Grown

I think I am being grown.  I feel stretched.  It's not terrible, but not great either.  Many things are changing.  I had dreams about dragons again, which seem to precede big changes for me that require growth.  I also had deja vu today, which is another sign that something is happening.

I don't mean this in the way the words might sound to many people.  It's not some spooky or flighty thing where I think of these things as special powers or whatever.  I don't even know if it's real.  But I know my experience.  And dragons are sometimes a symbol of wisdom and reptiles can indicate change in dreams.

The deja vu is just a distinct impression that I've done something before.  I don't know if I dreamed it in advance, or maybe it's just a feeling that occurs when I'm in a state of confusion and growth.

But it doesn't really matter, does it?  The point is the significance to me.  They are markers of something I should pay attention to.

Changes are immanent in work and life, and I've noticed a tendency toward less control and more dependence on God, which comes in the form of independence from other things.  Hence it feels good and bad at the same time.

This may be an answer to prayer...in reality everything is an answer to prayer, isn't it though.  In this case, I did pray for God to move me and for him to teach me to trust him more.  So here goes.

The cool thing to me is that I am not so nervous as I once would have been about things like this.  I'm hoping to find out if Uncle George's ideas that we have to move to see the results are true.  That only in obedience to the requirements can we see the results, the lack of which we claim as disproof.

He also said that when we ask of God and it seems like no answer, it may be that God has answered immediately, but it is taking time, maybe years, for us to grow to the point that we can understand the answer.  This seems consistent with my understanding of God.  He would rather have us right and thoroughly good and so would not give us a half answer or no answer, as we sometimes think, but rather immediately begins the process of growing us, finishing us, to the point that we can hear.  And hearing, can understand what he says.  But we are not going unanswered.

To me, this is powerful.  I always thought that we might be ignored for our own good sometimes, like a good parent will ignore their petulant child until they relent. But what if it isn't that at all?!  What if God is a better parent than us?  ...as if there is any question.  Of course he'd be better.  Necessarily better.  To understand that way is to confirm my infantile perspective.

Or perhaps, I would think, we just couldn't understand so he doesn't explain, like a parent who resorts to, "because I said so." to the whining kid that won't accept the answer.

Or perhaps that's it: that we are just whining so he won't answer.


But just imagine instead, what it would mean to have a God who answers so immediately and powerfully that he would grow and shape a whole world of space and matter and experience around us in order that our hearing would begin developing to the point that we could first hear the answer and then our minds would be capable of understanding it.

It's supra-language, dark cloud, behind the veil stuff.

The thoughts are coming too fast now for my fingers to keep up.  So I have to stop.