Pain

Pain is an incredible teacher.  For one thing, you can't ignore it.  If you think you can, then you don't know the capacity a human has to feel pain.  I'm talking about physical pain.

I was recently knocked down by something I didn't even know could happen and which is so painful, I've only experienced one thing more so.  I have hurt so bad from one particular ailment that I come very close to blacking out, which would be a blessing, let me tell you.  This is not as bad as that, but nearly so.

Thank God there are specialists who can relieve this pain in a simple procedure.  The procedure itself hurts and continues to for a while, but the cured hurt is different and more bearable.

I'm not going into details because pain is a very relative phenomenon.  If I were to tell you what it was, some of you would think it's no big deal.  Perhaps you may have even experienced the same and it didn't bother you as much.  This would lead you to judge me, even if in a very small way.

But this is exactly what I wanted to write about.  I tend to be, and used to be much more so, ascetic and willful.  I tend to believe we can endure, not be weak, so forth.  After experiencing such pain, internal, external, physical and emotional, I am becoming much softer and genuinely compassionate.  This time, I have learned to be more understanding of the relative nature of pain.  What hurts each of us is different and we can't know how much it hurts another.  What we may disregard may be excruciating to another.

I have often been guilty of silently and openly judging, belittling, and even mocking other people's pain.  Most people would not call me a monster, but I know myself and I am seeing this aspect more clearly now.

I hope to never experience these pains again.  I will take precautions to avoid it.  But I pray I will NEVER in ANY case make light of what another feels again.

I may not know how to respond.  It may even seem silly to me.  But I hope I can keep this experience as a reminder that I am not as tough as I like to think.  That I can, at any moment, be taken out by the smallest and most sudden thing.  And that there is no objectivity to pain--what someone feels is real to them.

They may actually feel it stronger than I do.  They may just not know how to cope with it and therefore it feels worse to them.  Fear may intensify the actual physical sensations.  But regardless, the person feeling it is the only one who can judge.  I now understand even more deeply the meaning of mercy and sympathy.

I have also been helped in this time in a humbling and genuine way by someone who does not have to.  It has not been pleasant or easy for them.  It is a pure act of love.  Experiencing this has crushed my pride and roused such a deep, deeper love in return.

There are huge universal truths at work here that my words can't even approach.  But then that's why we must experience rather than just talk about things.  It's the only way to learn.

To the one who helped me, I will love you forever.  There are no words to express my gratitude.

To the doctors who can and did help in such short order, and who followed up with me just to see if I was ok, you are what medicine is about. Thank God for you and I hope you will share that perspective with a thousand other doctors.

And to anyone I have wronged by belittling, downplaying, or misunderstanding your pain, I am truly sorry.  I can't go back.  But I will pay it forward...or to use the archaic phrase, I have repented.  I will make right the wrongs I've done and honor the good done to me by doing 10 times better for whoever I cross paths with, God help me.

And if you are in pain, know you are not alone.  I will ease it in whatever way I can.  If you know me in person, I will not turn you away.   If this blog is our only interaction, know that each word is fortified with intention and love for you.  I trust that the Source of all goodness, who is at this moment and always making right every wrong, will provide what you need most in this very moment...now.

Blown Again

I should be getting used to this by now.  I have been teaching myself to read ancient Greek.  It's slow, but I've got time.  So I was reading Romans 3:22 and picked up on something that didn't seem right.  The NIV translates it as (context included):

But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

In ESV the last sentence carries into v25:

21But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— 22the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,

But the Greek doesn't say, "faith in Jesus".  It says, "faith of Jesus".  I thought I must be reading it wrong, But in the Greek, it is quite certainly the possessive form of the noun, usually translated as apostrophe s or "x of y".  This is confirmed in extra-biblical sources.  I'd eventually remembered seeing this translation before.  Some versions like KJV, Darby, and Youngs render it this way.  So it's not a verse about what we have to do, but about what Jesus did.

The thing is, that changes the meaning dramatically!  If it's not about how to receive salvation, as I had been taught, then what is it about?  So I looked further into the verse.

That's when another mistranslation jumped out at me.  To get the idea, I'll give you a very literal translation from Young's:

And now apart from law hath the righteousness of God been manifested, testified to by the law and the prophets, 22and the righteousness of God [is] through the faith of Jesus Christ to all, and upon all those believing, — for there is no difference, 23for all did sin, and are come short of the glory of God — 24being declared righteous freely by His grace through the redemption that [is] in Christ Jesus,

And again in the most literal I found, Darby's (which was actually created not to be read, but to be an English study tool for people who didn't know Greek)

21But now without law righteousness of God is manifested, borne witness to by the law and the prophets; 22righteousness of God by faith of Jesus Christ towards all, and upon all those who believe: for there is no difference; 23for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; 24being justified freely by his grace through the redemption which [is] in Christ Jesus;

Do you see the difference? This is not about how to, "be saved".  There's no prequalifier directing this to only those who believe, or ascribe to the right system.  No performance standard.  That is the old religious mindset of the Jews, the Classical Pagans, and every other religion.  Far from being an exclusive text, this is ultimately inclusive.

No one is right.  All are justified, including those who believe, because of Jesus' faith.  Not only those who believe in Jesus.  "For there is no difference"!  Why?  Because ALL have fallen short, but are justified freely by the ransom (i.e. 'getting rid of-ness' in possessive form again) in Jesus.

Wow!    Bomb dropped.    Mind blown.    Again.

Why is this a big deal?  It's really good news!  We're not exchanging one religious system for another.  That's the point of the chapter!  That's Paul's whole deal across all his writings!  Remember this is coming from Paul, the guy that some think is so different from the other writers in the Bible he should be decanonized!  But in this clearer understanding, he's right in line with the spirit of the other writers.  We are all justified.  Period.  Jesus did away with everything else by his faith.  Paul, the murdering jihadist, knew that better than anyone.  

His faith in what?  I'm not sure.  But faith just means trust.  That's really all the Greek word means.  It was a banking term originally.  Like you trust the bank with your money or a creditor trusts you enough to lend to you.  I think it might be his trust that God was working for his good.  In other words, his trust in God that all he was going through was necessary and would come out right.  His trust that God loved him and was powerful enough to complete what he had set out to do.  This is a Gospel...good news...I can get behind!

But what about belief?  Am I saying even people who don't believe go to heaven?  What about murderers and rapists?

OK.  Slow down a minute.  I am NOT discounting belief.  The Bible talks about it a lot.  Jesus himself says it.  What I'm talking about is JUSTIFICATION.  That doesn't depend on belief.  Secondly, let's use another word.  The original word is a verb form of the noun faith.  So it isn't like believing a fact.  To disbelieve a fact is idiotic.  Even an abstract fact, like the sun coming up tomorrow.  Sure we all know the world could end and the sun may not come up in some remote, all-possibilities-included, sort of way.  But to seriously disbelieve this...enough to act on the belief, would be a sign of mental illness, not faith.  Jesus isn't saying we have to believe in him like we believe in the sunrise...Yeah, he existed, even the demons believe that!

So if we sub in the word trust, it works a lot better.  Jesus says we need to trust him.  Yeah, of course.  He trusted God, and see what happened?  We have to trust him and act on what he said, then we'll see what happens too.  Not until then.  He is the first down the path.  The firstborn, the Bible calls him.

Next, let's let go of this concept of salvation equalling heaven.  That's a shallow piece of the puzzle.  And I can tell you, for anyone who has really faced their demons, heaven is the least of their worries and not much of a reward.  Sure I'll take it when I get there, but I really need the help NOW.

As for murderers and rapists, yeah, they are justified too.  I don't get it either.  But I trust God enough to know that everyone gets fair play and all wrongs are righted.  So I don't know what has to happen to people like that.  I don't know what they go through, internally, externally, in this life, or elsewhere.  But I trust that their wrong will be righted.  Not in vengeance alone, because that sort of retribution doesn't fix the wrong.  

But in real ways that are bigger than me or them, I can see that for them to come to true realization of the horror they have inflicted, the horror they have become, is the best vengeance and for them to react to that by doing all they can to compensate for it (i.e. to repent) can lead to far more good than the wrong done.  I also trust that the wronged person is not ultimately ruined, but can blossom from it into something so much more beautiful (hear me here: I know whereof I speak), and I can equally mourn the wrong and hope for the redemption of the wronger without hatred.
 

Not Mine

It's been a while again.  But nothing new.  This blog is intermittent.  Lately one thought has been passing through my head in many different contexts, which means I should probably pay attention to it.

It seems to me that the essence of contentment and goodness and even Christianity itself is the simple statement, "not my will but yours."  The 'your' here referring to God.

How much of our suffering and struggle comes from some facet of wanting our own will, our own way.  Me first.  Whether this is starting a new school, looking for a job, starting a business, finding a place to live, helping someone who won't listen, trying to get volunteers for some project, it doesn't matter.

Sometimes this selfishness is deeply rooted and obscure to our conscious thinking, but I can't help seeing it everywhere.  Buddha said that desire leads to suffering, which speaks to this same point somewhat.  Though I argue that there is a positive desire, a desire for betterment, for completeness.  Simply settling for anything opens the door for all kinds of evils to enter unchecked.

But if there was a supremely good being whose nature was love and fulfillment, whatever this being wanted would necessarily be better than what I wanted, unless of course those desires were aligned, in which case they'd be equal.

I think the primary failing of humanity is this selfish desire.  Therefore the primary goal should be overcoming that flaw.  What was Adam's sin, if not a desire for his own will at the primal level.  What infant, as early and innocent as they may be, does not exhibit this tendency in their grasp and cry and tantrum at not getting what they want, even when they have all they need or the desired item is not good for them?  What major religion or ethical system does not hold selflessness in high regard?

Of course, being so primal, it is also extremely difficult to overcome.  Perhaps the most difficult thing to overcome.  So much of our society even encourages selfishness, capitalizes on it.  Some of the shallowest of us even glorify it into a virtue.  But even internally, it is so hard to let go of our will.  If we don't look out for ourselves, who will?

But isn't that the question?  Can we trust enough to let out own will go?  I know I cannot do this on my own. In many ways, I can make the conscious choice to do this.  But in some of the closest to my heart, I cannot.  Try as I may, I do not have the strength or even the desire to do it...but even here, if I force it, am I not still motivated by my own will?

It's only in the truest loving trust that I can let my will go.  My wife can take so many liberties with me that I don't even blink at, because I see her through eyes of love and trust.  I know she means no harm, even if she is capable of causing harm inadvertently.  How much more could I trust one that will not ever cause harm? 

I know this in my head, but it's only when it becomes a natural reality in my heart that it overcomes the monster of self...or rather the scared animal of self...yes that metaphor fits much better.

Love and trust...these are the primary factors.  But God, how hard they are in some cases!

Good Question...

My son asked a deep question recently.  He asked, if God knew everything was going to go wrong with his creation, why did he let it?  Some form of this question has been debated for years.  The truth is no one but God knows for sure.  He hasn't told us.

But when he put out this question, I felt it deserved some response.  I first told him I wasn't sure.  Then quickly opened my mind to God hoping he would fill it as he's done in the past when the need arises.  This is what then came out of my mouth in answer.  I'm surprised by it myself, because I truly tell you I have not thought this before.

Before I get to it, I need to establish a little background though or it won't make sense.  First of course is that God exists.  There are proofs, but I won't belabor that here.  Next is that God is almighty.  He can do anything and nothing can stop it.  And if there's anything he can't do, it is truly impossible in the most literal sense...like cease to exist or something.

Next is that God is good.  This has to be the case or he would be no God.  A god perhaps, but not God.  Because good is clearly better than bad.  Every serious religion, minor or major, and even hardcore athiests believe this.  So God can't be a lesser thing or he wouldn't be almighty.

So here we are.  How could this type of God let things go so badly if he knew it was going to happen?  Wouldn't it have been better not to make it all rather than make it so it could destroy itself?  So there would be suffering and evil?  Doesn't sound very good, does it?

But here's what came out of my mouth: 

Maybe he did it to show something that has never been done before.  Maybe he did it to demonstrate to the universe that he is almighty.  That even a creation which owed its very existence to him, could not live apart from him, but which chose to annihilate itself...even this most evil of evils he could work out to be good in the end.  That even the worst thing that could possibly happen could not stop him or thwart his goodness.  He WILL save his creation.  He WILL NOT allow it to be lost.  Even that which is given free will to go its own way even to the point of denaturing and destroying itself...even THAT, he can and will make right.  EVERY wrong will be righted.

Wow.  That did not come from me, I know that.  Thank God for this.  Both for it being true, and for how he revealed it.

I believe more than ever that God is not what most of us have been taught.  He is closer than our own thoughts, more loving than we can imagine, more powerful than we can fathom.  Everything we call good is epitomized in him.  If there is anything that can be trusted it is him...or he would be no God at all.