I have learned so much from animals and nature. There's is a world only ruined by association. This means it functions much closer to perfection and where the affects of ruination are felt they are handled more like they would be handled in a perfect state.
Right now, I'm thinking of how animals and even plants (which are far more responsive than people think, only on a much slower time scale) do not judge. If they form opinions, they do not affect behavior in any large degree. They take each action or event as it comes, they tolerate massive amounts of wrong, and they are slow to learn fear or hate while being quick to forgive.
I wonder if I can learn to live like this. Can I not expect, not interpret, not figure? Can I learn to simply be and watch and react appropriately? I've spent years thinking about things in hopes of reaching peace through ultimate understanding. If I could see how things all work, I'd be able to rest in that just like when you understand your surgery or illness you feel less anxious about it. Not that I ever thought I would get to the end, but it was the distant goal that defined a paradigm.
But now I'm starting to realize that this may not be the answer. Like Solomon returning to rest in meaninglessness, I'm finding that understanding brings no peace.
No matter what I learn, I feel like I've done all this before. Had these realizations, cycled around, and nothing has really changed.
I recognized the cycles before, but I envisioned them spiraling upward where each cycle was a little closer to truth. But I doubt that now.
Now I want to get off the train. I want to watch it draw away from me and take all it's energy and activity with it. I want to look and simply see what is there, not be preoccupied with things that aren't there. Wars and rumors of wars, a chasing after the wind, trying to capture shadows. I want to see feel what is there without having to analyze, systematize and categorize. I just want to feel and let the feeling go into the next, good, bad, sad, or indifferent.
I want a simple and gentle yet unabashed honesty, like animals, to the greatest degree I can.
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Thursday, January 24, 2019
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Grown
I think I am being grown. I feel stretched. It's not terrible, but not great either. Many things are changing. I had dreams about dragons again, which seem to precede big changes for me that require growth. I also had deja vu today, which is another sign that something is happening.
I don't mean this in the way the words might sound to many people. It's not some spooky or flighty thing where I think of these things as special powers or whatever. I don't even know if it's real. But I know my experience. And dragons are sometimes a symbol of wisdom and reptiles can indicate change in dreams.
The deja vu is just a distinct impression that I've done something before. I don't know if I dreamed it in advance, or maybe it's just a feeling that occurs when I'm in a state of confusion and growth.
But it doesn't really matter, does it? The point is the significance to me. They are markers of something I should pay attention to.
Changes are immanent in work and life, and I've noticed a tendency toward less control and more dependence on God, which comes in the form of independence from other things. Hence it feels good and bad at the same time.
This may be an answer to prayer...in reality everything is an answer to prayer, isn't it though. In this case, I did pray for God to move me and for him to teach me to trust him more. So here goes.
The cool thing to me is that I am not so nervous as I once would have been about things like this. I'm hoping to find out if Uncle George's ideas that we have to move to see the results are true. That only in obedience to the requirements can we see the results, the lack of which we claim as disproof.
He also said that when we ask of God and it seems like no answer, it may be that God has answered immediately, but it is taking time, maybe years, for us to grow to the point that we can understand the answer. This seems consistent with my understanding of God. He would rather have us right and thoroughly good and so would not give us a half answer or no answer, as we sometimes think, but rather immediately begins the process of growing us, finishing us, to the point that we can hear. And hearing, can understand what he says. But we are not going unanswered.
To me, this is powerful. I always thought that we might be ignored for our own good sometimes, like a good parent will ignore their petulant child until they relent. But what if it isn't that at all?! What if God is a better parent than us? ...as if there is any question. Of course he'd be better. Necessarily better. To understand that way is to confirm my infantile perspective.
Or perhaps, I would think, we just couldn't understand so he doesn't explain, like a parent who resorts to, "because I said so." to the whining kid that won't accept the answer.
Or perhaps that's it: that we are just whining so he won't answer.
But just imagine instead, what it would mean to have a God who answers so immediately and powerfully that he would grow and shape a whole world of space and matter and experience around us in order that our hearing would begin developing to the point that we could first hear the answer and then our minds would be capable of understanding it.
It's supra-language, dark cloud, behind the veil stuff.
The thoughts are coming too fast now for my fingers to keep up. So I have to stop.
I don't mean this in the way the words might sound to many people. It's not some spooky or flighty thing where I think of these things as special powers or whatever. I don't even know if it's real. But I know my experience. And dragons are sometimes a symbol of wisdom and reptiles can indicate change in dreams.
The deja vu is just a distinct impression that I've done something before. I don't know if I dreamed it in advance, or maybe it's just a feeling that occurs when I'm in a state of confusion and growth.
But it doesn't really matter, does it? The point is the significance to me. They are markers of something I should pay attention to.
Changes are immanent in work and life, and I've noticed a tendency toward less control and more dependence on God, which comes in the form of independence from other things. Hence it feels good and bad at the same time.
This may be an answer to prayer...in reality everything is an answer to prayer, isn't it though. In this case, I did pray for God to move me and for him to teach me to trust him more. So here goes.
The cool thing to me is that I am not so nervous as I once would have been about things like this. I'm hoping to find out if Uncle George's ideas that we have to move to see the results are true. That only in obedience to the requirements can we see the results, the lack of which we claim as disproof.
He also said that when we ask of God and it seems like no answer, it may be that God has answered immediately, but it is taking time, maybe years, for us to grow to the point that we can understand the answer. This seems consistent with my understanding of God. He would rather have us right and thoroughly good and so would not give us a half answer or no answer, as we sometimes think, but rather immediately begins the process of growing us, finishing us, to the point that we can hear. And hearing, can understand what he says. But we are not going unanswered.
To me, this is powerful. I always thought that we might be ignored for our own good sometimes, like a good parent will ignore their petulant child until they relent. But what if it isn't that at all?! What if God is a better parent than us? ...as if there is any question. Of course he'd be better. Necessarily better. To understand that way is to confirm my infantile perspective.
Or perhaps, I would think, we just couldn't understand so he doesn't explain, like a parent who resorts to, "because I said so." to the whining kid that won't accept the answer.
Or perhaps that's it: that we are just whining so he won't answer.
But just imagine instead, what it would mean to have a God who answers so immediately and powerfully that he would grow and shape a whole world of space and matter and experience around us in order that our hearing would begin developing to the point that we could first hear the answer and then our minds would be capable of understanding it.
It's supra-language, dark cloud, behind the veil stuff.
The thoughts are coming too fast now for my fingers to keep up. So I have to stop.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Assimilation
This blog is about Truth. With a capital T because I mean it in the big sense, not the baser sense of "true story" or true/false. Science is also about Truth...at least it is at the heart, before media and corpocracy and fame have tainted it. The only reason science and religion conflict is because practitioners of one or both confuse the roll of each. See science can only tell us about observable reproducable things. As such, it can't talk at all about things that fall outside of the ability to observe and test. Conversely, religion isn't about empirical, observable, testable reality. Reality, yes, but not the physical world in the way science is interested. Anyway, I digress. My point is that I try to understand my world as a whole. And science informs things quite well. So it shouldn't be a surprise that this blog may also cover scientific matters from time to time as they engage in my brain.
So the concept of assimilation. This is the process of taking something in and making it a part of the entity, whether that is biological, social, spiritual, etc. Essentially, an assimilated thing ceases to be separate from the thing that assimilates it. We assimilate nutrients. Nations assimilate people. The US is known as the "melting pot", which refers to the quality of assimilating people from many backgrounds. We are not a nation based on genetic isolation or ancient tribal divides. Assimilation is a natural process that absolutely pervades every aspect of the function of the world. But I don't think many people understand it at all.
I was thinking of assimilation around the Christmas season for a couple reasons. First, because people get wound up about the various elements of the holiday. Regardless of what angle of that argument you might sit in, I think the concept of assimilation should help unwind that tension some.
No culture exists in a vacuum. Even the oldest cultures are influenced by those around them and evolve through time. The culture of a tribe 1000 years ago would not be the same now, even if that tribe were totally untouched by the outside, which none are. So there are going to be things that move from one to the other in both directions.
When Christianity first began to spread, it was spreading through existing cultures. Some of those celebrated Saturnalia, some celebrated Yule, and many other winter festivities. So when a few people began to see that this new faith had Truth, they didn't cease to live in the culture they were in. Others around them still celebrated the things they always did. Christianity, being a very assimilative type of faith, does not proscribe or prohibit much outright. The Apostle Paul (Saint Paul, depending on your tradition) who wrote most of the New Testament says all things are permissible, but not everything is beneficial. The individual has to determine what is good for themselves and their own. So many found what was good and true in the culture they occupied and kept those elements.
Where there were conflicts of conscience, people sometimes adapted the holiday to something that fit their new beliefs. Ok, so we aren't celebrating Thor any more, but as all powers and principalities are subject to the One God, then Father Christmas must also be subject to him...It's not a conscious happening, it's a slow and imperceptible shifting. Father Christmas, sounds much like the traditions of Saint Nicholas from southern Europe, so those gradually get merged as well.
Now if you are seriously conflicted by any pagan elements in your holiday, by all means, do what your conscience demands. Paul also says to bear with those who have weaker faith, so I for one won't be in your face about what gives you trouble, just like I won't drink alcohol around an alcoholic or a Baptist. But for your part, recognize the freedom of those of us who do not feel conflicted about it. We're not apostate because we let our kids enjoy a gift given in the name of a mythical character or a Saint. WE aren't worshipping a pagan God when we do it, despite the origin.
And if you're on the other side where you feel your holiday was stolen and perverted by us tyrannical Christians, please remember that you are still free to celebrate whatever you like. As I described above, most of the assimilation was a natural cultural process and not a decision to abolish or persecute your religion. I don't doubt that there were times where a state religion prohibited practices in an attempt to mandate what it felt was good. But that's not what's happening in the West right now. In fact, in today's world, you're more likely to live in a nation that mandates against Christianity, if it speaks to national religion at all. So it goes both ways. Individuals are not nations and nations are not individuals. Celebrate what you like in the way you like and allow others the same respect, even if you disagree. This is the definition of political and religious freedom.
Now on to the second topic of assimilation. Food. When you eat, your body assimilates the chemicals in that food: proteins, lipids, nutrients, synthetics, etc. Those things become a part of your body. Your body knows how to use a lot of those things. A good deal of them, your body can't use. Some of them actively break down the processes in your body as it tries to figure out what to do with them. But since assimilation is a great principle of life on Earth, a natural law, your body has an amazing capacity to take damage. It will assimilate and assimilate until it is overloaded. Even useful things can become a problem when there are too many of them.
Unfortunately, our bodies are so good at assimilating stuff we often don't take notice. The impacts, are virtually undetectable. But they are occurring. We only notice it once it's so far damaged that something actually breaks. It's the same process all over the natural world. I'm a water scientist and I see people seep junk into lakes and rivers for decades and then get utterly bewildered when the lake turns green and icky "all of a sudden". Truthfully, there are usually warning signs if you know what to look for, but people don't pay attention to them in their body or the world around them.
Even the government is not good at watching this. You see, most of the government employees want to do good, that's why we choose a lower paying career that comes with ample abuse from ignorant people. But a good deal of the job is about keeping the wheels turning. In the US especially, it's hard to just say, "whoa, change everything because this isn't working." So we operate by determining exactly how much we can mess something up before the impacts are too noticeable. I'm dead serious about this. It's how the laws are written and how the policies are structured. It's not a mindset of keeping things healthy, solvent, or sustainable. It's how much abuse can we take from all the pressures and not fall apart.
The same goes with individual health. Many people try to sneak just under the line where they crash rather than aim for the healthiest they can be. Fortunately for someone with a condition like me, my body reacts far more instantly to a bad element than most. So people say it's a problem with my body and those things don't affect them. But they DO affect you. They affect everyone. I'm like the canary in the coal mine. My reaction is the magnified and instant representation of what it's doing to you over the decades.
So why play with fire? If you, unlike me, have a good margin of safety, you won't fall out from a little bad stuff, but it's still bad! Imagine how healthy you could be if you didn't keep taking in that stuff that's pulling you apart at the cellular level.
Anyway, these have been my thoughts through this Christmas season as I've watched and listened to the world around me. As we start into a new year, I'd encourage you to take advantage of this marker in time to begin consciously assimilating these ideas about assimilation. Once you understand the concept, it explains so much of the world around you. You'll be more insightful, happier, and healthier for it.
So the concept of assimilation. This is the process of taking something in and making it a part of the entity, whether that is biological, social, spiritual, etc. Essentially, an assimilated thing ceases to be separate from the thing that assimilates it. We assimilate nutrients. Nations assimilate people. The US is known as the "melting pot", which refers to the quality of assimilating people from many backgrounds. We are not a nation based on genetic isolation or ancient tribal divides. Assimilation is a natural process that absolutely pervades every aspect of the function of the world. But I don't think many people understand it at all.
I was thinking of assimilation around the Christmas season for a couple reasons. First, because people get wound up about the various elements of the holiday. Regardless of what angle of that argument you might sit in, I think the concept of assimilation should help unwind that tension some.
No culture exists in a vacuum. Even the oldest cultures are influenced by those around them and evolve through time. The culture of a tribe 1000 years ago would not be the same now, even if that tribe were totally untouched by the outside, which none are. So there are going to be things that move from one to the other in both directions.
When Christianity first began to spread, it was spreading through existing cultures. Some of those celebrated Saturnalia, some celebrated Yule, and many other winter festivities. So when a few people began to see that this new faith had Truth, they didn't cease to live in the culture they were in. Others around them still celebrated the things they always did. Christianity, being a very assimilative type of faith, does not proscribe or prohibit much outright. The Apostle Paul (Saint Paul, depending on your tradition) who wrote most of the New Testament says all things are permissible, but not everything is beneficial. The individual has to determine what is good for themselves and their own. So many found what was good and true in the culture they occupied and kept those elements.
Where there were conflicts of conscience, people sometimes adapted the holiday to something that fit their new beliefs. Ok, so we aren't celebrating Thor any more, but as all powers and principalities are subject to the One God, then Father Christmas must also be subject to him...It's not a conscious happening, it's a slow and imperceptible shifting. Father Christmas, sounds much like the traditions of Saint Nicholas from southern Europe, so those gradually get merged as well.
Now if you are seriously conflicted by any pagan elements in your holiday, by all means, do what your conscience demands. Paul also says to bear with those who have weaker faith, so I for one won't be in your face about what gives you trouble, just like I won't drink alcohol around an alcoholic or a Baptist. But for your part, recognize the freedom of those of us who do not feel conflicted about it. We're not apostate because we let our kids enjoy a gift given in the name of a mythical character or a Saint. WE aren't worshipping a pagan God when we do it, despite the origin.
And if you're on the other side where you feel your holiday was stolen and perverted by us tyrannical Christians, please remember that you are still free to celebrate whatever you like. As I described above, most of the assimilation was a natural cultural process and not a decision to abolish or persecute your religion. I don't doubt that there were times where a state religion prohibited practices in an attempt to mandate what it felt was good. But that's not what's happening in the West right now. In fact, in today's world, you're more likely to live in a nation that mandates against Christianity, if it speaks to national religion at all. So it goes both ways. Individuals are not nations and nations are not individuals. Celebrate what you like in the way you like and allow others the same respect, even if you disagree. This is the definition of political and religious freedom.
Now on to the second topic of assimilation. Food. When you eat, your body assimilates the chemicals in that food: proteins, lipids, nutrients, synthetics, etc. Those things become a part of your body. Your body knows how to use a lot of those things. A good deal of them, your body can't use. Some of them actively break down the processes in your body as it tries to figure out what to do with them. But since assimilation is a great principle of life on Earth, a natural law, your body has an amazing capacity to take damage. It will assimilate and assimilate until it is overloaded. Even useful things can become a problem when there are too many of them.
Unfortunately, our bodies are so good at assimilating stuff we often don't take notice. The impacts, are virtually undetectable. But they are occurring. We only notice it once it's so far damaged that something actually breaks. It's the same process all over the natural world. I'm a water scientist and I see people seep junk into lakes and rivers for decades and then get utterly bewildered when the lake turns green and icky "all of a sudden". Truthfully, there are usually warning signs if you know what to look for, but people don't pay attention to them in their body or the world around them.
Even the government is not good at watching this. You see, most of the government employees want to do good, that's why we choose a lower paying career that comes with ample abuse from ignorant people. But a good deal of the job is about keeping the wheels turning. In the US especially, it's hard to just say, "whoa, change everything because this isn't working." So we operate by determining exactly how much we can mess something up before the impacts are too noticeable. I'm dead serious about this. It's how the laws are written and how the policies are structured. It's not a mindset of keeping things healthy, solvent, or sustainable. It's how much abuse can we take from all the pressures and not fall apart.
The same goes with individual health. Many people try to sneak just under the line where they crash rather than aim for the healthiest they can be. Fortunately for someone with a condition like me, my body reacts far more instantly to a bad element than most. So people say it's a problem with my body and those things don't affect them. But they DO affect you. They affect everyone. I'm like the canary in the coal mine. My reaction is the magnified and instant representation of what it's doing to you over the decades.
So why play with fire? If you, unlike me, have a good margin of safety, you won't fall out from a little bad stuff, but it's still bad! Imagine how healthy you could be if you didn't keep taking in that stuff that's pulling you apart at the cellular level.
Anyway, these have been my thoughts through this Christmas season as I've watched and listened to the world around me. As we start into a new year, I'd encourage you to take advantage of this marker in time to begin consciously assimilating these ideas about assimilation. Once you understand the concept, it explains so much of the world around you. You'll be more insightful, happier, and healthier for it.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Deep Cuts
I feel like something is happening deep inside me. My perceptions are changing, my reactions too. Emotions surface at strange times and in strange ways. It's almost like someone is rooting around deep inside and trying to sort things out. Which may very well be what is happening. Sometimes what comes up is not pleasant. Mostly it isn't I guess. Things I never even new about myself will just pop up from deep down and I am taken aback.
Also pains will surface in ways and about things I didn't even know hurt me. I'm finding that I often react in anger to what is truly a fear. I've seen this before in people and I don't think it's that odd. But I never knew I was doing it.
It isn't all bad. Sometimes great joys surface and I find a very unshakable peace and confidence in many things. But just as quickly a new circumstance or stray comment or sometimes just out of nowhere, I'll be hit with something else.
Last night I was restless again...which has occurred for the past few nights. It's partly some things I understand: physical, circumstantial, manageable. But then last night it just wouldn't quit. I kept calling out to God in my dreams. I could see Jesus standing a distance away but couldn't keep my focus on him. Then I'd slip into another fitful dream. Then this morning as dawn came I woke enough to prayed verbally about some things that were on my mind. Then I started crying and couldn't stop for about an hour. Then it was over. I'm not even sure what it was that upset me other than it felt like I had my heart uprooted all night.
I can only imagine how much more intense this must have been for Jesus when he was living on this earth. He has been described by third party historians as somber and quiet. No doubt looking at the world from God's perspective has great joys, but also many pains as he saw the hardness of hearts and confusion of minds. The general lostness of the all those around him. I'm having enough trouble being confronted with my own and the occasional glance into those he places close to me.
Also pains will surface in ways and about things I didn't even know hurt me. I'm finding that I often react in anger to what is truly a fear. I've seen this before in people and I don't think it's that odd. But I never knew I was doing it.
It isn't all bad. Sometimes great joys surface and I find a very unshakable peace and confidence in many things. But just as quickly a new circumstance or stray comment or sometimes just out of nowhere, I'll be hit with something else.
Last night I was restless again...which has occurred for the past few nights. It's partly some things I understand: physical, circumstantial, manageable. But then last night it just wouldn't quit. I kept calling out to God in my dreams. I could see Jesus standing a distance away but couldn't keep my focus on him. Then I'd slip into another fitful dream. Then this morning as dawn came I woke enough to prayed verbally about some things that were on my mind. Then I started crying and couldn't stop for about an hour. Then it was over. I'm not even sure what it was that upset me other than it felt like I had my heart uprooted all night.
I can only imagine how much more intense this must have been for Jesus when he was living on this earth. He has been described by third party historians as somber and quiet. No doubt looking at the world from God's perspective has great joys, but also many pains as he saw the hardness of hearts and confusion of minds. The general lostness of the all those around him. I'm having enough trouble being confronted with my own and the occasional glance into those he places close to me.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Metanoia: Simple
Metanoia is the Greek term that is often translated as repentance. It means to change one's mind. In behavior science, metanoia is the crux of change. Especially in deep personal change, metanoia occurs at the bottom of a long decline, after which a personal reformation begins the climb back up based on the new psychological foundation.
I recently had a metanoia experience. I had felt it coming as I slid down, down, down in the confusion over suffering and faith. I think it has a more personal meaning for me than my posts may have reflected because, simply, I suffer. I don't pretend to be special at all in this. It's just that I am the person I know best and it is therefore keenest to me. I am no stranger to sufferings that cannot be released with any amount of prayer or behavior change or what have you. I don't go into the details here because it is very personal, but I'm sure many who read this can relate in your own way even without the details.
I couldn't get past how the medeival mystics talk SO much about suffering as a virtue that many of them inflicted things on themselves! I don't want these sufferings, but since I can't be rid of them, there must be some good in them...am I supposed to relish them like these writers did? I can't!
But then modern people, good, respected modern people, say that God doesn't work like that. He desires healing and peace. This is true too! So I'm missing something! This was driving me crazy and I was so bound in it that I became aware of it and started consciously trying to come up the slick wet slope...hence the joy post.
Then today, I crossed the watershed...or rather God opened the solution for me: Simple.
Oneness. The worlds build so much on top of what is real and important, even the Christian worlds, that sometimes I get lost in it. The simple truth is Jesus. I don't even remember how I came to it, but I found an anonymous article today that reminded me of it. Jesus is our model. More than that, the firstfruits. He is what we are becoming. He didn't strive. He didn't complicate. He simply loved. ALL other additions to this are artifice...artificial...built on top of the truth. I recognize that like most personal revelations, this falls far too flat in writing. The simplicity confounds.
My intellect is a gossamer sham. Our systems, medeival or modern are too. Jesus said that to be saved we must simply come. I have come. Grace abounds. I understand it more now. Pieces of the clockwork puzzle of my life have again fallen into place and the gears have rotated one more tic. In my mind, I can jostle this simple truth and see just how many silver strands of reality vibrate throughout the whole ecology of the universe. It is a nexxus moment. A metanoia.
I recently had a metanoia experience. I had felt it coming as I slid down, down, down in the confusion over suffering and faith. I think it has a more personal meaning for me than my posts may have reflected because, simply, I suffer. I don't pretend to be special at all in this. It's just that I am the person I know best and it is therefore keenest to me. I am no stranger to sufferings that cannot be released with any amount of prayer or behavior change or what have you. I don't go into the details here because it is very personal, but I'm sure many who read this can relate in your own way even without the details.
I couldn't get past how the medeival mystics talk SO much about suffering as a virtue that many of them inflicted things on themselves! I don't want these sufferings, but since I can't be rid of them, there must be some good in them...am I supposed to relish them like these writers did? I can't!
But then modern people, good, respected modern people, say that God doesn't work like that. He desires healing and peace. This is true too! So I'm missing something! This was driving me crazy and I was so bound in it that I became aware of it and started consciously trying to come up the slick wet slope...hence the joy post.
Then today, I crossed the watershed...or rather God opened the solution for me: Simple.
Oneness. The worlds build so much on top of what is real and important, even the Christian worlds, that sometimes I get lost in it. The simple truth is Jesus. I don't even remember how I came to it, but I found an anonymous article today that reminded me of it. Jesus is our model. More than that, the firstfruits. He is what we are becoming. He didn't strive. He didn't complicate. He simply loved. ALL other additions to this are artifice...artificial...built on top of the truth. I recognize that like most personal revelations, this falls far too flat in writing. The simplicity confounds.
My intellect is a gossamer sham. Our systems, medeival or modern are too. Jesus said that to be saved we must simply come. I have come. Grace abounds. I understand it more now. Pieces of the clockwork puzzle of my life have again fallen into place and the gears have rotated one more tic. In my mind, I can jostle this simple truth and see just how many silver strands of reality vibrate throughout the whole ecology of the universe. It is a nexxus moment. A metanoia.
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