Sometimes I have nothing to say. I go through cycles. But for once I have tons of things to say and can't find words for them.
Suffice to say, the life God has for me is opening up and it is overwhelmingly more than what I would dream of. I mean this in very literal ways. This is why it is hard to put into words in a general context. There is nothing general about it and I can't possibly explain the intimate and complex details that surround it.
Perhaps the Via Negativa would help. So I will say what it is not. It is not in my head. It is not philosophical, affecting no real change in the material world. It is not tied to the institutions we call church...
...Here is what I would say and the ones about whom it is written can understand it for themselves. You are beautiful. You are so loved. God has seen you. He has not even once forgotten you. I don't know the reasons for the circumstances in your life. I am just a Sheep Dog who barely understands the Shepherd's language. But I see what he has done for you. I see how the universe has been ordered for your specific good. I see you as he sees you. You are stunning and powerful beyond compare. My love for you is not rooted in pity nor charity, nor brotherly affection. It is as beyond me as every good thing I have ever done. To be near you, to guard, aid, serve, you is an honor and a pleasure. I am elated that you would call me friend. You have only to make a need known and I will be about meeting it with whatever is within my power. I don't even know what that is. But I have been charged with doing it and the resources and methods will be provided. This is not an idle promise, as I hope you now see. All that has been given to me is from God and for his purposes. I hold it lightly and in common with you.
And I truly enjoy your company, your humor, your presence. I want to be around you because I like you. It is good for me too. I am better for having known you. In one sense, because doing what we are made for is fulfilling, but more so because you inspire me, comfort me, encourage me even if you don't know it.
In short, I love you. And while nothing I can say will prove it or guarantee any moment into the future, it is true as true and every moment that I am there demonstrates it to be so.
This is the life we were called to live. This tribal, close, familial life. Thank you for having me into yours. Together things will only get better. I know it because God has shown me the ending. Let's walk toward it together.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, October 19, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Expansion
I am so blessed. This is a phrase that is hard to say with any real meaning since it is so cleche. But I refuse to let it be stolen from all usage. I am blessed. My household is expanding. Even as I shed the last vestiges of the American Dream. Prayers are being answered. God is meeting my needs in very real and close personal ways. This is also cleche, but I'm beginning to understand it.
My family has expanded and improved...been touched by glory, even. My wife is more beautiful to me than ever before. More desirable and more satisfying. I mean that. She is a total package of internal and external beauty. I find myself staring at her and even notice that the intentionally titillating stuff on TV and movies has no real appeal to me compared to her. I'm not making this up. I'm human and do not lie that I have been attracted by this kind of thing. But recently, I find it holds nothing for me compared to her.
My son is growing and learning to adapt to his new life. I've always had a hard time connecting with him, but I think we are making progress there. He might finally be learning to see the real goals of my training and discipline. And I am ready to be more honest with him about it. I never thought much good could come from hiding things, even small things like why we tell him to do certain things, or how we budget our money, etc. And I think he is responding.
I have a beautiful goddaughter whom I love dearly. She is not merely the kid that I stood next to in some ceremony. She was imprinted on my heart by God himself. She is truly beautiful, as she begins to grow up and I can see that she will be a stunning picture of physical beauty, but her heart is tender and sweet. she thinks often of others first and will be a model for what God intends for a woman to be. She is beginning to trust this relationship and see her own real value beyond the cheesy self-esteem stuff. She is lovely and lovable and she is learning how to live in that.
Her mom is starting to accept us as family as well. We are learning to communicate and help each other in real ways and my hope is that this will continue to grow into an increasingly permanent bond of family.
And lastly, we just recently became godparents to her other daughter! A brilliantly smart and beautiful teenager who quickly understands situations in a very insightful way. She is equally modest about her successes and strengths. Which is so appealing in this age of boasting and self-aggrandizing. She is physically and emotionally beautiful and so smart, making for a very appealing woman. My hope is that she will come to understand her value as her sister is learning to.
She was recently added to our family because God started to point her out to us. We have loved her for a long time now, but finally the time was right to ask her if we could be her family and she was so happy. As am I. I have long believed that family is found more in the intentional relation of people than in any other form. The saying is only part true. Blood may be thicker than water, but spirit is the strongest bond of all. I have also long felt a hole in myself that bit by bit, I learned was cut for this very thing.
I don't know how long things last. I'm sure trials and troubles will come again. But I also feel confident that I am not in the same place I was before. God has raised me up. He has expanded my territory. Not just my family, but my work, my friends, my finances, my health, everything is now bearing a light of power and glory. I know that whatever comes, I shall not be forsaken and my God is my strength and my hope. I hope my reach as Legatus Regni continues to expand to reveal God's glory in this world. And regardless of that, I will stand by those God has given me as long as I live.
To them I say that they have nothing to fear. God has answered their prayers. They may not see it or know it yet. But I am just the advance runner bringing news of what is to come. Just wait and see. And I will be there with you and for you all through everything to come. This is not my promise. This is God's promise to you. I am made for this, so it is pure joy and fulfilment for me to be this gift to you. In short, I love you.
My family has expanded and improved...been touched by glory, even. My wife is more beautiful to me than ever before. More desirable and more satisfying. I mean that. She is a total package of internal and external beauty. I find myself staring at her and even notice that the intentionally titillating stuff on TV and movies has no real appeal to me compared to her. I'm not making this up. I'm human and do not lie that I have been attracted by this kind of thing. But recently, I find it holds nothing for me compared to her.
My son is growing and learning to adapt to his new life. I've always had a hard time connecting with him, but I think we are making progress there. He might finally be learning to see the real goals of my training and discipline. And I am ready to be more honest with him about it. I never thought much good could come from hiding things, even small things like why we tell him to do certain things, or how we budget our money, etc. And I think he is responding.
I have a beautiful goddaughter whom I love dearly. She is not merely the kid that I stood next to in some ceremony. She was imprinted on my heart by God himself. She is truly beautiful, as she begins to grow up and I can see that she will be a stunning picture of physical beauty, but her heart is tender and sweet. she thinks often of others first and will be a model for what God intends for a woman to be. She is beginning to trust this relationship and see her own real value beyond the cheesy self-esteem stuff. She is lovely and lovable and she is learning how to live in that.
Her mom is starting to accept us as family as well. We are learning to communicate and help each other in real ways and my hope is that this will continue to grow into an increasingly permanent bond of family.
And lastly, we just recently became godparents to her other daughter! A brilliantly smart and beautiful teenager who quickly understands situations in a very insightful way. She is equally modest about her successes and strengths. Which is so appealing in this age of boasting and self-aggrandizing. She is physically and emotionally beautiful and so smart, making for a very appealing woman. My hope is that she will come to understand her value as her sister is learning to.
She was recently added to our family because God started to point her out to us. We have loved her for a long time now, but finally the time was right to ask her if we could be her family and she was so happy. As am I. I have long believed that family is found more in the intentional relation of people than in any other form. The saying is only part true. Blood may be thicker than water, but spirit is the strongest bond of all. I have also long felt a hole in myself that bit by bit, I learned was cut for this very thing.
I don't know how long things last. I'm sure trials and troubles will come again. But I also feel confident that I am not in the same place I was before. God has raised me up. He has expanded my territory. Not just my family, but my work, my friends, my finances, my health, everything is now bearing a light of power and glory. I know that whatever comes, I shall not be forsaken and my God is my strength and my hope. I hope my reach as Legatus Regni continues to expand to reveal God's glory in this world. And regardless of that, I will stand by those God has given me as long as I live.
To them I say that they have nothing to fear. God has answered their prayers. They may not see it or know it yet. But I am just the advance runner bringing news of what is to come. Just wait and see. And I will be there with you and for you all through everything to come. This is not my promise. This is God's promise to you. I am made for this, so it is pure joy and fulfilment for me to be this gift to you. In short, I love you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
