Tribal Christianity

If you read this blog, you'll know that I often refer to the natural grouping of humanity as the tribe.  This is not my idea.  It's documented.  Birds form flocks, wolves form packs, humans form tribes.

Like anything, tribal tendencies can be perverted and have been blamed for many of the conflicts in Africa.  So much so that many have called for conscious abandonment of tribalism.  As an aside, I think this is a mistake.  We can't deny what we were made to be.  The conflicts come because the tribal balance was artificially disrupted by the European colonization of these places which drew national lines right through ancient tribal holdings irrespective of their boundaries and told all the people to grow up and be Western.  But that's not my point.

My point is that Christianity is a restoration of things.  As such, it is inherently tribal.  The lifestyle of Jesus and the organization of the early church are very much tribal.  People are given an identity, which is permanent and personal.  They aren't members of...they ARE something.  Membership implies that you join and therefore can unjoin.  It's an affiliation that one chooses.  Tribal belonging is who you are.  You ARE this thing.  It is part of you and you are part of it.  It is less what it is without you, and you are not all you are without it.

It has an identity.  The tribe is about something.  People of that tribe look a certain way, live a certain way, and believe certain things about themselves and the world because they are of that tribe.  Yet the tribe is formed because the people share these things.  The identity is the lifestyle, and the reverse.  (Are you catching the organic bidirectional synergy here?)

They both have the same type of government.  Christianity is organized under leaders who both have a divine appointment, and are confirmed by the community.  This may not be your understanding from your version of Christianity, but research the descriptions of the early church in the Bible and you'll see.  "elders" (your translation may say "Bishops", but that term implies a meaning not in the original) are people God has given an ability to lead, usually experienced and older than the headstrong young.  But they aren't self-appointed.  The tribe selects and confirms them through their natural respect of these people.  Those who are elders will be and those who are not will not be.  No one campaigns for it.  See the synergy again?  A council of elders helps guide the group and everyone participates in the government of the group as they have ability.

Many tribes are run the same way.  Often even calling them elders!  You may have romanticized ideas of tribal kings and chiefs and such, but this is far less the fact than the council of guiders.  Plus in root tribal society, there are usually no laws as we know them.  People are guided by what is "right" and "wrongness" is rejected.  They don't need laws because they all know naturally.  In cases of dispute there are procedures to resolve it, or a split may occur.  Which leads to the next way Christianity is tribal.

Tribes are not always homogeneous.  Within tribes there are bands, within bands, families.  Tribes themselves may sit within nations of related or federated tribes.  Examples include the Iroquois, the Five Civilized Tribes, and the Sioux Nation...to name a few from the US (which I'm most familiar with).  Incidentally, the US governmental system of states and congress was largely patterned after the Iroquois who consulted at the Continental Congress, albeit Westernized with Greek and Roman ideas which the Iroquois were against.  Really...look it up.

So it is no surprise that there might be 41,000 versions of Christianity across the world.  One nation/faith with many tribes/denominations which are full of bands/local churches.  Each may vary in their customs, style, and coping strategies, but they are part of the one nation of God.

I could go on and on about how there is allowance in tribes for geographic and environmental adaptation just as Christianity has diverged and adapted to various cultures and situations, how typical roles in the tribe equate to spiritual gifts described in the Bible, how even the conflicts among Christian groups and other faiths mirror tribal conflicts.  But this is enough to chew on for now.

I encourage you to look it up.  Research the organization of ancient Israel, American tribes, and other tribal societies.  Also check the organization of the early church.  Read the Biblical sources, check the Greek, look at extra-Biblical writings from the same period as the Bible, compare anthropological evidence. Use credible sources and get a diversity of opinions.  I bet you'll come to the same conclusion.

And that makes perfect sense if Christianity is a restoration of the way things were intended to be.  The closer people live to how things were originally intended, the more they should look similar, right?

The next question is of course, what should this understanding mean to us?  But I'll save that for later.

Affirmative

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the nature of love and my reactions to certain things in my life.  Overall, things are not bad, and I feel I am now able to take a few steps toward living the life I am made to live.  But this life is increasingly uncertain in that there is not a clear path or plan.  It is an increasingly day by day, moment by moment existence where I am constantly evaluating my circumstances, looking and listening for God's direction.

I am totally happy to be in this place, but at the same time it offers unexpected challenges.  Namely, I find myself subject to many doubts.  Since I have no clear path immediately before me, I am open to self-criticism.  I have been learning how to deal with this, but one thing I feel a need to do is to affirm what I know to be true about myself.  A friend and mentor once told me that we must forever recount the goodness of God in our lives.  Keep the truth forever before our eyes lest we forget and despair in the moment.  So in that vein, I am writing this.  I hope that it will not seem pretentious or proud.  But considering that only one or two people will ever read this, I don't think that will be a big problem.  Here's what I know:

I am Cav.  I am a child of God.  A sinner saved by unmerited favor.  I did not choose Him, He chose me, chased me, rescued me from my own destruction.  As such I am bound to Him by love and duty.  I am His come flames of hell or glories of pleasure.  I can not be otherwise.

I was born under the vow of Hanna, like Samuel, given over to God before my very conception.  I had nothing to do with it.

I died.  I was given life and forfeit it, despising the gift, unworthy of it.  I gave it up and it was snatched up by my God.  I do not own it.  I am Aragh the wolf, living dead that I might not fear for my life and can exist with abandon.

I am a wild child made for and shaped by the natural world.  I understand it, feel at home in it.  It is a part of my being.  Untamable, infinitely adaptable, unity in diversity, diversity in unity, dangerous and gentle, life-giving and life-taking.

I am a Sheepdog, helping my Shepherd handle the sheep.  Loyal, commandable, responsive, intuitive, brave, self-sacrificing, unassuming, unseeking of glory.  I desire only to hear my master's praise and feel his hand upon my head.  I will not lose one with whom I am charged.  I will give my life for them and in the service of the Shepherd without a second thought.  They are as safe with me as they are with Him, though anyone who would harm them will feel my savage bite.

I am a seer, able to understand and interpret things as they are in Truth, as the Spirit gives me clarity.  This is not a magic power.  This is not a self-aggrandizing thing.  In fact, it is quite the opposite, it comes with a burden.  I will forever be outcast, misunderstood, misaligned with those around me.  Camel hair and locusts are my lot.  This is a fallen world, so seeing more means I cannot ignore pain, I feel the ache of God's heart for his lost children, their pain and sin hurts me and I long to gather them up under His sheltering wings.  Sadly, this is too often rejected as we strive to be well on our own.  Too unfamiliar to people.  This is my burden.  Yet, I will love openly, live openly, speak openly, poor myself out and take in the pain and rejection as Jesus himself was rejected.  I know that though I may suffer, others will see God's love because it does not return void.

I am all of this and more.  Imperfect, broken, punk to the world because I am of a different stuff, for a different world.  And I will accomplish all that He has for me, not in my own strength but because He is my portion and He will not be forsworn.  So help me God.

I made it

I have recently been struck over and over again with how many of our problems are of our own making. We contrive some system or institution, which becomes so ingrained that we don't want to change from it and many can't imagine anything else. Then we see problems in it and begin to solve them by more contrivances. It's like putting sugar in tea and then inventing a machine to make the tea unsweet.

In another example, I have been wrestling for the past 6 months with a 96 page permit from one government agency to the agency I work for. The permit is to operate a storm sewer system. The permit stipulates 90 pages of things we have to do to ensure that the system doesn't pollute surface waters. We have to report back to the agency that issued it all the ways we are complying. So I have been going around to various departments in the agency I work for who don't in the least think about stormwater and trying to tell them they have to comply...which of course they ignore, so I have to figure out how the stuff they are already doing fits the very specific things the permit tells us to do. All the while not actually doing anything to prevent pollution from really getting in the water.

Why do we need the permit? Because the way we build storm sewers lets pollution get into waterways? Why do we need storm sewers? Because our cities and vehicles aren't built around the natural drainage. So where does the pollution come from? From the way we build the cities via the way we build the storm sewers. This problem was realized in the 1970's and many things have been cleaned up, so it isn't hopeless. But in this case we don't want to do anything different because it is hard to change the laws and rules about building which we created for ourselves. So instead we create permits that don't do anything but create paperwork and massive programs that pretend to comply with it. And when a rational group of people found out and recently sued the government for not actually cleaning up the pollution and won, the result was an even more complex permit requiring things that look like we're doing something without really having to which results in even more complex compliance programs to look like we are complying with the permit that wouldn't result in fixes even if we really did everything it asks for.

The crazy thing is we could sum up the entire body of law in one sentence: Keep the water clean. But enter the lawyers and they say how clean, what does clean mean, what does keep mean, endlessly trying to avoid simply doing what common sense tells us to do.

I recognize this is an over-simplification...but at the root, the problem is that the system is an over-complication. Be polite, share, keep things clean, don't hurt people even accidentally. Endlessly chasing pillow and plate is the way of the sinful world and that's bad enough. But we go so far beyond even just chasing those things.

So how do I get off this train? I think I have to own the problem first of all. Getting off is not so hard if I were not constantly over-complicating. Even the very device I'm using to type this
is part of that over-complication...and I have a free OS on a rock-bottom no-contract service. All I have to do is walk away like Francis. But I keep cutting away small things without just biting the bullet and letting it all go. Trying to find ways of edging toward the thing without actually having to go there. Fears, paradigms, lies, and temptations.

Extrication

I know that I have everything I need. I know this on the level that all my physical needs are met. I know this on the level that I have all the weapons I need to survive. But lately, I haven't felt it.

I've been extremely stressed and angry. My fuse is getting short and tending toward violence. These are not good patterns. Lately, I've even noticed that I'm warm all the time...hot really. My wife even feels cold sometimes when i am uncomfortably warm. I think something is about to happen. I feel it getting close. To throw back to my Twilight metaphor...which as I've said before is a very insightful book series, even if packaged in a tweeny fad fantasy...I feel like Jacob about to become a wolf. I really find that character appealing, even down to the dog aspect...everyone knows I often refer to myself as a sheepdog.

From another perspective, I have too much fire in my belly. I'm not built for a tame life. Something will have to give. I haven't hit my stride yet. I have not made the change. But I have never done well caged. I am no house pet. And what are our homes and jobs and suburban lifestyle but padded cages? We are locked in debt and consumerism and civic duty and propaganda images of the ideal life which keeps us safely oiled parts of the machine of society. This works for some people and I am learning to accept that diversity even though I do not in the least understand it.

I have recently also been searching for my way out. Not a temporary escape, like Japan, though that too was immensely good for me, but a real permanent restructuring around who I am. Who I was made to be. But the old questions still come up. How do my diverse interests and skills tie together? What is that place that I was cut for? I have yet to find it.

But I do feel like I am getting closer to understanding it. I know that it must be a permanent change. I know that it will involve a freedom from the strictures of the "American Dream". I know that it will be free from the strictures of the American church culture. I know that it will not be for profit, and likely not "economically sound". And very lately...today in fact, as I was pleading with God, as I have been for several days now, to give me something, I discovered the core of my existence. I know it because it fits everything I've ever known about myself. It's not even the first time I've had it revealed to me. But this time it is clearer and slightly more defined, like a glimpse through the mist that is slowly blowing by. It's hard to articulate just yet because, like I said, I don't fully know how it will manifest. But I know that I was built to be a voice and protector of the lost of the lost. The marginalized. Those most of us sweep under the rug. The ones who scare the Sunday Christians to death. It's the type of people illustrated in Dominic Balli's video for Warrior and in Mat Kearney's song Down. The most vulnerable and beaten and lost. I want to put my hand between the cutter's blade and arm. Hold the hair of the bulimic. Wherever the deepest hurts are that can't be expressed, that is where I want to be. I want to be the Catcher in the Rye. I want to set up shop at the Gates of Dis. But as you can see, this could manifest in so many ways!

I am becoming prepared for this. I am hardening in body and mind. I am stripping away what is false. I will become what I am made to be and it will be soon. This fire will burst forth like a holy dragon. And this current attack will not stop me. It was a good try, but I know now that I have all the weapons I need and I'm learning how to call them up and wield them.

This has to be because otherwise a long life is pure torture. I can't live in sight of these needs and unable to help. I can't settle back and enjoy the cage. I am John the Baptist, David on the run, Joshua the warrior. Like all the seers before me, i am unable to do anything else. My life is forfeit to God. I will get out. Mark the words.

Radical Change

As usual, something is happening in me. It always is, really. But I am aware of something brewing at this moment. I am full of doubts and questions, but certain things have happened recently that have led me to think I must move a certain direction.

I am learning what it means to radically follow Jesus. I mean really as if it were all literally true. I don't want to play mental gymnastics with his words. What would life be like if I really, literally believed he was directing my every step? What if I am everything that I dream, hope for? Everything that has been spoken about me?

I once fell in love with this kind of life. I never really forgot it. I just get dulled and snowed in by other thingsfor a while. Each time a bit more of the illusion sheds away as I wake up.

But I want ot keep planning. I want to keep organizing. The voice of my culture and training screams that I am doing wrong...sometimes quite literally when I talk to my mother or father. But even they are beginning to see it. They just can't let go yet. The truth is, I have realized I'm not really holding onto anything in the first place. It's only God's mercy and patience that allow me to believe the illusions anyway.

I'd love to describe where I'm going with this, but the truth is I don't know. I feel like I'm taking a trust fall. Not one on my own terms...not one with parameters that give a margin of safety, but like Neo taking the red pill (what an awesome metaphor), I have no idea what will come next. But I'm trying desperately to open my mind and heart to it.

The premise is this: Jesus found people and said, "come follow me." They went. That's it. No organization. No planning. They literally left what they were doing and followed him. He's still saying the same thing. That's all. It sounds different now because he isn't physically present, but in a way that is both harder and easier. If a man walked up to you at work and said come with me. Would you go? In that sense, feeling a deep near-irresistible draw to Jesus is a much easier thing to assent to. But on the other hand, the first disciples had a person to touch and a voice to hear in their natural ears. This is easier to be certain of than the fickle tuggings of one's heart. So in the end it balances. Paul says that each of us was placed in exactly the right time for us to be. I have no control over that.

But I am feeling more confident that I can trust Him in my heart and life than I have before. I am starting on a day by day, moment by moment faith. Listening, watching, doing what I am asked to do in that moment. Without regard for the outcome. Without regard for human structures or traditions...not that these are necessarily bad, only that I know they are not to be a rule for me. Nothing replacing that moment by moment trust.

My hope is that I will find this increasingly possible. That he will be increasingly proved faithful. That this is my way out. We'll see.

Several Thoughts

Lately, I've had several thoughts that I haven't been able to distill into a blog. So I thought I'd stream them out and see if something shows up. Maybe it will end up a jumble of independent ideas.

The first was about stubbornness. I was struck that this may be at the root of much of our ills. It started when I was thinking and praying about a person I know and my offer to help them. But they'd probably never let me know even though they are obviously distressed quite a bit. This is very common among people. We don't want to be a burden, we feel we should be able to handle it. We are afraid, lazy, make excuses, doubt their genuineness, etc. I'm the same. So as I was contemplating what to do about it, if anything, it hit me that it was really perhaps just plain stubbornness. We want things to go differently, someone offers to help, and we insist that it must go differently in a different way. What else is this but stubbornness. I am very obstinate myself sometimes, so I wondered how many good things I've missed, how many pains I've endured unnecessarily simply because I didn't or wouldn't take the help that was offered. Of course the other side of this is that we can be too moochy, but I'm not talking about that extreme.

Next, I was struck at a different time recently with the image of emptying a cup to fill it. I don't even remember where the image came from, but I've seen it used in various places. We want things in our life. Things we can't get for ourselves for whatever reason. These are things we pray for if that is our bent. Even if we deny God, we often want him to do things nonetheless...but that's a different discussion. Suffice to say that many of us pray and pray for things and they never happen. But I have experienced many times that as soon as I give something of myself, there is provision waiting right then and there in perhaps another area altogether that I have been seeking. So, the image of the cup. The Bible says that it will be filled to the brim. If this is true, there would be no room for more. It would only be in pouring some out that more could be added. I am reminded of a great illustration once that I saw in which two men stood on a stage with a bag of seed and poured it into a cup. The speaker was frantically running around trying to find people to take the seed so he could keep catching more. The faster he ran the more kept coming from the huge sack. But when he stopped running, the flow slowed and stopped. It was an exponential reaction to what appeared an arithmetic problem. And it stuck in my brain.

I've also recently encountered, at every turn it seems, the concept of giving up oneself or life. Not bits and pieces, but entirely. This is a two part thing, the way it happens and the message itself. I've noticed this a lot in my life. And whether it is that my mind is just set to cue in on a certain message, or that the message actually occurs before me in greater frequency, the effect is the same and the difference is moot. Both would be equally supernatural. I've learned to listen closer when this happens and try to understand. It doesn't take much, the message is usually beat over my head. People complain that God doesn't speak clearly...but he does. Impeccably clearly. They just don't understand his language. They also don't understand his economy and ecology. The God of the universe set it to work in a certain way. From that consistency we can learn much about him. One of the things I've learned is that he is supremely efficient. There is no waste. Each person living out their own personal story, designed entirely to bring them to the place of truth and understanding. There is no randomness. There is no luck, no chance. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that God would use this method to speak to us. It fits his nature to orchestrate in beautifully complex yet paradoxically simple ways. If we have ears to hear it.

So back to the message itself, this time it has been about letting go. About giving up life, dreams, safety, security, everything, for the truth we seek. We don't do this. I don't do this. This message is for me. Certainly it is for others as well, but that is their story not mine, so I won't speak to it now. I mentioned before that I was told this was the year of my death, and this message fits a bit too neatly. It has been bombarding me. Obviously I'm not ready for what is coming yet, but I can feel it approaching. The crazy thing is I'm looking so forward to it, whatever it is! It resonates deep down inside me. Like this thing I knew all along I was built for is coming...call it destiny. I just can't wait until that is manifest in whatever way that will be, I know it will be the fulfillment of everything I've hoped for.

Which leads to me last thought. How can I think this? How can I be excited about something so utterly unknown and potentially dangerous? Have I no self-preservation? Do I have a death-wish? Believe me, the little lawyer in my head attacks every nook and chink in this constantly. But what steadies me is that I know I am not alone. There are so many people throughout history and still today who think like this. Some can't articulate it. Others express it differently. This is what it means to be a Christian. To follow Christ. It is a strange mystical thing that happens. I know there is all kinds of crap and festoonings around what we call Christianity. But down in it, those of us who know, know. It's illogical, it's not even sane by the usual definitions. But there is some deep, primal, soul-pulling, dancing, screaming, crying, laughing thing that goes crazy inside at the very inkling, the very hope of moving closer to the object of this devotion and nothing, nothing, nothing can swerve it, compare to it, or stand in the way of it. It's beyond life as we know it. It's supra-life, supra-natural. This is Christianity. If you know it as something else, keep looking cause you haven't found it yet.

Integration

Integration is crucially important. I think we live far too fragmentally. It's not good for us. We compartmentalize our lives, our bodies, our minds. All things are separate. In some recent conversations with friends I began to realize how integration was something we were all seeking. We all approached from slightly different angles, but we were not that far apart.

I think most people may not even realize how we fragment ourselves. We have our home life in which we are perhaps at most rest. If we live in a tumultuous house, then we have some place that we are most ourselves.

Then we have a personality for work. Some people are very different at work. For me, some of that was necessitated by appearance. I just couldn't look like myself at work. It was not accepted. But now I have built enough credibility and maneuvered into a place that I can relax into my own appearance somewhat more. Time alone helps because I entered the professional world early and the tastes of my generation hadn't caught up yet. Now my generation is more in the mainstream and while not everyone looks like me, at least they are familiar with the look and aren't put off by it.

Then we fragment socially. Church is horrible about this. If you don't go to church you probably don't know what I mean...which is good. But if you've spent any amount of time in churches you'll know there is always some bit of a persona that people carry off. Some more than others. In the best sense, it's simply things you don't talk about or say, that you might normally. At worst, it's a whole fake persona. I wouldn't ever go so far as to say that is true in all churches, just out of sound logic, but I have actually seen one...just one...where there was no persona. So there may be others.

In other social aspects, we fragment from other people by keeping distance. We may have some really close friends, but many of us don't have as many friends as close as we would like. I'm not talking about anything wierd or perverted. Just an open easiness that lets us be who we really are with each other. The primary unit of humanity is not the nuclear family, but the tribe. Without being a part of a pack, we will never truly be whole.

We can also fragment physically. We have separate times for work, play, fitness, and entertainment. In varying degrees of course, these can become full fragments of our personality. For example, I know a whole part of Tampa where most people will drive home from work, change clothes into workout wear, load their equipment, and drive to an appropriate workout place. Perhaps the silliest is runners and bikers who will drive to a place to run or bike, even if it's only a couple of kilometers from home!

But I want integration of all parts. Faith colors my study and meditation, which feeds into my physical practice, which affects my work (both home and office), and I enjoy all. None are excluded for any other part of life. It all flows seamlessly together like a river where varying currents may come to the surface but none stop flowing. All is water.

There are many ways to achieve this, I'm sure. For me, it is a lifestyle of Contemplation, Practicing the Presence. This is coupled with a warts and all approach to relationships, even at work. Add to this the physical discipline of Parkour, which integrates mind and body, and it's pretty much a complete package. Even hobbies start to flow into it, such as gardening, and woodwork. What integrates is good, what doesn't is not attractive.

It's imperfect by far. I am still far more fragmented than I want to be. But I am trying to learn to forgive myself...not in the sense of any one specific flaw, but by simply not holding myself to such a high standard. Of course, I think one of the first steps toward integration one must take is to let go of one's self altogether. It's not something that happens in sequence, but is a primer that must continually be primed. A base flow, to use the language of my scientific discipline.

An interesting question

Every profession or trade has its benefits and its hazards. We have to weigh that against our own aptitudes and desires, and find what fits us. So imagine if there was a job which paid reasonably well...not rich, but a good living, but carried with it a hazard to one's health. It involved work with a certain compound that would shorten one's life such that most people in this line of work died 20 or so years before the average life expectancy. That compound had no other side effects than to make one very content and happy until their body simply shuts down.

So the question is, would you take the job? You could look forward to a reasonable lifestyle without huge excesses or wants, and you'd be one of the happiest people regardless of circumstance, simply because of constant exposure to this compound. But you'd be shortening your life significantly. Is it worth the contentment to give up the long life, or is the longer life worth the decades of frustration and worry of day to day life?

This is not so far fetched. People mine coal, even though they know it will corrode their lungs. People do all kinds of drugs from caffeine to heroin with varying side effects on their health for the pleasures it provides. And it seems to be a common fact, that those with less responsibility seem to be generally happier than most everyone else. Hatters were known for being mad, painters too, because of the chemicals they used. Chimney sweeps were known for being happy-go-lucky, even though they breathed toxic ash all their lives and died very young. But all of these have negatives that outweigh the benefits for most people. The diseases they cause are painful, the drugs ruin ability to function, etc. But if there was a compound that simply made people happy, the work was sufficiently funded, and the only side effect was that you'd suddenly drop dead early...it's a hard question.

I think I might take that job. What about you?

Idleness

I once read that in medeival times, boredom was considered a sin. Sounds harsh, but the explanation is sound. Actually, it wasn't called boredom. It was called ennui, and was married to sloth. Sloth, is idleness.



Of course, this needs to be qualified. Simple daydreaming is not boredom in the chronic sense. The ennui type of boredom is a prolonged detatchment and emotional flatness. This leads to and come from idleness in a self-defeating cycle. When one is always bored, it is hard to accomplish things, which makes us less engaged and more bored, and so forth into depression. So in this sense, idleness certainly is a sin.



Now I am far from judging by stating that idleness is sin. Sin is the Christian word for things against God's plan...against the natural order, as it were. And we have all sinned, done things that are not according to the good and true purposes. Therefore, I am not judging by saying this. I'm simply calling a spade a spade.



For modern people, I think boredom is prevalent because for most of us in the developed world, daily survival is not an issue. For those who live in that mode, this is not even a pertinent topic. Anyone in that kind of lack has a right to a better life and some leisure. But for those of us who are already blessed with this lifestyle, we must be on our guard. It is very easy to slip into idleness or self-absorption.

I'm not going to try to define what is acceptable; it is a personal decision that each of us must engage and do as we are led. But I will comment about myself. I am particularly vulnerable to boredom and idleness. I have learned this. When I get bogged down in the mundane, everyday go to work, come home, go to sleep, do it again world, I quickly slide down that hill toward the pit. I learned it way back in high school when I developed certain conditions. After months of trying to figure it out and consulting doctors, I discovered that simply forcing myself out of the every day and into something I could engage solved the problem. For me, getting a job was not a detriment to my schooling, but a saving grace. I recently had a resurgence of symptoms that once again sent me to doctor after doctor and, after running every pertinent test, all coming back perfectly normal, I am convinced that it is the same problem. Though I am not in the rut of high school any more, I am in a very similar rut. Work, home, chores, family, sleep, ad nauseum. To make matters worse, I am now much more sedentary at work (much like in high school).

So, I am addressing it. I am learning to keep busy. To use my hands. I am engaging myself even when I don't feel like getting up. And I know that I need to get more wildness, more adventure. I am not the type to be content in such mundane surroundings. I need to venture out and challenge myself. That's why even a walk in the blazing heat is healing for me. Anytime I can force myself out of that ennui by having to deal with other unavoidable concerns, I feel better. Idle hands truly are the devils' play thing.

Of course, everything in balance. I know people who have similar issues and spend so much time running from their demons that they can't tell which end is up. And as is true with all demons, they will capitalize on any means to ruin us. If that means switching from boredom to hyper-activity, the hellish goads will never cease. If we are truly in the service of our King, and He affords us a period of rest and leisure, it is no sin to avail ourselves of it. He knows more than anyone else how we will be all the more ready to respond to our next task if our lives are in balance.