Endless walls

This week I tackled a huge renovation. Replacing a bathtub. It's the last major interior renovation we need to do in my house. I've never done a bathtub and I hate tackling any major project without knowing what to do.

Every step of the way we've moved a little and ground to a halt as we puzzled over how to make the next step. First the tub drain broke off in the tub, pinning it to the ground. Then the tub wouldn't come out. Then the drain wouldn't match the new one. Then the tub spout needed to be moved. Then the surround wouldn't fit. Now the valve needs to be moved as well. It's a major train wreck that I can't solve except by moving forward. I feel like I've been chipping through brick walls only to find another wall 4 feet beyond, and another, and another. I hate it. I'm mentally exhausted.

For every problem there is usually a simple and elegant solution. Especially in the trades. The problem is, those tricks are often carefully guarded. They certainly aren't publicized. You really have to dig to find them out. I ought to be used to this though. It seems the same with everything I try to learn myself. Bikes, boats, computers. Why are these things so difficult to learn? No not to learn, but to find useful information on. To find teachers and help. Even the products don't contain the info you need to install them, or to even know if that is the right product. The crucial issue with a tub after size, is where the drain is located, yet none of the tubs I looked at said at all where it was positioned other than 'right' or 'left'.

I've talked to several people about tubs and they all say the same thing, "Yup, s'hard. I hated doin' it." But that is not helpful at all. You know what would be? Something more like this, "yeah, those are a pain, here's what I learned..." or "Watch out for this or that." Today a plumber that I had to call in gave me a simple and easy solution for a problem I had three days ago! I was looking for that and found not one reference to it! Instead I beat at it like a raging gorilla until it gave in!

Once I get done with this endless, vastly more difficult and expensive project, you can bet that I will be far more expressive about the challenges, tips, and pitfalls if anyone mentions it to me.

Formidable Joy

At the heart of Contemplation is an openness to the Truth present in all circumstances. But we aren't always aware of it. An awareness often forces its way in on a Contemplative's thoughts like a wave crashing over him. You get used to it.

Today I was listening to The Big Roar by the Joy Formidable, a great band from Wales. The sound is rich and symphonic; the lyrics are deeply poetic. The music is evocative like liquid emotion.

While I was listening in the car a wave crashed over me and I realized that the album and the band name are touching a deep reality. Joy is a complex concept. It ranges from simple happiness for many people, to something much more mystic. The music is definitely joyful, but in a deeper darker way. For me joy is not happiness. This is circumstantial. Joy is not. I often feel like I don't have joy, but perhaps it is not something to have or not. Perhaps it is an ever-present existence which we can participate in like swimming. In this light, I dove into it and tried to see what was true there.

Happiness, sadness, anger, justice, all swirl around in joy. It could be dark and deep and cold or hot and light and quick. Or a mixture of them all. In this sense it is terribly formidable. Strange, wild, untamed, and scary like Bacchus without Aslan's presence.

Perhaps I don't lack it, but rather fear it and therefore stay in the shallows. God, that I will dive deep and let joy permeate me.