New Year

A mentor of mine once said that there is nothing special about a new year. The calendar is artificially imposed upon our world by human society, therefore one day is as any other in reality. What is different is simply where we choose to place the significance. Therefore New Year's Resolutions are nothing more than convenient psychological touchstones. That doesn't mean they are worthless provided they are approached correctly. But much has been written about them, good and bad, and I don't want to repeat it here. Instead I will focus on some thoughts as I enter 2012.

I'm glad to be done with the holidays. While I like them and welcome them for the most part, it is nice to get back to normal, whatever that is. And in my book it's always good to move forward. Good to come, good to go. This is a wise way to live I think; holding nothing too tightly.

I have no special foreboding about this year, mainly for reasons mentioned at first, but in general, I can foresee nothing big on the horizon. That doesn't mean it isn't there, just that I don't foresee it.

I've been learning how to live in this new way of eating and learning how it changes my mindset and outlook. Everything is connected. That's become cliche, but I am learning that we often define artificial boundaries just like the new year and wonder why nature doesn't fit them. There is no real separation between mind and body. It's not merely an unclear distinction; there actually isn't one. So what we eat and do affects our mind and our mind affects what we eat and do. A psychological problem could be physiological in origin or a physiological problem could be psychological in origin because they are not in reality separate systems. They are all part and parcel of the whole. We impose the classifications for our own purposes and nature nor God are bound to respect them. I'm learning this runs very deep in life. Many aspects.

I've also been thinking about the nature of belief. Many of us grasp onto something and ride it out for what we can. It might be imperfect, but we are all where we are and can be no where else. As MacDonald said, if you look at two men on a hill, from any distance you can't tell which is going up and which is going down. So I'm trying to account for that as subtext for my next statement: that many of us don't seem to really believe what we say we do regarding our faith. We give it service, but when we look at real ramifications of that belief, it appears as if we don't actually believe it.

Here's one prime example: death. If I truly believe that the soul is immortal and that my faith in Jesus crosses me from death into eternal life and that upon leaving this body I will be present with God, etc. What cause have I to fear death. I mean really. If I truly believed this I would not be anxious about dying in the least. Nor would be very upset by someone dying. I want to be clear that I do not mean we should have a lack of compassion, nor that suffering shouldn't bother us. Nor even that we should not have an instinct to self-preservation. In the first two cases, these are obviously major tenets of Christianity and one could scarce call themselves Christian with any credibility if he denied it. And the third is very natural and normal. But there's a difference in what is normal preservation and compassion and an over-avoidance of death.

Another less grave example (pun intended) would be in our communication with God. If I really believed that He is with me all the time and that He guides and directs me, I would be communicating with Him in a much different way, right? Many denominations and teachers have reasoned around this to fit their various bents and that is for the individual to determine the truth. But in all self-honesty, we have to ask ourselves if that makes sense, or if it is merely proof-texting and contrivance to support a pre-existing world view. I personally am working on this. I talk about God as if He isn't present and I muse about His meanings, thoughts, and desires without directly asking Him...Sure you might say we won't get answers like that, but how would we know, I know people who say they do and I've never tried it on His terms, so I can't say.

Which brings me to a final and remarkably synthesizing point. (That tends to happen in these blogs, even though it isn't planned...spooky, though it shouldn't be if the last paragraph is true). That point is that we have to operate on other terms of the given system. This can mean many things. When working with a kid, we have to acknowledge their level of understanding. We can't expect a child to do something far beyond what they are developmentally capable of doing. When communicating across languages we have to work within the available vocabulary and communication style. We can't use slangy words or assume meanings from non-verbals or partial translations. Similarly with animals we can't expect them to communicate like people when they are not physically or neurologically equipped to do so. For these things to go well, we have to do them within the framework provided by the system. Rather than creating a conflict dynamic, we need to come alongside and use the flows and currents of that system to get where we need to go. This must also be true for our bodies and our spirits as well. It's a paradigmatic understanding that affects so many behaviors I can't begin to illustrate them.

It's a new conception that is still far too gossamer for me to pin a lot too it just yet. but it definitely means something.

Touch

People need physical touch. Strangely this is often one of the things people shun first when personality issues gain ground. Even reasonably functional people in America have a bit of a standoffishness. I have seen people from other countries who touch each other far more than Americans.

I once worked with someone from Belize who was positively clingy. I never figured out if this was simply Belizian culture, or just her nature. She didn't mean anything inappropriate by it, she just touched everyone she knew in very familiar ways. And I've seen Japanese boys, very tough, fighting boys, I might add, lay in each other's laps and hang on each other in ways that would send any American guy shivering.

Many years ago, I realized that I needed to touch and be touched. I don't remember exactly how it started, but somehow I realized I needed it. And if I needed it, I reasoned most others did as well. I was hugged often as a child. I didn't grow up in any kind of sterile environment, so in that regard, I felt pretty normal. But this was a realization of the extent to which I relied on touch for communication.

Touch does make some people uncomfortable and that is to be respected. We all communicate in different ways. Not everyone may need the same level of physical contact, but I suppose that much of our distancing is learned. We may all be healthier if we weren't so afraid of touching. I can speculate many reasons why people may not want to be touched...but rather than dwell on the things I don't well understand, I would rather focus on what I do understand.

I am quite verbal...I write this blog, so that may go without saying, but a single touch can communicate what many words can't convey. This is one of my biggest complaints with the internet-based friendship phenomenon. While many people interact effectively via electrons it is no substitute for physical proximity and physical touch. A touch can do more to convey meaning than any other medium. A touch can even convey healing...both in the Biblical sense, and in the psychological sense. I myself have been in mental/emotional distress a few times where words were no avail, but a rightly placed touch instantly silences the anguish. Children of course need ample touch to develop normally. This is well documented, but I don't believe it ends there.

Consider the healing power of pets. This is why animals are brought to convalescents, elderly, and autistic. There is a real power in the feel of life touching us, feeling us back. Something spiritual is conveyed. Even the ritual of laying on hands alludes to this.

But lest you think I am one of those "hug-a-day" mambies, let me clarify what I mean by touch. Certainly hugs are one very effective way of touching and I use them often in the right context. But this isn't the only way, and isn't appropriate in all situations. There are of course the standard pats on the back, clasping of hands in all the various forms, but becasue of their common use, these don't reach the way well-placed touches can. I mean a touch to the arm, an arm around the neck or shoulders, literally brushing shoulders can all be powerful. Then there are more passive types of touching such as when seated comfortably. So many people sit rigid even among friends.

Now I am the first to avoid unnecessary crowding in public spaces. If there are seats across the aisle, don't sit next to me, you wierdo! But among friends, do we need to apologize because our knees brushed on the squishy sofa while watching a movie? Or to go a step further, leaning across someone to get something. I know you might be shuddering at the thought of this right now, but bear with me.

Animals do not respect these boundaries. Dogs flop in your lap and knock you off balance with their brushes. Cats swirl among your legs. Rats, to which I am partial, gently press their teeth (a rat kiss) and groom with their small manipulative hands. Birds nip and taste. And primates, including human children, cling all over you. These touches in natural language indicate trust and familiarity. They assure all members of the group that they are accepted. In short they reassure our place and our safety.

I have become quite forward in my touching of people. But of course I always stay attuned to the context and their reactions. If someone is uncomfortable, you can tell instantly with a touch and that should be respected. But my experience is that people quickly loosen to it. Even among other men, there is a touching that conveys the right meanings. One of my recently departed friends who was a very large man had a habit of pulling me (as an adult mind you) onto his knee like a child. On his massive lap, I felt like a toy, but in that gentle giant's act we both knew deeper and faster than words could convey that we both trusted and accepted the other. If we are to live whole, we must be comfortable in our own skin. In doing so we must acknowledge this means of communication. For me it is vital. I can't truly demonstrate my feelings for someone without touch. Nor can I truly understand another's feeling without touch. Say a thousand words and I will hear you, but touch me and I will know your heart. If we would shut our mouths more and let go of our inhibitions in this regard, listening to the biological, animal side of our being, we would be far more at peace and at ease.