Gospel

OK.  So this is such a hard topic, that I just wrote a screen full of paragraphs and deleted them all.

Here's the difficulty distilled.  If the Gospel is such good news that people would change their lives from it, change their personalities, go to very gruesome deaths over it, why don't I feel that way about it?  Truth is I don't.  I feel like I should.  But I just don't. 

So let's break down the possibilities. 

1. I am broken such that I am having an inappropriate reaction.

Possible.  I could be mentally damaged in a way that I can't perceive this correctly.  Problem is it's for all people.  So if I can't perceive it appropriately, there's nothing I can do about it, and further discussion is pointless.  I'll either be excused by a good God or condemned for it by an evil one.

2. I am so sinful that it's beyond me.

I thought this for many years.  It led to constant searching, anxiety, self-hatred, and extreme asceticism that even adversely affected my health.  Many of the Mystics started here too and I had clung to them as brothers and sisters in a struggle.  But here's the thing.  Some of them left that life after coming to believe God didn't want them to harm themselves in attempts to cleanse the wicked.

I have to agree here because I also feel the same way.  There was no joy in it, and joy is supposed to be a fruit of the Spirit.  Plus, if I step outside myself and look as objectively as I can, I'm seeking far more than many other people who feel the joy and love the Truth.  Many don't ever even enter such a crisis of existence.  So explaining that could force me to brimstone preaching if I go the Armenian route since they're all dead in their transgressions and marching straight to hell and I should shock them into reality.  Or else I slip into pride or despair on the Calvinist side, since I'm either one of the elect or not, as you choose to interpret the attitude.

3. There is no Gospel.

Tempting.  But I've been down this route before.  It ends in nihilism.  If there is no real truth, then my highest and best faculties are illusions and there are no consequences except to cease being, which doesn't matter anyway.  I am forced into hedonistic abandon as I try to get the most pleasure out of my meaningless life or more usually for nihilists, into despair as no matter of effort makes any real difference.

Of course there's all kinds of outposts where people stop short, such as the progeny concept where our goal is to preserve the species as a whole.  But this ignores individual suffering and identity, and worst of all, still slides quickly to nihilism when I realize that the drive to preserve the species is also a biological illusion...WHY is it good to preserve the species.  The word 'good' ceases to have real meaning...hence the reason nihilists tip toward despair.

Or if 'good' is a real thing, I'm back into objective Truth, and we go back to 1 or 2.

4. I've got the Gospel wrong.

Obviously, I left this for last because this is what I have concluded.  It comes to me over many centuries of writing, from many places, and from many directions that are unrelated to each other.  But this is where I am.  I've had it wrong.  I've been taught it wrong. 

So this leads to the question, what IS the gosepl then?  When I think about what makes me stay a Christian.  What makes me bubble over with joy.  What makes tears stand in my eyes.  What I can't help but share and what I would...seriously would easily go to my death or torture before I deny it.  It isn't any of the things I was taught in Sunday school...man, threaten to seriously start flaying my skin off alive and frying me in a giant hot pan (this has really happened) I'm probably going to find a way to reason out of most anything I learned to recite...I'm just telling you the truth.

But what I won't deny is that God loves each and every one of us.  Dearly deeply loves us.  He doesn't condemn.  He heals.  He doesn't want rule followers.  He doesn't want political duty.  He doesn't want Christians who make Christians (whatever that means was never clearly defined; sorry bro that's why we parted ways).  He wants children that climb up in his lap.  He wants a whole family of people who love each other and live in respect and not just pretend, but really truly fulfill the needs in each other.  It's not a fake it till you make it thing.  It's not a man-up thing (Geez, don't get me started on that one).  What he wants is simple, honest, goodness.  God never left us.  He never turned away from us.  Nothing is too big for him.  All wrongs will be righted.  All wounds will be healed, no matter who you are, where you are from, or even what you mistakenly believe.  Because the real Truth IS irresistible.  Who wouldn't want to fall into the arms of the perfect love and peace.  ALL of us all over the planet, no matter who, when, where, or how, know this.  I read the Bible this way.  I see Jesus as epitomizing this.  It doesn't deny other religions, it subsumes them.  I see this idea truly revolutionizing the world.  Not always under the flag of Christianity, but in a steady progression of higher and higher societal ideas which are large scale mirrors of individual ideals.

It makes me change my ways...I want to be good.  BE good, not just SEEM good.  I am free to give of myself because I know it matters and will only generate more good.  I want to tell others so they can be freed from the fears and hurts they have.  I want to help HEAL those hurts, even if it means taking some of them on myself, and thus I participate in God's work.  This is a message I would take to the ends of the earth.

And as much as it scares the living sense out of me, I'd just have to be flayed if you wanted me to say anything otherwise because denying that real Goodness and Love exist is to turn suffering brothers and sisters into more pain than you can give me.  And that I just can't do.  THAT's GOSPEL.