won't bless them.  If you have to make lighthearted threats to get them to sign up for your program.  You are slipping into the power dynamic, which means you don't have the power in the first place.  Forcing that will be your undoing.

The only winning move is not to play.

Horse

"But a false sense of power, a sense which had no root and was merely vibrated into me from the strength of the horse, had, alas, rendered me too stupid to listen to anything he said."

The quote above is from Lilith, by George MacDonald.  In this scene, Mr. Vane has been defeated and tricked by Lilith, and Mr. Raven is taking him to his house from which he fled in the first place.  Mr. Raven summons his horse, which is dark and spectral yet powerful beyond knowing to ease the journey of the weary Vane to his house where he must sleep.  Vane and the horse instantly bond and once on his back, Mr. Vane decides to leave Mr. Raven against his advice.  Raven cautions it will be to ruin again.  And then this quote.

The book in general is already one of my favorites ever and I haven't even finished it yet.  It has been speaking to me in so many ways.  But this line struck me today.

In this blog, I have recorded mere months ago the sense of triumph and power that I had been feeling.  While I had known it was from God, and not of myself, I, like Vane, couldn't help feeling as if it was mine.  When in fact it was only borrowed...no, not even that much possession.   The power was no more mine than is the strength and stamina of a powerful horse on which a man happens to sit.

Even then, in my deep heart I knew it would not last.  But how my vanity has cost me.  What damage I may have wrought in myself, my family, and those I love.  Feeling emboldened like never before I took actions and harboured feelings of authority that were not mine.

To the casual reader, this will seem different than it is.  I don't mean that I did any overtly egregious thing.  In fact, like Mr. Vane, my intentions were all honorable and above board.  I would fix what was wrong where my influence fell and would use this power to do so.  I didn't even "fall from grace" in the sense that we use it for leaders who make a public mistake.  No, it is far subtler.  Far more difficult to see, and therefore all the more damaging.  Like the loose screw in the engine that is so easily overlooked and yet once failed, will bring down the entire machine.

And yet in this realization, I am not even crushed.  Repentant, yes, falling on the grace which saved me, and intent to be better and to learn, but resting in the knowledge that it is ok.  My failing has not one bit thwarted the will and plans of my God.  He will right all wrongs and preserve His children from undue harm.

Perhaps I am also McDonald's stupid philanthropist who would use the grace given me to spare those within my influence from the very thing most needful: that which would be the vehicle of their healing.

All traces of my vanity must die.

Reckless and Painful

The things we feel strongest about are the things we struggle with ourselves.  I recently realized how a few strands of the complex nature-nurture paradigm sort out for myself.  Funny I never saw it before, because it seems so obvious.  Certainly some of my lack of conformity and counter-culture proclivity is natural.  But more than I thought of it is learned.  Not learned, in the positive sense, but in the defensive sense.  Conditioned, I guess is a better word.  This web is complex and I can't sort it all out here.

If you read this blog much, it will be apparent to you that I often struggle with doubt and self-criticism.  I have a pessimistic outlook and must actively look for the good.  I always thought there was something wrong with me, an imbalance of some kind, or just a strangely Puddleglum-like demeanour.  But I'm starting to suspect this may not be the case.  Ultimately, I am what I am now and can't sort out what all is natural vs effects of events and conditions.

But what I can take away from this is that I can like myself.  You see, I have always truly understood that I didn't measure up.  I never cut it.  So I looked for ways to get around it or avoid having to be faced with it.  Ironically, instead of giving up, I learned how to hide it well.  To put on the expected face and even to function at quite a high level.  I've recently learned this is common of people who are raised in an overly critical environment.  Again, I'm not saying it is all someone else's fault, but I previously never considered that it might not be all my fault.  So this is gained ground for me.

Even though I knew God loved me, I could truly never understand why.  This is overwhelming and inhibiting in some ways.  I am now learning to let go of some of that intense self-criticism and see the way God sees me. See myself the way I see others.

This also explains some of my deep hatred for those who prey on those weaker and helpless.  My deep desire to build up and care for the lost and rejected.  I subconsciously can't abide to see another facing what I feel.  To see it ignored. 

It isn't subconscious any more.  Now instead of needing to do it, I can choose to do it.  And I do choose it.  I don't have to.  I could shelter and hedge and prevent further hurt.  But I'm not going to do that.  I'm going to continue to love recklessly and choose to take the hurt that may come with it.  This is what Jesus did.  And this is what he's calling me to do.  So what may have been bad will be turned to good.  My pain will be others' solace.

This in no way excuses those who may have done something wrong to me.  "Woe to the one through whom it comes".  But I will learn to forgive and will pay my pain forward in love.  This is the power of Christ's redemption.  I am freed from fear of pain, freed from the need for self-preservation.  This truly makes me righteous and dangerous, and I can love recklessly and painfully.

I am scarred and broken.  I am wounded and hurt.  I will always be weird and misunderstood.  I will still have bad spells.  But I understand a bit more of who I really am now.  A bit more of the name on the stone has been revealed.  There is power in this.

God did it

I've been saving this up until the entire deal was over and I could safely say so.  Now I believe it is true.  Here's the story.

We bought our house at the tail end of the housing peak.  We were smart enough to avoid the pitfall mortgages and to buy a house that we could afford.  We bought it under value, did lots of work to it, and in a year had it reappraised.  We had gained significant equity which we thought would preserve us during the inevitable crash that everyone with a brain saw coming.  But it didn't.  The values fell so far that we not only lost the equity but the house was valued at less than half what we paid for it.

Now things were still good in that we could afford it.  But the neighborhood, which was not the best in the first place began to slip and we could not sell or refinance.  We were locked into the payment for thirty years.  At the rate of recovery there was no way we could ever make back the money and certainly not within a time frame which we needed to move.

So we debated several things and investigated options and ultimately sat on it until the time seemed right.  Earlier this year, that time hit.  We decided we needed to get out.  Trouble at my son's school, new neighbor issues, the huge albatross of a home investment, family issues all pointed to one thing.  But we knew we had no options before.  but we also know that God is all powerful and works in the world today.  So I asked him to take care of this some way or other.

I called the bank to ask about options, knowing there weren't many for people who were smart enough to afford their homes...why would a bank help someone who could pay?  But they said there were programs for our case.  So I needed a realtor.  My wife knew one who turned out to specialize in short sales, so we signed up with her.  She gave us details about programs and processes and we were in for the haul, expecting this could take nearly a year and cost us money in the end.

But then the bank told us they had a program that was essentially a "no doc" short sale.  We say we need to sell and they work with us to do it.  No financial record search, no haggling, etc.  Our realtor had never had something like this before.  Even her other short sales with far more hardship were slow and painful.

We listed the house and had a buyer in less than a week.  The bank told us how much we needed to get and we had more than that.  It took a few months to work out all the paperwork, etc, but this month we closed the sale, had the balance of debt written off, and even came a way with a nice relocation incentive.  All told about 4 months.

We even found a nice house to rent in a good area with more square footage and for less than our mortgage payment.  I know no one who has had it this easy.  Our realtor doesn't either.  I know others in the process who are struggling through in the typical fashion or through other similar relief options.

I did nothing to make this happen.  I have no special knowledge of real estate, and I am not a holy man.  There is only one explanation for this entire process:  I asked God to do it and he did.  I don't know why he might not do it for other people.  I'm not going to start making theological premises out of it.  Suffice to say it is not by works of righteousness which I have done.  But the credit must go to my God who claims to know and control all things and who promises to give us good things, and he did.

The Devil

What a topic. Some people are afraid to talk about it. Others want to focus too much on it. For others it's a cartoon idea that they like to play cutesy about. Theology aside, what is this thing we call the devil?

I have spent much of my life afraid. Terrified truly. I am mostly a fish out of water everywhere. I know what it is to feel different and to be incapable of making myself to be like others. This led to a lot of anxiety about people. What I didn't know, what I wasn't taught is that there is a being, are beings, that prey on fear...like feeding on it. They have no other real power, but they are very very good at pretending to have it.

I went through a time in my life when certain senses were awakening that these beings were very present to me. And that too was terrifying. I could recount visages and happenings worthy of a horror movie...worse because you can't just walk away or turn off your life. Even if it wasn't truly occurring, but only some psychological delusion, the effect was the same. I was paralyzed from doing anything else and anything good, and terrified. This led to a fear of the very idea of a devil.

This was necessary as a tool to keep my distance from these things, but is not good over the long term because, as Rowling said, fear of the word increases fear of the thing. Which is precisely what they, he, it wants. To instill fear.

But recently, I have come to realize that Jack's interpretation of the devil as nothing more than a sniveling annoying brat is far more accurate. It has taken a long long time to come to this and I know it will sound far weaker to anyone else. But it is huge for me.

Even though I had come to understand that his power was only to terrify and that there was no substance to any threat, it was still pee your pants scary and I didn't want to engage it at all. I knew I couldn't win in a direct fight; truly to engage in the fight at all was to give him power that he did not possess on his own. So I avoided.

But that meant that he was ever lurking to get me. Dark corners would bother me, certain times of night, certain conditions, thoughts had to be avoided to keep from engaging. But now I am finding that fear abating. Not entirely, but definitely. I am not as afraid. I can see how he need be nothing more than a mere annoyance, worthy of pounding the crap out of him given the chance. A kickdog. I don't mean to move into that fallacy of fighting the devil at every turn and disrespecting the spirits. This is a false power, and all false power is power given to him.

I hope and pray that this is not a phase, but a real step upward. It would be revolutionary in me. I know I am being trained, made perfect for something. We all are. As long as we live we are being trained, so this isn't prideful. To stop being trained is to end life in this world. But in me, which is the only person I can see inside of, I know this is a ground-taking step. Because to lose fear of fear embodied is to lose it altogether, and that means I become far more dangerous. Far more powerful. I want to reach into those dark corners where the bogey lurks and grab him by the throat. I feel ready to reach through to the other side of the mirror where the demons mock me in my sins, take one by the feet, and use it as a flail to drive off the herd. The hell hound at my hind will soon get a knife straight up through his hot jaws and into his tiny little brain.

All hell can't stop me now, in Jesus name!

church

Last night, I spent a good long time writing a blog only to have it glitch and disappear on me. That is the most frustrating thing! But I have to assume it just wasn't supposed to be published. Honestly, I've had that same glitchiness save me many times in the past when I would be writing some invective or other. Then, voop! It's gone and the energy is expended. The fire is out. And fortunately, I didn't send it to anyone. But last night, was not an invective at all. In fact, it seemed one of the more poetic and beautiful things I've written here...shows what I know, right!

Well, lately, I've been thinking a lot about something that I think I need to process here in writing. I don't really know where this will go. I've been bugged to death lately about certain things that happen in church. I don't get the authority structure. I've tried to buy in, or at least sit down and shut up, but it just isn't clicking. I don't believe it. People keep trying to "educate" me or bring me along, but I just want to stand on the table and yell BS! I mean, I love the people. I know we're all just working our faith out the best we can. I know the motives behind it even. Here's what I mean:

I grew up in a very evangelical nondenominational church with conservative roots in the Presbyterian end of the hall. The church was run by a group of elected elders, the pastor was one of them, but had no single control or leadership role. His job was to teach and guide. This church was drunk on scholarly knowledge and quenched spirituality, and plagued by politics and in-fighting. My Dad, one of the deacons and later, elders, used to come home and frustrated over the drawn out arguments and ulterior motives. They were stifled in it.

Now I go to a church that is the polar opposite. Nondenom. with strong Baptist roots and its a cult of personality. Run by one man and his vision. The rest of us are supposed to jump on the band-wagon and make it happen or get out of the way. I have to say this is efficient in some ways. Things get done. There's no politics. But, man, it's a his-way-or-the-highway setup for anyone under the pastor and his team. I am confident from talking with him and other pastors in the leadership there that this is not his intent, nor even his understanding, but that's the message we get from the lackeys! I've watched so many people leave angry or upset because they couldn't get even an ear to hear what they had to say.

Well, I can play that game too. What if I were to say that I was as much of a visioned leader and prophet of God's will as they make this guy out to be? What if I was to say, I'm the crusader sent by God to be the voice of the trampled, the unheard? A modern voice crying out in the wilderness? I've got as much claim to it as anyone!

But I'm not saying that. It's pure ego to do so. Why is it that those who claim to follow Christ so often abandon his example in favor of made-up institutions. The body of Christ is the people. Churches, the Ekklesia, are people, not organizations. Jesus defied the leaders of his day that lorded their power over others in the name of God. He derided them openly. He never spoke that way to the "sinners". To the hurting or confused individuals. Only to the self-righteous religious.

Sure there are authorities that are in place and for good reason. People need governance and guidance. But no one is entitled to their title. The first shall be last. And the greatest shall be the servant of all. I know this pastor and his team would agree. But they need to call down the religious zealots and flatterers that are running amok telling everyone that God put them in authority and they are allowed to issue orders. If not, their negligence will be their downfall.

God is merciful, so people wil be fine, but no single church is some great bastion of the Elect any more than any other. We're all right about some things and wrong about others. All have sinned and fall short. The real church, sits crosswise through all of our institutions. And to pervert plain words and common sense in God's name will quickly be seen as the falsehood it is. People will leave...and the fact is pastors, your people take care of you as much as you like to think you take care of them. Don't forget that. churches are on every corner and you delude yourself to think yours is that different. Just look at any church website. They ALL think they're different. Don't lord power or let it be lorded in your name.

Jesus is humble and gentle in spirit. Not self-seeking or self-exalting. Not flattering, but gritty and real. Sad that so many good people will be deluded and then delude others. Better to teach those who will listento think for themselves. To evaluate and weight the words of even yourself. Don't revere leaders, whatever they have is what they have received, just like us. All should be equally respected, regardless of station.

Authority and Submission

Wow, this could be a big topic. But I'll try to keep to the point. I have a huge problem with authority. I much more naturally go for the DIY. The thing is, I'm not afraid to do the work myself so that I don't have to rely on the authority alone. Call it a Berean thing. I'm just not going to take your word for it.

But there are some things we can't work out on our own. Some things we just can't know...at least not now, given the knowledge and experience we have at the moment. And there are some things that we have to take on authority. The key to authority though, is trust. That's why I have a problem with human authority. People are fallible. Sometimes we are forced to accept human authority, and I can do this. I don't like beating my head against the wall.

But then there's God's authority and that is a whole different animal. Today, I heard someone talking on the radio about this very thing. In this case there is no fallibility. His authority is not conferred, and therefore can't be questioned. It is what it is. A good deal of being a Christian is coming to understand just how true this is. As the teacher was saying on the radio, how many of us only want to recognize the nice Jesus. Few of us ever want to think about the Lord of lords Jesus. The Captain of the Host. The Master of the elements. The one before whom even rebellious demons bow and obey. Even if we acknowledge this God, we don't often think of what that means for us. This same fierce magnanimous absolute Ruler is our very Ruler. Our Master. This is what being a Christian means. We have enlisted. Accepted that role. Taken our place under His authority. Submitted. So when He tells us to go, we should go. When He tells us to wait, we should wait. And when He tells us to trust, or change, or endure so we should. Regardless of feeling, regardless of ability. When that very same power and authority that spun the universe into motion and knows the path of every quark and particle, the one that routs armies and defeats death, turns His eye on us, how much more should we comply like plastic putty to His will! Especially when that same mouth that erupts flaming power and thunder bends low to kiss us gently and those blazing hands stroke our head lovingly.

In the love and devotion that we feel for our Lover let us never forget that this same is Brighter than any star, hotter than any flame, sharper than any sword, fiercer than any warrior, and is capable of obliterating us as if we never were with the merest inkling. Thank God, His love is as deep as His power is absolute. Fear it, embrace it, tremble in it, and submit to it. In this undoing of the self before such devastating power we are remade in the form that He wishes us to take. Abandon to it and find all that was missing! When He commands my soul, even I can't stand in my way.