I know many well-meaning people who spend their lives as a series of all-consuming pushes. Sometimes they roll from one to the other with little or no downtime. Sometimes they ride one for a long time and then crash into a slump until the next one comes along. Both of these are basically the same thing.
I don't think they mean to appear faddy. I think they legitimately think this next thing might be the one. Or else they're chasing fireflies distracted by each new flash of light and never realizing their lack of constancy.
But that's just the thing. Constancy. To be sure even this can be bad if it becomes so entrenched that one lives in a rut and never changes anything, but some constancy is a good thing. We need to be stable. Stability lets others depend on us. They know what we're about. They know where we'll be.
So I encourage any reader to look at yourself. Count up how many things you've promoted, bandwagoned, cycled through. Are you casting about for some meaning you can't find? Are you looking for that real thing only to keep finding falsity? If you keep getting into things and finding them go sour, I can promise you, that isn't how things should go. It isn't normal corruption taking over. If this is your life, you're living in the temporal.
Certainly things change. Good to come, good to go. But if a year ago you were part of some group, then you started your own, then you joined another all in that time frame, I'd say you should slow down and see what you might be missing. If you live on inspiring pushes of art or friendship or whatever only to
find yourself sinking into doldrums when those things get stale or end,
you might be missing something as well. If you constantly reinvent yourself after a cycle of a few years, trying one style or self-definition after another, you really need to take a look. If you abandon your friends for cycles of several years only to cycle back in like an orbiting comet, look at yourself. No judgement. Just an exhortation. You decide for yourself.
I simply want to put to you that there is another way. Figure out what it is that your missing. What is common to all the beginnings or ends? A real stable constancy is available. A life of fulfilling relations, interests, new things, effective service is possible...just perhaps not in the way you think. You already have everything you need allocated and waiting in the scheme of space and time. You just have to reach out and take it. Life is easy...it's our own selves that make it otherwise. I'm learned this. If what you're doing isn't working, stop doing it the same way every time. Otherwise, I can tell you the next kick, the next ministry, the next identity, the next inspiration will end very much like all the others.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Counterproductive
I don't participate in politics (in the common sense). I have many reasons for this. First is that my conscience won't allow me to vote for a person I can't trust. Also, my ethics won't allow me to participate in a system I know to be corrupt. So as a free man, I exercise my valid political choice to abstain. Then, perhaps most importantly, my faith tells me my hope is not in this world. God controls all things and it is not incumbent upon me to punch a ballot to effect His will. I can and will accomplish all He has for me regardless of the person in some human contrived office. Not to mention most discussion of such people in the Bible was negative as they are usually corrupt by reason of the fact that they occupy the position in the first place. But this is a personal choice and I do not expect anyone else to have to follow what I am led to do. If God is telling you to participate in whatever fashion, go do it by all means. He isn't telling me that.
Which brings me to my point. As a third party observer, I have noticed something that needs mentioning. I'm speaking to those who call themselves Christians. If your 8 year old kids are running into public spaces chanting a candidate's name, you are too bound up in this and I would encourage you to think about these things:
First of all, as I said above, you are welcome to your political opinions. That is the right of every free person. But I want to caution you about so overtly declaring one candidate. To be sure, publicly declaring your opinions on a policy or issue is acceptable, even to be encouraged. But when it comes to supporting a person, can you really guarantee that the candidate you are espousing will so perfectly follow your beliefs that you are willing to be judged by the community on it? Are you willing to have your faith, which you are also vocal about, tainted by the association with a candidate who does one thing you support, but others which are overtly against your beliefs? And believe me, right or wrong, you are being judged. If you don't realize this, you are far too insulated from the world.
Which brings me to my second caution. If you believe that you should share your faith and that those who support another candidate are morally in error, is it beneficial to constantly throw in their face your political views? How will this win anyone to your view? How will this even incline them to hear you on any topic. You are drawing a line in the sand and condemning those on the other side as wrong or worse.
What would you do? Oppress the opposing view? Crush the resistance? Establish a moral and religious state that lines with your views? See caution one! And then see the Islamic world! Can you not see the injustice this would cause? And once you established it, God forbid, you're party lose power, because then, you, my friend, are screwed! Prepare to be a refugee, rebel, or slave.
Of course I know most people who are active in their local church, inviting their neighbors to come, and yet wearing political t-shirts to pass out candy on Halloween haven't even thought this through. Which is why I wanted to share this. By all means have your opinions and do what God leads you to do. Support who you feel right to support and speak out on the issues that need to hear your perspective. But remember the universal truth that your opinion is, in fact, not as important as you would like it to be. But the consequences of your overly vocal support of a fallible human being who has made a career out of convincing people to give him power are very real. If your faith is real to you, can you really justify this? Wouldn't it be better and more prudent to have a sober and quiet opinion with respect to the beliefs of others who are, I promise you, watching to see if the faith you claim to be so revolutionary is real, and how it shows up in your life.
Which brings me to my point. As a third party observer, I have noticed something that needs mentioning. I'm speaking to those who call themselves Christians. If your 8 year old kids are running into public spaces chanting a candidate's name, you are too bound up in this and I would encourage you to think about these things:
First of all, as I said above, you are welcome to your political opinions. That is the right of every free person. But I want to caution you about so overtly declaring one candidate. To be sure, publicly declaring your opinions on a policy or issue is acceptable, even to be encouraged. But when it comes to supporting a person, can you really guarantee that the candidate you are espousing will so perfectly follow your beliefs that you are willing to be judged by the community on it? Are you willing to have your faith, which you are also vocal about, tainted by the association with a candidate who does one thing you support, but others which are overtly against your beliefs? And believe me, right or wrong, you are being judged. If you don't realize this, you are far too insulated from the world.
Which brings me to my second caution. If you believe that you should share your faith and that those who support another candidate are morally in error, is it beneficial to constantly throw in their face your political views? How will this win anyone to your view? How will this even incline them to hear you on any topic. You are drawing a line in the sand and condemning those on the other side as wrong or worse.
What would you do? Oppress the opposing view? Crush the resistance? Establish a moral and religious state that lines with your views? See caution one! And then see the Islamic world! Can you not see the injustice this would cause? And once you established it, God forbid, you're party lose power, because then, you, my friend, are screwed! Prepare to be a refugee, rebel, or slave.
Of course I know most people who are active in their local church, inviting their neighbors to come, and yet wearing political t-shirts to pass out candy on Halloween haven't even thought this through. Which is why I wanted to share this. By all means have your opinions and do what God leads you to do. Support who you feel right to support and speak out on the issues that need to hear your perspective. But remember the universal truth that your opinion is, in fact, not as important as you would like it to be. But the consequences of your overly vocal support of a fallible human being who has made a career out of convincing people to give him power are very real. If your faith is real to you, can you really justify this? Wouldn't it be better and more prudent to have a sober and quiet opinion with respect to the beliefs of others who are, I promise you, watching to see if the faith you claim to be so revolutionary is real, and how it shows up in your life.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Unspeakable
Sometimes I have nothing to say. I go through cycles. But for once I have tons of things to say and can't find words for them.
Suffice to say, the life God has for me is opening up and it is overwhelmingly more than what I would dream of. I mean this in very literal ways. This is why it is hard to put into words in a general context. There is nothing general about it and I can't possibly explain the intimate and complex details that surround it.
Perhaps the Via Negativa would help. So I will say what it is not. It is not in my head. It is not philosophical, affecting no real change in the material world. It is not tied to the institutions we call church...
...Here is what I would say and the ones about whom it is written can understand it for themselves. You are beautiful. You are so loved. God has seen you. He has not even once forgotten you. I don't know the reasons for the circumstances in your life. I am just a Sheep Dog who barely understands the Shepherd's language. But I see what he has done for you. I see how the universe has been ordered for your specific good. I see you as he sees you. You are stunning and powerful beyond compare. My love for you is not rooted in pity nor charity, nor brotherly affection. It is as beyond me as every good thing I have ever done. To be near you, to guard, aid, serve, you is an honor and a pleasure. I am elated that you would call me friend. You have only to make a need known and I will be about meeting it with whatever is within my power. I don't even know what that is. But I have been charged with doing it and the resources and methods will be provided. This is not an idle promise, as I hope you now see. All that has been given to me is from God and for his purposes. I hold it lightly and in common with you.
And I truly enjoy your company, your humor, your presence. I want to be around you because I like you. It is good for me too. I am better for having known you. In one sense, because doing what we are made for is fulfilling, but more so because you inspire me, comfort me, encourage me even if you don't know it.
In short, I love you. And while nothing I can say will prove it or guarantee any moment into the future, it is true as true and every moment that I am there demonstrates it to be so.
This is the life we were called to live. This tribal, close, familial life. Thank you for having me into yours. Together things will only get better. I know it because God has shown me the ending. Let's walk toward it together.
Suffice to say, the life God has for me is opening up and it is overwhelmingly more than what I would dream of. I mean this in very literal ways. This is why it is hard to put into words in a general context. There is nothing general about it and I can't possibly explain the intimate and complex details that surround it.
Perhaps the Via Negativa would help. So I will say what it is not. It is not in my head. It is not philosophical, affecting no real change in the material world. It is not tied to the institutions we call church...
...Here is what I would say and the ones about whom it is written can understand it for themselves. You are beautiful. You are so loved. God has seen you. He has not even once forgotten you. I don't know the reasons for the circumstances in your life. I am just a Sheep Dog who barely understands the Shepherd's language. But I see what he has done for you. I see how the universe has been ordered for your specific good. I see you as he sees you. You are stunning and powerful beyond compare. My love for you is not rooted in pity nor charity, nor brotherly affection. It is as beyond me as every good thing I have ever done. To be near you, to guard, aid, serve, you is an honor and a pleasure. I am elated that you would call me friend. You have only to make a need known and I will be about meeting it with whatever is within my power. I don't even know what that is. But I have been charged with doing it and the resources and methods will be provided. This is not an idle promise, as I hope you now see. All that has been given to me is from God and for his purposes. I hold it lightly and in common with you.
And I truly enjoy your company, your humor, your presence. I want to be around you because I like you. It is good for me too. I am better for having known you. In one sense, because doing what we are made for is fulfilling, but more so because you inspire me, comfort me, encourage me even if you don't know it.
In short, I love you. And while nothing I can say will prove it or guarantee any moment into the future, it is true as true and every moment that I am there demonstrates it to be so.
This is the life we were called to live. This tribal, close, familial life. Thank you for having me into yours. Together things will only get better. I know it because God has shown me the ending. Let's walk toward it together.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Down and Down
This rabbit hole seems unending. It's very difficult to right oneself when everything is moving. As soon as I seem to become oriented, I realize that I haven't actually hit the bottom yet. Perhaps it only feels that I've righted because everything around me is falling at the same rate for a bit. But pretty soon it all lists oddly in the air and disorientation ensues.
I have long believed that we could only find what we need in God. I have even come to know it through many circumstances that have forced me to rely only on Him alone. He's even shown me that He will not only keep his word to provide, but does so quite literally "exceedingly, abundantly more" than I could, would, or even ask. I have even begun to live in this confidence in a real way.
But no sooner do I realize I have progressed than a chair tilts and the rug flutters and the whole room disengages in the freefall. I guess I should just stop arranging the furniture.
But that's just it: I don't intend to arrange anything. I just find a chair nearby and decide to pull it under me because falling is tiring. And then a glass of water floats by and I'm kind of thirsty. But then a table floats up and I conveniently place the glass on it, snatch the lamp from the air for some better lighting, and before you know it, there's another falling room.
Even though I've been learning all these things I recently realized there was yet another level to it all and I was finding validation in something other than God. It was innocent enough but sinuous and sneaky nonetheless. You see, in doing the things God has for me to do, I become first agitated and then irritated and approaching angry when people don't allow it. Not because I want what I want, but because I see how this or that person could so benefit but won't. It's like delivering a really great present to someone from a rich relative. I know what's in the box and know how perfect it is for them. I've even got a similar one from this same relative. But they won't open it. I tell them how great it is and they still just sit it in the corner. So I tell them what's in it and they smile and ohh about it, but say they'll get to it. And this can go on far more than you would imagine. It would be easier if they openly rejected it, but to keep piling up unopened presents is pert near insane to me.
So I go back to God confused and uncertain. Did I screw up? Did I miss something? And that's when I realized recently that I am finding validation in helping others, even anonymously. I am hinging my joy on other's actions...on their acceptance of these gifts...on their good. Rather, I should be secure and stable enough in God's dealings with me that others' actions, even actions toward God, do not create anxiety in me. And there goes the room again.
I have to come to fully trust God to meet their needs as he meets mine. My eagerness for their good, my sadness at their pain is not to go away, but to be absorbed in God's full provision for us all. And this is something I truly do not know how to do. I can't even imagine how I could be content having the power to ease loved ones' burdens and not being allowed to do so. Which means I will as usual, have to totally rely on God to do it.
I have long believed that we could only find what we need in God. I have even come to know it through many circumstances that have forced me to rely only on Him alone. He's even shown me that He will not only keep his word to provide, but does so quite literally "exceedingly, abundantly more" than I could, would, or even ask. I have even begun to live in this confidence in a real way.
But no sooner do I realize I have progressed than a chair tilts and the rug flutters and the whole room disengages in the freefall. I guess I should just stop arranging the furniture.
But that's just it: I don't intend to arrange anything. I just find a chair nearby and decide to pull it under me because falling is tiring. And then a glass of water floats by and I'm kind of thirsty. But then a table floats up and I conveniently place the glass on it, snatch the lamp from the air for some better lighting, and before you know it, there's another falling room.
Even though I've been learning all these things I recently realized there was yet another level to it all and I was finding validation in something other than God. It was innocent enough but sinuous and sneaky nonetheless. You see, in doing the things God has for me to do, I become first agitated and then irritated and approaching angry when people don't allow it. Not because I want what I want, but because I see how this or that person could so benefit but won't. It's like delivering a really great present to someone from a rich relative. I know what's in the box and know how perfect it is for them. I've even got a similar one from this same relative. But they won't open it. I tell them how great it is and they still just sit it in the corner. So I tell them what's in it and they smile and ohh about it, but say they'll get to it. And this can go on far more than you would imagine. It would be easier if they openly rejected it, but to keep piling up unopened presents is pert near insane to me.
So I go back to God confused and uncertain. Did I screw up? Did I miss something? And that's when I realized recently that I am finding validation in helping others, even anonymously. I am hinging my joy on other's actions...on their acceptance of these gifts...on their good. Rather, I should be secure and stable enough in God's dealings with me that others' actions, even actions toward God, do not create anxiety in me. And there goes the room again.
I have to come to fully trust God to meet their needs as he meets mine. My eagerness for their good, my sadness at their pain is not to go away, but to be absorbed in God's full provision for us all. And this is something I truly do not know how to do. I can't even imagine how I could be content having the power to ease loved ones' burdens and not being allowed to do so. Which means I will as usual, have to totally rely on God to do it.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Answer
Today I've been surrounded by awareness of God's presence. I don't know why. I'm aware of what He's saying and feeling toward me more than usual. This morning He impressed upon me that someone was praying for something and that I was the answer.
No, not that I, particularly, was an answer to someone's prayers in the cocky sense. But quite the opposite. It is tremendously humbling to think that someone has cried out to God to provide something they need desperately and that in answer, He sends me.
I don't know if this refers to something that has already happened, something that will happen, or just a parable-like lesson. Maybe it's a combination of them all. But I am honored and humbled. I know my own flaws. I know my own inadequacies. I also know that I asked God to use me, to send me where He will. I figured I'd be part of something or more likely a voice in the wilderness declaring God's message. But to think that I, messed up and willfully rebellious, am the medium of God's answer to someone's cry from their heart. It's so personal and tender I can barely allow myself to process it. I'm trembling and crying as I type this. I don't deserve to do it. How can I represent God in the flesh? How can these hands and this tongue convey a fraction of His love. It's so far beyond me.
I know I am nothing more than the vessel. What good comes from me is not me, but the Spirit Lord in me. So logically, I know I can do this. But I don't even feel capable of conducting this kind of power.
I will go, though. I will do it. Maybe I am, or already have. Good God! Thank you for using me.
No, not that I, particularly, was an answer to someone's prayers in the cocky sense. But quite the opposite. It is tremendously humbling to think that someone has cried out to God to provide something they need desperately and that in answer, He sends me.
I don't know if this refers to something that has already happened, something that will happen, or just a parable-like lesson. Maybe it's a combination of them all. But I am honored and humbled. I know my own flaws. I know my own inadequacies. I also know that I asked God to use me, to send me where He will. I figured I'd be part of something or more likely a voice in the wilderness declaring God's message. But to think that I, messed up and willfully rebellious, am the medium of God's answer to someone's cry from their heart. It's so personal and tender I can barely allow myself to process it. I'm trembling and crying as I type this. I don't deserve to do it. How can I represent God in the flesh? How can these hands and this tongue convey a fraction of His love. It's so far beyond me.
I know I am nothing more than the vessel. What good comes from me is not me, but the Spirit Lord in me. So logically, I know I can do this. But I don't even feel capable of conducting this kind of power.
I will go, though. I will do it. Maybe I am, or already have. Good God! Thank you for using me.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Aha!
A while ago I mentioned briefly this feeling I've had at times in churches when I try to let go. There's two reactions: uncontrollable crying and desire to tear the place up. This happens when I try to open up to God in the service. Not every time, but a lot of the time. See usually, I sit quietly, but feel a bit like I have to strap myself in the seat...restrain myself you could say. So I have various techniques for doing it. Over the years they've become habitual and I don't really think about them that much. This lets me get through the service without making some kind of scene. But when I decide to see if God is doing something; open myself up to whatever He has in that moment. These are often the reactions I get. I have never known why.
In the last post that mentioned it, I ended up going off in another direction and never explored it. But then today, I tried again as I watched all these people doing similar behaviors, one arm raised, head to the side, swaying to the music, hands clutched to chest, etc. I was thinking, is this just mimicry picked up from watching others and assuming that's what it looks like to have a spiritual experience of worship, or is it something universally real that I am missing? So I opened myself and asked God to tell me what He was doing. I felt the old desire to tear the place up! So I quickly shut it down...but not before the thought hit me in connection with a recent Facebook post I made which quoted a modern adaptation of Isaiah 1:11-17. I had posted it after reading it because it affected me so dramatically at the moment. This connection was fleeting, but lingered long enough to make me question...am I really connecting with God's heart here?
Is my desire to tear up the place coming from His sorrow and frustration at the facade of religion that obscures who He is? This is not unfounded. Jesus tore up the temple courts in Jerusalem for the same reason. There are many verses in the Bible where God expresses his displeasure at this very thing and the destruction it would cause. Could the tears also be the other side of that coin? Anger is just an expression of hurt, as is sorrow. We feel both at the same time on many occasions. Since our image is God's it follows that He feels it the same way.
So I delved a little deeper into that feeling and discovered that there isn't any malice in it. I don't want to hurt people; I don't even have any ill will. I just want to tear out the facade. So I thought, what would I say if I did it? This is what I discovered:
I would charge the stage, take the mic and as I set about tearing apart the decorations and apparati, I'd ask everyone if God was real to them. Is He really real to them? Is this all they expect? Wake up and for once follow their hearts fully! Let's see God really show up then and there! I'd jump across the rows of chairs toward any person who responded, climb the light fixtures and rafters and bring the place into chaos.
No doubt most people would be terrified and I'd probably be tackled and drug out screaming...but if God did show up, there would be a moment like Pentacost...the real deal, not the equally fakey occurrences that happen weekly amongst groups of the pentacostal bent.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever longed for something so real and hated the falsity of anything less? Have you felt things inside you that you aren't sure where they come from? If so, don't settle. You're not alone and perhaps even less alone than you think.
In the last post that mentioned it, I ended up going off in another direction and never explored it. But then today, I tried again as I watched all these people doing similar behaviors, one arm raised, head to the side, swaying to the music, hands clutched to chest, etc. I was thinking, is this just mimicry picked up from watching others and assuming that's what it looks like to have a spiritual experience of worship, or is it something universally real that I am missing? So I opened myself and asked God to tell me what He was doing. I felt the old desire to tear the place up! So I quickly shut it down...but not before the thought hit me in connection with a recent Facebook post I made which quoted a modern adaptation of Isaiah 1:11-17. I had posted it after reading it because it affected me so dramatically at the moment. This connection was fleeting, but lingered long enough to make me question...am I really connecting with God's heart here?
Is my desire to tear up the place coming from His sorrow and frustration at the facade of religion that obscures who He is? This is not unfounded. Jesus tore up the temple courts in Jerusalem for the same reason. There are many verses in the Bible where God expresses his displeasure at this very thing and the destruction it would cause. Could the tears also be the other side of that coin? Anger is just an expression of hurt, as is sorrow. We feel both at the same time on many occasions. Since our image is God's it follows that He feels it the same way.
So I delved a little deeper into that feeling and discovered that there isn't any malice in it. I don't want to hurt people; I don't even have any ill will. I just want to tear out the facade. So I thought, what would I say if I did it? This is what I discovered:
I would charge the stage, take the mic and as I set about tearing apart the decorations and apparati, I'd ask everyone if God was real to them. Is He really real to them? Is this all they expect? Wake up and for once follow their hearts fully! Let's see God really show up then and there! I'd jump across the rows of chairs toward any person who responded, climb the light fixtures and rafters and bring the place into chaos.
No doubt most people would be terrified and I'd probably be tackled and drug out screaming...but if God did show up, there would be a moment like Pentacost...the real deal, not the equally fakey occurrences that happen weekly amongst groups of the pentacostal bent.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever longed for something so real and hated the falsity of anything less? Have you felt things inside you that you aren't sure where they come from? If so, don't settle. You're not alone and perhaps even less alone than you think.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Deep Cuts
I feel like something is happening deep inside me. My perceptions are changing, my reactions too. Emotions surface at strange times and in strange ways. It's almost like someone is rooting around deep inside and trying to sort things out. Which may very well be what is happening. Sometimes what comes up is not pleasant. Mostly it isn't I guess. Things I never even new about myself will just pop up from deep down and I am taken aback.
Also pains will surface in ways and about things I didn't even know hurt me. I'm finding that I often react in anger to what is truly a fear. I've seen this before in people and I don't think it's that odd. But I never knew I was doing it.
It isn't all bad. Sometimes great joys surface and I find a very unshakable peace and confidence in many things. But just as quickly a new circumstance or stray comment or sometimes just out of nowhere, I'll be hit with something else.
Last night I was restless again...which has occurred for the past few nights. It's partly some things I understand: physical, circumstantial, manageable. But then last night it just wouldn't quit. I kept calling out to God in my dreams. I could see Jesus standing a distance away but couldn't keep my focus on him. Then I'd slip into another fitful dream. Then this morning as dawn came I woke enough to prayed verbally about some things that were on my mind. Then I started crying and couldn't stop for about an hour. Then it was over. I'm not even sure what it was that upset me other than it felt like I had my heart uprooted all night.
I can only imagine how much more intense this must have been for Jesus when he was living on this earth. He has been described by third party historians as somber and quiet. No doubt looking at the world from God's perspective has great joys, but also many pains as he saw the hardness of hearts and confusion of minds. The general lostness of the all those around him. I'm having enough trouble being confronted with my own and the occasional glance into those he places close to me.
Also pains will surface in ways and about things I didn't even know hurt me. I'm finding that I often react in anger to what is truly a fear. I've seen this before in people and I don't think it's that odd. But I never knew I was doing it.
It isn't all bad. Sometimes great joys surface and I find a very unshakable peace and confidence in many things. But just as quickly a new circumstance or stray comment or sometimes just out of nowhere, I'll be hit with something else.
Last night I was restless again...which has occurred for the past few nights. It's partly some things I understand: physical, circumstantial, manageable. But then last night it just wouldn't quit. I kept calling out to God in my dreams. I could see Jesus standing a distance away but couldn't keep my focus on him. Then I'd slip into another fitful dream. Then this morning as dawn came I woke enough to prayed verbally about some things that were on my mind. Then I started crying and couldn't stop for about an hour. Then it was over. I'm not even sure what it was that upset me other than it felt like I had my heart uprooted all night.
I can only imagine how much more intense this must have been for Jesus when he was living on this earth. He has been described by third party historians as somber and quiet. No doubt looking at the world from God's perspective has great joys, but also many pains as he saw the hardness of hearts and confusion of minds. The general lostness of the all those around him. I'm having enough trouble being confronted with my own and the occasional glance into those he places close to me.
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