I haven't posted in a while. I tried but couldn't. I've been through one of the worst dark periods I've had ever. I don't want to go into it, but it's been rough. I'm doing better now.
I don't know what the purpose of it is, but it has revealed my weakness, my baseness, my violence, and my selfishness. Maybe that is the purpose. I just know it is not fun and not pretty. It's also not made up and I can't help it. If you've never been there, you won't understand and that's ok. Don't seek it.
I have said it before, but it is clearer to me than ever that whatever is good in me is not from me. I know you'll deny that and think it's just the darkness talking, and that's fine. I hope you never see that side of me.
But I'm trying to keep seeing it. I don't want to live in it, but I don't want to forget it either. I tend toward hubris and self-confidence without it. Even the humility you think you know in me is a form of self-pride. I'm not kidding.
People lead the question all the time. Christians are the worst about it. What do you think will happen if you constantly keep telling people how to be? Anyone with half a brain will quickly learn how to pretend at it. Put on the actions and even self-deceive that they have achieved it. I've done it. I habitually do it. And you reward the better liars.
I have a ready bunch of scripts to throw up in any given situation. I watch carefully. I have fakes backstopping fakes and will say whatever works to get the reaction I need.
And what I really need is a safe place to let those things slowly fall off. People who are not impressed by it. People who want me to thoroughly be good rather than merely seem good. You condemn yourselves in me! And I condemn myself!
Understand me, I am not saying this from a place of despair. Quite the opposite. When I was despairing, I hid from you because then I can't keep up the masks, can't keep the demons in their chains. But right now I'm in that hazy space between the nightmare and the bright day and soon I'll be fully dressed and presentable again.God forbid!
I need a savior. I am fully reminded that if there is any hope for me it is in Jesus. Not knowledge about him, but in the real living him. I am not claiming to know grand mystical things. If I did, I doubt them now. He didn't even show up in some nonmiraculous way to rescue me. But I don't care. My heart leaps when I think about him, when I read about him. I understand the meaning of hoping in him. I didn't choose this. If I did it was rigged. I am not in control. So if he doesn't have me, if I do not eventually arrive in a place of peace and perfection and learn that he was there when I couldn't see it or know it, then I would rather rush headlong into the void now. It isn't about this world. It isn't about the surface things you spend so much time talking about as if we could just decide to be something else. Even if you can, I CAN'T! I don't know how. It doesn't work. Whether that's brain chemistry, spiritual sense, slavery, karma, grace, whatever you want to call it. What I can do is lie about it though!
You'd rather me be presentable, disfigure my feelings into acceptable packages, even though you THINK you want me to let it out. Which is the most insidious part! Your words say one thing and your actions say another in the same breath. Your words are a trap. A demon maw yawns behind your fair and hopeful words, you whitewashed tombs! Damn you satans in a hollow christ's image! I've never yet found anyone who really meant it when they say it's safe to let it out and let it go. Maybe one or two people come closer than others. But if I have ever let the depth of it peak out, people take pains...no give pains to shut it in again.
So keep teaching behaviors. Keep focusing on outwards before inwards. Keep modeling the plastic masks. Keep grinding out budding faith with your two faces. Keep making liars. I don't want to be one anymore.
Showing posts with label sin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sin. Show all posts
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Monday, September 5, 2016
Not Mine
It's been a while again. But nothing new. This blog is intermittent. Lately one thought has been passing through my head in many different contexts, which means I should probably pay attention to it.
It seems to me that the essence of contentment and goodness and even Christianity itself is the simple statement, "not my will but yours." The 'your' here referring to God.
How much of our suffering and struggle comes from some facet of wanting our own will, our own way. Me first. Whether this is starting a new school, looking for a job, starting a business, finding a place to live, helping someone who won't listen, trying to get volunteers for some project, it doesn't matter.
Sometimes this selfishness is deeply rooted and obscure to our conscious thinking, but I can't help seeing it everywhere. Buddha said that desire leads to suffering, which speaks to this same point somewhat. Though I argue that there is a positive desire, a desire for betterment, for completeness. Simply settling for anything opens the door for all kinds of evils to enter unchecked.
But if there was a supremely good being whose nature was love and fulfillment, whatever this being wanted would necessarily be better than what I wanted, unless of course those desires were aligned, in which case they'd be equal.
I think the primary failing of humanity is this selfish desire. Therefore the primary goal should be overcoming that flaw. What was Adam's sin, if not a desire for his own will at the primal level. What infant, as early and innocent as they may be, does not exhibit this tendency in their grasp and cry and tantrum at not getting what they want, even when they have all they need or the desired item is not good for them? What major religion or ethical system does not hold selflessness in high regard?
Of course, being so primal, it is also extremely difficult to overcome. Perhaps the most difficult thing to overcome. So much of our society even encourages selfishness, capitalizes on it. Some of the shallowest of us even glorify it into a virtue. But even internally, it is so hard to let go of our will. If we don't look out for ourselves, who will?
But isn't that the question? Can we trust enough to let out own will go? I know I cannot do this on my own. In many ways, I can make the conscious choice to do this. But in some of the closest to my heart, I cannot. Try as I may, I do not have the strength or even the desire to do it...but even here, if I force it, am I not still motivated by my own will?
It's only in the truest loving trust that I can let my will go. My wife can take so many liberties with me that I don't even blink at, because I see her through eyes of love and trust. I know she means no harm, even if she is capable of causing harm inadvertently. How much more could I trust one that will not ever cause harm?
I know this in my head, but it's only when it becomes a natural reality in my heart that it overcomes the monster of self...or rather the scared animal of self...yes that metaphor fits much better.
Love and trust...these are the primary factors. But God, how hard they are in some cases!
It seems to me that the essence of contentment and goodness and even Christianity itself is the simple statement, "not my will but yours." The 'your' here referring to God.
How much of our suffering and struggle comes from some facet of wanting our own will, our own way. Me first. Whether this is starting a new school, looking for a job, starting a business, finding a place to live, helping someone who won't listen, trying to get volunteers for some project, it doesn't matter.
Sometimes this selfishness is deeply rooted and obscure to our conscious thinking, but I can't help seeing it everywhere. Buddha said that desire leads to suffering, which speaks to this same point somewhat. Though I argue that there is a positive desire, a desire for betterment, for completeness. Simply settling for anything opens the door for all kinds of evils to enter unchecked.
But if there was a supremely good being whose nature was love and fulfillment, whatever this being wanted would necessarily be better than what I wanted, unless of course those desires were aligned, in which case they'd be equal.
I think the primary failing of humanity is this selfish desire. Therefore the primary goal should be overcoming that flaw. What was Adam's sin, if not a desire for his own will at the primal level. What infant, as early and innocent as they may be, does not exhibit this tendency in their grasp and cry and tantrum at not getting what they want, even when they have all they need or the desired item is not good for them? What major religion or ethical system does not hold selflessness in high regard?
Of course, being so primal, it is also extremely difficult to overcome. Perhaps the most difficult thing to overcome. So much of our society even encourages selfishness, capitalizes on it. Some of the shallowest of us even glorify it into a virtue. But even internally, it is so hard to let go of our will. If we don't look out for ourselves, who will?
But isn't that the question? Can we trust enough to let out own will go? I know I cannot do this on my own. In many ways, I can make the conscious choice to do this. But in some of the closest to my heart, I cannot. Try as I may, I do not have the strength or even the desire to do it...but even here, if I force it, am I not still motivated by my own will?
It's only in the truest loving trust that I can let my will go. My wife can take so many liberties with me that I don't even blink at, because I see her through eyes of love and trust. I know she means no harm, even if she is capable of causing harm inadvertently. How much more could I trust one that will not ever cause harm?
I know this in my head, but it's only when it becomes a natural reality in my heart that it overcomes the monster of self...or rather the scared animal of self...yes that metaphor fits much better.
Love and trust...these are the primary factors. But God, how hard they are in some cases!
Monday, June 23, 2014
God, help me.
Christians talk of love. We're told to overlook, forgive, bear with, no one is perfect, don't judge. And yet, in so many cases, this is entirely the duty of the listener and not at all reflected by the speaker or his organization.
It starts to sound hollow after awhile. So I'm supposed to be eternally forgiving offences against me, some of which are grossly wrong...morally, ethically, personally wrong...and yet the person/people preaching this are the very offenders who then refuse to show it to me, to bear with me, to overlook, forgive, withhold judgement of my faults.
Now the moralist in me is screaming that two wrongs don't make a right and that one must do right regardless of how one is treated. OK. I know this. But it doesn't change the bitterness and anger that rise up at it again and again. And it isn't everyone. I know many people who do live out their faith and have shown me great love, even when I don't deserve it. So again, I blame the institution for creating the paradigm in which a man can stand over anonymous heads and orate without having to answer to the eyes and mouths of those he speaks to. Where he doesn't have to feel the full and immediate effect of his words. There has to be a better way.
I feel like I know that way too. I have glimpsed it, smelled it, but can't quite apprehend it. I'm not planning anything. I'm over trying to work my own will in these cases. I just don't have the energy any more. But I want to understand, to walk in it, to help it grow where it sprouts.
Am I missing something? I find myself cringing from certain aspects of the faith. Embarrassed by them. I don't want to be caught listening to Christian radio. I don't even like the music. I just need some uplifting, faithful, stilling presence and commercial radio (at least the genres I can tolerate) is all about degradation and glory in low things. I hate to pray over meals in public, though I do it at home with a will and a desire to instill it in my son.
Am I embarrassed by the faith? No. I'm not. I'll easily tell someone I'm Christian, that I go to church, that I believe in universal Truth and live morally, etc. I'll discuss my faith at length and detail in certain contexts, not just amongst other Christians. So I am not embarrassed by the faith. So what is it?
If it was just hokey contrivances, I would not do them myself. So I see value in them. This means the issue must be deeper. Perhaps a fear of seeming naive or backward. Perhaps of being misunderstood. I can't tell what it is. My Evangelical background steps forward at this point and begins condemning me that those who are ashamed of Christ, he will be ashamed of. Words from his own mouth! And my heart quails. But yet I find the same reactions persisting.
I am fickle and inconsistent. And then I am reminded quietly of Peter who denied Christ three times after just proclaiming his allegiance and even using a blade against an armed troop of men to defend Jesus. I am reminded of Paul who could not do the good he wanted to do, though he knew what it was.
And so this Sunday, when I was sitting in church, at odds with the place and myself, the pastor, whom I don't even know if I like and certainly don't yet trust, calls us to take Communion in a way that does not put me off. Not single serving plastic wrapped. Not greatly orated. Simply saying that we will serve ourselves because, "you need no one coming between you and your God." And so I go forward, looking into my own heart, wondering what I will say to Him in the moment, though I feel something must be said. At the same time, I dred that my heart may burst out my eyes in front of everyone, as too often happens when I encounter God. I take the wafer, dip it in the cup, and at that second, my heart cries out, "God, help me."
I don't even know where it came from...well I do really. But I was not planning it, I promise you. I felt my eyes well, clenched my teeth to stop it, and rushed back to my seat. Then it came to me that this simple line is the essence of my faith, of all faith. I don't know. I can't do. God, help me.
And on this rock, I can stand. Nothing more, nothing less. God, help me. God, help me.
It starts to sound hollow after awhile. So I'm supposed to be eternally forgiving offences against me, some of which are grossly wrong...morally, ethically, personally wrong...and yet the person/people preaching this are the very offenders who then refuse to show it to me, to bear with me, to overlook, forgive, withhold judgement of my faults.
Now the moralist in me is screaming that two wrongs don't make a right and that one must do right regardless of how one is treated. OK. I know this. But it doesn't change the bitterness and anger that rise up at it again and again. And it isn't everyone. I know many people who do live out their faith and have shown me great love, even when I don't deserve it. So again, I blame the institution for creating the paradigm in which a man can stand over anonymous heads and orate without having to answer to the eyes and mouths of those he speaks to. Where he doesn't have to feel the full and immediate effect of his words. There has to be a better way.
I feel like I know that way too. I have glimpsed it, smelled it, but can't quite apprehend it. I'm not planning anything. I'm over trying to work my own will in these cases. I just don't have the energy any more. But I want to understand, to walk in it, to help it grow where it sprouts.
Am I missing something? I find myself cringing from certain aspects of the faith. Embarrassed by them. I don't want to be caught listening to Christian radio. I don't even like the music. I just need some uplifting, faithful, stilling presence and commercial radio (at least the genres I can tolerate) is all about degradation and glory in low things. I hate to pray over meals in public, though I do it at home with a will and a desire to instill it in my son.
Am I embarrassed by the faith? No. I'm not. I'll easily tell someone I'm Christian, that I go to church, that I believe in universal Truth and live morally, etc. I'll discuss my faith at length and detail in certain contexts, not just amongst other Christians. So I am not embarrassed by the faith. So what is it?
If it was just hokey contrivances, I would not do them myself. So I see value in them. This means the issue must be deeper. Perhaps a fear of seeming naive or backward. Perhaps of being misunderstood. I can't tell what it is. My Evangelical background steps forward at this point and begins condemning me that those who are ashamed of Christ, he will be ashamed of. Words from his own mouth! And my heart quails. But yet I find the same reactions persisting.
I am fickle and inconsistent. And then I am reminded quietly of Peter who denied Christ three times after just proclaiming his allegiance and even using a blade against an armed troop of men to defend Jesus. I am reminded of Paul who could not do the good he wanted to do, though he knew what it was.
And so this Sunday, when I was sitting in church, at odds with the place and myself, the pastor, whom I don't even know if I like and certainly don't yet trust, calls us to take Communion in a way that does not put me off. Not single serving plastic wrapped. Not greatly orated. Simply saying that we will serve ourselves because, "you need no one coming between you and your God." And so I go forward, looking into my own heart, wondering what I will say to Him in the moment, though I feel something must be said. At the same time, I dred that my heart may burst out my eyes in front of everyone, as too often happens when I encounter God. I take the wafer, dip it in the cup, and at that second, my heart cries out, "God, help me."
I don't even know where it came from...well I do really. But I was not planning it, I promise you. I felt my eyes well, clenched my teeth to stop it, and rushed back to my seat. Then it came to me that this simple line is the essence of my faith, of all faith. I don't know. I can't do. God, help me.
And on this rock, I can stand. Nothing more, nothing less. God, help me. God, help me.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Holiness
It's been a while since I've posted anything. After my last upheaval, which is not yet resolved by the way, there has been a lull. A peace. Not that I've been perfectly content or that things have stopped forming in me, but that I have been resting somewhat. My mind has been given a break. And since this blog is really a way for me to process my own journey, there hasn't been much to tell.
But one thing that has marked this time has been a desire for holiness. A set-apart-ness. This folds in righteousness, goodness, and all other virtues. But mostly it has been a soft glowing desire for true holiness. Like an old fire embering and pushing out the best kind of heat and a soft pulsing glow. And it is old in me, ready to consume new dross and to blaze in the world on good fuel. But not right now.
Now is a stoking I think. Long-tolerated sins are becoming known to me. Strong sinewy flaws deep in my being are exposed. I am examining the flex and stretch of the fibers; how they move and where they connect.
I am returning to basic disciplines, which are so easily overstepped, remembering old lessons and heroes, mentors, models. This is more than a little fuelled by the election of a new pope...a Jesuit who chose the name Francis...the first, no less. The first from the New World...the far west. A man of the people who is admirably humble.
While I am not Catholic for several reasons, I have great respect for them as the preservers of our Christian history. The ones to whom it has been entrusted. The root institution from which all our other reformed, protestant, revertist, evangelical, charismatic, and every other type are intimately tied. While the branches and changes have often been necessary and the Catholic church has been guilty of gross errors and injustices, are we not all guilty and all forgiven? I personally can't disrespect them simply because my teachers and mentors have many been of or close to this denomination and this denomination has preserved their teaching so that I can learn from them even though centuries stand between us.
In that, I have respected Jesuits for their practicality and justice. For their mission to the world's end even in deadly and unknown times and places. And for their prayer through action. At one time I considered becoming as closely aligned with them as I could as a non Catholic.
Then there is Francis. One of my teachers and a heart which I greatly identify with and aspire to. He has inspired me so much so that many life decisions were the direct result of following his ways applied in my life.
And this pope embodies them both. And to top it all, a thing I will never forget, him humbly bowing before the world and asking for prayer. This cemented in my mind that this is who I want to be. Let all else fall off if my life can exude this humilty.
God, may it mark a permanent change in me. Away with the course, brash, dirty, mean parts of me. Let the peace and gentleness you instill in my deepest heart radiate through my mind, body, mouth, and into my life.
But one thing that has marked this time has been a desire for holiness. A set-apart-ness. This folds in righteousness, goodness, and all other virtues. But mostly it has been a soft glowing desire for true holiness. Like an old fire embering and pushing out the best kind of heat and a soft pulsing glow. And it is old in me, ready to consume new dross and to blaze in the world on good fuel. But not right now.
Now is a stoking I think. Long-tolerated sins are becoming known to me. Strong sinewy flaws deep in my being are exposed. I am examining the flex and stretch of the fibers; how they move and where they connect.
I am returning to basic disciplines, which are so easily overstepped, remembering old lessons and heroes, mentors, models. This is more than a little fuelled by the election of a new pope...a Jesuit who chose the name Francis...the first, no less. The first from the New World...the far west. A man of the people who is admirably humble.
While I am not Catholic for several reasons, I have great respect for them as the preservers of our Christian history. The ones to whom it has been entrusted. The root institution from which all our other reformed, protestant, revertist, evangelical, charismatic, and every other type are intimately tied. While the branches and changes have often been necessary and the Catholic church has been guilty of gross errors and injustices, are we not all guilty and all forgiven? I personally can't disrespect them simply because my teachers and mentors have many been of or close to this denomination and this denomination has preserved their teaching so that I can learn from them even though centuries stand between us.
In that, I have respected Jesuits for their practicality and justice. For their mission to the world's end even in deadly and unknown times and places. And for their prayer through action. At one time I considered becoming as closely aligned with them as I could as a non Catholic.
Then there is Francis. One of my teachers and a heart which I greatly identify with and aspire to. He has inspired me so much so that many life decisions were the direct result of following his ways applied in my life.
And this pope embodies them both. And to top it all, a thing I will never forget, him humbly bowing before the world and asking for prayer. This cemented in my mind that this is who I want to be. Let all else fall off if my life can exude this humilty.
God, may it mark a permanent change in me. Away with the course, brash, dirty, mean parts of me. Let the peace and gentleness you instill in my deepest heart radiate through my mind, body, mouth, and into my life.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Breathe
The Fan Base just complimented this blog, making me realize I haven't written anything for a while. In reading back over recent posts I see that it is strangely prophetic of things happening now. This should not be strange. We're just blind to the winds, tides, currents of time and circumstance.
God has indeed been working miracles in my life recently. We prayed that he would work his will and glory and he is. I don't want to say more now.
I've also been learning some new things about how to relate to God and others. One that I will repeat from Wayne Jacobsen, whom I've mentioned before. I had never really examined the Prodigal Son story. Sure we all know the typical lesson from it about the kid who squanders his wealth and ends up crawling home only to be welcomed. But we leave out two main points of the story. One is the father who acts like no human father we've ever known. Who gives an inheritance before he's dead? Who allows his son to squander himself and his resources? We'd call him a bad parent who didn't control his kid through other means. And then he isn't the least bit angry when the son returns. Not even a scolding or knowing look. This is a picture of how God loves us, and I wonder if my notions of parenting aren't wrong in light of it?
Then there's the other son who doesn't run away. He is angry about the prodigal and the reception of him. He says he has slaved away for the father and got nothing for it. I used to identify with this son. I did the right things. I followed the rules, and I was supposed to be so selfless as to not be miffed at the bad kid getting the party? I thought it was a flaw in me. But if we look at the response of the father a little differently it makes so much more sense. This son wasn't doing right either. The father says you are with me every day and can have these things any time. But that son hadn't because he'd been so busy trying to be good...to run things for the father. The Father is basically saying the son could have had that calf and the party any time. He just hadn't. It reminds me of that stupid pizza commercial from years ago where the scout master wants to pay for the free pizza in the buy-one-get-one. He and the clerk go at it that he'll keep getting extra free pizzas that way because a free one comes with every payment. Just shut up and take the free pizza! You can't work it off. God doesn't need our help.
I now believe this story represents God and his relation to those who are far from him and those who are closer. Both miss the point. One takes the good things he's been given and squanders them to his own destruction and fears to return because of the judgement he deserves. The other works to earn his keep even though the entire wealth has been at his disposal the whole time. But the father wants only to love and give to his children.
So then, how do we reconcile the Old Testament Vengeful God image? I don't know. I don't think it can be systematized. Wayne suggests that it might be a case of mistaken motives. Rather than reading everything as obey or else, perhaps it is saying, in me, you'll be able to... In other words, it's more like in me, you will honor your father and mother, you will not be jealous, etc. and wrath is a way of purifying sin from within us. It's not a new idea. The view of sin as disease needing cure has been around a long time. It fits so well when you start applying it. Even Jack's idea of hell being locked from the inside is built along these lines. I don't want to get into the theology of it. That is to miss the point.
The point is this: God does all the work. We can't change ourselves, save ourselves, or do anything to get rid of that which destroys us. But God loves us and wants us to love him freely. The rules are for two purposes: 1. show us what is destroying us by defining how we fail, and 2. warn us of how certain things will destroy us. The true power of Christianity, which is as otherworldly and crazy sounding now as it was 2000 years ago is that we don't have to do anything. Just open myself to the reality, the mere possibility even, and breathe. Let that love become real to me. Then I'll begin to love him back. And that's what he wants. Not obedience, not sacrifice, the love of his children. He delights in us and in raising us. I want to live like this.
God has indeed been working miracles in my life recently. We prayed that he would work his will and glory and he is. I don't want to say more now.
I've also been learning some new things about how to relate to God and others. One that I will repeat from Wayne Jacobsen, whom I've mentioned before. I had never really examined the Prodigal Son story. Sure we all know the typical lesson from it about the kid who squanders his wealth and ends up crawling home only to be welcomed. But we leave out two main points of the story. One is the father who acts like no human father we've ever known. Who gives an inheritance before he's dead? Who allows his son to squander himself and his resources? We'd call him a bad parent who didn't control his kid through other means. And then he isn't the least bit angry when the son returns. Not even a scolding or knowing look. This is a picture of how God loves us, and I wonder if my notions of parenting aren't wrong in light of it?
Then there's the other son who doesn't run away. He is angry about the prodigal and the reception of him. He says he has slaved away for the father and got nothing for it. I used to identify with this son. I did the right things. I followed the rules, and I was supposed to be so selfless as to not be miffed at the bad kid getting the party? I thought it was a flaw in me. But if we look at the response of the father a little differently it makes so much more sense. This son wasn't doing right either. The father says you are with me every day and can have these things any time. But that son hadn't because he'd been so busy trying to be good...to run things for the father. The Father is basically saying the son could have had that calf and the party any time. He just hadn't. It reminds me of that stupid pizza commercial from years ago where the scout master wants to pay for the free pizza in the buy-one-get-one. He and the clerk go at it that he'll keep getting extra free pizzas that way because a free one comes with every payment. Just shut up and take the free pizza! You can't work it off. God doesn't need our help.
I now believe this story represents God and his relation to those who are far from him and those who are closer. Both miss the point. One takes the good things he's been given and squanders them to his own destruction and fears to return because of the judgement he deserves. The other works to earn his keep even though the entire wealth has been at his disposal the whole time. But the father wants only to love and give to his children.
So then, how do we reconcile the Old Testament Vengeful God image? I don't know. I don't think it can be systematized. Wayne suggests that it might be a case of mistaken motives. Rather than reading everything as obey or else, perhaps it is saying, in me, you'll be able to... In other words, it's more like in me, you will honor your father and mother, you will not be jealous, etc. and wrath is a way of purifying sin from within us. It's not a new idea. The view of sin as disease needing cure has been around a long time. It fits so well when you start applying it. Even Jack's idea of hell being locked from the inside is built along these lines. I don't want to get into the theology of it. That is to miss the point.
The point is this: God does all the work. We can't change ourselves, save ourselves, or do anything to get rid of that which destroys us. But God loves us and wants us to love him freely. The rules are for two purposes: 1. show us what is destroying us by defining how we fail, and 2. warn us of how certain things will destroy us. The true power of Christianity, which is as otherworldly and crazy sounding now as it was 2000 years ago is that we don't have to do anything. Just open myself to the reality, the mere possibility even, and breathe. Let that love become real to me. Then I'll begin to love him back. And that's what he wants. Not obedience, not sacrifice, the love of his children. He delights in us and in raising us. I want to live like this.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Good News
The word Gospel means good news. It is derived through a long series of languages and changes. It has become so accepted that many Bible translations use it as the translation (i.e. they don't use the modern English equivalent for the original word, they simply say "Gospel"). But what is it?
The New Testament is pretty clear about it. In 1 Corinthians 15:1 and on it says,
Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve.
OK. Great. But why is that good news? I'm convinced it has to do with that little word, which has also been so Christianized that we don't even like to talk about it: sin. the idea of doing something wrong. Without that conception, we can go no further. I could apologize the concept, but that's another topic entirely. So assuming that we recognize our failure, it says that Christ died for our sins. Now this letter goes on to talk about resurrection, so this statement was not meant to treat the "Gospel", but to argue against those who denied resurrection...again, another topic.
My point is that this good news is essentially a pardon. God in't mad at us any more. We've been freed from that guilt. The sin problem is gone. The price has been paid. This really is good news if you understand that you are guilty to begin with!
So why does modern Christianity spend so much time trying to convince us how to be better? How to do better? We focus so much on the problems that we ignore or render ineffective the solution. This is essentially to take the good out of the news!
It isn't that Jesus died to make a way, though he certainly did that. The good part is that we no longer have to live under that curse. This is big news to me and extremely good! Let's face it, in reality, the world is pretty screwed up. We candy coat it, insulate against it, and look for the "points of light" in it. But the truth is there's a lot of crap that goes on out there. We can't escape it. Even if you are one of those who believe we could "if only"... I'd reply, then show me one verifiable case where someone did completely overcome it because just today I passed a bunch of people who sure looked like they didn't get the news!
But ok, so if God isn't mad, why all the bad stuff? Well obviously we self-inflict it as a species. Certainly not every person deserves what happens to them, but as a species, we are the ones screwing up things such that unjust systems persist. So someone does evil and evil has a price. That price is exacted on them or on someone else, but it is exacted. This very much colors "the wages of sin" bit from Romans 6:23. Sure the wages are death. But think about that. I always interpreted that to mean we would be punished by death for our sins. But it doesn't say penalty. It says wages. We get wages from an employer for doing work. So you work evil, you get death from evil. These are the natural results. It's not a punishment, it's simple consequence! This is HUGE!
It fits so well with my understanding of God's nature. He is good. Not merely that goodness is an attribute; He is it. So bad, by definition, is something not from God. But nothing can be 'not from God', because He makes everything. Existence is within Him. So bad can not be a thing because a thing would exist and therefore would proceed from God, which would make it good. So if bad-ness is not a thing, yet it is the opposite of good, it can only be a negation of something that exists. So bad things are not bad in themselves. They are good things that have been negated...perverted, if you will. So every action has a reaction, right? Well you negate something, pervert it, and you receive that thing perverted plus the absence of what it was. So if we negate our very existence, the absence of our life is what? Death! Ergo the wages of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal life...read that all again and let it sink in. We negate our own existence and are unable to do otherwise. Hell is truly locked form the inside! So God decided to break into our existence and fix it by restoring what we negated. And by fusing that lesser human stuff with his immutable and good nature, it becomes incorruptible. To take it back to more basic terms, "God in't mad at us anymore." He does not punish us because the punishment has been meted out and absorbed. The justice has been restored. Every human past, present, and future, is no longer under the curse of sin. We are free and that has nothing to do with anything we did or do. The only way to miss it is to refuse to believe it...to continue negating what is.
This is good news!
The New Testament is pretty clear about it. In 1 Corinthians 15:1 and on it says,
Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve.
OK. Great. But why is that good news? I'm convinced it has to do with that little word, which has also been so Christianized that we don't even like to talk about it: sin. the idea of doing something wrong. Without that conception, we can go no further. I could apologize the concept, but that's another topic entirely. So assuming that we recognize our failure, it says that Christ died for our sins. Now this letter goes on to talk about resurrection, so this statement was not meant to treat the "Gospel", but to argue against those who denied resurrection...again, another topic.
My point is that this good news is essentially a pardon. God in't mad at us any more. We've been freed from that guilt. The sin problem is gone. The price has been paid. This really is good news if you understand that you are guilty to begin with!
So why does modern Christianity spend so much time trying to convince us how to be better? How to do better? We focus so much on the problems that we ignore or render ineffective the solution. This is essentially to take the good out of the news!
It isn't that Jesus died to make a way, though he certainly did that. The good part is that we no longer have to live under that curse. This is big news to me and extremely good! Let's face it, in reality, the world is pretty screwed up. We candy coat it, insulate against it, and look for the "points of light" in it. But the truth is there's a lot of crap that goes on out there. We can't escape it. Even if you are one of those who believe we could "if only"... I'd reply, then show me one verifiable case where someone did completely overcome it because just today I passed a bunch of people who sure looked like they didn't get the news!
But ok, so if God isn't mad, why all the bad stuff? Well obviously we self-inflict it as a species. Certainly not every person deserves what happens to them, but as a species, we are the ones screwing up things such that unjust systems persist. So someone does evil and evil has a price. That price is exacted on them or on someone else, but it is exacted. This very much colors "the wages of sin" bit from Romans 6:23. Sure the wages are death. But think about that. I always interpreted that to mean we would be punished by death for our sins. But it doesn't say penalty. It says wages. We get wages from an employer for doing work. So you work evil, you get death from evil. These are the natural results. It's not a punishment, it's simple consequence! This is HUGE!
It fits so well with my understanding of God's nature. He is good. Not merely that goodness is an attribute; He is it. So bad, by definition, is something not from God. But nothing can be 'not from God', because He makes everything. Existence is within Him. So bad can not be a thing because a thing would exist and therefore would proceed from God, which would make it good. So if bad-ness is not a thing, yet it is the opposite of good, it can only be a negation of something that exists. So bad things are not bad in themselves. They are good things that have been negated...perverted, if you will. So every action has a reaction, right? Well you negate something, pervert it, and you receive that thing perverted plus the absence of what it was. So if we negate our very existence, the absence of our life is what? Death! Ergo the wages of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal life...read that all again and let it sink in. We negate our own existence and are unable to do otherwise. Hell is truly locked form the inside! So God decided to break into our existence and fix it by restoring what we negated. And by fusing that lesser human stuff with his immutable and good nature, it becomes incorruptible. To take it back to more basic terms, "God in't mad at us anymore." He does not punish us because the punishment has been meted out and absorbed. The justice has been restored. Every human past, present, and future, is no longer under the curse of sin. We are free and that has nothing to do with anything we did or do. The only way to miss it is to refuse to believe it...to continue negating what is.
This is good news!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Recovery
I have a suspicion that sin takes a while to purge. Or rather that it takes a while for us to heal from the effects of certain sins.
Of course many people don't even recognize sin. They don't understand the word. I don't want to go into a big treatise on the definition and philosophy of the concept, so suffice to say that it is wrongness. Acts of wrongness and just wrongness in general. If that doesn't work for you, then I refer you to the tomes on the subject. I will assume going forward that you know what it is and accept that it exists.
So when I commit certain sins to which I am prone, I have noticed lingering effects. Even though I believe that the price for those sins has been paid and that I am forgiven, even though I have repented to the best of my ability...which is really nil.
...ok I have to sidebar here a little...I don't believe that we have anything to do with the forgiveness of our sins. I know that, "if we confess our sins he ...will forgive us and cleanse us..." But I don't think this establishes a sort of spiritual transaction in which God's graces are contingent upon our behavior like many people believe. This is simply a new face on the Jewish law and the substance of most popular religion world wide. It's Karma in a broad sense. If this were true how could anyone ever come to God? We are separated before we know otherwise. If he didn't reach to us first, there would be no connection. Plus he has forgiven us, "while we were yet sinners" and there is "therefore no condemnation." The references go on and on. Suffice to say, we are forgiven period. Everyone is. It's our own rebelliousness that forces the charges to be held to our own account. The door to hell is locked form the inside. End sidebar.
Even though I know the forgiveness, and am learning not to interpret my own self-condemnation as God's wrath, beyond that, there are certain discreet factors which noticeably improve in the area surrounding the sins (and no I'm not going to say what they are) the further away from it I get. The longer I go without falling to it again, I notice those affected areas improving.
I suspect it might have something to do with the residuals of the sin itself. Since sin is a negation of what should be, it may have a sort of cancerous effect on the spirit. It's a subtle thing, as with most truths...but there may be something to this.
Of course many people don't even recognize sin. They don't understand the word. I don't want to go into a big treatise on the definition and philosophy of the concept, so suffice to say that it is wrongness. Acts of wrongness and just wrongness in general. If that doesn't work for you, then I refer you to the tomes on the subject. I will assume going forward that you know what it is and accept that it exists.
So when I commit certain sins to which I am prone, I have noticed lingering effects. Even though I believe that the price for those sins has been paid and that I am forgiven, even though I have repented to the best of my ability...which is really nil.
...ok I have to sidebar here a little...I don't believe that we have anything to do with the forgiveness of our sins. I know that, "if we confess our sins he ...will forgive us and cleanse us..." But I don't think this establishes a sort of spiritual transaction in which God's graces are contingent upon our behavior like many people believe. This is simply a new face on the Jewish law and the substance of most popular religion world wide. It's Karma in a broad sense. If this were true how could anyone ever come to God? We are separated before we know otherwise. If he didn't reach to us first, there would be no connection. Plus he has forgiven us, "while we were yet sinners" and there is "therefore no condemnation." The references go on and on. Suffice to say, we are forgiven period. Everyone is. It's our own rebelliousness that forces the charges to be held to our own account. The door to hell is locked form the inside. End sidebar.
Even though I know the forgiveness, and am learning not to interpret my own self-condemnation as God's wrath, beyond that, there are certain discreet factors which noticeably improve in the area surrounding the sins (and no I'm not going to say what they are) the further away from it I get. The longer I go without falling to it again, I notice those affected areas improving.
I suspect it might have something to do with the residuals of the sin itself. Since sin is a negation of what should be, it may have a sort of cancerous effect on the spirit. It's a subtle thing, as with most truths...but there may be something to this.
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