I'm pretty sure Jesus just rode past me on a bike

OK.  Long title, I know.  It's also been a really long time since I posted anything.  Bygones.

When I run in the swamps every week, it's a real spiritual time for me.  Like John Muir, that's my church.  It's common for me to come out with a revelation of some sort.  Sometimes these are very profound, sometimes kind of silly...like the time I realized that "catch your breath" is exactly the opposite of what happens.  More like we outrun our breath and it has to catch us. But no one says, "I have to stop and let my breath catch up."  But I digress...

This week, the place was entirely deserted when I got there.  Humans are usually pretty scarce when I go, but this day, there was not a sole around.  That alone makes the wild places more majikal (my spelling distinguishes between the real otherworldy supernatural quality and the performance art).  Things just come more alive, seriously, there's more animals visible, etc.

This time though, I was also wearing some natural bug repellent.  With zika on the rise, I figured some form of protection might be prudent.  But this stuff smelled intoxicatingly sweet, like standing in a field of wildflowers.  If you haven't stood in a field of flowers and felt the light-headed giddiness of the perfumes, you don't know what you're missing.

So these two factors were making the place seem way more majikal than usual.  I kept seeing shapes move in the periphery that were gone when I looked, hearing sounds that seemed to have no known cause, feeling chills and shivers, and I thought, it's easy to see why Romantics were so taken with the idea of Faeries.  If they were real, this would be the time and place, you'd find them.  I half expected to fall into a toadstool ring and find myself in different world. Or to stumble across a party of them and be whisked away into a some adventure.

Then I thought, well maybe they aren't real.  But something sparked the notions, so perhaps other forms of being were actually afoot.  That's when I quickly recognized the danger of courting spiritual forces, which I have ample experience with.  So I turned my thoughts to God and thought whatever was up, He was in control of it.  And I asked if I could meet anything like that. Just have a peek behind the veil for a moment.  Then it occurred to me, that if I was asking for that, how much grander would it be to meet God himself moving through the swamp and how all it's glory would ignite with His presence reflecting and radiating through it.

That's when I felt the wind at my back.  It's hard to describe.  It's not there until I start running, and then I feel it pushing up from behind as well as running into it.  Stop and it stops, start and it starts.  In the extremely humid Florida swamps, much of this may be the very air flowing around me as I move through the thick vapor.  But if I've learned anything from my predecessors, it's that one must never assume that because something has a rational explanation, it doesn't also have a majikal dimension, like Uncle George's faerie realms where every flower and sunbeam is a palpable metaphysical argument.

I say this because as the wind whips around me, I often feel it urge me on, like a ethereal being swirling and gamboling around me.  I can almost hear it telling me to run.  And then it struck me deep inside like God often does...crack...Divine Wind...boom...like lightening in my deep brain.  What if that WAS God flowing around me.  The Gentle Blowing.  The Kurios Pnuema!  And I whispered, "God show me."

I kept running.  Through the hotter places, the new growth forest and the heat rippled sand flats.  Eventually I made it to the edge of the swamp.  Just like in a movie, this is the line where it goes from hot to cool, Sun to shade, open to heavily treed.  This is my cathedral.  Just in, I slowed and climbed the vine I usually scale.  4 meters up and then hang in the air.  Then slow back down.  It's my gate to the swamp, the antechamber of the sanctuary.  If God was going to meet me, it would likely happen in there. 

I slow to breath and cool down a minute, when out of nowhere I hear a clatter of bike wheels and a young muscular man with slightly long sandy brown hair erupts over a rise and cranks down hard.  I stayed to the side of the trail.  He made eye contact as soon as he came over the rise.  As he passed he smiled a big knowing smile, gave half a nod, and blew past me down the trail.

I padded off behind him as he disappeared out of site.  I thought how weird it was that he would come out of nowhere (usually I can hear them coming farther off)  and was going so fast in that heat that far from an entrance, and the look on his face was not the usual polite trail greeting; almost a knowing smile.  And then the second of my revelations hit me.  Maybe that was Him!

As I ran, my intellect argued, "Come on, just some guy.  He was probably smiling because you and he are the only crazy ones out here. Or he saw that we were half covered in dirt or something."  But I answered myself, "Yeah, but how else would we expect Jesus to look if he was to show up out here?"

My intellect responded, "Good point."

So I continued, "Heck, for that matter, he could be anyone!"...crack...Angels unware...crackle...least of these...rumble...When did we see you...BA BOOOOOOMMMM...

My intellect, my soul, my skeptic, and all the other parts of me stopped in their tracks...Whoa...

Run

Today I ran.  I run nearly every Friday.  Just me.  In the woods.  No shirt, low tech minimal shoes.  I don't run alone though.  God runs with me.  I can feel the Spirit Lord rush behind me, through me, over me.  Meet me at a bend, whisper to me, shout to me.  I follow his voice.  I run until he stops me.  Sometimes I run fast and hard. Sometimes I run slow.  Sometimes I pause.  Sometimes I am dropped on my butt in awe.

I don't just run.  I also climb, jump, balance, swing.  I am the animal I was made.  I am in tune with my ancestors.  I can feel their joy in me.  I interact with the real world.  Today I ran with deer.  Bounding around me along the trail.  I have argued with hogs.  I have followed raccoons.  I have petted armadillos.  I am becoming less a threat to them and more a part of their world.

I learn too.  Today, I vaulted the table again.  Twice.  I had been hampered by my own mind since falling hard several months ago.  I knew I could do it, but couldn't manage it.  Today I did it.  It was awkward, but successful.

I also ran up a new tree.  Four steps, nearly vertical, no hands.  I have tried many times.  This was the first.  I ran and ran.  I got two steps.  The next time I ran harder and got three steps.  But still not high enough.  Today, I got nearly there.  Then I decided to stop climbing and run the whole way.  The realization settled on me and I felt the flow engage as I focused hard on the first foot plant.  Then lifted my eyes to the end goal and I was soaring into it.  Beyond it actually.  It will only get easier from here.

It was the same with the side jumps.  Jump horizontally from one vertical surface to another.  I could manage one side and then slowly learned to land the other.  Now I can jump from one tree to another and continue forward motion.

This is the physical manifestation of my spiritual discipline.  In this practice, I am healed and made whole, even as my body aches.  Even the rips and tears in my skin, the bruises, the sore muscles are healing.  They are part of the warrior.  I am a man and need to feel physical pain to be wholly who I am made to be.  It confirms I exist and that I can survive.

I am this thing called man.  Half spiritual, half physical, ruler of the natural world, heir to the heavens.  When I run, all is merged into one whole and it is good.

Intensity

The last few posts have been whiny. It happens. This blog is about my raw reactions to life, so sometimes it gets that way. But I crossed a watershed. Suddenly, I didn't feel that way. I'll probably go there again sometime. But hopefully for not long. Life is not about finding some static place. It oscillates around a central tendency.

I realized that in my low time and doubts that I had forgotten something I once believed. Funny how that happens. God is the God of reason and science and ecology and medicine as well as faith, mystery, etc. These things are not foreign to him, but part of him and from him. I can accept these things and accept him. I know that sounds silly if you aren't in my head, but I don't want to spend too much time on it.

I also remembered that intensity must come out. Not everyone can handle the soft, safe, easy world we create. Some of us need conflict, physical pain, a quest, a cause. We need intensity. I am the poster child for "not everyone", so I feel confident in this. Some of us don't need more hugs, we need an occasional fist. We don't need to sit and be calm, we need to get up and make an impact.

I know this doesn't make sense to everyone, but if you find yourself falling into blahs of gray mindset. Go challenge yourself. You'll be surprised at what you can do. And you'll be surprised at how little it takes to change your mindset. But there needs to be a couple of elements: real danger, and realistic expectations. Without the real danger, the trial is not real. It is hollow. Another Disney version of life. You need to have the very real possibility to get bloody...and that may mean literally. I'm not saying be reckless. But it won't work if you play it too safe. Secondly, you need real expectations because this is not a video game or a movie. You won't be able to take that wall down, or lift that car, or hit that target, or climb that thing, or land that jump, or run that far in one or 10 or 100 attempts maybe. This does not mean you failed. Push yourself to your limit, and then push a little more. And then look at what you've done.

For me the best part is that the world quiets down in these settings. There is only the need of the moment. All else become distant. And the real world comes out. Here's a story. Every week I tear myself to shreds in the woods. It's Parkour training, Tarzan style. Natural movements, climbing, running, jumping, stripped as bare as I can make it. I go get lost in the woods and run until I can barely run anymore. I have no comparison except myself. I know what I did before and what I do now. Slowly I am getting faster, more confident in my steps, more stamina. And then this week after getting much more lost than I intended and running for far longer than usual to get back out, I was almost done with my legs seizing and my back tensing and my feet feeling heavier and heavier. Then I saw a deer on the trail running away from me. I heard in the back of my head a voice say, "chase it!" So I pulled my strength together and ran hard and quiet (which is hard when you're tired). The voice said, "run like your ancestors did!" and I ran fast. Then I saw where the deer had darted into cover and there was no more sound. I knew it was there watching me somewhere. I looked and looked, stifling my breath. Then I saw it looking back at me, not 20 yards off. We stared for a moment and it realized I was not going to kill it. Then it turned and bounded off. I had run down a deer! A real deer! Just like my ancestors and yours have all done. If I had needed food, I would have had it at that point with a quick prayer and arrow. In that moment, I had connected with primal human existence. The kind of existence where God walks beside us and there is only what is. I felt powerful.

So if you know someone who needs this, help them get out. They may not need coddling. Maybe they need regular doses of what is real and primal. Come with me if you want. Learn what you really are. Not this soft lump of mediocre flesh, but the hardened beast that walks upright with sharp mind and sharp eyes, fierce and wise and just. If you feel this pull, it's your birthright. Claim it.

Uncommercial

I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy with many things and haven't felt a pressing need to lay out my thoughts in this way. That in itself is a good thing. Life is storms and calms. This must be one of the calms.

I've been working on a stand up paddle board of my own design. It's plywood and very short. The idea is to make something that is ultra cheap and portable. It turned out to be a bit more work than I anticipated, but it floats well. One more small modification and it will be finished. As a prototype, I've already got some better ideas for the next one. The plan is for three personal craft that fit in my short bed small pickup. One for each person in my family. It's my first foray into boat building and I'm learning a lot. It's a skill that I feel bridges a big gap for me and ties two great interests...water and woodwork.

My parkour training has continued and I'm seeing slow progression while not injuring myself. My training partner had his first injury this week, but I think he's ok. My mind has been centered on flow more lately. Obviously there is still need for drilling basics, but I am ready to start stringing them together and taking routes. It's an interesting art. Like many urban activities that are real and dangerous, it is forced to be a guerrilla sport. Find a location, climb it, and keep moving before people have a chance to run us off. We're also getting good at spotting potential nay-sayers and avoiding a meeting.

One thing I've learned is the difference in the training demo technique and the actual practice. Like most things, they don't often match exactly. At some point, you just have to go for it and find what works for you as an individual. Not to mention that there are variations among the experts too. Not in large part, but every master teaches what works best for them. This gives rise to various styles. As a very new and very unexploitable art, I feel connected to something primal. It stands amidst our commercial culture, but distinctly outside it. It ignores rules of how people should move through a built environment. It ignores rules about how we should train...no schools. People of course are forever trying to force it into those molds, but it has resisted largely thanks to the philosophies of David Belle and many of the current masters.

I've also been reading My Ishmael, third in Daniel Quinn's series. It dovetails nicely with what I've said above. As always, I don't entirely agree with Quinn's take on history or on what should happen in the future, but he does bring many excellent things to light about education, economics, and what it means to be human. Most notably this time, I have been thinking about commercialism. How we base everything on products and selling. Trade of goods and services. Commodities. It doesn't have to be this way. It isn't this way in many places. I used to think we needed overhaul of many paradigms, but they remained closely rooted in what is...for example, I love steady-state economics. But now I'm seeing this as just a spin on the same product exchange economy. Better yes. But not ideal. Not everything has to be sold. Not everything has to be taken stock of and comparatively evaluated. It is possible to live as humans in a society that does not operate on commercial principles...and it's possible to do that now, as we are. Not in some luddite fantasy. Truthfully, we already do to a large extent. Many societal structures, many of which we view as negative, are natural attempts at this...or rather, natural states, breaking through our systems.

Parkour

I had mentioned this in an earlier post, just offhand. But I thought it noteworthy that at that time, I actually did start practicing Parkour. I researched it fully, like most things, to see what I was getting into and found that it was a whole world, so much more appropriate for me than I thought. I am constantly amazed when I feel that I am pressing through the dense jungle and finally break out into a clearing, only to find, it is inhabited by man other wanderers who came in by their own paths. I had tried martial arts. I had been intrigued by the whole-being aspect, particularly, aikido. But I was put off by the phony pomp and order. Why do I need those floppy black pants? Sweats work just as well, and when will I ever walk around in hakama anyway? Better to train as I will live! and the master-student paradigm put me off. There are many bad masters. Finally, was the cost. Granted, people need to make a living, but I feel these things should be accessible. So many schools are so costly! But in Parkour, I have found all the aspects I craved without the negatives. And even a few new aspects that fit me so well.

So what is Parkour? I get that all the time when I mention it to people. And I am far from expert. But this is what I have discovered. It was started about 20 years ago by David Belle in France. It takes the principles of the Natural Method of physical training and Hebertism, which use natural human movements to create a lithe physicality similar to what develops in native tribal people. You might have seen this physical training style in military commando training, obstacle courses, etc.

Parkour uses these principles of physical training, combined with a philosophy of freedom, (freedom of movement, expression, of thought) to create a discipline that functions very much like a martial art. In keeping with its philosophy and hiphop/punk roots, there are no masters, there are no ranks. It requires no equipment...in fact the less the better, some even shed shoes. It is an individual discipline, though people often practice in groups. The discipline was further refined when it started gaining popularity. As with any new sport, styles began to diverge as people put their own emphasis and spin on it. Soon merchandising became involved and there was talk of officializing the sport, much like skateboarding and snowboarding. That was when David Belle and other practitioners made a conscious distinction between Parkour and other schools, now known as Free-running, L'art du Deplacement, and others.

Parkour is about efficient movement. Traceurs, as practitioners are called, focus on moving efficiently, so as to gain ground toward or away from someone. They strive for personal improvement and freedom. Strive to overcome obstacles in every area of their life. And they must use their skills to aid others by helping to train others or by using them in real rescue situations. There are no formal schools. There are no leagues. There are no official anythings. We learn from each other, using the internet and personal contact. It is a whole-being discipline. There's nothing wrong with doing tricks and acrobatics. They can be incorporated into someone's style, but they are not Parkour.

Experientially, I have found this gruelling. My body has changed and muscles have begun developing in places that I didn't know they could. The workouts are not formalized. It's more like playing. A lot of it is about conquering my own mind, my own inhibitions. Everywhere becomes an opportunity for training. Best of all, I love the flow. I love the freedom of moving and feeling my mind focus in crystal clarity as my muscles work in precision. I love being able to find myself hitting a ten foot ceiling when I jump, running up and over a 10 foot wall, climbing a rope that seemed insurmountable. Even traversing a 10 foot high beam!

I have largely been in the conditioning phases so far. I mean that I physically couldn't do many of the required movements. But now I am slowly starting to discover the flow, the combinations. I'm not leaping across buildings and scaling rock faces, but this is a personal progression. One can start where one is and move forward.

Parkour has struck many chords in me and I feel that I have found a discipline that I will pursue all my life. Who knew that while I was dreaming of Tarzan and unable to abide unnecessary rules and orders, hating the money-making machine that absorbs and runs everything, loving wild raucous music, and studying natural philosophy, that there were others moving toward that same place. I am a Traceur, even if only an infant.

Chill

I work in a bureaucracy. Everyone knows how tedious they can be, but let me tell you, if you've never been on the inside of one, you don't know the half of it. As the economic downturn filters out to my area, things are only getting worse. I could complain about the inane policies, the nonsensical decisions, the institutionalized biases, but that would merely be griping and not productive.

Suffice to say, I have found these things wrapped around me in a web that is difficult to disentangle. Coupled with other political issues...and I'm not referring to governmental politics, I mean the personal-level struggle for power that is a factor in every relationship we have...and I've got a recipe for sour attitude.

I don't like that atitude, who does? But more than that, it is actually a killer attitude. Some people are more resistant to that kind of stress, but I am not. I can feel it weaken me in very real ways.

So, I'm turning my attention to ways to disengage from the problem. I know some people think that is a bad way to deal with problems, but I don't mean sweep them under the rug and withdraw. I mean to take myself out of the equation, so I am not emotionally influenced by the stressors.

There are many ways to do this. Eliminating clutter is a big one. A clean, clear space helps settle the mind. This can be challenging in our accumulative culture, especially if one lives with packrats and droppers...or worst of all packrat droppers. You know, those people who not only keep everything, but drop it wherever they happen to be at the time. Wow, that just grates on already strained nerves! So a clearing is good, a clearing of desk, of office, of home, of yard, and through the process, the mind.

Second is to engage in some relieving activity. Something that absorbs the mind and body, that thrusts out the petty concerns for those weightier matters. I'm partial to things in the water, since water is a powerful element for me. Unfortunately, in Florida where you'd expect everything to be about water, there is surprisingly little of it that we can actually get into. Most of the water is swampy and unsafe for swimming, and what is good is increasingly blocked off or crowded out. This is perhaps one of the most privatized and fenced-off states in the nation...but that's another topic. Along with activity would be service as well because nothing gets one out of one's own head like doing good for others.

Third would be to cleanse the soul. Meditation, healthy eating, this may be time for a purifying fast to awaken those dulled spiritual senses and gain clarity. Don't forget about breathing. we rarely really breathe. Most of us go about our lives barely sucking in enough air to keep our bodies functioning.

I think I may take up Parkour. I've been fascinated by it from the beginning. It seems to suit me very well: It is physical and graceful, there are no competitions or shows (i.e. commercialism), it is very meditative, it is individual, free, lifelong, and takes very little equipment. It was actually developed as a way to bring the lithe fitness of primitive people to those of us who live in the more destructive worlds! Now may be the time to do it!