Intensity

The last few posts have been whiny. It happens. This blog is about my raw reactions to life, so sometimes it gets that way. But I crossed a watershed. Suddenly, I didn't feel that way. I'll probably go there again sometime. But hopefully for not long. Life is not about finding some static place. It oscillates around a central tendency.

I realized that in my low time and doubts that I had forgotten something I once believed. Funny how that happens. God is the God of reason and science and ecology and medicine as well as faith, mystery, etc. These things are not foreign to him, but part of him and from him. I can accept these things and accept him. I know that sounds silly if you aren't in my head, but I don't want to spend too much time on it.

I also remembered that intensity must come out. Not everyone can handle the soft, safe, easy world we create. Some of us need conflict, physical pain, a quest, a cause. We need intensity. I am the poster child for "not everyone", so I feel confident in this. Some of us don't need more hugs, we need an occasional fist. We don't need to sit and be calm, we need to get up and make an impact.

I know this doesn't make sense to everyone, but if you find yourself falling into blahs of gray mindset. Go challenge yourself. You'll be surprised at what you can do. And you'll be surprised at how little it takes to change your mindset. But there needs to be a couple of elements: real danger, and realistic expectations. Without the real danger, the trial is not real. It is hollow. Another Disney version of life. You need to have the very real possibility to get bloody...and that may mean literally. I'm not saying be reckless. But it won't work if you play it too safe. Secondly, you need real expectations because this is not a video game or a movie. You won't be able to take that wall down, or lift that car, or hit that target, or climb that thing, or land that jump, or run that far in one or 10 or 100 attempts maybe. This does not mean you failed. Push yourself to your limit, and then push a little more. And then look at what you've done.

For me the best part is that the world quiets down in these settings. There is only the need of the moment. All else become distant. And the real world comes out. Here's a story. Every week I tear myself to shreds in the woods. It's Parkour training, Tarzan style. Natural movements, climbing, running, jumping, stripped as bare as I can make it. I go get lost in the woods and run until I can barely run anymore. I have no comparison except myself. I know what I did before and what I do now. Slowly I am getting faster, more confident in my steps, more stamina. And then this week after getting much more lost than I intended and running for far longer than usual to get back out, I was almost done with my legs seizing and my back tensing and my feet feeling heavier and heavier. Then I saw a deer on the trail running away from me. I heard in the back of my head a voice say, "chase it!" So I pulled my strength together and ran hard and quiet (which is hard when you're tired). The voice said, "run like your ancestors did!" and I ran fast. Then I saw where the deer had darted into cover and there was no more sound. I knew it was there watching me somewhere. I looked and looked, stifling my breath. Then I saw it looking back at me, not 20 yards off. We stared for a moment and it realized I was not going to kill it. Then it turned and bounded off. I had run down a deer! A real deer! Just like my ancestors and yours have all done. If I had needed food, I would have had it at that point with a quick prayer and arrow. In that moment, I had connected with primal human existence. The kind of existence where God walks beside us and there is only what is. I felt powerful.

So if you know someone who needs this, help them get out. They may not need coddling. Maybe they need regular doses of what is real and primal. Come with me if you want. Learn what you really are. Not this soft lump of mediocre flesh, but the hardened beast that walks upright with sharp mind and sharp eyes, fierce and wise and just. If you feel this pull, it's your birthright. Claim it.

Tarzan

This is strange subject for a contemplative blog, but bear with me. I think it will make sense. Tarzan is one of my favorite characters. An achetype, a hero, if you will. He has been adapted and readapted in books and movies and television, some good, some bad.

My connection to Tarzan started when I was a child, with the fact that my grandmother knew Johnny Weissmuller, the man who made the Tarzan yell famous, and the best of the classic Tarzan actors in my opinion. In fact, he taught her how to dive. She grew up in Silver Springs, Florida right during the era of his films. So of course, I was raised on every Tarzan movie imaginable. That led to TV and cartoons. And eventually to the original books.

As an aside, I think the two best adaptations of the story are the movie Greystoke, and the Disney animated Tarzan. As much as I could find fault with Disney, this movie is fantastic, adapting the story to a modern audience without making it overly kiddy and while keeping enough true to the Burroughs original...in fact Tarzan uses a lasso...one of his main tools in the books. They also did a fantastic job adapting the apes to modern understanding of gorillas.

Anyway, my fascination with Tarzan has much to do with my training as a naturalist. To me, Tarzan is the ultimate human. He lives in wildness, but also in society. His wildness, in fact is well translated into skills for society. He is altruistic and noble. He is strong and gentle. But most of all, his mind is clear. There is a clarity in wildness that only those who have experienced it can know. When extras are stripped away and the romanticism of nature is lost in the weather and bugs and fatigue, there is a crystal sublimity that we become aware of. The world appears differently. Powerful, gentle, nuturing, savage all at once. This is the world as it is. The world as close to how it was meant to be.

Now I know that statement will raise eyebrows given the Biblical references to the Garden and lions and lambs, etc. Granted...the wild world is fallen as well, hence the nasties that quickly suck the romance out of wild experience. But since men are the source of the fall, it is in the world of men that we find more corruption. The further we move from the world of men, the further we move from our own corruption.

So what would an uncorrupted (yet still fallen) man look like? Tarzan. He epitomizes what man would be in that purest context. Even apart from our own tribal society. He is man without a nurture in society. He is first wild. Thus his heart is open. He harbors no malice. He sees justice in black and white. He understands the interrelation of all things. His ideas and his actions are ever in line. There is no presupposition, and therefore no prejudice. He takes things as they come, life or death, and manipulates what he may control, knowing that he cannot control what is beyond him. He is man with the peace of animal, the fierceness of wild, the intellect of human. He is to be admired.