Someone I know was recently upset at the treatment he'd received from general public while playing this game. This aligned with things I've been thinking lately, so I decided to jump off from there.
If you don't know, Pokemon Go is a location-based, augmented reality video game. Location-based means the players have to go to physical locations where the game will release certain aspects of play. Augmented reality is where a smartphone, for instance, will lay digital content over the camera image and the real can interact with the digital on the screen. Think of it like a live green-screen.
So we've got lots of people walking around playing this game and it's caused a lot of sideline problems, like trespassing, property rights, etc. But that's not my point. I'm more interested in arbitrating the latent battle that has already begun to break out, as evidenced by my friend's comments and the vitriolic backlash from sympathizers with him against those who offended. These games aren't going away, so we might as well learn how to live peaceably.
I think the controversy comes down to a fundamental mismatch in views of reality.
But before I get to that, I want to be clear, no one should ever harass another person for any reason. Regardless of your opinions on the game or the people playing it, or not playing it, respect the other and be decent, if nice is too much to ask. That said, I'm going to attempt to illustrate what each side of the argument perceives.
The players love the imaginative aspect of the game. They like the merging of innocent fantasy and reality. They like the interaction with technology. They like video games in general, and here is finally one where they can get outside and interact with the real world. Maybe they even get a little exercise. When they play, they are looking at the real world through the screen and find it a novel way to enjoy themselves. Their imagination fills in the gaps of the game and they see the two in a merged fashion. It's a harmless way to bring a little magic to the mundane.
Those who oppose it see people, many of whom self-identify as geeks (i.e. people overly enthusiastic, often in an off-putting way, about a topic, many of which are not physical or sports-related) walking around, sometimes absently, staring at blinking lights on a plastic box. What's so fun about that?! It's just one more way to disengage from reality and pretend to do something real. They don't perceive the merged reality, or the fantasy. They view the world in a more concrete fashion. Players aren't catching anything. They aren't seeing anything. It's all fake! Hopefully, if you're from the other camp, you can see how this would appear. The players appear to have almost lost their minds! Take the screen away and you've got the exact image of the homeless dude who babbles to invisible people as he walks around...though perhaps players are cleaner.
Again, I'm not justifying rude remarks in any way. Just trying to help one side see the other's perspective.
I recently had a similar discussion with my son when he was saving replays of video game exploits to share with friends. He kept wanting to show me his accomplishments and I was decidedly uninterested. He couldn't understand until I told him to cover the screen and pretend to do whatever he had done to get that accomplishment. Then I copied him with the screen covered. He was shocked at how stupid it looked. Essentially all he did was touch buttons in a sequence, and I was supposed to be impressed by that.
But to him, it was a much greater experience. The thing I tried to get him to see was that the experience only existed in his imagination, aided by complex coding of pixels and key sequences. When talking to people on the same plane of imagination, it was great. From outside that, it was worse than mundane.
So I'm stopping there. No judgement on either side, except to say that you must first understand your adversary before you can defeat them. And in so doing, you'll find that most of the time, you really have no adversary at all...it's just in your imagination.
Showing posts with label misunderstanding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label misunderstanding. Show all posts
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Animal
I feel like a wild animal. This bears explanation because most people probably think something other than what I mean by the phrase. Wild animals are cautious and wary. But they are also calm and calculating. They alertly size up any situation and react in predictable ways.
The reason most people don't see this is because they are too out of touch to get close. The wild things know they are coming far before they get there. But if you learn to be more wild, you'll be amazed at what you see. Imagine being the one who surprises them! It's not that hard.
But anyway, I feel like this most of the time. I do not like being seen unless I intend to. I like to be aware, to read situations for danger or instability. If it looks unsafe, my guard never drops. Sometimes this looks like inattention, but it's exactly the opposite. I'm either distracted by something I need to track, or there are too many things to allow focus on any one for long.
I have pretty set behavior patterns. What's mine is mine, what's not mine is not my concern. I share freely, and do not take more than I need. But I expect the same courtesy. You are welcome to shared space, and I won't bother your space, but stay the **** out of mine unless I allow it. And those lines are pretty clear.
Wild animals do not just attack. They attack in order to eat, in which case, they do not over kill. Or they attack for defense. And usually after ample warning. I have faced alligators, snakes, sharks, hogs, deer, dogs, raccoons, wild goats, even wasps and spiders. None ever attack wantonly. In fact it's pretty hard to get them to do it. They'll take large amounts of harassment first. But when they do attack, it's not play time. They are trying to end the conflict decisively. Once it's over, there's no further problem, though they may be warier next time.
I too, hate conflict. But I also hate being messed with. So when things escalate, I'm not playing and one or both of us will be hurt in serious ways. Trust me, I'm seeking to end the conflict as decisively as possible. I may not be the biggest or most threatening, but my advantage is that, by that point, I'm not holding back. And I'm preparing for this far before most people would be. So it's best to heed the warnings. No "bucking up", no rules. I will disable the threat as quickly as possible. When I engage know that I will attempt to permanently injure or kill. I don't want to do that. So for God's sake, don't push it.
Is that scary? Only if you plan to push it. It's not berserk here. It's just wild. The other side of wild is the tender soft side. Wild animals are not monsters. They are loving and feeling in proportion to their kind. They are intensely loyal, and often quite forgiving and generous. For them, there is only one way to be, and that is the right way. They make mistakes and they learn. But no wild thing ever tries to be bad, or cheat, or ruin. They simply are what the were made to be and strive to do that to perfection. We hate being trapped. We are most whole and happy when free and in the wild.
This is me. I've known for a while, but it was freshly opened to me recently. If you know me, I'm sure you can see how this fits. If I'm confusing somehow, see if this doesn't help explain.
Is this normal? Certainly not in the statistical sense. I don't know about any other senses. Is there a place for me in this world? Yes. But our culture hates wildness. The fear/control complex requires that since it, by definition can't be controlled, it must be eliminated, or at least driven from daily awareness.
This is a hard realization. To know that your people will always misunderstand, manipulate, and try to control the very thing that most defines you, and you with it.
The reason most people don't see this is because they are too out of touch to get close. The wild things know they are coming far before they get there. But if you learn to be more wild, you'll be amazed at what you see. Imagine being the one who surprises them! It's not that hard.
But anyway, I feel like this most of the time. I do not like being seen unless I intend to. I like to be aware, to read situations for danger or instability. If it looks unsafe, my guard never drops. Sometimes this looks like inattention, but it's exactly the opposite. I'm either distracted by something I need to track, or there are too many things to allow focus on any one for long.
I have pretty set behavior patterns. What's mine is mine, what's not mine is not my concern. I share freely, and do not take more than I need. But I expect the same courtesy. You are welcome to shared space, and I won't bother your space, but stay the **** out of mine unless I allow it. And those lines are pretty clear.
Wild animals do not just attack. They attack in order to eat, in which case, they do not over kill. Or they attack for defense. And usually after ample warning. I have faced alligators, snakes, sharks, hogs, deer, dogs, raccoons, wild goats, even wasps and spiders. None ever attack wantonly. In fact it's pretty hard to get them to do it. They'll take large amounts of harassment first. But when they do attack, it's not play time. They are trying to end the conflict decisively. Once it's over, there's no further problem, though they may be warier next time.
I too, hate conflict. But I also hate being messed with. So when things escalate, I'm not playing and one or both of us will be hurt in serious ways. Trust me, I'm seeking to end the conflict as decisively as possible. I may not be the biggest or most threatening, but my advantage is that, by that point, I'm not holding back. And I'm preparing for this far before most people would be. So it's best to heed the warnings. No "bucking up", no rules. I will disable the threat as quickly as possible. When I engage know that I will attempt to permanently injure or kill. I don't want to do that. So for God's sake, don't push it.
Is that scary? Only if you plan to push it. It's not berserk here. It's just wild. The other side of wild is the tender soft side. Wild animals are not monsters. They are loving and feeling in proportion to their kind. They are intensely loyal, and often quite forgiving and generous. For them, there is only one way to be, and that is the right way. They make mistakes and they learn. But no wild thing ever tries to be bad, or cheat, or ruin. They simply are what the were made to be and strive to do that to perfection. We hate being trapped. We are most whole and happy when free and in the wild.
This is me. I've known for a while, but it was freshly opened to me recently. If you know me, I'm sure you can see how this fits. If I'm confusing somehow, see if this doesn't help explain.
Is this normal? Certainly not in the statistical sense. I don't know about any other senses. Is there a place for me in this world? Yes. But our culture hates wildness. The fear/control complex requires that since it, by definition can't be controlled, it must be eliminated, or at least driven from daily awareness.
This is a hard realization. To know that your people will always misunderstand, manipulate, and try to control the very thing that most defines you, and you with it.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
New Wine
Think of a world of goodness. A world of hope and happiness in which people are fulfilled and not wronged. A place where you are known for who you are and you can drop the masks of conformity and social acceptance. A place where things are as they should be.
Doesn't exist, right? Many people have promised it in one form or another. Many have sought it in one form or another. Many try to bluff us into believing it is in a certain system or organization. But our hearts know when it isn't there, right? Deep down, they can't lie and we know when we're being fooled.
I was taught that Jesus was the way to all those things. That it didn't exist in this world, but it would in the place called heaven where no bad thing could enter. That Jesus was the gatekeeper. That we had to follow him. That all we had to do was accept his free gift. Well, accept it and truly believe it. That, and stop doing bad things. Oh, and go to church, learn about him. Yeah, and memorize Bible verses, and not listen to music that was too wild...unless the band was Christian, but then only if they really acted like it because you know people say they are, but the proof is in their life. Which, while we're at it, let's talk about your clothes. Oh, and of course, you HAVE to witness. That's everyone's job because there's so many people out there going to hell because they don't believe right, which we can tell because they don't do all the things we do. Of course, we can't judge. Some of them could actually be saved. But definitely not those over there.
God help me! Is it any wonder I lost my mind? Who can keep that up? It's insidious and wicked to the core! It eats up those who spew it like stomach acid. So if that's what hope is, I can't have it. And without hope, there's only nihilism. A dry empty desert of never-ending grey. No direction, no purpose. Just blind existence. Nothing matters. Maybe I'll just die today and think, 'finally' as the life slips out of me and I release the curse of consciousness.
But in that place, something broke through in me. It was fresh and bright and full of energy. I didn't know what it was, but it appeared, when I could see it, with strong male arms and hands. Of course, I pretended it must be Jesus because that's what I had been taught, but I didn't really know. I was just glad to have breath. To see light. To see that the world was hopeless because the hope was outside of it. While I didn't know who or what that was, I was hooked. I didn't care, something inside was screaming that was what I needed.
If it ate me up, I didn't care. That was life and I needed it. Like heat migrates to cold, it was soaking into me and I didn't want it to stop.
It wasn't at all like the Jesus I had been taught. So I dropped what I knew like a broken toy. If Jesus and this light went two separate directions, I was following the light. How could I not! This thing was palpable. I couldn't go back to that death. But the weird thing is, the more I tried to shake off the Jesus I had been taught, the more I kept finding he wasn't really what I had been taught. When I read his words with my own fresh eyes, they didn't say what I had been taught they said. They said things that flared that light inside me. Things I didn't find anywhere else.
Now I've blogged enough about my darkness. That cloud in my flesh never really goes away. But deep inside, there's still this place of light that no one gets to see. And I mean that, no one. And from that place of freedom come all kinds of good things that make people look at me like I'm from some other planet.
But then, I keep trying to find others who share this understanding and in every church, in every group, I find sparks of it, that quickly get smothered by a heap of stinking wet leaves every time they flare! Why is it that people can't stop heaping their own death on the living fire?
Don't get me wrong, some have and we get along like the kindred spirits we are. But most of those that think they get it don't. They try to pull me in, they see something in me they can't place, but they like it, so they try to rein it into their system. But you can't!
I'm telling you all, you know who you are. You can't rein it in because it isn't in me. You can't rein me in because I'm in it. It's so much bigger. You touch it and then try to bottle it. But it can't be bottled, and I have to be true to that light and truth. I don't steer it, box, it, guide it. It guides me! It...or He as I have come to know Him guides me. In my deep place where He sits, I know what's right and what isn't.
See, even now, you're searching your mental scripts for a place to stick what I'm saying. You think you've got it. We'll, I'll help you out...it's in the Bible. "Stand at the door and knock", "Come in to him and make my home with him", you're hearing the songs from Sunday School about Jesus in your heart. Yeah, that's because they're describing this! It just isn't what you think it is!! If it was, you wouldn't look at me like you can't quite get me. You'd look at me like you know what I know. I can tell man! I know because I came to it from the outside. I couldn't see it from the inside either.
So you know what? I'm done with it. I'm shaking the dust off and going to those who aren't tainted. New wine skins for new wine, yeah?
The very images you use to leave people in the dust who disagree with you are what I'm using to part ways with you. But unlike your understanding, I don't think it means you aren't worth my time or are in error. We just don't speak the same language and therefore we can't communicate. You think we do, but we don't because when I try to make a point, you say, "Yeah! and then go totally the other direction."
But I will leave you with a sign post in the direction I'm heading. Because I know you'll come sooner or later. Whether your rules involve authorities and buildings, or annointings and movements, or doings and houses, they're still performance-based systems motivated out of ought and should and gotta. And if you think yours isn't, test it in this way: Refuse or challenge what some leader in your system says should happen. Do it to them directly...politely, but in no uncertain terms. See what happens. Dollars to doughnuts, their reaction is severe, possibly angry, and rooted in threat response. Because people who don't line up show the cracks in their boxes and what can't be controlled must be expelled. Don't believe me? Try it.
To everyone else, don't be afraid to follow that light and good you feel. Chase it down where you find it. That love won't lead you too far off. And if anything I've said has sparked that in you, come find me. I mean that. I'll help you carry your baggage and I don't need to see what's inside it. We'll follow that light until we find that place to rest.
Doesn't exist, right? Many people have promised it in one form or another. Many have sought it in one form or another. Many try to bluff us into believing it is in a certain system or organization. But our hearts know when it isn't there, right? Deep down, they can't lie and we know when we're being fooled.
I was taught that Jesus was the way to all those things. That it didn't exist in this world, but it would in the place called heaven where no bad thing could enter. That Jesus was the gatekeeper. That we had to follow him. That all we had to do was accept his free gift. Well, accept it and truly believe it. That, and stop doing bad things. Oh, and go to church, learn about him. Yeah, and memorize Bible verses, and not listen to music that was too wild...unless the band was Christian, but then only if they really acted like it because you know people say they are, but the proof is in their life. Which, while we're at it, let's talk about your clothes. Oh, and of course, you HAVE to witness. That's everyone's job because there's so many people out there going to hell because they don't believe right, which we can tell because they don't do all the things we do. Of course, we can't judge. Some of them could actually be saved. But definitely not those over there.
God help me! Is it any wonder I lost my mind? Who can keep that up? It's insidious and wicked to the core! It eats up those who spew it like stomach acid. So if that's what hope is, I can't have it. And without hope, there's only nihilism. A dry empty desert of never-ending grey. No direction, no purpose. Just blind existence. Nothing matters. Maybe I'll just die today and think, 'finally' as the life slips out of me and I release the curse of consciousness.
But in that place, something broke through in me. It was fresh and bright and full of energy. I didn't know what it was, but it appeared, when I could see it, with strong male arms and hands. Of course, I pretended it must be Jesus because that's what I had been taught, but I didn't really know. I was just glad to have breath. To see light. To see that the world was hopeless because the hope was outside of it. While I didn't know who or what that was, I was hooked. I didn't care, something inside was screaming that was what I needed.
If it ate me up, I didn't care. That was life and I needed it. Like heat migrates to cold, it was soaking into me and I didn't want it to stop.
It wasn't at all like the Jesus I had been taught. So I dropped what I knew like a broken toy. If Jesus and this light went two separate directions, I was following the light. How could I not! This thing was palpable. I couldn't go back to that death. But the weird thing is, the more I tried to shake off the Jesus I had been taught, the more I kept finding he wasn't really what I had been taught. When I read his words with my own fresh eyes, they didn't say what I had been taught they said. They said things that flared that light inside me. Things I didn't find anywhere else.
Now I've blogged enough about my darkness. That cloud in my flesh never really goes away. But deep inside, there's still this place of light that no one gets to see. And I mean that, no one. And from that place of freedom come all kinds of good things that make people look at me like I'm from some other planet.
But then, I keep trying to find others who share this understanding and in every church, in every group, I find sparks of it, that quickly get smothered by a heap of stinking wet leaves every time they flare! Why is it that people can't stop heaping their own death on the living fire?
Don't get me wrong, some have and we get along like the kindred spirits we are. But most of those that think they get it don't. They try to pull me in, they see something in me they can't place, but they like it, so they try to rein it into their system. But you can't!
I'm telling you all, you know who you are. You can't rein it in because it isn't in me. You can't rein me in because I'm in it. It's so much bigger. You touch it and then try to bottle it. But it can't be bottled, and I have to be true to that light and truth. I don't steer it, box, it, guide it. It guides me! It...or He as I have come to know Him guides me. In my deep place where He sits, I know what's right and what isn't.
See, even now, you're searching your mental scripts for a place to stick what I'm saying. You think you've got it. We'll, I'll help you out...it's in the Bible. "Stand at the door and knock", "Come in to him and make my home with him", you're hearing the songs from Sunday School about Jesus in your heart. Yeah, that's because they're describing this! It just isn't what you think it is!! If it was, you wouldn't look at me like you can't quite get me. You'd look at me like you know what I know. I can tell man! I know because I came to it from the outside. I couldn't see it from the inside either.
So you know what? I'm done with it. I'm shaking the dust off and going to those who aren't tainted. New wine skins for new wine, yeah?
The very images you use to leave people in the dust who disagree with you are what I'm using to part ways with you. But unlike your understanding, I don't think it means you aren't worth my time or are in error. We just don't speak the same language and therefore we can't communicate. You think we do, but we don't because when I try to make a point, you say, "Yeah! and then go totally the other direction."
But I will leave you with a sign post in the direction I'm heading. Because I know you'll come sooner or later. Whether your rules involve authorities and buildings, or annointings and movements, or doings and houses, they're still performance-based systems motivated out of ought and should and gotta. And if you think yours isn't, test it in this way: Refuse or challenge what some leader in your system says should happen. Do it to them directly...politely, but in no uncertain terms. See what happens. Dollars to doughnuts, their reaction is severe, possibly angry, and rooted in threat response. Because people who don't line up show the cracks in their boxes and what can't be controlled must be expelled. Don't believe me? Try it.
To everyone else, don't be afraid to follow that light and good you feel. Chase it down where you find it. That love won't lead you too far off. And if anything I've said has sparked that in you, come find me. I mean that. I'll help you carry your baggage and I don't need to see what's inside it. We'll follow that light until we find that place to rest.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Linux Resolution
True to form, as soon as I finally publicly announced my frustration with Linux, a solution appeared. Not directly as a result of my announcement, but from an entirely different quarter altogether. Once again, proving that those who ask do receive in a Providential way tangled inseparably with the biochemical processes of the brain, etc.
So, how did this happen? Well, when stuck on any problem, it is wise to go back to the root, the last understandable portion and retry. So, I began thinking, about my approach. First, my problem was with the OS, i.e. Ubuntu or Mint. But that was built on Linux, and I was having trouble with the Linux commands...which are based in the Unix programming language. So, I searched for Unix guides and basic Linux guides apart from distributions, OS's, etc. Boom! There was exactly what I needed. The basic how-tos and instructions in the programming language and in how Linux works, etc. I still haven't figured out my problem with the wireless adapter, but I am not spinning helplessly among the jargon.
So armed with this new approach, I looked for more info on the way the OS's are built and what they support. Of course, they aren't built to support the adapter I have...now they tell me, right! But it can be patched to work if you understand the programming language properly. So it isn't a problem with the OS or the language at all. They both do what they were designed to do. It was a problem with my approach. Asking it to work in a way it wasn't designed to.
So that led me to take a fresh look at the OS itself. Would it connect to the internet through cable. No issue, right on. Would it download packages well, no problem. Was it easy to navigate and understand intuitively, yup. Today, I tried out the stuff Mint promised over Ubuntu. DVD's played right out of the box. CD's too. Software is great. The graphics and publishing stuff is similar to what I pay big bucks for at work.
Is it the answer to all the problems? no. Is it a valid option for getting out from under the thumb of microsoft and apple? I'm leaning strongly that way. Will I chuck out this Vista machine? No, of course not. But I might not buy another one. If Linux can make a computer last 10 more years (who even gets 10 years on a windows or mac), it will be worth the effort to reeducate myself.
And the moral? When stuck, step away, ask for help, and let it come. And of course don't forget that changing one's perspective, opinion, mind, etc. is a valid solution.
So, how did this happen? Well, when stuck on any problem, it is wise to go back to the root, the last understandable portion and retry. So, I began thinking, about my approach. First, my problem was with the OS, i.e. Ubuntu or Mint. But that was built on Linux, and I was having trouble with the Linux commands...which are based in the Unix programming language. So, I searched for Unix guides and basic Linux guides apart from distributions, OS's, etc. Boom! There was exactly what I needed. The basic how-tos and instructions in the programming language and in how Linux works, etc. I still haven't figured out my problem with the wireless adapter, but I am not spinning helplessly among the jargon.
So armed with this new approach, I looked for more info on the way the OS's are built and what they support. Of course, they aren't built to support the adapter I have...now they tell me, right! But it can be patched to work if you understand the programming language properly. So it isn't a problem with the OS or the language at all. They both do what they were designed to do. It was a problem with my approach. Asking it to work in a way it wasn't designed to.
So that led me to take a fresh look at the OS itself. Would it connect to the internet through cable. No issue, right on. Would it download packages well, no problem. Was it easy to navigate and understand intuitively, yup. Today, I tried out the stuff Mint promised over Ubuntu. DVD's played right out of the box. CD's too. Software is great. The graphics and publishing stuff is similar to what I pay big bucks for at work.
Is it the answer to all the problems? no. Is it a valid option for getting out from under the thumb of microsoft and apple? I'm leaning strongly that way. Will I chuck out this Vista machine? No, of course not. But I might not buy another one. If Linux can make a computer last 10 more years (who even gets 10 years on a windows or mac), it will be worth the effort to reeducate myself.
And the moral? When stuck, step away, ask for help, and let it come. And of course don't forget that changing one's perspective, opinion, mind, etc. is a valid solution.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Fasting
What a topic. I'm beginning to understand that this may have been way over-spiritualized. In the basic sense it means simply going without food. From there, it has branched and diverged into a thousand types of fasts and purposes.
I admittedly do not understand this discipline well at all. What I do understand is that it can be used for health, to save money or resources so they can be shared with those who don't have them, or to humble oneself before God when facing a particularly troubling problem.
Once on Richard Foster's advice, I tried to incorporate it into my weekly routine by skipping two meals in a row, one day a week, but ended up passing out one afternoon. I also tried it once as a sort of purification before what we expected to be a particularly difficult prayer of liberation for someone, but it turned out that the initiator of the whole business decided not to do it at the last minute and only I ended up meeting with the person to have a what turned out to be a very normal conversation.
Just recently, my church asked us to join a 21 day fast that is being promoted all over. I'm totally unclear about why we are doing this. I looked it up and found nothing helpful. So I looked up some general stuff on fasting and found instructions, but nothing particularly helpful about the ins and outs, whys and wherefores. So I committed to drink only water, to cut out some entertainment, and to closely monitor my speech to avoid frivolous talk. The talk is extremely difficult to accomplish since I communicate for business...much of communication occurs in the "small talk", so it can't be avoided in my context. Then my cousin of 17 died in a car wreck and I couldn't possibly avoid small talk and jovial speech around the family...this is not frivolous in my mind. Not to mention, I tend to be pretty witty by nature and find myself expressing affection and mood through speech. So that went out the window.
That leaves the entertainment, which I have had no trouble with at all, so what is the sacrifice? And the water, which is driving me crazy, simply because I can't have a glass of juice or tea once or so a day. I already drink mostly water! I've been trying to pray about it, and basically I feel like I am doing this for all the wrong reasons. I even resolved to give it up and had a glass of juice following the funeral, but then felt that I should stick to my commitment, so went back on it. I have a week to go. I can't see the point. I don't appear to be getting anything valuable from this.
So, unless this next week brings some grand revelation, I think I have learned this: Fasting should involve food, that is the simple meaning of it. It isn't required of those with dietary or health issues, so I may be exempt on those grounds (remember the passing out thing). Fasting is of no value unless you know why you are doing it. It should only be done when I feel the personal urging of God to do so...in the case of a spiritual fast.
Lastly, I am one of the least luxuriant people I know. The attitude fasting is of little benefit, since I have already stripped away many vanities and unnecessary lifestyle aspects. The only place to go from here is into plain asceticism, which has almost killed me in the past. I am prone to venture too far onto the plain of the tough-minded. To the contrary, I think this should be a very personal walk, not the same prescription for everyone. For me, I feel that I am being shown how to allow myself some pleasure and enjoy the bounty that I have been given, instead of feeling guilty for it.
At risk of sounding haughty, though you can see that is not my intent if you come at it from my point of view, I feel like a monk being led out of the abbey. It is tough to have such severe mental attitudes in a culture that barely engages the ideas let alone understands them. I know that I must relax and that I am allowed to be.
Brother Lawrence, pray for me, I am inflicting myself and need to know grace more. Or am I so self-deceived...no, the yoke should be easy, the burden light. Perhaps it is not more discipline that I need after all.
I admittedly do not understand this discipline well at all. What I do understand is that it can be used for health, to save money or resources so they can be shared with those who don't have them, or to humble oneself before God when facing a particularly troubling problem.
Once on Richard Foster's advice, I tried to incorporate it into my weekly routine by skipping two meals in a row, one day a week, but ended up passing out one afternoon. I also tried it once as a sort of purification before what we expected to be a particularly difficult prayer of liberation for someone, but it turned out that the initiator of the whole business decided not to do it at the last minute and only I ended up meeting with the person to have a what turned out to be a very normal conversation.
Just recently, my church asked us to join a 21 day fast that is being promoted all over. I'm totally unclear about why we are doing this. I looked it up and found nothing helpful. So I looked up some general stuff on fasting and found instructions, but nothing particularly helpful about the ins and outs, whys and wherefores. So I committed to drink only water, to cut out some entertainment, and to closely monitor my speech to avoid frivolous talk. The talk is extremely difficult to accomplish since I communicate for business...much of communication occurs in the "small talk", so it can't be avoided in my context. Then my cousin of 17 died in a car wreck and I couldn't possibly avoid small talk and jovial speech around the family...this is not frivolous in my mind. Not to mention, I tend to be pretty witty by nature and find myself expressing affection and mood through speech. So that went out the window.
That leaves the entertainment, which I have had no trouble with at all, so what is the sacrifice? And the water, which is driving me crazy, simply because I can't have a glass of juice or tea once or so a day. I already drink mostly water! I've been trying to pray about it, and basically I feel like I am doing this for all the wrong reasons. I even resolved to give it up and had a glass of juice following the funeral, but then felt that I should stick to my commitment, so went back on it. I have a week to go. I can't see the point. I don't appear to be getting anything valuable from this.
So, unless this next week brings some grand revelation, I think I have learned this: Fasting should involve food, that is the simple meaning of it. It isn't required of those with dietary or health issues, so I may be exempt on those grounds (remember the passing out thing). Fasting is of no value unless you know why you are doing it. It should only be done when I feel the personal urging of God to do so...in the case of a spiritual fast.
Lastly, I am one of the least luxuriant people I know. The attitude fasting is of little benefit, since I have already stripped away many vanities and unnecessary lifestyle aspects. The only place to go from here is into plain asceticism, which has almost killed me in the past. I am prone to venture too far onto the plain of the tough-minded. To the contrary, I think this should be a very personal walk, not the same prescription for everyone. For me, I feel that I am being shown how to allow myself some pleasure and enjoy the bounty that I have been given, instead of feeling guilty for it.
At risk of sounding haughty, though you can see that is not my intent if you come at it from my point of view, I feel like a monk being led out of the abbey. It is tough to have such severe mental attitudes in a culture that barely engages the ideas let alone understands them. I know that I must relax and that I am allowed to be.
Brother Lawrence, pray for me, I am inflicting myself and need to know grace more. Or am I so self-deceived...no, the yoke should be easy, the burden light. Perhaps it is not more discipline that I need after all.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Funerals
I hate funerals. Actually it isn't funerals I hate, it's all the stuff that goes on at them. The concept of saying goodbye, laying to rest, praying for the soul...all of that I not only understand, but think is valuable. But then there's the false niceties, the put-on somberness, the forced sense of decorum. But lest I sound callous, let me explain.
Everyone grieves differently: some people sob openly, some get quiet, some get angry, some get silly, some even dodge the issue altogether. The problem is that when people are uncomfortable and emotions are high, as they are at funerals, they tend to take things too seriously or too personally. Considering that I don't tend to view things like most people, I don't tend to act like most people. I'm not saying I'm better...just different. As a good friend recently pointed out, I've been weird all my life, and always will be. I now recognize it as a gift from God. But it comes with the price of being often misunderstood. Nevertheless, at a funeral, eventually someone will think that I'm not acting properly, be that not grieving as they feel I should or committing some offense against the observer directly, and of course they will feel this must be dealt with. Or if I happen to be among one of those 'not out in the open' families, they will go about whispering or glaring or some other passive-aggressivity.
So no matter how hard I try, funerals rarely go well for me. If I grieve as fits me, people get offended. If I try to avoid that, I spend the whole time awkward and uncomfortable...which also draws attention. I just want to be left to process things in my own way!
I think the root of the issue is in my understanding of things. See, I actually believe that a soul lives on after death. So, as Bunyan said it, for people of faith, death is simply crossing the river they've lived beside for many years. It means the end of suffering, the end of temproal concerns. For many, this is a relief. I also believe that souls are outside of our space-time dynamic, so I don't have to be present for them to know my concerns or benefit from my prayers. They are far more aware of what I'm doing and thinking than any of us in this world.
So, it's hard for me to feel the same things that many people do at funerals. I recognize that those close to the deceased may be in pain, and I would never intentionally do or say anything to belittle that, but I can't pretend that things aren't as I believe they are.
So when I die, pray that God will welcome me. That I will pass through the fire without much loss, and that what is perishible will be quickly consumed. Rejoice for me that I am no longer the selfish, angry, anxious jerk that I fought so hard not to be in this world. And let each person process those facts as they see fit. Don't dare be offended if they sing, celebrate, cry, or wail.
Everyone grieves differently: some people sob openly, some get quiet, some get angry, some get silly, some even dodge the issue altogether. The problem is that when people are uncomfortable and emotions are high, as they are at funerals, they tend to take things too seriously or too personally. Considering that I don't tend to view things like most people, I don't tend to act like most people. I'm not saying I'm better...just different. As a good friend recently pointed out, I've been weird all my life, and always will be. I now recognize it as a gift from God. But it comes with the price of being often misunderstood. Nevertheless, at a funeral, eventually someone will think that I'm not acting properly, be that not grieving as they feel I should or committing some offense against the observer directly, and of course they will feel this must be dealt with. Or if I happen to be among one of those 'not out in the open' families, they will go about whispering or glaring or some other passive-aggressivity.
So no matter how hard I try, funerals rarely go well for me. If I grieve as fits me, people get offended. If I try to avoid that, I spend the whole time awkward and uncomfortable...which also draws attention. I just want to be left to process things in my own way!
I think the root of the issue is in my understanding of things. See, I actually believe that a soul lives on after death. So, as Bunyan said it, for people of faith, death is simply crossing the river they've lived beside for many years. It means the end of suffering, the end of temproal concerns. For many, this is a relief. I also believe that souls are outside of our space-time dynamic, so I don't have to be present for them to know my concerns or benefit from my prayers. They are far more aware of what I'm doing and thinking than any of us in this world.
So, it's hard for me to feel the same things that many people do at funerals. I recognize that those close to the deceased may be in pain, and I would never intentionally do or say anything to belittle that, but I can't pretend that things aren't as I believe they are.
So when I die, pray that God will welcome me. That I will pass through the fire without much loss, and that what is perishible will be quickly consumed. Rejoice for me that I am no longer the selfish, angry, anxious jerk that I fought so hard not to be in this world. And let each person process those facts as they see fit. Don't dare be offended if they sing, celebrate, cry, or wail.
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